Unforeseen Consequences
by TamSibling
Summary: Third part of  a trilogy. Takes place approximately 5 weeks after Second Chances and approximately 8 months after Best Intentions  both can be read on this site.  Simon:Kaylee, Mal:Inara. PG-13 to M.
1. Chapter 1

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**Unforeseen Consequences**

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Part 3 of a trilogy:

Part 1: Best Intentions

Part 2: Second Chances

Takes place approximately one year and two months after Miranda. Starts approximately five weeks after _Second Chances_, eight months following _Best Intentions_.

Synopsis: River's decision to once again be a normal girl has far-reaching consequences that no one can anticipate. Mal and Inara prepare for the arrival of their baby, while Simon and Kaylee are still trying to get pregnant. Simon/Kaylee, Mal/Inara, River/Rafe

Additional Notes: The series is rated PG-13 overall, although for some chapters it will probably go up. Each chapter will be marked as appropriate.

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**Chapter 1**

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The human brain. Mankind had been studying its mysteries since its inception, trying to determine all this small mass of grayish, wrinkled skin was capable of. Many advances had been made in the understanding of its parts – cerebrum, cerebellum, brain stem. It was considered the seat of all human intelligence and in some cultures, the location of a person's soul.

And River Tam's had been cut to shreds.

Eli had been studying the different readouts and results that Simon had gathered, both from his contacts who had initially helped him free his sister and from his own work. And everyday, Eli was astounded at what he saw.

Gazing at the images now, the latest one from a neural imager on Ariel, he realized his mouth was open, gaping like a fish at the unbelievable information before him. Snapping it closed, he gazed to the man standing beside him, his expression unreadable and said, "Simon, this is truly unreal."

"Don't you mean abhorrent?" Simon commented dryly. Turning away from the screen, he couldn't take the sight of his sister's mangled brain any longer.

"Well, that too," Eli admitted, watching as the man paced across his office. "The fact that River is even walking and talking is a testament to her strength."

"So, I should be thankful they didn't make her a vegetable?" Simon asked, his voice a cross between incredulity and disgust. "I should be glad they decided to carve her brain like a holiday turkey, but were humane enough to leave her a shred of sanity?"

"No," Eli stated firmly. Crossing his arms over his chest, he told him, "But you should be grateful she's alive." Cocking his head back towards the images, he added, "Based on what I've seen here, she could very easily have died during any number of these surgeries."

Swallowing thickly, Simon sighed, releasing his momentary flash of anger with the long breath. "I know," he admitted. Raising tired eyes back to his friend, he added, "I may not understand much about neural trauma, but I know she could have died. And I am thankful she's alive."

"But she's not well," Eli finished for him. Turning again to study the readouts, he waited a few minutes before flipping off the screen. Heading to his desk, he took a seat behind it as Simon sat on the opposite side. "However, based on what I've seen, I think there's a chance I can help her."

"You can't repair her amygdale though, right?" Simon asked, his doctor's curiosity supplanting his brotherly concern.

"No, that's impossible. Once an organ as fragile as the amygdale has been so irrevocably altered, it's just not a good idea to try anything radical. I could remove it all together, but-"

"But then she wouldn't feel anything," Simon finished for him. Shaking his head once, he said, "I know that's not what she wants."

Nodding, Eli agreed. "Precisely, which is why we're going to have to repair the other areas of the brain." Sitting back in his seat, he tented his fingers before his face and explained. "I'll need to do some scans of River's brain now, see how things were affected post the trigger. Also, I'll need to run her through some tests."

"What kind of tests?" Simon could see discomfort in Eli's eyes.

"Unpleasant ones," the man elaborated vaguely. As Simon frowned at him, Eli continued. "I'm going to need to agitate her brain, Simon. We need to see what's firing, where the neurons are going and why. Otherwise, I'll simply be experimenting, just like the Alliance. And I refuse to do that."

"I don't want that either," Simon hastily agreed. His memory flashed images of River's crazed state when he'd first rescued her, and he felt his gut clench involuntarily. "There isn't another way, is there?"

Shaking his head, Eli told him, "No, I'm afraid not." He watched the other man struggle with the realization of what his sister would have to go through. Eli had prayed there would be another way, some other method of examining River's brain. But there wasn't. "You'll be there for her," Eli reminded him, getting a curt nod. "She'll be all right. She's strong."

Sighing, Simon murmured, "I know." He didn't have the heart to tell Eli it wasn't necessarily River he was worried about. He was more concerned with his own reaction at seeing her subjected to mental tests of endurance and sweat-inducing nightmares, just for the good of her health. He vaguely wondered if there wasn't a line between making her well and making her worse.

Releasing one more sigh, Simon did his best to push these thoughts from his mind and met Eli's kind gaze. "I know. She'll be fine. We all will."

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"'Nara, ain't this the cutest thing you ever did see?"

Inara fought the urge to roll her eyes, instead turning to face Kaylee with a grin. The younger woman had said the exact same thing about every item in the current baby store they were in … and the one before it … and the one before that.

Currently, she was referring to an onesie with what appeared to be a duck and its ducklings trailing across the front and around the side. It was yellow and orange, and Inara had to admit, it was actually adorable. "Yes, mei mei, it is." As Kaylee beamed brightly, Inara moved towards her and added, "Although I'm not sure it's any cuter than the other fifty we've looked at today."

Swatting playfully at her friend, Kaylee simply folded the small garment and placed it in the basket Inara was carrying – a basket practically brimming with similar clothing, toys and baby accessories. "You best be careful, 'Nara," Kaylee teased lightly, skipping to the other side of the shop to admire a collection of mobiles. "You're starting to sound like the captain."

"Oh merciful Buddha, protect us," Inara lamented grandly, getting a giggle from her friend. She was silently debating the benefit of clothe to disposable diapers a minute later, turning to Kaylee. "Kaylee, what do you-"

Inara swallowed her statement as she took in the sight of her friend, gently fingering a pink and white baby blanket. Moving to her side, Inara reached out and covered Kaylee's hand with one of her own. "It will happen someday, Kaylee. You know it will."

Sighing heavily, Kaylee placed the soft fabric back on the shelf and blinked quickly, ridding her eyes of any hint of tears. She was through being sad, she'd made that decision the minute her pa's funeral had ended. Forcing another grin to her face, she said, "I know that. Jus' got a bit sentimental is all."

Inara watched as Kaylee bounced to the back of the store, her coos audible as she took in rack after rack of frilly, miniature dresses. She wished, in some small way, that it was Kaylee and Simon's baby they were shopping for now, instead of her own. She wanted the baby, Mal's baby, of course, but it seemed that after all Kaylee had been through, getting her heart's greatest desire was the least bit of kindness the 'verse could show her. But Inara knew everything was meant to be and Kaylee and Simon would get pregnant when it was time.

"Ooh, 'Nara, you gotta see this!"

With a small smile, Inara pulled herself from her thoughts. "Coming, mei mei."

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River took a deep breath, unaccustomed to feeling so uncomfortable. She'd been avoiding this conversation with the captain the entire trip to Harvest, and now that they were just a few days out from returning to Sihnon, she knew she no longer had the luxury of avoidance. But she still wished she did.

Descending the two steps into the galley, she caught Mal in the middle of fixing some kind of lunch. "Can I have some?" she asked airily, sitting easily at her normal seat around the table.

Mal glanced to her over his shoulder and grinned. "Well o' course, lil' one. Though I ain't gonna guarantee it'll taste good."

Shrugging, River waited until he'd joined her, depositing a bowl of tan-colored protein before her. "It's got to be better than Simon's cooking," she commented, taking a spoonful. As the lumpy substance hit her tongue, she amended the statement. "Or maybe not."

Mal's eyes snapped to her face, seeing the tease in her eyes and he returned it with a smile. "You were warned," he chided gently, before scarfing down his own serving. They ate in an amiable silence, River more playing with her food than actually eating it. A fact not lost on Mal.

"You got somethin' on your mind, River?" he asked, sitting back from the table and taking a long drink of water. Watching as she regarded him with those large eyes through her curtain of dark hair, Mal got the distinct impression there were a whole bunch of somethings on her mind.

Swallowing hard, she pushed her bowl away and then turned to face him. "I need to talk with you," she began slowly, wringing her hands in her lap so that she wouldn't nervously grip his. "About taking some time off."

Eyebrows raised in a mixture of curiosity and confusion, Mal asked, "Time off?" As River nodded, her face paling a bit as the silence stretched between them. Sitting forward, he studied her even more intently, his blue eyes boring into her face, looking for answers. "You all right?"

She nodded and sighed softly. "Yes, Captain, I'm fine. I just … There's something I need to do when we get back to Sihnon and it's going to take awhile. I won't be able to fly the ship."

Mal was liking the sound of this self-imposed sabbatical less and less. "Well, then if'n it's that serious, I'm thinkin' I'm gonna need a bit more to go on. Ship can't fly without its pilot." River knew he wasn't trying to be difficult, just trying to get more information by using his authority as an intimidation device. It wouldn't work on her, which he more than likely knew, but it was always worth a try.

"You have to trust me, Captain," she told him softly, forcing herself to meet his gaze. With a firmness in her tone that masked the fear and anticipation she was really feeling, she added, "Besides, you're going to have new responsibilities soon. Can't be worrying about me."

Sitting back, Mal wondered why it surprised him that River knew of Inara's pregnancy. It wasn't as if the girl wasn't a mind reader. Frowning lightly, he asked, "You tell anybody else?"

Shaking her head once, River rose, taking their bowls to the sink and beginning to wash them. "Not my secret to tell," she explained as she passed him. She stood over the sink, letting the water run as hot as it could. Soaping the sponge, she put the rest of the protein mash down the drain. She could feel Mal's eyes on her – he was unconvinced. He still wanted answers and the fact that she wouldn't share them caused him a level of anxiety he strongly disliked.

Mal approached River as she toweled off the now clean bowls, not missing the way her shoulders tensed at his approach. Resting a light hand to one slim arm, he asked, "River, what's this really all about?" When her only answer was a sigh, Mal added, "You're still my albatross."

Turning to him with a sad smile, River answered quietly, "I know, but you're just going to have to trust me." She held his gaze steadily and counted to five, before imploring, "Please?"

Mal studied her closely, looking for something – anything – that might lead him to a better understanding of what exactly his young, genius pilot was going through. But there was nothing; nothing but a deep need shining in those damn expressive eyes of hers that told him to put his faith in her, again.

So he did. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Mal told her, "All right, lil' one. You can take some leave, but I hear things are goin' south, I'm gonna be demandin' some answers. Dong ma?"

Smiling, River pressed herself up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Yes, sir, Captain Daddy." She hugged him, before running back towards the bridge, leaving Mal to wonder what in the hell was happening. As he turned to head towards his bunk, he caught sight of the engine room.

A new and unpleasant theory burning in his gut, he stalked down the corridor and bellowed, "Rafe!"

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Rafe heard the captain's yell and the anger associated with it and groaned. What had he possibly done now to piss off the older man? It seemed if it wasn't one thing it was another; of course, finding Rafe and River in a – compromising position the other day, probably hadn't helped Mal's opinion of him.

Standing from where he'd been examining the engine, he pulled a soiled rag from his pocket and began wiping his hands. Turning in time to catch the captain's angry glower, the next thing Rafe was aware of was Mal's hard fist connecting solidly with the side of his face. Unprepared for the hit, he stumbled back, steadying himself on the room's curved wall as Mal advanced on him fuming.

"What the hell was that for?" Rafe demanded, rubbing his jaw. Damn, the man could hit.

"What'd you do to her?" Mal was in no mood to defend his actions. Not when Rafe had just cost him his pilot.

"To who?" Pure confusion settling on his young features, Rafe straightened and asked again, "To who, Mal? What are you talkin' about?"

"You know damn well," Mal threatened, taking another step forward. "River. You wanna tell me why my genius pilot all o' the sudden wants time off? An' why she won't give me an explanation?"

Concern blooming through his heart at an alarming rate, Rafe asked, "River asked for time off?" When Mal's expression did not change, Rafe breathed, "Why?"

Mal thought about hitting him again, but one glance at the man's already bruising cheek and he knew that was a bad idea. Forcing himself to take deep, even breaths, he stepped back and hooked his thumbs on his gun belt. "You really don't know?"

Shaking his head once, Rafe told him, "I really don't." Wadding up the rag he still held, he threw it violently towards the workbench and told him, "But I aim to find out."

"Not his fault, Captain."

Both men turned at the sound of River's quiet voice. With a frown marring her young features, she moved into the room, easily sidestepping Mal. Turning Rafe's injured cheek towards her with cool fingers, she clucked in disapproval, scowling at Mal. "You didn't have to hit him."

Reaching for the hand that she still held to his cheek, Rafe tugged on it gently to get her attention. "What's goin' on, Riv?" he asked quietly, wishing he had the ability to read her as she did him. "Why're you takin' a break?"

Sighing, River took another step towards him, resting her forehead against his, as he tipped his head down further to meet her. Suddenly feeling like an intruder, Mal all but tiptoed out of the room, hoping to get away unnoticed.

"No more hitting," River scolded him, just as he'd taken his first step back into the hall. She hadn't bothered to face him, but Mal knew he was the one being addressed.

"Yes, ma'am," he murmured before high-tailing it out of there.

Once the captain was gone, Rafe slid a hand under River's chin, tilting her face back towards his. Her eyes were clear, but there was a tightness to the lines around the edges that told him she was keeping a secret. A fact he did not like. "What is it, bao bei?" he asked again. "You all right?"

"I'm fine," she told him firmly, stepping back and holding her arms out to her sides. "The picture of health." As Rafe frowned mightily at her dodge of the question she added, "There's just something I need to do on Sihnon and it's going to keep me from Serenity for a bit."

"What is it though?" He did not like the secretive nature of this conversation. He liked even less knowing that it was his girlfriend, the love of his life who was hesitant to share something with him. "You're scarin' me here," he admitted.

"There's nothing to worry about." River was lying now and she knew it. But she'd have to. No one, but Simon could know until they were ready to begin whatever treatments Eli felt were necessary. Besides if Rafe knew, he would talk her out of it. And she would listen to him, because the last thing she wanted was to hurt him. So, she would just have to wait until it was too late to stop her plan. "It's really not that big of a deal." Another lie.

"Then why can't you tell me?" Rafe demanded, stepping towards her. As she crossed her arms defiantly over her chest, Rafe watched her expression set and he knew he'd already lost this battle. Her face, eyes and body language all conveyed to him that she'd dug her feet in, and no matter what argument or logic or reasoning he used now, she would not give him the answers he wanted. "C'mon, River. This isn't fair."

"You have to trust me," she told him simply. As she felt a pang of hurt stab his heart, she softened her expression just a bit and added, "I'm sorry, but you do."

Rafe wondered if he could push. He wanted to, but he also knew there was no point in starting a fight. Either she would tell him or she wouldn't; either he would accept that or he wouldn't. She had placed them at a convenient impasse. Sighing heavily, he gave in - reluctantly. "I do trust you, you already know that." Meeting her brown eyes with an intense gaze, he asked again, "You're sure you're all right?"

Moving towards him, River held his face in her hands and said, "Yes. I'm fine."

Holding her, Rafe decided her assurances were enough – for now.

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"Did you and Inara have fun today?" Simon questioned, shrugging out of his shirt and pants, and reaching for the pajama bottoms on the end of the bed.

"Yeah," Kaylee answered, her voice muffled from where she stood before the bathroom mirror. "Shiny."

As Simon crawled into bed, more than grateful for the rest, he watched Kaylee exit the bathroom, one of his old t-shirts thrown on as a nightshirt. She still preferred to sleep naked, but after Simon had made an absentminded comment about the sexiness of seeing her in his clothes, she'd made it a point to indulge him.

Smiling faintly at him as he snagged her hand as she passed, Kaylee came easily to his side as Simon tugged her down next to him. Holding her cheeks in his hands, he gently lowered her lips to his and kissed her, tasting the cinnamon of her toothpaste and the light flower scent of her face soap. She was so beautiful.

Sighing against him, Kaylee easily stretched out beside him, forcing Simon over onto her normal side of the bed, so she had room. With her head pillowed on his shoulder, she found her mind wandering back to those adorable boutiques she and Inara had visited all day. Each store filled to the brim with all kinds of baby things in blues and pinks and yellows. She'd even seen a mobile for a baby's crib made of different models of spaceships. She sighed wistfully thinking of the day when she might be able to hang something similar over her child's crib.

"You sure you had fun?" Simon asked softly, his lips whispering against her forehead.

Nodding, Kaylee propped her head up on one hand and looked down at him. Her fingers rested absently on the top of his chest, lightly caressing the skin there. "Yeah, it was nice. 'Nara bought all this stuff for the baby. It was all so cute, we could hardly pick."

Simon smiled softly at her, but did not miss the flash of sadness in her eyes. "It'll be us someday too, bao bei," he assured, his hand brushing along her shoulder and cupping her cheek. "You know it will."

Offering him a weak smile, she said, "I know. It's jus' takin' a lot longer than I'd like."

"Well, maybe," Simon said wryly, dropping his hand from her face and instead running it up her smooth thigh from where she had draped it over his leg. "But the practicing is a lot of fun."

Kaylee let out the smallest moan as his hand found its way up and under her shirt, his smooth fingers fluttering across the skin of her belly, before slowly working their way downward. Her eyes now lit with desire, she leaned towards him and whispered, "You do have a point there."

Covering her lips with his own, Kaylee and Simon found themselves practicing until the early morning hours.


	2. Chapter 2

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**Chapter 2**

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"Inara, your conquerin' hero has returned!"

Mal flung open the door to their temporary home with a flourish, expecting to be greeted by a smiling and happy Inara. When he was met with nothing but silence, he felt his spirits droop – just a little. It was a little early, but Mal had assumed Inara wouldn't be asleep; she was normally very anxious on the days he came back from jobs.

"'Nara?" He dropped his bag on the floor by the door, before heading for the bedroom. Seeing the bed empty, covers pushed back and a few pillows tossed over the side, his disappointment turned to concern. "'Nara? Where are you?"

A muffled sound came from behind the bathroom door and Mal hurriedly pushed it open, only to be confronted by a pale and vomiting Inara hunched over the porcelain toilet. Moving to her side, Mal sank down on his knees beside her, one hand resting lightly on her shoulder while the other weaved through her wavy hair, pulling it away from her face.

"Bao bei," he breathed softly, giving her a small smile as she turned a withering glare on him. "You all right?"

Waving at the full contents of the bowl, she deadpanned, "Peachy." About to add something else, her features paled further and she again turned to deposit whatever was in her stomach in the toilet. Mal's nose wrinkled at the sight, but he was sure to keep his features impassive as she turned back to him and smiled wanly. "Welcome home."

Edging a bit closer to her, Mal's arm worked its way around her shoulders and Inara sank against him gratefully. She rarely slept well when he was out on a job, but the past month as he'd transported Kaylee's family back to Harvest had been absolutely miserable. As her fourth month of pregnancy, it seemed everything was changing at once – she had terrible bouts of morning sickness, mood swings, and an inability to eat anything that wasn't red in color. And she'd been alone.

Resting his cheek against her soft hair, Mal murmured, "I'm sorry, darlin'." Waiting a moment as Inara took a few shaky breaths, he finally asked, "You wanna go back to bed?"

Nodding, Inara took the help he offered, leaning against him as he helped her to her feet and guided her back to bed. Making sure she was comfortable, Mal pressed a kiss to her forehead, before heading back into the bathroom. After flushing down the contents of the toilet, he returned to her side with a damp, cool washcloth and a glass of water. "Here ya go," he said softly, offering her the water, as he dabbed gently at her cheeks and forehead.

Sighing, Inara's eyes fluttered closed as the water washed away the rest of the acid coating her mouth and throat. Long eyelashes lied gracefully against tan cheeks and Mal found himself staring. She was a beauty and it still amazed him that she'd ever fallen in love with a hun dan like him.

Realizing he was shirking his duties, Mal hurriedly went back to wiping her face and neck with the cloth as Inara asked, "Everything go okay?"

"Jus' shiny," Mal reported, deciding that now was not the best time to burden Inara with his concerns about River's pending vacation. "All the Fryes are back home, safe an' sound."

Inara murmured a sound of acknowledgement, indulging in the feel of someone taking care of her. She wasn't used to it and she had to admit, it was nice.

"How have things been here?" Mal asked quietly, taking the glass from Inara and placing it and the cloth on the table at her side. Scooting forward, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. "You all right?"

Nodding, Inara forced her eyes open, giving him a wan smile. "I'm fine, Mal, just some morning sickness."

Frowning, Mal asked, "How long's this been goin' on?"

Shrugging lightly, Inara tried to play it off. It wasn't as if Mal could do anything about her discomfort – and it was only going to get worse. "Pretty much since you left."

Instead of cursing, as she'd expected, Mal's blue eyes softened. Running his hand through her hair and down to her shoulder, he pulled her hand to his mouth with the other and kissed it gently. "I'm sorry, ai ren, I shoulda been here."

"Mal, this is perfectly normal. Uncomfortable and inconvenient, but perfectly normal." Inara had intended to make him feel guilty. Every day for the past week actually, in between her cat naps and sojourns to the toilet, she'd actually been plotting ways to make Mal feel like dirt for causing her discomfort. But the look of sheer contrition on his face now and the gentle way with which he'd cared for her, drove all thoughts of payback from Inara's mind.

"I still don't like it," he said petulantly, frowning harder.

"Well, I don't either," Inara agreed. "But it's the price we have to pay for having a baby."

His face broke into a grin at her words and he met her eyes. "We are gonna have one o' them, ain't we?"

Inara was unable to hide her own happiness at his enthusiasm. "That is the rumor," she told him.

With shining eyes, he rested his hand flat against her tummy. She wasn't showing yet, although she should start any day now, but Mal still wanted to make that physical connection with where his child was starting its life.

Inara watched him as he adoringly stared at her stomach, covered by blankets and her nightgown. But Mal didn't seem to care. She could tell with the reverent way he rubbed her belly that this child, and her, were the most precious things in the 'verse to him. She wouldn't have thought it was possible, but seeing this side of Malcolm Reynolds only made her love him more.

Placing her hand over his, Inara waited until he'd lifted his gaze back to hers, before saying, "I'm fine and so is the baby. I had an appointment with Doctor Chen just a few days ago."

"But no pictures yet, right?" Mal asked, getting up and stripping out of his shirt and suspenders. Kicking off his boots, he laid down beside her, propping his head up on his hand, continuing to gaze at her. "I don't wanna miss the first picture of my kid."

Smiling at his insistence, Inara told him, "No, Mal. No pictures, not yet. There really isn't much to see. Probably next month."

Mal reached out a hand and covered Inara's. She slid down under the blankets, rolling onto her side to face him. They gazed at each other for a moment and Inara found her eyelids growing heavy with sleep. She really hadn't been sleeping.

Watching as her long lashes continued to droop against her cheeks, Mal leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to her mouth. "Go to sleep, air en," he whispered against her lips. "It's early yet."

"I am … sleepy," she managed to get out. Curling her hand in his, Inara tugged him towards her and Mal came gladly, working his arm under her shoulders and settling so she was resting against his side, her head on his chest.

"Then it's time to rest," Mal said, his tone light. "That's an order."

"I don't take orders from you," Inara mumbled as she finally drifted off.

Smiling softly at the old joke, Mal watched her sleep, feeling such contentment he worried his heart might burst from his chest. He hated being separated from Inara for so long, and in truth, the month trip to Harvest and back was the longest they'd been apart since starting their relationship. But the Fryes had been jittery about getting back on a transport and Mal couldn't blame them. Besides, Kaylee had been worrying herself sick at the thought as well, and Mal couldn't have that.

But Inara was pregnant now to boot and the sting of this last separation weighed on him. Coming home to find her pale, shaking and vomiting hadn't helped. He knew it was a normal sign of pregnancy – he'd been doing a bit of reading while sailing through the black – but that didn't mean he had to like it. He'd half-expected Inara to rail at him but good for making her sick, but she hadn't, just smiled that angelic smile and welcomed him back.

"You are a lucky hun dan, Reynolds," he murmured aloud, stifling a chuckle as he considered how unbelievable and incredibly wonderful his life was. Snuggling closer to Inara, he dropped a kiss to her forehead before getting some shuteye himself.

xoxoxoxo

River was doing her utmost best not to hyperventilate. She kept breathing – in and out – focusing on the sound the air made as she sucked it in through her nostrils and released it slowly through parted lips.

Intellectually, she knew this was not the same room where the Blue Hands had poked and prodded, cutting into her skull mercilessly. Logically, she was aware that Eli and Simon were here. And with her gifts, she could feel their desire to help, not hurt.

But none of that seemed to make a bit of difference. Her heart was still racing, a light sheen of sweat coating her forehead as her fight or flight response kicked in. Fists clenched tightly at her sides, she was doing all she could to resist her instincts.

Separated from her by a clear partition, Simon and Eli watched her monitors with grim faces.

Looking to Simon, Eli spoke aloud what they were both thinking. "I can't start the tests until she calms down."

Nodding once, Simon's haunted blue eyes regarded his friend. "These initial tests won't be affected if I stay with her, right?"

Pursing his lips, Eli considered. "In theory, no. It's really just benchmarking. Later on though when we'll want her agitated, you'll have to keep your distance."

With a murmured, "I know," Simon was out the door and to his sister's side before Eli had finished. With sad eyes, the older doctor watched as the siblings interacted.

Turning her head slightly to meet Simon's concerned gaze, River's wide brown eyes regarded him. "I'm trying, Simon, I swear."

Smoothing her hair back from her forehead, Simon smiled softly and soothed, "I know, mei mei. I know." As River took another gulp of air, he added, "You know that we're not going to hurt you don't you?"

Nodding, River focused solely on her brother's warm blue eyes and comforting presence. "It's just so familiar. All I can remember is the Academy."

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Simon whispered, "It's all right, mei mei. You're safe here, I promise." His hand was wrapped around River's, the tips of his fingers resting against her pulse. Noting that it was not lessening as he'd hoped, Simon reached behind him for the nearest stool and pulled it up beside her bed. Sitting on it, he told her, "Why don't I tell you a story?"

"Yes, please." River's eyes were still big with fright, but Simon knew she was doing everything in her power to regain her calm.

As Simon started to speak, using an old tale from their childhood, he watched River's features relax, some of the tension that had been plaguing her easing out of her face. Halfway through, he lifted his eyes to Eli, getting a slight nod from the man and knowing that it was working. Continuing to speak in a soothing voice, Simon watched River's entire demeanor change. Her breathing was even know, her heart rate well within an acceptable range. As the story came to an end, Simon stayed at her side, continuing to brush his thumb along her forehead, his touch lulling her to close her eyes.

Simon would give anything to avoid seeing his sister in pain. He wished there was another way – wished even more vehemently that he'd been able to fix River himself all of those years ago so that this wouldn't even be necessary. But it seemed that protecting or healing his baby sister was not in his skill set and so now all Simon could do was hope that the process of making his baby sister whole again wouldn't be her complete undoing.

"We're all set." Eli's clear voice rang through the intercom, startling Simon and River both from where their minds had drifted.

Helping River to sit up, Simon removed the few electrodes they'd placed against her skin to monitor her. Cupping her chin in his hand, he lifted her face to meet his and asked, "Are you okay?"

Smiling with a relief she didn't quite feel, River told him, "Shiny." As he shared her smile, she hopped down off the table and added, "I'll be better next time, I promise."

"It's all right, mei mei," he assured, opening the door for her and ushering her through. "We all know this isn't easy for you."

Her cheeks blushing lightly as she met Eli's warm gaze, she told them both, "It's not, but I trust you both. I just have to keep reminding myself of that." As an awkward silence fell between them, River decided to break it. Addressing Eli, she asked, "Did you get what you needed?"

Nodding, he told her, "You bet." Glancing to Simon, Eli saw that the younger man's eyes had not wavered from his sister for an instant. Again struck by the level of devotion the boy was capable of, he addressed his patient. "I want you to come back, day after tomorrow. There are more tests we need to run."

River swallowed hard and nodded. She could read Eli's hesitation and guessed that these tests would not be fun. "Of course. I'll be here."

"And so will I," Simon confirmed, taking her hand in his and squeezing it.

Turning to face him, River offered him a bland smile. "No, Simon. That's not right."

Frowning at her, he took a step forward, dropping his voice to keep the conversation between them. "I'm not letting you go through this alone, River. The next set of tests is going to be worse – much worse."

Fighting the fear that welled in her chest at his admission, River shook her head. "No, Simon. You have a wife now and you need to work. It's not right for you to keep babysitting me."

"River," Simon intoned, his voice full of warning.

Flattening her lips into a thin line, she responded in kind. "Simon, I'll make Eli schedule a surgery for you."

Stifling the chuckle at her use of tactics, Simon raised an eyebrow at Eli over her shoulder. Shrugging, his boss said, "I'm sure I could find something to keep you busy for a few hours."

Not at all liking the idea of leaving her to deal with her demons alone, Simon took River's hands in his and decided to compromise. "All right, I won't come with you, but the minute you need me, just tell Eli and he'll track me down."

Knowing she could never subject Simon to witnessing her in such a state of distress – not when he'd already lived through it once already, River agreed, with no intention of following through. "Whatever you say, ge ge," she told him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I'll be back, day after tomorrow," she told Eli, stepping towards him and clasping his hand firmly. "Thank you," she whispered, meeting his gaze with her own.

He nodded in acknowledgement, and then watched the siblings exit, finding another smiling crossing his face as River announced, "What's for lunch? I'm starving."

xoxoxoxo

"'Nara, how many times you gonna fiddle with that?" Mal asked, his tone laced with playful exasperation.

Blushing, Inara dropped her hands immediately, smoothing one over the neck tie she'd convinced him to wear, before leaning into his side. "Sorry," she told him.

"You ain't nervous, are ya, darlin'?" He teased, pressing a kiss to her temple. It was a beautiful Sihnonese day, temperate without being too warm. Inara had discovered this little sidewalk café in one of her first years at the training house and she greatly enjoyed the food and the view. Mal was glad she'd wanted to share it with him, although a little put out that it had required him to wear a tie and jacket.

Sighing, Inara straightened, reaching for her water and taking a sip. "I'm not nervous," she denied uselessly. Who was she kidding? Of course, she was nervous. The last time she'd told her parents she was pregnant, they'd forced her to give her baby up for adoption. She knew, of course, that the current circumstances were drastically different. But it didn't keep her from fearing their reaction. "I'm sure they're going to be very happy for us."

"Well, I think we're about to find out," Mal murmured, rising and offering her a hand as he spotted Liliana and Edward Serra approaching. Inara took his hand and rose as well, grateful for the warmth of his presence and the light squeeze of encouragement he gave her.

"Mother, Father," Inara greeted them stiffly. Things between the Serras were still not quite right, however, considering that she was soon going to be a mother, Inara had felt it was only right for her to share the news with her child's soon-to-be grandparents.

"Inara, sweetheart, it's so good to see you." Lili greeted her only daughter warmly, ignoring the distant look Inara fixed her with and hugging her. Edward stepped forward next, murmuring a greeting and kissing her cheek.

"Mister Serra, Ma'am, it's nice to see you again," Mal greeted, sticking out his hand and getting a firm shake from Edward while Lili nodded in his direction. As the four of them took their seats, the matriarch reminded him, "It's Lili, Malcolm, please. I thought we'd been through that?"

Nodding, Mal murmured an apology, grateful for the waiter's interruption as he came to take their drink orders. After he'd gone, the four adults shared an uncomfortable conversation regarding Mal's work and the state of the 'verse, as well as the status of Kaylee's family and the young mechanic's recent marriage to Simon. Finally, after having ordered, Inara clasped her hands on the table in front of her and announced, "Mal and I have something we'd like to tell you."

Edward and Lili shared a quick glance, before turning to their daughter. "What is it, sweetheart?" her mother questioned, reaching across the table and squeezing Inara's hands.

Looking to Mal, he gave her a smile, before leaning down to press a kiss to her cheek. Returning his grin, Inara again focused on her parents and said, "Mal and I are expecting a baby."

There was a moment of absolute silence – long enough for Mal to panic, before Lili actually squealed with delight and Edward chuckled jovially. Rising, he moved to Mal's side and clapped the man soundly on the back, while Lili went to her daughter and hugged her tight.

"This is wonderful news, dear," Lili told her, surprised by Inara's slightly dumbfounded expression. "It is, isn't it?"

"Of course, mother," Inara confirmed, sparing a glance at Mal who was equally taken aback. "Mal and I are very happy."

"And what? You thought we wouldn't be?" Edward asked, resuming his seat at the table, a wide grin still plastered to his face.

Clearing her throat, Inara hesitated for a moment and then admitted, "Well, frankly, no."

"Inara, your father and I realize that the last time you shared news like this with us, we did not handle it well, but I think even you can agree the circumstances are completely different." Inara nodded, and Lili continued. "Besides, it's very obvious to both of us how much you and Malcolm care for each other. Having a baby is a wonderful thing."

Allowing a bit of the tension she felt to ease out of her, Inara sat back in her chair, reaching for Mal's hand under the table and finding it. "Well, I'm glad you think so."

Still beaming, Lili and Edward shared another look, before Inara's father addressed Mal. "So, when's the wedding?"

Inara almost spit out the sip of water she'd taken as her eyes doubled in size. "What?" she stammered as Mal was apparently at a loss for words.

"The wedding," Lili elaborated, looking between them. "You're going to have a baby together. Don't you think you should be married?"

Clearing his throat, Mal finally found his voice. "Well, to be honest with you all, that ain't exactly a topic Inara an' I have discussed yet."

"But you will?" Edward asked the question in a way that implied it wasn't really an option.

"Father, Mal and I are two adults who love each other. Yes, we're having a baby, but whether or not we choose get married is our decision. Please," Inara finished, lowering her voice to a rasp, practically imploring her father to drop the subject.

"Of course, you're right," Lili conceded, gripping Edward's hand. "It is your decision. We simply made an assumption. We apologize."

Pulling their joined hands up and onto the table in plain view of her parents, Mal met Edward's gaze and told him, "Mister Serra, I do love Inara, very much an' I couldn't be happier she's havin' my child. That ain't ever gonna change, marriage or no."

Touched by his words, Inara squeezed his hand gently, smiling as he turned to face her. Dropping his voice he leaned towards her and said, "You know that's the truth, right?"

Nodding, Inara met his gaze and leaned towards him too. "Of course, I do." Pressing her lips to his, Inara ignored the fact that her parents were sitting across the table and allowed herself to get wrapped up in the love she felt for Mal.

Parting after what seemed an eternity, but could never be long enough for two people in love, Inara looked back to her parents with a bright smile. "Mal and I are very happy we're going to be parents and we wanted to tell you because we do want you to know your grandchild."

"We're honored, Inara," Lili admitted. Her statement was cut off as the waiter arrived with their food and silence descended on the table as they all began to eat. Lunch passed with more idle conversation regarding the weather and the recent production at Sihnon's opera house. As the group waved off dessert and Mal asked for the check, Lili turned to the captain and asked, "So, Malcolm, what will you do now?"

Furrowing his brow at her, Mal glanced to Inara who shrugged lightly. "Shen me?" he asked, looking back to Lili.

"Now that you have a family to consider, a small child, what will you do for work?"

Mal's mouth flapped open and he found himself at a loss for words once again. Inara rushed in to answer for him. "Mother, Mal isn't going to stop captaining Serenity. Besides, it's our home."

"Inara, you can't raise a baby on a spaceship," Edward admonished, not realizing how condescending he sounded while addressing his adult daughter and her partner.

"Yes, we can." Inara's tone had turned to ice and Mal found the sharp sound pulled him from his momentary stupor.

Clearing his throat, he said, "I can understand your concern that maybe I can't provide for me an' mine, but I assure you, I can an' I will."

"But what about safety?" Lili refused to let it go. "Wasn't Kaylee's family recently kidnapped by slavers while traversing the galaxy? What if slavers, or worse, set upon Serenity with Inara and our grandchild aboard?"

"Mother. Enough." Inara hissed. Rising, she reached for Mal's hand and tugged him to his feet. "It is touching that you're so concerned for the baby's safety, but Mal has never had trouble protecting me before and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Please don't mistake our desire to let you know your grandchild as an indication that you can interfere in our affairs." Turning to Mal, she told him, "I think we should go."

Mal nodded, ready to follow Inara out, but the blow to his ego still stung and so he felt compelled to have the last word. "Ed, Lili, I know what Inara means to you, because she means the same, if not more, to me, just like the baby she's carrying. I protect what's mine. You don't got to ever doubt that."

Turning, Mal looped his arm around Inara's waist and guided her from the café. Edward and Lili watched them go, waiting until they were out of sight to speak.

With big, fearful eyes, Lili faced her husband. "Edward, please. We have to do something. Even though Malcolm will do anything to keep them safe, there is no guarantee."

"I realize that," her husband admitted grimly. "But we've seen the fall-out from interfering in Inara's life before. What do you suggest we do, dear?"

Sighing, Lili sat back and thought for a moment. The idea that her daughter or grandchild could be kidnapped or killed in some random act of violence while soaring through the 'verse, twisted her stomach in knots. "Can't you find him some work?" she asked hopefully. "A job that will keep him close to Sihnon or the Core at least? That way, he can make a decent living and he and Inara can settle somewhere."

Edward had a sinking suspicion that his wife's request was ill-advised and unnecessary. But the look of pure worry on her face silenced his refusal. "All right," he relented with a sigh. "I suppose I can look for something."

Nodding, Lili pressed a kiss to his cheek. Inara and Mal would both see that this would be better for their new family. She just knew it.

xoxoxoxo


	3. Chapter 3

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 3**

xoxoxoxo

Rafe knocked lightly on River's bedroom door, wishing he didn't feel so nervous. It wasn't as if the two of them hadn't gone on dates before. But things seemed different now – now that she was taking a leave from the ship and living with her brother and Kaylee. Now that she was keeping secrets from him.

"Qing jin."

Regardless of his trepidation, the sound of her soft voice still brought a smile to his face. Pushing open her door, he shut it behind him, turning to face the room and was confronted with an armful of River. Pushing him up against the door, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly, her lips possessing his assuredly.

Momentarily stunned, Rafe's senses returned as River's tongue traced his lower lip asking him for entrance which he gladly granted. One hand pressed against her lower back, he used his other to cradle the back of her head, enabling him to plunder her mouth.

River moaned against him as she felt his passion flare. He wanted her so badly and River often worried that her refusal to sleep with him might drive him away. But she hadn't been ready before. She was now, and the waiting was killing her, but she had resolved to wait just a little longer – to wait until she was no longer broken, no longer a killer. She knew it would be worth it.

Dizzy from the overwhelming feel of her mouth and body pressed against his, Rafe dropped his head back against the door, panting, as River continued to place light, fluttering kisses along his jaw and down his neck. "What was that for?" he managed between breaths.

"Nothing," she responded coyly, grinning against his skin as he involuntarily squeezed her closer when her lips covered his pulse point and suckled at the skin. "Just thought maybe you'd like it."

"Oh, I liked it." Rafe grinned, stifling another soft groan as River's tongue joined her teeth where they were nipping at the skin at the base of his neck. Running his strong hands down her sides, he pressed her even more tightly to him and River gasped as his hardening length brushed against her stomach.

Turning desire-filled eyes to him, she managed to murmur, "Not yet." Standing on tiptoe, she gave him another long, lingering kiss before forcing herself to back away. "We've got to wait just a little bit longer."

"But why?" Rafe whined, his arms hanging uselessly at his sides now that she had vacated them. "I thought you told me you were ready?"

"I am," River admitted, stooping to glance in her mirror as she finger combed her hair. Leaning against the low vanity table, she looked back at him, doing her best to ignore the sexual tension charging the air between them. "But it'll be worth the wait, I swear."

"Oh, I have no doubt of that," Rafe admitted, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck and trying to think of anything else so that the painful tightening in his pants would go away. Gazing at her, he saw a bit of sadness and worry flash through her eyes. "You're sure you're okay?"

"Yup," she told him, shaking away the worry regarding her tests the following day. It was a necessary evil if she wanted to be well. Reaching for a sweater, she wrapped it around her waist and asked, "So, dinner?"

Offering her his bent arm, River weaved her hand through it and kissed him on the cheek. Opening the door for her, Rafe said, "We got a job by the way. We're leavin' tomorrow."

River nodded, her grin widening. "I know." Glancing to him, her features sobered for a moment as she said, "Be careful."

"Always, darlin'," he assured, pressing a kiss to her forehead, before leading her out into the hallway. "Always."

xoxoxoxo

Inara felt Mal tossing and turning beside her. They had barely gotten any sleep last night and now, the night before he was to leave on job, it appeared would again be sleepless. Sighing, Inara rolled onto her side, not surprised to find his back facing her, his fists uselessly pounding his pillow in an effort to mold it into a comfortable shape.

"Do you want to talk about it or just keep me awake all night?"

Sighing heavily, Mal counted to five before rolling over to face her. He wasn't a bit startled to find a peeved Inara glaring at him, and if he wasn't so bothered by what her parents had said at dinner the day before, he probably would have apologized, knowing that her getting sleep was very important in her current condition.

"There ain't nothin' to talk about," Mal said sullenly, focusing his eyes on her chin so he could avoid her searing gaze.

"Mal, my parents are ... Well, I don't know what they are, but what they want or think we should do is completely irrelevant." She sat up at this, unable to stay lying down when she was so frustrated. Mal had been sulking since her parents had implied he couldn't care for her or their child and she was sick of it.

Mal watched her, noticing how her chest heaved with anger in the moonlight. Matching her posture, he rested his back against the headboard and sighed. "Even if they're right?" he questioned softly.

Shocked, Inara widened her eyes. Turning to regard him, she saw that his square jaw was set firmly, the tendons in his neck tensed in an expression of worry. "What are you talking about?" she breathed.

Rolling his head to look at her, Mal smirked. "'Nara, don't get me wrong. I really appreciate you tellin' your folks that I ain't never had trouble keepin' you safe, but we both know that ain't true." Before she could disagree with him, he forged ahead. "An' your pa might have a point. Maybe a ship ain't the best place to raise a kid."

Inara's brown eyes studied his conflicted blue ones in silence. She would be lying, to Mal and herself, if she outright denied that she had never considered the challenges inherent in raising a baby on a ship. And she'd be lying even more if she told him that she always felt perfectly safe on Serenity. The 'verse was dangerous, and regardless of Mal's fierce protectiveness and numerous vows that no harm would ever come to her, they both knew those were promises he could not keep.

But she also couldn't ask Mal to give up the life, or the ship, he loved so much. Not for her. Not even for their child.

"You don't really believe that," she said finally, her voice a whisper. Reaching for his hand, she found it and gave it a squeeze. "Mal."

"'Nara, I don't know what I believe at this point," he admitted quietly. Tugging gently on the hand he held, Inara moved towards him, resting comfortably at his side. Wrapping her free arm around his neck, she combed her fingers through his hair. Now that she was closer, she could see the tight lines of worry around his eyes that always spoke of deep and troubling thoughts.

"I love livin' on Serenity," he continued, his voice a whisper. "Takin' jobs an' goin' where the wind blows." Pulling his eyes from the far-off place they'd wandered, he looked to her with a piercing gaze that stole Inara's breath. Resting a hand to her cheek, he drew the backs of his fingers down her smooth skin. Inara closed her eyes for a moment against the soft touch, always slightly surprised when Mal treated her with such gentleness. She had always suspected he had it in him – had always known he was capable of love, but it still amazed her that he'd chosen to love her so completely.

"But, ai ya, 'Nara, I love you more than I've ever loved that boat," he finally told her.

Snapping her eyes open, Inara studied his tender gaze intently. "Mal," she breathed, at a loss for what else to say in light of such a confession.

Shaking his head once, Mal sat forward, cradling her face in his hands. "'Nara, it's the truth. You an' that lil' one you're carryin' – I won't live if somethin' happens to either o' you. An' if somethin' happens 'cause o' me …" He let the statement die, unable to give voice to one of his greatest fears. Leaning forward, he met her lips with a gentle kiss and Inara melted against him, her hands resting against his bare and warm chest, the contact with his skin sending a jolt through her.

Parting, Mal rested his forehead against hers and whispered, "I bought Serenity 'cause I needed someplace to belong." Stroking his thumbs along her cheeks, Inara lifted her eyes back to his as he added quietly, "I don't need that no more, 'cause I belong with you. Wherever you an' our baby are, that's the someplace I gotta be."

Blinking back tears at the sheer emotion in his words, Inara sighed heavily, before wrapping her arms around his neck. Burying her face in the crook of his shoulder, she held him close and whispered, "Wo ai ni, Mal."

Squeezing his eyes shut against the torrent of emotions that flooded through him as he held this perfect woman in his embrace, Mal murmured back, "I love you too, darlin'. More than I ever thought possible."

As he held her tightly to him, Inara turned her face into his neck, kissing the skin there. With barely a brush of her lips, she kissed along to his ear, continuing to his stubble-covered cheek, until her soft lips met his hungrily. She did love this man, loved all he was and all he strived to be. She wanted him to know that.

Mal met her passion with his own, greedily devouring her mouth, finding her tongue and entwining it with his own until they again broke apart, panting and breathless. Smoothing his hair back from his face, Inara told him, "We don't have to make any decisions now, Mal. There's no need to rush into anything."

"I just don't want anything to happen to you," he told her again, kissing along her jaw, his tongue leaving a wet trail behind that cooled in the night air and made Inara shiver delightfully. "I couldn't take it."

"I'm fine, Mal," she assured, biting back a moan as his tongue worked at her earlobe, his teeth soon joining the exquisite torture. "I'm fine and so is the baby. We're going to be fine."

Nodding, Mal didn't stop kissing her and Inara was glad. Pulling herself towards him, she easily straddled his lap, smiling slightly as Mal groaned when their hips connected, enticing his already burning groin. Tilting her head to the side to give his mouth better access, she murmured, "How about we table this discussion for the night?"

Mal chuckled softly against her skin, reluctantly pulling his lips away to meet her eyes. "Was I borin' you, Miss Serra?"

Rolling her hips against his suggestively, Inara was rewarded with another feral groan as she brought her lips to his ear and whispered, "On the contrary, Captain, I'm extremely interested."

"Oh, well, then." Mal ran his hands up her sides, cupping her breasts through her sheer nightgown, forcing a moan to fall from Inara's lips. For the moment at least, Inara's desire to forgo the decision of where to live and how to raise their baby seemed like a good one.

xoxoxoxo

Simon came home, grateful for the sanctuary the apartment provided. It had been a trying day, with a fairly complicated surgery and while it was gratifying to again be practicing medicine, it was draining. Simon found it more tiring now than in his residency days and he wondered if he'd ever possess the kind of energy he once had.

Of course back then all he'd had to live for was medicine, the hospital, surgery. Now, he had so much more, and loving Kaylee was far more fulfilling than his job had ever hoped to be.

"Kaylee!"

Simon wandered into their apartment, eager to find his beautiful wife and remind her how incredibly amazing she was. After searching the living room, kitchen and bedroom, and coming up empty-handed, he found himself frowning. Passing River's room, he noticed it was also vacant. Pausing for a moment at his sister's door, he heard the distinct sound of tools and followed the clinking and clanking until he found his wife.

She was sitting on the floor of their small utility room, the parts of their clothes washer scattered about, while the now empty shell of the machine sat at her back. Her tool box, as familiar to Simon as his own medkit, sat at her side and, he noticed with just a bit of a smile, that her hands were again coated in grease.

Leaning against the door jamb, he watched her for a moment, listening amusedly as she whispered to herself, cursing at the part as it refused to do what she wanted. Glancing up to find another piece of the wayward machine, she finally caught sight of him, smiling wide as she was greeted with one of his swai grins.

"Hi honey." Rising, she reached for a towel and wiped at her hands, stepping over the mess she'd made on the floor to greet him with a kiss.

"How was your day?" she asked, still smiling at him.

"Fine," he told her, reaching for the rag in her hands. Taking it, he turned her cheek towards him and wiped gently at the smudge of grease there. As it came clean, he kissed the spot and asked, "How was yours?"

Kaylee followed his eyes as they surveyed the dismantled washer and she shrugged. "Fine, jus' doin' some work." Stepping back, she moved around him, heading for the kitchen. "Are ya hungry? I can make ya some supper."

Simon stared for another moment at the scene before him, before following her. As he rounded the entryway to the kitchen, he found himself staring again as Kaylee moved about, opening their refrigeration unit and pulling out a plate of turkey, before getting the bread and other fixings to make him a sandwich. She was humming softly and if he hadn't come home to find her elbow deep in another of their home appliances, he probably would have thought she was absolutely fine.

But the fact was, this was the third appliance she had taken apart since her family had left and Simon was beginning to wonder just how necessary these repairs were. "Kaylee?" he called softly from where he stood. As she looked up at him, licking some food off her fingers, he asked, "Are you all right?"

Smiling again, she told him, "O' course, I am, sweetie." Wiggling her eyebrows at him in a suggestive manner, she gave him a coy grin and asked, "Don't I look all right?"

Taking the bait, Simon moved towards her, catching her around the waist and holding her tightly against him. "You look beautiful," he told her truthfully, dropping his lips to her shoulder and nipping at the bare skin there. As Kaylee spun out of his arms and finished fixing his supper, he added, "But you only take things apart when something's bothering you."

Kaylee tensed from where she was bent behind the refrigerator door, glad Simon couldn't see her for the moment. She'd been hoping he hadn't noticed her restless behavior. Plastering another smile on her face, she straightened, bringing his sandwich and a glass of juice to the table, encouraging him to sit as she sat in the seat across from him. "The washer was squeakin', honey," she explained, resting her chin in her hand. He didn't immediately dig in, but instead sat back and regarded her and Kaylee wished he'd just leave it be. "I took it apart to see why an' then found a couple other parts that needed a tune-up. Ain't no big deal."

Simon's eyes narrowed as he considered her statement. As he continued to stare, Kaylee rolled her eyes affectionately and motioned at his food. "C'mon, I didn't make it so it'd sit there. Eat."

Sighing, Simon reluctantly bit into his food, watching Kaylee out of the corner of his eye as she watched him with a small smile on her face. She often stayed up until he came home and would sit with him while he had dinner. She had tried once to wait to eat until he came home, but after she'd almost passed out from hunger, Simon had assured she should just go ahead without him. Smiling wider as she caught sight of his intense gaze, she teased, "What? I got more grease on my face?"

Shaking his head once, Simon swallowed, taking a drink to wash down the food. As he opened his mouth to speak, Kaylee interrupted him expertly. "Oh, you want some fruit? I got some fresh berries today." Rising, she headed back for the fridge, a bit surprised when Simon caught her wrist. Tugging her towards him, she lost her balance, falling quite conveniently into his lap.

Locking his arm about her waist so she couldn't move, he forced her to meet his gaze. "Come on, Kaylee," he prodded gently. "Out with it."

"Why you makin' such a big deal outta this?" she questioned quietly, the pads of her fingers tracing the outline of his jaw. Raising slightly sad eyes to him, she reiterated, "It ain't a big deal."

"Except that this is the third machine you've taken apart since your family left," he reminded her. As she blushed slightly, Simon placed his hand under her chin and tilted her face towards him. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

Shrugging easily, she murmured, "Well, you work a lot."

An irrational fear gripping his heart, he said hurriedly, "And I'll stop right now. I won't work at the risk of you feeling neglected."

Pushing away from him, Kaylee rose, suddenly angry. "I don't need a babysitter, Simon," she told him, taking his half-finished sandwich and chucking it in the trash. "'Sides, you love doctorin', you think I'd take that away from you?"

Sighing, Simon watched her as she all but threw the plate into the sink. He knew he'd regret it, but the words came and so he said them. "Like I took being a mechanic away from you?"

Eyes wide, she turned to face him, arms crossed over her chest. "I never said that," she bit out, her face a mix between anger and sadness.

"No," he admitted, rising to stand before her. "But it's what your thinking, isn't it?"

Kaylee took a deep breath, meeting Simon's blue-eyed gaze. She knew he wanted what was best for her, that he wanted her to be happy. But she wanted the same for him and although Kaylee was frightfully bored, she couldn't very well ask him to walk away from his job at the hospital or this life they'd built on Sihnon. It was a good life, Kaylee knew that. She knew she would never want for anything. But it was also a life that made her useless. Women married to men of Simon's standing didn't work, it was just a fact. And although she continued to volunteer at the orphanage, it wasn't enough.

She had thought it would be better once she was pregnant. Kaylee knew that she'd be a great mom. She would shower her children with all the love and attention they could stand. But as the months continued to pass with no pregnancy in sight, even that distraction seemed a distant dream.

As her silence stretched on, Simon felt a lump rise in his throat. Taking a step forward, he wrapped an arm around her waist and said, "Kaylee, talk to me."

Sighing, she considered what to say for a moment, and then finally decided the truth was the only option she had. "I'm bored, Simon," she admitted, meeting his gaze. She saw that muscle in his cheek twitch – the one that always tensed when Simon was receiving or giving bad news and it made her stomach flip uncomfortably. "I don't blame you or anythin', it's just, I don't have anything to do. An' yeah, I miss Serenity, but I think it's more than that." Glancing about the kitchen, she shrugged and added, "I ain't useful here."

Simon bit back his first response which was to assure her that she was very useful to him. But that was an old-fashioned notion; one he may have been raised with, but not one he necessarily subscribed to. A sinking feeling back in his gut, he asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Shrugging, Kaylee backed away from him and wandered to the living room, flopping down onto the big couch. Simon followed her, sitting across from her on the low table. "I kept hopin' it'd get better, ya know?" As Simon nodded, she continued. "An' I thought I'd be pregnant by now an' then I'd have the baby to get ready for. An' then, once the baby got here, that'd be my full-time job." Another lump rose in her throat as she felt a pang of longing for that phantom child she had yet to have. Simon, sensing her sadness, reached for one of her hands, squeezing it gently. Kaylee offered him a weak smile and sighed. "But it ain't gettin' better, Simon. An' I don't know what to do."

"Do you want to go back to Serenity?" he asked after a pause, finding his voice tighter with emotion than he'd expected.

Shaking her head once, Kaylee told him, "I don't know if that's the answer. Besides, Captain's hired Rafe an' he loves River. I can't force the two o' them off the ship." Swallowing hard, she tipped her head back against the back of couch and let out another heavy sigh. "I jus' don't know what to do."

Sitting in silence for a moment, Simon finally moved to her side. "Is there anything you can see yourself doing here that would make you happy?"

"I'm not miserable, Simon," she assured him quickly, bringing her eyes back to his face. She felt awful, awful for making Simon feel bad, and awful that she couldn't make this work for him. She wanted to so badly. "I ain't, I swear," she promised, reaching for his hands and squeezing them tightly. As Simon offered a weak nod of assurance, she told him, "I know how happy you are an' that means the world to me. You know that, right?"

"You are amazing, Kaylee Tam," Simon said in response, resting his hand to her cheek and staring into her green eyes. "But I can't be happy at your expense. That's not what a marriage is."

"I know that," she murmured. Sighing again, Kaylee pulled her legs up underneath her and cuddled herself into Simon's side. "But I love you an' love me. So we'll work it out, right?"

"That's the plan," Simon told her, pressing a kiss into her hair before wrapping his arm about her shoulders and holding her tight. "Kaylee, it means a lot to me that you were trying to spare my feelings, but when things like this bother you, you have to tell me."

"I din't want you feelin' guilty," she explained, absentmindedly rolling her engagement ring and wedding band around her finger. "I know now you will, blamin' yourself or some nonsense an' it ain't nobody's fault."

"It's not so much guilt as disappointment," Simon admitted softly. Kaylee pulled back from him, a hurt look passing across her face. Instantly recognizing his mistake, Simon hurried to explain, "Not disappointment in you, bao bei," he assured, pressing a kiss to her mouth. "No, disappointment in myself. I'm disappointed that I can't make you happy."

Her face screwing up into a fierce expression of either anger or annoyance, Kaylee sat up straight and placed her hands firmly on either side of Simon's face. In a firm tone, she told him, "You listen here, Simon Tam. None o' this has anythin' to do with you makin' me happy. You do make me happy. I love you. Somethin' tells me you're forgettin' that important fact at this point in time."

Chuckling softly despite himself, Simon shook his head, covering her hands with his own. "No, bao bei, I haven't forgotten."

"Then stop bein' guil- disappointed," she amended, giving him a smirk as his pale cheeks blushed red. "There's gotta be a way for us both to get what we want. But you gotta believe we can work it out." Studying his face intently with her wide eyes, she paused a moment and then asked, "Do ya?"

Simon studied her face just as intently. Smiling softly at her, he removed her hands from his face, kissing each one lightly, before leaning forward to capture her lips in a kiss. "I believe that I love you and that together we can do anything."

A slightly smug grin settling on her features, she nodded. "See? I told ya." Glancing at him coyly out of the corner of her eyes, she muttered teasingly, "Mister top three percent, my ass."

"What was that?" Simon asked with look of mock reproach.

Rising, Kaylee shrugged, heading passed him. "Oh, nothin'."

"Nothing?" he questioned, a wide grin on his face as he grabbed her around the waist, tugging her into his lap and beginning to tickle her mercilessly. "Nothing, huh?"

Shrieking with delight, Kaylee was at Simon's mercy for many minutes before finally pinning his hands to his sides. Straddling his lap, she was panting, her face flushed from the exertion. Simon was also breathing heavily, a state that was worsening as Kaylee's heaving chest pushed against his temptingly. "I'm thinkin' I'm gonna need to punish ya for that lil' outburst," she told him, bringing her lips to his ear and nipping at the fleshy lobe.

"Oh really?" he asked. Without much effort, as Kaylee wasn't really holding him all that tightly, Simon rose, hoisting Kaylee up and over his shoulder as he headed back for their bedroom. Depositing a quick swat on her behind, he told her, "We'll see about that."

xoxoxoxo


	4. Chapter 4

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 4**

xoxoxoxo

_River sat straight-backed in a cold, unyielding chair. She'd already tried to move a bit, find at least a more comfortable position, but every shift of her hips or twitch of her arms sent a jolt of painful electricity down her spine. After the fifth one, she had stopped moving all together, choosing instead to stare._

_Her hair was plastered to her face and shoulders, wet with sweat and a bit of blood. She could taste the metallic substance against her lips from where it had dripped from the dozens of pinpricks dotting her face, neck and scalp. They kept sticking her with things, kept pushing tiny bits of metal into her brain until she cried out in agony. Until her vision was blurred with the fatigue of pain and despair. _

_Whimpering softly, she moaned as another metal rod, this one thicker pushed into her arm, forcing itself into a vein that was too small. With the hiss of a pneumatic pump, drugs shot through the metal and into her blood stream, causing River to cry out. They burned throughout her body, the heat at the injection point searing_.

Sitting up rapidly, River blinked her eyes open, doing her best to bring the room into focus. Panting, she saw the familiar dresser and mirror, noted the faded, but comfortable bedspread she was currently tangled in. She was safe, not at the Academy or the mercy of the blue hands. She was safe, with Simon and Kaylee.

Sighing heavily, River swallowed hard a few times, pushing her sweat-soaked hair out of her eyes. Slowly, she worked the covers off her body, shucking her now damp nightgown for a fresh one. Opening her bedroom door silently, she listened for a moment to see if her brother might come running. After hearing nothing and determining that she must have only cried out in her dream, she headed for the kitchen.

With a shaky hand, she reached for a glass, turning on the tap. Once it was filled with water, River raised it to her lips, finding the effort of actually swallowing almost impossible. Placing the glass back on the counter, River braced herself over the sink, and touched her chin to her chest, breathing deeply.

"River?"

Cursing silently, River counted to ten before turning to face her brother with a weak smile. "Didn't mean to wake you," she told him softly, noting the way his blue eyes filled with horror at her haggard appearance.

Moving to her side instantly, Simon's strong arm was around her waist, supporting her still shaky form. Guiding her back to the living room, he sat her gently onto the couch, before going back for the water and his medkit. Returning to her side, he handed her the glass, while removing his stethoscope and reaching for her wrist.

She protested weakly. "Simon, I'm fine."

"How about I be the judge of that?" he told her firmly, refusing to take her stoicism at face value. He knew it was a façade – one she had perfected to be sure, but a false bravado all the same.

Taking a moment to listen to her heart and check her pulse, Simon sighed heavily as he repacked his kit and then set it aside. Reaching for her hand, he met her wide-eyed gaze and said, "You do seem to be all right. Your heart's racing a bit, but I'm guessing that's an effect of the nightmare you had."

Not surprised by his insight, River tipped her head back against the couch and shut her eyes, releasing a long-suffering sigh in the process. "That would be my guess too."

Simon studied her pale features for a moment, his brotherly concern warring with his doctorly expertise – and not for the first time. He had done as she'd asked all week and stayed away from the hospital as Eli's test had become more and more invasive. His friend had told him she'd been handling the added stress extremely well, but Simon saw a different result when River came home. She was more withdrawn than he'd seen her in years. Her appetite was declining and she rarely made the effort to spend time with Kaylee. He knew part of it was her forced separation from Rafe. Regardless of the job he was on, River had told her young beau that they would need to be apart for a bit. Simon could only guess the impact that was having on her. He knew the impact being apart from Kaylee would have on him. Couple it with the mental and emotional rollercoaster she'd been on, and Simon was surprised she'd managed to hold it together this long.

"You don't have to go through with this you know," Simon told her softly. Ignoring the hurt look she fixed him with, he continued. "Everyone loves you just as you are, River. All of this isn't necessary."

"Yes, it is." Her voice was firm. "I'm fine." As if to prove her point, she rose, refusing the help he offered, and then walked to the kitchen. Simon watched her wearily, waiting until she had reemerged to again confront her.

Standing in her path, he placed gentle hands to her shoulders and said, "You're not fine. You can pretend all you want, but don't think I don't know." Tucking some of her hair behind her ear, he cupped her cheek and teased, "I'm not a dummy."

Sighing, River leaned against him, allowing Simon to offer her the comfort she needed. Tucking her head under his chin, she told him softly, "Eli says there are more tests."

Rubbing her back gently, Simon pressed a kiss to her hair and whispered, "I know."

"It's going to get worse," she told him needlessly, wrapping her arms around his back as he squeezed her tighter.

"It doesn't have to," he reminded her. "Say the word and it all stops."

River had considered giving up, although she hated to admit it. But it was painful and awful and she hated it. But what was worse were the dreams – no, nightmares – she'd had before. The ones where she woke in the middle of the night searching Serenity for a knife or an axe, and using it to kill Rafe or the Captain or any of the crew. She could not take that chance. And no matter how much her family believed she was incapable of harming them, River knew differently.

Shaking her head once, she pulled away from him. "No," she told her brother, meeting his concerned blue-eyed gaze with a hardened one of her own. "No, I have to do this."

Simon had another protest prepped and ready to go, but the look of sadness combined with determination that flared in his sister's eyes stilled his tongue. He would not convince her otherwise – this he knew. And if she refused to give up, then all he could do was support her.

Placing a kiss to her forehead, Simon squeezed her elbow affectionately. "All right, mei mei. If that's what you want." As she nodded, he asked, "Do you want something to help you sleep?"

Shaking her head, River answered, "No, I'll be all right." And then, with measured steps, she headed back to her room, praying she might be able to sleep through the night.

xoxoxoxo

"Inara? Are you ready?"

Inara looked up as the nurse called her name, before shooting an anxious glance back towards the door. She'd really hoped that Mal would get back on time – he had promised her he would. But she'd guessed the day before when he'd waved to let her know the job had not gone "as planned," that he might miss the appointment. Apparently, she'd been right.

Meeting the nurse's smile, Inara nodded. "Of course."

She was led to an exam room, and made comfortable on one of the semi-inclined tables. The nurse spoke to her in a calm voice, asking benign questions about the baby and her pregnancy, checking to make sure things were going as planned. Inara answered as best she could, trying to tamp down the disappointment she felt at Mal's absence. She almost considered rescheduling, but with the life he led, there was no guarantee he'd make an appointment the next day either. He'd just have to settle for seeing his baby for the first time on a capture.

Doctor Chen entered, greeting Inara warmly. "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you, doctor," Inara answered, smiling in returning.

"Wonderful." With the absentminded way all physicians seemed to possess, the doctor reviewed her chart, listening with one ear while the nurse filled her in on Inara's answers to her questions. As the other woman moved the sonogram equipment close to the bed, Chen smiled down at Inara, while lifting up the bottom of her shirt and folding it over her slightly rounded tummy.

"Are you ready to get a look at this little one?" the doctor asked, all smiles.

Releasing a big breath, Inara smiled for her benefit, while inwardly hating the fact she was doing this alone. "Of course."

Placing a dollop of cold gel on her skin, Doctor Chen said, "Then, let's get started."

xoxoxoxo

Eli looked up at the sound of the timid knock and found a small smile gracing his features. She was always right on time and never entered without first seeking permission. River Tam might have spent her last few years out on the Rim, but her Core upbringing showed.

"Come in."

He watched her enter the office, a shy smile on her features as she crossed the room and sat before his desk. "Good morning," she greeted airily.

"Good morning, my dear," he told her, sitting forward and clasping his hands on the desk in front of him. Studying her in silence for another minute, he confessed, "Simon told me you had a rough night."

Rolling her eyes in pure sibling annoyance, River muttered, "Hou zi de pi gu." Taking a deep breath, she smiled beatifically at Eli and said, "I'm fine."

"It's all right if you're not," he prompted gently more than surprised when River's eyes snapped back to his face full of anger.

Rising swiftly, her fists clenched at her sides, her whole body threatened to shake with fear and rage. "What do you want me to say?" she questioned loudly. "What is it you and Simon are so damned determined for me to admit? That I hate it? That the tests scare me? That I have horrible dreams spurred on by even worse memories? That I want to give up?"

Chest heaving, she stared him down. Under any other circumstance she might be surprised by her outburst and a bit amused by the completely bewildered expression on the other man's face. At the moment, she was simply fed up. Didn't any of them understand that this was hard enough without the people who were supposed to be supporting her waiting for her to quit?

Slumping back into her seat, River took a moment to gather herself. "I'm sorry."

"There's no reason to apologize, River," Eli explained, moving around the desk and sitting beside her. Patting her knee gently, he added, "I'm absolutely amazed at how strong you've been. At how unbelievably brave you are. You are a remarkable young woman."

"But I'm broken," she told him with a sigh. Raising her eyes to his face, she smirked and added wryly, "Don't forget."

"And I'm going to fix you," Eli responded, matching her tone. "Don't forget that either."

Sitting up at his words, River's face actually relaxed into a smile. "Do you think you can?"

Swallowing hard as he realized the inadvertent hope he'd given her, Eli nodded hesitantly. "Yes, I do. Although it's not going to be all that pleasant." As River continued to gaze at him with trusting eyes, Eli continued. "But the test results have proven extremely helpful in determining how to repair what was damaged."

"Well, then what are we waiting for?" River questioned, rising and heading for the door. "Let's get started."

"Uh, River." Eli cleared his throat and waited until she had again faced him. "I think I've conducted all the medical tests I can at this point. I was actually hoping that today we could just talk."

Frowning, River cocked her head to one side. "Talk about what?"

"About your time at the Academy," Eli elaborated, not missing how pale her face became at the idea. "About what you remember."

Shrugging, River wrapped her arms around herself, subconsciously trying to build a wall of protection. "I don't remember much."

"I know," Eli assured, rising and guiding her gently back to her seat. "But I think at this point anything you can tell me will be helpful."

Swallowing hard, River resumed her seat as did Eli. Taking several deep breaths, she conjured an image of Rafe. His smiling face in her mind's eye, she reminded herself that once this was all over, they'd be together, which was what she wanted more than anything in the 'verse. She could do this for him.

Turning clear eyes to Eli, she asked steadily, "What do you want to know?"

xoxoxoxo

Kaylee answered the door, surprised by the mid-morning visitor. Smiling wide as she recognized the blond-haired man before her, she said, "Well hey there, stranger. Y'all back already?"

Returning her smile, Rafe stepped into the apartment. "Yup, just landed actually."

Frowning, Kaylee closed the door and commented, "I heard the job didn't go smooth."

"It never goes smooth," Rafe reminded her, getting a small chuckle from Serenity's former mechanic. Glancing into the interior of the apartment, he asked, "Is River here?"

Her frown deepening, Kaylee crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a harsh look. "I thought River asked you to keep your distance for a bit. While she sorts through some stuff."

Face flushing bright red, Rafe glanced guiltily to his shoes. "She did," he mumbled unhappily. Bringing large eyes back to Kaylee's face, he added, "But I've been gone a week, I figured maybe that was enough time."

Rolling her eyes, Kaylee turned and headed for the kitchen. "You know it ain't, but on account o' the fact that you are head over heels in love with my sister-in-law, I'll let it slide."

Grinning at her response, Rafe followed her, and asked, "So, where is she?"

Pausing, Kaylee turned back to him and offered a tentative smile. "She ain't here."

Nodding, he looked to her expectantly, feeling a knot of something uncomfortable settle in his gut as Kaylee obviously didn't want to tell him where he could find his girlfriend. "Kaylee?"

"She's at the hospital," Kaylee finally admitted, hurrying to ease his worry. "She ain't hurt or nothin'. She's been goin' to see somebody."

"For what? Is she sick?" Rafe's world was quickly spiraling out of control. Sitting heavily on the arm of the nearest chair, he glanced to his friend and waited for an answer.

"Not so much, no." Kaylee hated the fact that even she didn't really know the reason behind River's almost daily visits to the hospital. She'd pressed Simon about it a few times, but with that infuriating smile of his, he'd reminded her of the patient/doctor confidentiality rule and she had relented. Besides, she knew that if something were seriously wrong with River, he would tell her.

"Look, Rafe, Simon won't tell me much an' River ain't said a word, but she's goin' to get some help, to talk some things out. I'm sure she's fine." Kaylee knew she was all but lying. Regardless of how much she'd been told, she had a sinking suspicion that River visiting the hospital was a big deal – and would have even bigger consequences.

"You don't actually believe that, do ya?" Rafe questioned hotly, his concern for River growing by leaps and bounds.

Fidgeting uncomfortably, Kaylee admitted, "No." As Rafe snorted derisively, trying to decide between being angry and hurt, Kaylee added, "But I do trust Simon an' River. An' if they say things is all right, then they gotta be."

"Sorry, Kaylee," Rafe told her, stalking for the door. "I just don't have that kind of faith."

xoxoxoxo

"I was crazy for a good part of my time there. Nothing made sense. They would take me out of my cell in the morning. If we didn't go willingly, they'd hit us with these batons, around the back of the knees." River's voice was steady as she explained her torture. Eli watched, doing his best to stifle his initial response of revulsion.

"Most of the time, I was alone with the doctors or the blue hands. I don't think they were actually doctors, but they seemed to be in charge." River's brown eyes focused on the floor in front of her. Her arms were still wrapped tightly about her rib cage. She was holding her sides so firmly she knew she was bruising the skin, but it was the only thing that kept her from unraveling.

"It was always cold. Everywhere we went. My cell was freezing and they only gave us a thin sheet. And then the rooms, they were all metal and blue. There was nothing warm, nothing comforting.

"They'd make me lie down on these metal exam tables. They used restraints, cuffs, I guess, more metal, more cold." Closing her eyes, River's mind flashed an image of one of those rooms, the table she was on surrounded by shadows and murmured voices. "Then they'd start their tests.

"I'm not sure what they were testing us for, but it involved a lot of drugs. They hopped us up on so many medications, I'm amazed I'm not a drooling idiot," she confided with no mirth. "But they never gave us pain killers, never helped to ease our suffering. It always seemed the more we cried or begged or yelled, the more they liked it. It just made them hurt us more."

"I wrote Simon letters at first, before it got really bad. Those letters were normal. They scanned them, looking for any discontent, so I never mentioned how much I was hurting or that I wanted to go home." She'd been so lonely, so alone – all she'd wanted was for Simon to come and rescue her.

"For a few months, I was unconscious more than I was conscious, I think that's when they started the surgeries. By the time I woke up again, I wasn't lucid anymore. Nothing made sense. One minute I was a five-year-old girl who wanted to play on the swings and the next I was a fifty-year-old general commanding a legion of troops to burn down a village. I had thoughts and memories that weren't my own. I could barely remember my own name."

"But you managed to reach back out to Simon?" Eli prompted gently, placing a warm, reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Nodding, River told him, "I did. When I was out, he'd written me a letter. I don't know how I ever ended up with it – they were very careful to cut off all our ties with the outside world. But that letter, it became my lifeline."

Swallowing hard, River paused and again closed her eyes. As she took a few deep breaths, Eli rose and whispered, "I'll be back in just a moment, all right? Can I get you anything?" She shook her head once and he left, returning almost instantly.

"Do you want to stop?"

Shaking her head again, River forced her eyes open and continued. "The only time I could think clearly was early in the morning, before they shot me up with another round of drugs. I trained my body to wake up before they came to get me and I started writing Simon his letters, the ones with the code." Glancing to Eli, she asked, "He told you about them, right?"

As the older man nodded, River continued. "I had no idea if he understood them. I never got any letters back. There was this man, he interrogated all of us – he told me Simon didn't love me anymore, that he wasn't coming for me. I didn't want to believe him, but I was so confused, I started to think Simon had been a figment of my imagination. That I'd never had a brother. That maybe this man was right and no one loved me. No one was going to come and I was always going to be frightened and hurting."

"Mei mei?"

Simon's whispered voice shocked River. So wrapped up in her own tale, she hadn't felt him approach. Whirling in her seat, she met his concerned gaze and offered him a watery smile. Looking to Eli, she said softly, "You called him."

Sitting back in his seat, Eli admitted, "I did. I thought maybe you'd want him here."

Nodding once in gratitude, she glanced back to Simon who stood hesitantly in the doorway. He didn't want to intrude as River had made it clear she didn't want him too, but the look of pure pain on her features and what he'd heard as he entered made it impossible for him to leave her now.

"Simon," she breathed shakily, feeling the last vestiges of her detachment crumble at her feet. She rose, taking a step towards him and then he was there, his strong arms around her, holding her tight as she buried her face into his shoulder.

"It's okay, mei mei," he whispered, smoothing her long hair down her back. "It's okay, I'm here."

Rising, Eli murmured, "I'm going to leave the two of you alone." In a minute he was gone, closing the door behind him.

"He made me talk about it," she told him, her voice muffled as she refused to leave his embrace.

"I know," Simon soothed, tightening his hold. "He thought it might help you and him."

"It didn't," she answered petulantly. In truth, it might have helped a little. She did feel a bit lighter having shared her fractured experience with someone else. "I don't want to hurt anymore, Simon."

Simon didn't have an answer to that. The last thing he wanted was for River to be in pain, but he had severe doubts about this entire process. He wondered if it could work and what it would mean for his baby sister if it did.

"I thought you wanted me to be happy," she accused softly, leaning back from him and meeting his gaze.

"I do, River, you know that." Sighing, Simon added, "But I can't help but be nervous. Whatever Eli decides is the best option is not going to be without risk. Things could go very badly."

Fisting her hands into the front of his shirt with a bit of desperation, River pleaded, "Please, Simon, I need your support. I can't do this by myself. No one else is going to understand. They're all going to think I'm just going crazy again. Please don't abandon me too."

Holding her face in his hands, Simon set his jaw and told her firmly, "I have never abandoned you and I'm not going to start now." Releasing a breath she hadn't realized she been holding, River sank back against him. "And I think the others will surprise you. Mal, Inara, Rafe, Kaylee – they all want what's best for you, mei mei."

"But they don't know what that is," River told him. "They think they do because they see me as the crazy girl, but they don't really." Lifting her head she met his eyes. "I'm an adult now, I can make my own decisions. Make them see that, please."

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Simon sighed. "I'll try, mei mei, but I'm not a miracle worker."

Giggling softly, River told him, "That's not what Kaylee thinks."

His face blushing, Simon stammered, "What have I said about reading Kaylee's thoughts or mine for that matter, in regards to … well, _that_?"

"You are such an easy mark," River drawled in response, before placing a kiss on his cheek. "Do you think I can go home?"

Nodding, Simon kept an arm around her shoulders. "I think that's allowed."

With a sigh, River stayed beside her brother as they rode the lift down to the bottom floor and headed out into the early afternoon. As Simon moved to flag down a hovercar, River felt her breath catch in her throat as Rafe strode towards her, obviously upset.

"River, we need to talk."

xoxoxoxo

Mal all but ran up the five flights of stairs, hoping to get home faster. He knew he'd missed the appointment, knew that hurrying now really made no difference, but he still hoped, somewhere in the back of his brain, that maybe Inara had pushed back the appointment and was simply waiting for him to come back so they could go and see the first image of their baby together.

Panting slightly, he fumbled with the keycard, pushing the door open. "'Nara?"

Rushing into the living room, he found it empty and headed down the hall towards their closed bedroom door. On the way, he passed the small console table in the hall, noticing something dark and square propped up against the wall. Squinting at it, Mal recognized it for the capture it was, and snatched it into his hands.

He stared, mesmerized for several moments. He knew, only through third person experience, that this was the sonogram capture he'd been anticipating for a little over a month. He wasn't sure what exactly he was looking at, as most of it was a black blob with a few dots of white and gray interspersed. But it was still his kid, his and Inara's – and he hadn't been there.

Holding the capture, he again glanced to the closed bedroom door before him and let out a heavy sigh. Pushing it open, he paused for a moment to enjoy the sight of Inara's peaceful, sleeping face. Slowly, he moved to the bed, sitting gingerly at her side. Placing the slim capture on the night stand, he leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to her mouth, stroking a hand through her soft hair as she came around.

"Mal?" she murmured, yawning softly as her eyes focused.

"Yeah, darlin', it's me," he said tenderly. "I'm back."

Blinking a few more times, Inara became fully alert. Smiling sadly at him, she sat up and told him evenly, "You're late."

"I know and I am a liu kou shui de biao zi he hou zi de ben er zi, fei fei de pi yan." Mal continued with a string of Mandarin insults, all aimed at himself. Inara listened, fighting the small grin that was tugging at the corners of her mouth. Finally stopping his rant, he gazed back to her and said, "I'm sorry."

"It's all right, there will be other appointments," she assured, leaning forward and kissing him.

"Yeah, but I really wanted to be there for this one," he whined. Reaching for the capture he looked at it again and then turned it towards Inara. "So, this is the rugrat, huh?"

"Mal," she teased, slapping at his arm playfully. "Do not call my child a rugrat."

Frowning slightly, he chided, "Munchkin then?"

She laughed and Mal continued his litany of nicknames, ending finally with butterball and causing them both to howl with laughter. Clutching her stomach as she fought to breathe, she told him, "Okay, okay, I guess I can deal with rugrat."

Wiping happy tears from his eyes, Mal smirked and said, "Well, I hope so. Although somethin' tells me once I see this lil' one, the only thing I'm gonna be able to call it is beautiful." As Inara's eyes softened, he added, "Because God willing it's gonna look like you an' not like me."

"And what would be wrong with our baby looking like his or her very handsome father?" Inara questioned, scooting closer to him.

"Handsome, huh?" Mal asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Well now, Miss Serra where'd ya learn to talk so pretty?"

"It must be the subject matter," she told him, her eyes sparkling with mirth.

Leaning forward, Mal captured her mouth in a long kiss, already forgetting his disappointment at missing that morning's appointment.

xoxoxoxo


	5. Chapter 5

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 5**

xoxoxoxo

"You're not supposed to be here," River told Rafe, again. She'd already sent her brother on his way, knowing that his presence would not be needed for this conversation. But as Rafe continued to stubbornly insist she tell him what was going on, River almost regretted her choice to try and explain this alone.

Pacing back and forth in front of where she sat on the park bench, Rafe was fuming. "River, that ain't the point. I wanna know what you're doin' goin' to the hospital almost every gorram day." His voice carried across the way and a mother with her three small children glared.

Giving them a look of apology, River rose and stood in his path. "You're drawing attention to yourself."

"Do you think I care?" he demanded. Taking her by the shoulders, River saw his anger fade into concern as he held her. "Riv, c'mon. This is drivin' me nuts."

He deserved to know before any of the others found out, River knew that. With that guilt fueling her actions, she took his hands and held them firmly, guiding him back to the bench and sitting them both down. Facing him, she said, "All right, I'll tell you what's happening, but you have to promise me two things." Swallowing hard, he nodded and she continued. "First, you have to promise to let me finish before interrupting me. And two, you have to stay as calm as possible."

"Okay," he said huskily, inching a bit closer to her and keeping a tight grip on her hands. "Tell me."

Taking a deep breath, River began. "You know about the Academy and Miranda and the Reaver battle." When he nodded, she continued, "And you know that when I did those things, when I killed them, I was acting out programming that the Alliance had put in my brain."

Swallowing hard past the lump of anger and sadness in his throat, Rafe nodded again. He hated that someone had hurt her so badly, but he'd forced her to tell him, so now he had to listen to whatever she wanted to say.

"Well, when Simon rescued me from that place, he tried for a really long time to make me better. I was insane because of everything I'd been through and nothing made sense to me." River pushed down the bile that rose in her throat. She'd already told parts of this story today and her defenses were low. Rafe, noting her distress, moved a bit closer and River smiled her thanks to him. "But no matter what Simon did, or the drugs he used, nothing worked. And I stayed sick. After Miranda, I got better. Things were clearer and I could think and feel my own thoughts without having to deal with everyone else's."

"That's good, ain't it?" Rafe asked quietly, forgetting the no interruptions rule.

Smiling faintly, River said, "Yes, it is, for the most part. But what was wrong with me before, what the Alliance did, that just didn't disappear. They altered my brain on a structural and cellular level. And that just doesn't change."

"What are you sayin', babe?" he asked quietly, a sudden fear gripping his gut and refusing to let go.

"The reason I've been coming to the hospital is so that Simon's boss, Eli, can run some tests. He's trying to figure out how to fix me." Holding a breath, River's brown eyes studied Rafe intently as he processed this information.

Inwardly reeling, he sat very still, wondering if this wasn't some kind of sick joke or demented dream. But one quick look back to River and he knew she was telling him the truth. Feeling as though his heart was lodged in his throat, he whispered, "What does that mean?"

Squeezing his hands, River swallowed hard and continued. "We're not sure yet. Eli thinks that he'll be able to treat me, to make me not broken."

"River, you ain't broken," Rafe implored, moving his hands to her shoulders and holding her fast. "You're jian mei, meili an' a bunch o' other words that ain't even been made up yet, but you ain't broke."

With a sad smile, River denied his claim easily. "Yes, I am, Rafe. I know you don't want to believe it, but this girl, the one you know, she isn't me. She's damaged and violent and no good for you."

"I _know_ you're wrong about that," Rafe told her adamantly. Pulling her to his chest, he hugged her tight, almost wishing he could squeeze this idea out of her. "C'mon, River, there ain't nothin' about you to fix." Taking a deep, shaky breath, he drew back to meet her eyes and added, "I love you."

"You can't change my mind," she told him quietly, noting how his demeanor and his thoughts changed almost instantaneously. His concern was quickly fading only to be replaced by his frustration at her stubbornness. "I'm sorry, but you can't."

"So, what're they gonna do?" he demanded, sitting back from her.

"We don't know yet," River told him, doing her best to keep her voice even. He didn't know how much his withdrawal from her had hurt. "Eli said he's finished with his tests and he hopes to have some ideas in another week or so."

"But it's gonna be dangerous?" He was dejected at her refusal to heed his advice, his body language screaming his discomfort and bruised ego.

Reaching gingerly for one of his hands, River held it as she told him, "Anytime someone's brain is involved, yes, there are risks."

Sighing heavily, Rafe's gaze dropped to his thigh, where River's pale hand encompassed his own. Staring for a moment, he finally turned his hand over, his palm meeting hers and entwined their fingers. Refocusing his eyes to her face, he asked, "Why are so willin' to do this?"

Swallowing hard, River tried to smile, and found the gesture almost completely useless. Her heart was thudding so hard against her rib cage she was convinced he could hear it. "Because I want to know that no matter what happens, I can't hurt you or any of my family. I want to know that what the Alliance did to me is gone for good, so that we can have a life together."

Sitting up, Rafe's eyes were full of anxiety as he told her, "Don't do this for me, River. 'Cause if you are, I don't want it. I don't want you thinkin' you gotta change so that I'll love you. I'm in love with now, right this minute. None of that go se in your past makes one bit o' difference to me."

"I know, but it makes a difference to me," she said quietly, not surprised when his brow furrowed in confusion. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, River wished she knew how to explain. Not letting go of his hand, she locked her eyes on his and tried. "Do you remember a couple of months ago when I told you and the Captain that I'd have to choose? That I could either be in love with you or be a reader, but not both?"

Nodding hesitantly, as his voice had failed him, Rafe struggled to understand.

"There's a reason for that. It's not because I _can't _do both, I can. It's because when I'm with you, when we're – together," she whispered, her cheeks pinking slightly, "I'm not necessarily thinking, I'm just feeling."

Brushing his hand against her cheek, Rafe murmured, "Well, that's good, right?"

Nodding eagerly, River breathed, "Oh yes, of course, it's good for me and for you. I've never felt things so deeply or strongly before. But when I have to leave that, when it fades or lessens, bringing those emotions under control and harnessing that ability back for the good of the ship – it's almost impossible."

"What are you sayin', Riv?" he asked carefully, his thumb gently stroking along her smooth skin.

"The Alliance took away my ability to filter things out. And when I'm with you, I don't want to do that, so I let those walls down. I open myself up to everything and it's wonderful." Pausing for a moment, she risked looking directly into his eyes and found her heart pounding more wildly than only seconds before. "But because of the damage that was done to my brain, it's getting harder and harder to put those walls back up. It's harder for me to make sense of things."

"It's makin' you crazy," Rafe finished in a stunned whisper.

Nodding once, River murmured, "Yes." She paused, waiting as she watched him try and process this new information. He was struggling, she could see it as well as feel it and River wished she knew of someway to make this easier, but she didn't. She could only hope he might finally understand.

"So, I'm makin' you crazy?" Rafe repeated the phrase, this time as a question and River hurried to correct him.

"No, not like that. If it was terrible when we were together, I wouldn't be so determined to fix anything," she told him. "And I don't want to lose you or us. I don't want to be alone anymore. I love you, too, and that's why I have to get better."

"Riv," Rafe breathed, tipping his forehead against hers, his hands resting on her shoulders. She covered his wrists lightly with her hands and just stayed close as he again processed her words. "I don't like this, bao bei."

"I don't either, but it's the only way. Eli thinks he might be able to repair some of the damage and that when he does, I won't feel as strongly as I did before. I'll still be a reader, that's a natural talent of mine, but it won't be so hard to switch between the two." Running her hands up his arms and to the sides of his face, she tilted his face back so she could meet his gaze. "Besides, he can make sure that any other latent surprises the Alliance might have left me are gone too."

"Like another trigger?" Rafe questioned, sighing contentedly as she ran her small fingers through his hair.

"Like another trigger," she confirmed. Gently, she pulled his head towards her, pressing a kiss to his forehead, before wrapping him up in her embrace. He held her back tightly, his anxiety for her not at all dissipated by her explanation. There were so many ways this could go wrong.

"If I asked you not to do this, would you listen to me?"

River's hands froze where they were stroking his back. Considering for a second, she kissed his scalp and said, "No."

Sighing heavily, he straightened. "That's what I figured you'd say, but it was worth a shot."

Smiling softly, she told him, "But if you ask to come with me when Eli talks about options, I'd say yes."

Returning her grin, Rafe leaned in and kissed her. "Jus' you try an' keep me away."

xoxoxoxo

Mal strode up the ramp to his ship, comforted by the familiar surroundings. Taking in the sight of his second and his merc lounging atop some crates, he called out, "What do y'all think you're doin'?"

Straightening at his approach, Zoe answered evenly, "Takin' a break, sir."

Throwing her a grin, he chided, "Yeah, well see that it don't happen again."

"Of course, sir."

Glancing to the boxes set about, Mal asked, "This the cargo?"

"It is," Jayne said, slapping the wooden box he sat on. As the sharp sound echoed through the bay, he told him, "An' there ain't no point crackin' one open. They ain't got no gold."

"I'm gonna skip right over the part where you tell me how you know that," Mal warned, looking back to his second. "Listen, y'all think you can handle this run without me?"

Shrugging lightly, Zoe told him, "Don't see why not. It's pretty straight forward. Shouldn't be any problems."

Rising, Jayne whined, "Ah hell, Zoe, why'd you have to go an' say that? Now there's bound to be some kind a com-plee-ca-shun." Still muttering about luck and their bad string of it, Jayne sulked off to his bunk, missing the smirks cast at his back.

"I thought he'd never leave," Mal muttered, getting an even wider smile from Zoe. "So, seriously, you good?"

Nodding, she told him, "We're good." Crossing her arms over her chest, she eyed him for a second and then commented, "So, I'm guessin' missing that doctor's appointment weren't the smartest thing in the world."

Sighing heavily, Mal told her, "You'd be guessin' right." Taking the seat Jayne had vacated, Mal added, "But you know what? She weren't even mad. When I got home, Inara, she just gave me this look like …" Unsure how to put it into words, Mal let the statement die.

Watching him carefully, Zoe waited a second and then prompted, "A look like what, sir?"

Shaking his head once, Mal said, "Tell you the truth, I have no idea how to describe it." After another moment of awkward silence, he reached into his back pocket, pulling out a slim capture. With a grin on his face as wide as the day was long, he asked her eagerly, "You wanna see a picture of my kid?"

Hiding her own grin at his excitement, Zoe stepped to his side. "Sure, sir." Glancing over his shoulder, she took in the dark image.

"Well?" Mal's beaming grin was almost as bright as Kaylee's.

"It looks like a big blob, sir," Zoe commented dryly, waiting until Mal turned to scowl at her before patting him on the back and adding, "Congratulations."

"Killjoy," he shot at her, while replacing the capture in his pocket. "You got no sense o' imagination."

"Imagine that's so, sir," she retorted easily.

Grinning at her again, Mal asked suddenly, "You ever think 'bout settlin'?"

Willing her features to remain impassive, Zoe wished she hadn't known this day was coming. It would make lying so much easier if she hadn't already rehearsed her answer a dozen times. "I 'spose it's crossed my mind once or twice."

Cocking an eyebrow at her, he asked, "Oh yeah? How come I din't know there was mind crossin' goin' on?"

"Sir, the day I tell you everything I'm thinkin' is the day –" Pausing, she frowned and amended, "Actually, I'll never tell you everythin'."

"Funny," he told her, chuckling. Rising, he stretched and asked, "When're you headin' out?"

"Tomorrow mornin'. We should be back dirtside in about four days."

Nodding, Mal told her, "Make sure Jayne stays outta trouble."

"Will do."

"And maybe do without Rafe this go 'round," Mal instructed, not surprised when Zoe frowned.

"Sir?"

Waving it off, he explained, "Somethin' Simon said, 'bout him and River. I'm thinking maybe he's gonna need to stick close for a bit."

Nodding, Zoe told him, "Shouldn't be a problem. We've been runnin' good."

Mimicking Jayne's whine, Mal headed backwards out of the bay. "Ah, Zoe, why'd you have to go an' say somethin' like that?" As she gave him a salute, he waved back and told her, "Fly safe."

Watching as he retreated into the port's throng, Zoe murmured, "Always do."

xoxoxoxo

"You got any idea what we're doin' here?" Mal whispered, as he and Inara weaved their way through the hospital corridor and to Simon's office.

Shaking her head, Inara answered, "No, Mal, all River said was she has some news to share."

Muttering a curse under his breath, he finally asked, "You don't think she's pregnant, do ya?"

Hiding a smirk, Inara teased, "And what, exactly, is wrong with pregnant women?"

"Uh, nothin'," he stammered, squeezing her elbow reassuringly. "I prefer 'em, actually."

"Uh huh," Inara murmured, pausing to peck his cheek as they reached Simon's office door. "Behave," she warned once before stepping inside.

Entering the small, but comfortably appointed space, she and Mal were a bit surprised to see Kaylee and Rafe there as well, keeping the siblings company. As soon as they entered, the room descended into an uncomfortable silence, which was only broken once River stepped forward and embraced Mal and Inara in a hug.

"Thank you for being here," she murmured, pressing kisses to both their cheeks, before bending down and patting Inara's belly lightly. "You too, rugrat."

"Hey, only I get to call my kid a rugrat, Albatross," he teased, winking at her as she grinned widely at him.

Saluting, she told him, "Yes, sir," before moving back to Rafe's side.

As the captain and Inara greeted Kaylee and Simon before taking their seats, River's eyes locked with her brother. With the smallest of nods, he gave his consent and River cleared her throat, turning all the attention in the room back to her.

"I really want to thank you all for coming. What I'm about to tell you is very important to me, and I wanted my family here."

Throwing Simon a worried look, Kaylee reached for and gripped his hand tightly in her own, as Mal dipped his mouth to Inara's ear and whispered, "I told ya. Pregnant."

Swatting him lightly on the leg, she gave him a stern look to silence him, before addressing River. "What is it, mei mei? Are you all right?"

Smiling softly, River answered, "Yes, I am." Squeezing Rafe's hand in her own, she told them excitedly, "And I'm going to get better."

Frowning, Mal, Inara and Kaylee all shared skeptical looks. Finally, it was Mal who spoke up. "If ya ain't sick, lil' one, how're you gonna get better?"

Rolling her eyes playfully, she explained, "Eli and Simon have been figuring out how to fix my brain. They're going to fix me, help erase some of what the blue hands did." As Mal, Inara and Kaylee's mouths hung open in shock, River continued, "I'm going to be normal."

Silence filled the room. Everyone was at a loss for words. Simon and Rafe simply watched the others, trying to determine what their reactions would be, while River continued to bounce happily in her seat. It was Kaylee who spoke first.

Turning to face her husband, she asked softly, "You knew about this?"

Nodding once, Simon told her, "I did. River asked me to help her. After I tried to talk her out of it and she refused to be deterred, I came to Eli for help."

"You shoulda told me," she said quietly, her gaze drifting from her husband to her sister and back again.

"I couldn't, bao bei, you know that." Simon rested a hand to her cheek, gazing deeply into her hurt green eyes and willing her not to be angry. "Please, I had to respect River's privacy as a patient."

"Don't blame him, Kaylee," River interjected, her eyes shining with happiness, but also with compassion. "Simon did the right thing. Didn't keep it a secret to hurt you, but to help me."

Swallowing hard, Kaylee held her friend's gaze for a moment longer and then nodded, her eyes dropping to her lap. Releasing a heavy sigh, Simon pressed a kiss to her temple before wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Thankfully, she leaned against him, letting him know all was forgiven.

"This is why you needed time off, lil' one?" Mal asked, his brain still having a difficult time wrapping itself around this concept. "'Cause you think you're broke?"

"Don't think, know," River insisted, facing the Captain's confusion head-on. "I have to get better, so I can be your Albatross and your jian mei," she finished quietly, her eyes back on Rafe. Smiling softly, he leaned forward and kissed her cheek, before River turned back to her family.

Inara's hand was squeezing Mal's tightly as her other one rubbed absently over her barely showing bump. Brow furrowed with concern, she asked, "River, are you sure about this? I can't imagine that any of this is very safe."

"That's actually why we're here," Simon interrupted, all eyes turning to him. "Eli feels he has some very plausible treatment options. River wanted everyone here so you could hear firsthand what the plan is and ask him any questions."

"Simon, this is your sis we're talkin' about," Mal reminded him needlessly, an edge creeping into his voice. "How plausible are we talkin' here?"

"Very plausible, Captain, I can assure you."

All heads snapped towards the door as Eli entered, answering Mal's question with a grin and smiling more widely when River rose and gave him a hug. As she reseated herself, Eli rounded Simon's desk, gesturing for the young man's permission to sit and getting it.

"Well, I had no idea I'd be addressing an audience," Eli joked, getting a big smile from River and awkward ones from the rest of the room. "River, you know why we're here?"

"To find out how you're going to fix me," she stated proudly, squeezing Rafe's hand in excitement and anticipation.

Nodding, Eli said, "That's right." Arranging the few data sheets he'd brought with him, Eli studied them for a second more and when he again looked to them all, his face was a study in professionalism. "As I'm assuming River has already explained, she asked me about three weeks ago to determine if any of the damage done by the Alliance could be reversed.

"After studying the records and test results Simon already had, River came back to the hospital and underwent a battery of tests."

The six adults were riveted to Eli's every word and if the situation had not been so serious he might actually have chuckled. "After studying those results with my team and receiving Simon's input, we've devised two treatment options that we feel have the best chance of working." Directly focusing on River, he added, "River, ultimately it will be your choice. I'm going to present both options as fairly as possible. I recommend that you speak with Simon and your family though. Both have their risks and possible side effects. You're going to need all the support you can get."

"You don't gotta worry about that, doc," Mal interjected, his arm tightening around Inara's shoulders as his stomach clenched more tightly against this entire scenario. "We ain't goin' anywhere."

Smiling her thanks to her daddy, River looked to her brother who gave her a nod and then focused back on Eli. "Okay, I'm ready."

xoxoxoxo

"We can try and treat this with a regimen of drugs and drug therapies. From what we can tell, there is a chemical imbalance in your brain, exacerbated by what was physically done to you. I don't believe it will fix things entirely, but it will most definitely alleviate a lot of the emotional problems you've mentioned and aid greatly in your mental stability."

"What are the side effects if she takes the drugs?" Kaylee asked, her fingers locked with Simon's.

"They're fairly substantial, Kaylee," Eli admitted. Pushing a data sheet towards River, she lifted it up gingerly and began to scan the information as Eli recounted the highlights. "There are the standard drug effects: nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, but there's also a very good chance you'll lose your appetite completely, forcing us to tube feed you for a time. And you'll probably be bed-ridden with flu-like symptoms for at least the first three months."

Nodding once, River's eyes finished reading and she met his gaze unflinchingly. "What's the second option?"

The room held a collective breath as Eli looked from River to Simon and back again before answering. "Surgery. Brain surgery to be more precise."

"River, you can't-"

"That ain't a good idea, darlin'."

"That's just-"

Everyone was talking at once, protesting the thought of River's skull and brain once again being subjected to a scalpel. Pressing her hands to her temples as their care and concern overwhelmed her, River finally called out, "Bi zui!"

Stunned into silence, all of them stared as Rafe leaned over and gazed into her pained face. "You all right, bao bei?"

Nodding once, she blinked her eyes open, and smiled at him. "It was really loud."

"Sorry, River."

"Yeah, sorry."

"We didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, mei mei."

Turning to regard them for a moment, River smiled wider, letting them know it was all right. Looking back to Eli, she said, "Maybe you can explain what exactly you're talking about."

Nodding, Eli launched into a detailed description of the surgery he was proposing, well aware that the entire room was again hanging on his every word. It was complicated and dangerous, but Eli also felt it had the best chance for success. Which was, in the end, what made up River's mind.

"I want to do it," she said firmly almost as soon as Eli had finished.

"Mei mei, think about this for a minute," Simon implored, placing a hand on her shoulder and turning her to face him. "What Eli's talking about is very serious. And risky. Why not try the drugs first?"

Shaking her head once, River told him, "No, Simon. You know my system breaks down medicine almost faster than it can be administered. All the drugs will do is make me throw up and feel sick. Surgery is the best."

"River, please." Kaylee's eyes were wide with fear for her friend. Covering Simon's hand as it still rested against her shoulder, she added, "This is serious, what you're talkin' about. Are you sure you wanna do this?"

With a graceful smile, River nodded and then looked to her brother, before locking eyes with Inara and Mal and finally Rafe. Turning in her seat, she addressed them all. "Look, I know you don't understand this. I know you think that I'm fine and perfectly healthy, but I'm not." Meeting Simon's stalwart expression, she added, "You know I'm not."

Working his mouth in silence for a moment, Simon finally admitted, "You're not the girl I grew up with, that's true." As River's eyes teared at his words, Simon assured her, "But I love you, mei mei, because you are my sister."

"You love the memory of your sister, the girl who once inhabited this body," River corrected, causing Simon's throat to constrict uncomfortably.

"River, that ain't fair," Kaylee told her, her voice edged with a hint of warning. Watching from the corner of her eye as her husband slumped back, utterly defeated, she reminded her sister, "Simon gave up everythin' for you, an' loved you even when the rest of us was scared an' nervous about ya. You can't say that ain't true."

"I would never say that isn't true, Kaylee," River agreed. Glancing to her brother, her heart swelled with love for him as he gazed forlornly at her, torn between wanting his carefree sister back and being totally in love with the damaged girl he had rescued almost two years ago. "But Simon, just like my parents, is still mourning the loss of the girl they knew. And I want to be that girl again." Meeting all of their gazes, River smiled and told them earnestly, "You'll like her, I promise. She's a bit of a brat, but I know you'll love her."

"We already love you, darlin', so you're gonna have to think of another argument." Mal's tone was easy, but his eyes spoke of a hidden pain that told River all she needed to know about what he thought.

Sighing wearily, River nodded once. "Fine, then how's this? I'm a danger, to all of you." As each of them processed this, River forged on. "You like to pretend that it isn't true, that the killer the Alliance trained me to be doesn't exist anymore, but you know that's a lie. Denial will get us no where." Looking to Eli, she gave him a small grin, not at all surprised when he returned it. "What Eli is proposing will help to make sure the killer dies." Glancing back to her family, to the people she loved more than any others, she added, "I want her dead. It's not who I am."

Stunned into silence, they could only stare at River as she brushed a few tears off her cheeks, before turning into Rafe's embrace. Glancing to Inara, Mal caught the paleness of her features and squeezed her shoulders reassuringly, while Simon did the same for Kaylee. They all loved River, Mal had spoken the truth, but none of them could bear to see her so unhappy. It was obvious to them now that she had fully thought this through. It was also fairly plain that regardless of what any of them said, she was going through with it. She wanted their support, but she didn't need it. That distinction was not lost on anyone.

Clearing his throat, Eli broke the tense quiet. "River, I don't want you to give me your decision today. I want you to go home and think about it for a few days. If you think of any questions, call me and we'll discuss it, all right?" When she nodded reluctantly, Eli rose. Circling back to her side, he dropped a kiss into her hair, before moving to Simon and squeezing his shoulder. "I'll see you all later."

They murmured their goodbyes as he left, the shutting of the door plunging them back into silence. Whispering something to Rafe, River rose, drawing their attention back to her. "I know this is hard for you and I appreciate how much you all want to protect me. But please understand that I have to do this. I hope you can support me, but if you can't …" Her voice broke at the thought, and they all watched as she swallowed hard, closing her eyes and collecting her thoughts. Again studying them all, she finished, "But if you can't, I understand that too."

With that, she left the five of them completely speechless. In a minute or so, Rafe followed, leaving Simon, Kaylee, Mal and Inara to stare at one another dumbfounded. It was Mal who was able to loose his tongue first. "Simon, tell it to me straight," he ordered, using his captain-y voice. "How dangerous is this exactly?"

Sighing, Simon rubbed a tired hand along the back of his neck, feeling the tension already pooling there. Glancing to Kaylee who gave him a small smile, he looked to Mal and Inara and answered, "It's dangerous. I have all the faith in the world in Eli and his talent, but anytime you open someone's brain, the chance for damage, permanent damage, is high. The margin for error is just so small …"

As Kaylee clasped a hand over her mouth to stifle a startled gasp, Simon broke off, turning to her and holding her close. He'd hated keeping this from her, but he'd had no choice. Guiltily though, he was now grateful she knew; he needed her support.

Inara glanced from the young couple to Mal, noting the hard line of his profile. He was angry, she could see it in the way his eyes flashed. Turning slightly towards him, she questioned, "Mal? What is it?"

"I shoulda listened better," he said finally, his voice low.

Cupping his chin in her hand, Inara met his conflicted gaze and asked, "What?"

Kissing her palm lightly, Mal rose and paced across to the other side of the room, letting out a heavy sigh. "Eight months ago when we was out on a job, I found River curled up in your old bunk," he began, gesturing to Simon and Kaylee. "She was really upset an' she said it had somethin' to do with your folks. The prodigal son an' all that."

Sighing heavily, Simon dropped his chin to his chest and murmured, "The Garden of Eden."

"Exactly," Mal confirmed, ignoring Inara and Kaylee's confused glances. "She asked me if'n she was a killer."

"Oh, Mal," Inara breathed, wondering why he had never told her this before. "What did you say?"

"I told her no, I told her she'd protected her family an' that didn't make her bad. That she did what she had to." Clenching his fists at his side, Mal fought the urge to pummel the wall. "I guess that was the wrong thing to say."

Inara rose and went to him, placing a light hand to his shoulder, which Mal covered with one of his own and squeezed gratefully. The four of them kept the silence for a moment, until finally Kaylee asked, "Simon, you can't think this is a good idea."

"No, I don't," he admitted. "But it's also not my decision. I told River I didn't think it was a good idea, and when that didn't work, I hoped that Eli outlining all the possible outcomes might sway her opinion. But my sister is nothing if not stubborn," he finished bitterly.

"Jeez, a stubborn Tam, what a concept," Kaylee teased him lightly, trying to lighten the mood and failing.

"I know Rafe tried, too, but River's adamant." Sighing, Simon stared at nothing and added, "I think she's so eager for our parents' approval she'll do anything. Even subject herself to life in a coma."

"You gotta talk her out of it, doc." Mal's tone left no room for argument, but Simon still managed to disagree.

"I can't, Mal. Don't you get it? She'll do this with or without me, and I'm not going to let her go through it alone."

Kaylee watched Simon's eyes flash with a momentary anger at Mal's stubbornness and then tire quickly as the weight of the situation really hit home. Pulling him into a hug, she kissed his cheek, before holding him tight and for once Simon gave into his need to be held. Inara watched them for a moment, before turning back to Mal. "Ai ren, this isn't your fault."

"Why's she gotta do this, 'Nara?" he whispered. Bringing pained eyes to her face, he added, "She's my albatross."

"But she's also her own person," Inara reminded him, resting her head against his shoulder. "And an adult, no matter how much we try and deny it. We're going to have to trust her."

"Why do I get the feelin' it just ain' that simple?" Mal muttered, before wrapping his arm about Inara's shoulders and releasing another heavy sigh.

xoxoxoxo


	6. Chapter 6

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 6**

xoxoxoxo

To no one's surprise, River gave Eli the go ahead for the surgery and waited out the week of prep time in a constant state of anxiety. Staying with Kaylee and Simon was a good thing as it gave River a grounded place to call home. She was surrounded by those who loved her and it helped to ease her mind.

The night before the surgery, she was required to sleep at the hospital. So, after checking her in and leaving her in Rafe's capable hands, Simon and Kaylee headed home, both exhausted from the week of trying to subsequently calm River's nerves and support her in what they both felt was a misguided idea.

Entering the apartment, Simon immediately headed for the balcony. It was growing cold on Sihnon, the fall giving way to winter, but at the moment, he didn't mind the chill. It bit at his skin every time the wind kicked up and he welcomed the hard reminder that he was actually alive. That his baby sister subjecting herself to a life-threatening surgery was not a figment of his imagination, no matter how much he wished it was.

Standing at the railing and taking in the city lights stretched before him like a diamond blanket, Simon sighed. Why couldn't he have stopped this? He wanted to – he had wished over and over again during the week that he could have found the magic words to prevent River from taking this drastic step. But his attempts at convincing her of the danger and the consequences had been impossible, even for him. Finally, today, before they'd taken her to the hospital, he had begged. He had, honest-to-goodness, gotten down on his knees and begged her to reconsider. And with one of her enigmatic smiles, River had patted his cheek, told him she loved him and then twirled out of the room.

"It's cold out here," Kaylee commented, as she stepped onto the patio and pulled her sweater tighter about her small frame.

Turning, Simon smiled softly, as her cheeks instantly pinked in the cool night air. Lifting his arm, Kaylee snuggled herself under it, before resting his hand on her shoulder. "Well, that's better," she murmured, turning into his side and soaking up some of his warmth.

He had nothing to say, no assurances that would help to stymie his own fear for his sister, let alone Kaylee's. He knew she liked this idea about as much as he did, and that she worried not only for River's health, but for his.

"Let's go inside, sweetie," she said quietly, wrapping her arm around his waist and trying to guide him towards the warm interior of their apartment.

Staying firmly in place, Simon kissed her scalp. "You go ahead, I want to stay out here for a bit."

Frowning at him, Kaylee retorted, "I ain't leavin' ya out here to freeze."

Smiling softly at the determination in her tone, Simon squeezed her to his side and relented. "All right, I'll go in."

Hurrying inside, Simon had to admit it was much more comfortable. Moving towards the hearth, he lit a fire, and watched it for a long while, making sure the kindling burned and there was enough wood to keep the fire going. The flames danced and Simon found his mind unwillingly remembering River. She'd been ten and dancing in a production of Dante's _Inferno_. It had been pretty heavy material for a ballet company comprised of nine and ten year olds. Of course, River had understood everything, from the lighting choices to the subtext.

She'd come on stage in one scene, swathed in a deep orange leotard with red and yellow sheer scarves wrapped about her. When she'd moved, it had been the dance of a lone flame, flickering only to be strengthened once more by a gust of wind or a burst of fuel. River had never looked quite as happy as she did up on that stage.

"Gotta surprise for ya."

Simon jumped at the unexpected sound of Kaylee's voice and turned to find her holding two steaming mugs of something in her hands. Moving towards her, he peered at the liquid and then smiled. "Cocoa?"

"An' marshmallows," Kaylee told him, poking one of the bobbing white mounds in her own mug with her finger. "Jus' the thing to warm us up."

Sitting in front of the fire, Kaylee sat cross-legged and sipped her drink, smiling at him as he took a seat beside her. They both stared at the fire for a long while, drinking their hot chocolate and simply being.

Finally, as she drained her mug, Kaylee turned to face him, noting the far-off look in Simon's eyes. She'd seen it a lot this week, had caught him staring off at nothing, or studying River with an intensity that made her shiver. Inching closer to him, she ran her fingers in the hair above his ear, leaning in to kiss at his temple and whispering, "Whatcha thinkin' up there?"

Taking her hand from his hair, Simon kissed it and then looked to her with a sheepish grin. "I'm sorry, I'm being rude."

"No, you ain't," she told him, moving closer still until her body was leaning against his. "I jus' wanna help."

"You can't help, bao bei," he explained softly, squeezing her hand before he let it go, still staring at the flames. "It's in Eli's hands now."

"If somethin' happens, it won't be your fault." Simon's eyes snapped to her face so fast, she thought for sure he'd yell, angry that she had so easily read his mind. But instead, the look of intense fear at her insight gave way to a sad resolve.

"I don't know how you can say that," he murmured, tracing light patterns on her leg where it rested across his lap. "She's my responsibility."

"River's her own woman now, sweetie," Kaylee tried to explain, watching Simon closely for his reaction. "She's got her own mind an' she's gonna use it."

"Yeah, but this is …" Simon didn't know how to finish. He didn't even really know what to think. His baby sister was twelve hours away from a surgery that could render her comatose or even dead, and he was going to sit by and do – nothing? "If I had helped her before, she wouldn't have to go through this now."

Her heart tearing at the pained sound in his voice, Kaylee sat up, facing him with a determined look on her features. "You did all you could for River. You saved her life, Simon," she reminded him, her tone softening as his hurt blue eyes met her warm green ones. "And gave her a family an' found a safe place for her. You held her when she cried an' scolded her when she acted like a child an' you never once asked for nothin' from anybody in return. You never once stepped away an' said 'I can't do this anymore.'" As Simon's eyes again fell to his lap, Kaylee cupped her hand to his cheek and whispered, "Even though I know you wanted to."

His heart thudding in his chest uncomfortably, Simon's frantic gaze snapped to her face. "How did you know that?" he breathed, almost unable to believe the depth of Kaylee's insight.

"Because Simon, you're human. You got needs an' wants jus' like anybody else an' for years while you were tryin' to get her out and then even once you got her on Serenity, you only lived for her. You ignored everythin' you wanted or needed," she reminded him softly, not missing the slight blush to his cheeks as he knew Kaylee was referencing herself in that list of missed opportunities.

"She needed me," he told her quietly, fighting the swell of emotion in his chest. "I had to help her."

"But at what cost, Simon?" Kaylee asked him, afraid that if she kept up with this line of questioning, she might push too far. She knew she was right, knew that there was logic to her words, but she also knew that Simon's loyalty to his sister was unshakable. And Kaylee didn't want to jeopardize her marriage just because she wanted her husband to ease up on himself a bit. "Even now, when she's made up her own mind, you're still holding all that responsibility on yerself."

As Simon sighed heavily, his eyes closing, Kaylee smoothed her hands over his hair, bringing them down to cup both his cheeks. "You're gonna break under the weight of it, Simon. You are."

"I can't let go. It's not an option," he told her softly, his voice broken as he fought to retain control.

"Why?" Kaylee murmured, leaning forward and brushing soft kisses to his forehead and eyelids.

"Because if I fall apart, there's no one to pick up the pieces."

Pulling back from him slightly, Kaylee waited until those long-lashed eyes fluttered open, full of so much pain and worry Kaylee could hardly bear it. "Yeah, sweetie, there is."

Before he could protest, she placed her mouth on his, possessing his lips assuredly with her own. It was a long kiss, her soft lips drawing Simon's top and then bottom one into her mouth. Her tongue urged him to open his mouth to her, to let her deepen the kiss and provide him a kind of physical comfort that could only come from the love they shared. Gripping at her elbows, Simon pulled her against him, giving into the need he felt for her touch, her silent assurance. She came willingly, arms wrapping around his neck, legs straddling his hips as she guided him down onto his back and lied on top of him.

Hands ghosting up and down his sides, Kaylee continued to kiss him, letting Simon's hands where they bunched into her hair, direct her actions. "It's gonna be okay, sweetie," she panted between kisses, doing her best to catch a breath before Simon's mouth and tongue plundered hers once more. "It's okay."

As Simon ran one of his hands down her back and squeezed her backside against him, Kaylee moaned softly, more than willing to do whatever he asked of her. Her moan turned into a grunt of annoyance as the doorbell rang, shocking the two of them out of their passionate embrace.

"Ignore it," Kaylee murmured, her teeth and lips now nibbling at his jaw as Simon struggled to sit up with her still in his lap.

"It could be about River," he told her, more than reluctant to leave her arms, but now too on edge to continue where they'd left off.

With a grumble of discontent, Kaylee slid off him, watching with a slightly amused expression as Simon tried to straighten his clothes. Wiping at her lips, she sat and stared at the fire again, curious as to who would be coming to call so late. Rising with their dirty cups in hand, the mystery was solved as she heard raised voices coming from the foyer.

"It's not my decision!"

"But you can stop it. You can tell that Eli fella to refuse, right? So do it!"

Hurrying towards the door, Kaylee inserted herself between her husband's and Rafe's tense forms, surprised at the rage seething between the two men. "What are you goin' on about?"

Not getting an answer from Simon, she turned to their late night visitor. "Rafe?"

"He could stop this if'n he wanted too, but he wants his little sister back so he's gonna let River die." Rafe's words were like stabs to Simon's gut and he felt his knees sway before he could regain his strength.

"How dare you," Simon breathed, taking a step forward, only stopped by Kaylee's strong hand against his chest.

"Rafe, that ain't fair. An' if the only reason you came here is to accuse my husband of not protectin' his sister, than you can turn right around and leave." Crossing her arms over her chest, Kaylee met his hard gaze with one of her own, and told him, "I won't have that in my house."

Studying Kaylee's gaze for a minute more, Rafe saw steel in it and finally realized how out of line he was. Taking a hesitant step backwards, he hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry."

Nodding her approval, Kaylee looked back to Simon, grateful to see he had managed to get his own emotions under control. "Now, would you like to come in and talk about this like civilized people?"

"There ain't nothin' to talk about," Rafe responded wearily and when he again looked to them, both Simon and Kaylee were confronted with a very young man. "River wants to do this an' no matter what I say or what I do, I can't tell her nothin' different." Shifting his gaze to Simon, he said again, "I am sorry. I know you don't like this any more than I do."

Turning, he reached for the door and pulled it open. "I'll see ya both at the hospital in the mornin'?"

"Yeah, Rafe, we'll be there," Kaylee assured, patting him on the back. "Try an' get some sleep, huh?"

Nodding, Rafe left without another word. As Kaylee shut the door after him, she sighed. "That poor boy. He sure does love your sis."

Swallowing hard, Simon turned and headed for their bedroom, suddenly very tired. "I know."

xoxoxoxo

River woke to find her brother already hovering, his eyes full of concern for her. "I'll be fine, ge ge," she assured him groggily. Whatever they'd given her the night before to be sure she slept was still working wonders. "Don't worry, okay?" she asked, reaching for his hand.

Simon threaded his fingers through hers, bringing the back of her hand to his lips and kissing it. "I'll try, mei mei," he told her quietly. Running a hand through her hair, he leaned close and whispered, "No matter what you come back to me, dong ma?"

"I will," she whispered back, squeezing the hand he held, before adding, "I love you."

"Love you," he told her, pressing a kiss to her cheek, and stepping back as Kaylee stepped forward to wish her well.

River could tell her friend was trying to fight back tears of worry and failing miserably. "You'll come out that surgery good as new, won't ya?" she asked, her voice full of the cheery sunshine that everyone found so irresistible.

"You bet," she assured. "You keep Simon from wearing a hole in the floor, all right?"

Reaching for Simon's hand, Kaylee squeezed it as he took a step forward. Leaning against his broad chest, she told her sister, "Don't worry. I'll take good care of him."

"I know." River's smile was sleepy. While she said her goodbyes to her family the nurse had reentered, slipping another sedative into her IV so that she'd be out by the time they wheeled her into the OR. "Rafe?" she called softly, finding it more and more difficult to keep her eyes open.

"I'm here," he whispered, appearing at her other side and gripping her hand tightly in his own. "You come back to me, baby. I'll be here the whole time."

"Love you," she murmured.

Pressing a kiss to her lips, Rafe whispered, "Love you, jian mei."

"We really need to take her," the orderly informed, having already kicked the brakes off the bed. Nodding once, Rafe straightened, but did not release River's hand as they began to wheel her out of the room and down the hall.

In and out of consciousness, River saw Inara and Mal's smiling faces, not missing the worry that laced their spirits. "I'll be okay," she tried to tell them, uncertain of whether she'd actually spoken the words or just thought them.

"We know, Albatross." Mal's confirmation told her she'd been heard.

The crew stood and watched River disappear behind the swinging doors, Kaylee standing at Simon's side while Inara stood at Mal's. Rafe was halfway down the hall, still staring at the now closed doors.

It took a few minutes for any of them to return to their senses. Glancing up at her husband's drawn face, Kaylee asked, "You want somethin' to eat, honey? We din't get breakfast this mornin'."

Shaking his head, Simon murmured, "Ah, no. I'm good."

"Well, let's sit at least." Guiding him to some chairs, Kaylee gave Inara a small smile. Watching the two, Inara glanced to Mal who spoke for them both.

"Listen, this is gonna take a bit, right?" he asked, stepping towards the doc.

"What?" Simon looked as if in a daze. Focusing his eyes on Mal, he answered, "Oh, yes, yes it will. At least ten hours, maybe longer."

"Right. Well, me an' Inara we got an appointment with her doc."

"Everythin's okay, ain't it?" Kaylee asked hurriedly, a momentarily fear gripping her heart.

"Yes, mei mei," Inara assured with another of those angelic smiles. "Just a check-up. It's only on the fifth floor, we should be back in no more than hour."

"Of course," Simon said, his voice stronger as he forced himself to focus. "There's no reason for you to be here the whole time anyway. We can call you when River's in recovery."

Frowning mightily at the younger man, Mal held his tongue, deciding now was not the time to berate the doctor for assuming that he could just waltz off and leave his Albatross while she was undergoing major surgery. Gripping his shoulder tightly, Mal waited until Simon glanced to him to say, "We'll be back, son."

"And we'll bring some food," Inara added, stepping forward and giving Kaylee's hand a squeeze, before following Mal towards the lift.

Kaylee watched them go and then turned back to Simon. His head was resting against the wall at his back, his eyes staring at the ceiling above. Taking the hand he'd placed on the rest between them, Kaylee held it firmly between her own and told him, "It's gonna be okay, sweetie. You'll see."

xoxoxoxo

"Captain Reynolds, it's nice of you to join us."

Mal blushed at the doctor's words, knowing he was in the doghouse for missing the last appointment. "Trust me, doc, I am more than happy to be here."

Smiling at him, Doctor Chen turned her attention to Inara. "And how are you feeling?"

"Fine," she told her, helping the physician to roll up her shirt and uncover her now rounded belly.

"She's still throwing up a lot in the mornin's," Mal interjected, one hand gripping Inara's tightly, while he addressed the doctor. "An' she gets these night sweats. She ends up kickin' off all the covers."

"Mal," Inara hissed, shooting him a glare that clearly indicated he should stop talking. With an apologetic smile aimed at Doctor Chen, she explained, "He's a little worried."

"What? I'm jus' makin' sure you and my baby is okay." Mal defended himself with his normal mixture bravado and offense. Looking back to the doctor, he asked, "All o' that's normal, right?"

"Yes, Mal, I would say Inara's pregnancy is textbook at the moment." With another smile, Doctor Chen asked, "So, are you ready to see your baby?"

Nodding, Mal turned back to his beautiful bao bei, and asked, "Ready?"

"I've already done this once," Inara teased, sighing dramatically. "The thrill is gone."

"I'll give ya thrill," Mal growled low, kissing her cheek and eliciting a giggle from the mom-to-be.

Smiling at their interplay, Doctor Chen placed a healthy amount of cold gel on Inara's stomach, lifting up the monitoring device and placing it on top of the clear substance. Flipping on the screen, the doctor began to move the device back and forth a bit, trying to spot the fetus. "All right, let's see where Baby Reynolds is today."

As Inara turned to regard the screen, she felt Mal's hold on her hand tighten. Looking back to him, she smiled wide at the look of rapt attention on his features. Reaching out with her other hand, Inara caressed his cheek, getting his attention in seconds. "You okay?" she asked quietly, searching his face with her liquid brown eyes.

Swallowing hard, Mal told her, "Jus' shiny."

"Oh, here we are."

The doctor's announcement brought their attention instantly back to the screen and Inara, despite her earlier assertion, found herself staring just as intently as Mal. "There's the head," Doctor Chen explained in a low tone, doing her best not to intrude on what was often a very private moment. "And here are the arms and legs."

"There's ten o' each right?" Mal asked hurriedly. "Fingers an' toes, I mean?"

"It's a bit hard to tell on this image, Captain, but it appears the baby is absolutely perfect." As Mal's face broke into an even wider grin, she asked them, "Do you want to know the baby's sex?"

Inara glanced back to the screen and then to Mal finding that he was once again lost in his own world. Tugging gently on the hand she held, she called, "Mal?"

"Huh, what?" He stammered, looking to her, his hand stroking through her hair as he gazed into her eyes.

"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" As he gave her a momentary look of confusion, she elaborated, "Boy or girl, Mal."

"I know what it means," he defended himself, missing the shared smile between Inara and the doctor. Looking back to the mother of his child, he asked, "I don't know. Do we?"

Nodding once, Inara breathed, "Yes."

Looking to the doc, Mal told her, "Well, I guess we do."

Sharing another smile with the parents-to-be, she told them, "Well, then, Inara, Mal, I'm pleased to tell you that you're having a baby boy."

Mal's mouth hung open as the words sunk in. A boy, he was going to be a father and he was going to have a son. A son who he could raise to fly Serenity and shoot a gun and ride a horse. A son who could run a ranch and look after his ma and the brothers and sisters Mal knew he and Inara would give him. A son whom Inara could be sure had manners and class and learned to treat women with respect, no matter their occupation.

A son. As he slowly regained his senses, Mal found the doctor and Inara staring at him. "You with us?" Inara asked softly, a lone tear having rolled its way out of her eye and down into her hair.

"Yeah, yeah, darlin', I'm sorry. Jus' hit me harder than I thought," he explained, wiping at the small tear stain with his thumb.

Watching as the young couple stared at one another, Doctor Chen patted Inara's leg and told her, "I'll give you two a minute."

"Thank you, doctor." Inara watched her go and then brought her head back to the screen, finding her eyes glued to the picture of her son. _Their_ son.

"You okay, darlin'?" Mal asked, watching as Inara's eyes welled with more tears.

"It's a boy, Mal," she breathed, turning back to face him and trying to fight the swell of sadness she felt at the loss of her first child. "We're going to have a boy."

"I know, ai ren," he whispered, leaning down to place a gentle kiss to her mouth. "You okay with that?"

Frowning at him, Inara accepted his help as she struggled to sit up. It seemed that in just the past two weeks her abdomen had almost doubled in size and she was finding even the simple tasks a bit difficult. Taking the tissue the doctor had left, she wiped the gel from her skin and rearranged her shirt. Mal stood before her, his hands resting on either side of her hips, his face close to hers. "I don't really have any choice at this point, Mal. So I think I pretty much have to be okay with it."

Kissing her forehead, Mal told her, "That ain't what I meant and you know it." As Inara fingered the fringe of her shirt, he pressed the issue. "I was talkin' 'bout your boy."

Swallowing hard, Inara blinked quickly to rid her eyes of any wetness and met his gaze. "That baby's gone, Mal. He wasn't meant to be." Reaching for one of his hands, she placed it against her stomach and told him, "This child is, this child is yours and mine and we are going to love him and raise him and he's going to be a wonderful man." As Mal swallowed audibly, Inara added, "Just like his father."

Wrapping her up and into his arms, Mal hugged Inara tightly, burying his face in her sweet-smelling hair. "How is it exactly that I got so lucky?" he asked.

"It's not luck, dear," Inara drawled, her eyes twinkling as Mal pulled back to regard her. "It's my undying patience and dogged persistence."

Chuckling, Mal leaned forward and kissed her, not bothering to stop even when he heard the doctor come back in.

xoxoxoxo

River was warm. There was a bright sun overhead and it was blazing down on her, warming her skin and infusing her entire being with a healthy glow. With laughter spilling from her lips, she ran and danced and leapt through a field full of wild grass.

Behind her was everything dark and scary. Behind her she could just hear the sound of distant, rumbling thunder and the threat inherent in the heavy, black clouds overhead.

Here, before her, in front of her, was everything bright and sunny. Blue skies for miles and miles, endless sunshine and her family: her brother, smiling and happy, his spirit lighter than it'd ever been before. And her mother and father, holding their arms open, ready to welcome her back home. A happy, bright future was finally waiting for her and River willingly ran towards it.

xoxoxoxo


	7. Chapter 7

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 7**

xoxoxoxo

Eli headed out of surgery, glad that he'd have good news to report to Simon and the rest of River's family. Entering the waiting room, he was immediately assaulted by a crush of people, Simon and Rafe pushing in on him for information, while Gabriel and Regan, who had arrived during the procedure, stayed to the periphery.

Holding up his hands, Eli silenced them. "Please, please, everyone. I know you're anxious to find out about River. Let's take our seats and I will share all the details I have."

The group hurried back to the lounge, clustering in the back and Eli waited until they were settled before addressing them. Meeting Simon's anxious gaze, he smiled and announced, "Everything went exceptionally well. Better than we could have hoped actually."

As they released a collective sigh of relief, he continued. "That said, the damage to River's brain was extensive. Even with the highly detailed map we had to work from, there was more to contend with than I had anticipated."

"What does that mean, doctor?" Gabriel asked, fighting the urge to throttle someone for information. It was bad enough he and Regan had been kept in the dark until now. He no longer wanted to play this waiting game. "Were you unsuccessful?"

"I don't believe so, no," Eli told him. Sweeping his gaze over their concerned faces, Eli again wondered how it was possible for such a group of misfits to so deeply care for one another. It seemed the Captain of this bunch, on the way to becoming a father himself, was a good judge of character. He'd selected a fine crew. A crew that included his patient. "I just wanted to let you know that River is a remarkable young woman and I am humbled by the strength she's shown."

"When can we see her?" Regan asked nervously, her hands clutching her husband's forearm in a vice-like grip.

"She's in recovery now," Eli explained. "I imagine she'll be out for at least another ten to twelve hours. Her body has been through quite an ordeal and she's going to need to heal." Pressing his lips into a thin line, he did not relish making his next announcement. "However, when she does wake, I'm going to have to limit her visits to family." As he saw the protest rise on Rafe and Mal's lips, Eli amended, "Blood relations only. I'm sorry, but it's really in River's best interests."

"I have to see her," Rafe insisted, stepping towards the doctor with desperation in his eyes. "Please, doc, I promised her I'd be there."

"And she'll know why you aren't, son and she'll understand." Eli clapped a hand to the man's shoulder having to turn away before the younger man's dejected look caused him to change his own rules.

Rising, Simon stood before him and asked, "Can I speak with you?"

"Sure, Simon," Eli said easily, clapping a hand to his shoulder and guiding him across the room.

"She's really all right?" Simon questioned, once they were out of earshot of the others.

Nodding, Eli smiled. "Yes, Simon, she really is. Everything went exactly as planned. We were able to repair some of the neural pathways that the Alliance monkeyed with. My hope is that once those synapses start firing again, her brain might function as it once did."

"But she'll still be able to feel?" Simon's worry stretched far beyond his sister waking up.

"Yes. There's no evidence that what we did is going to affect any of River's emotional responses. Maybe temper them a bit, but it shouldn't stunt anything." Watching closely as a bit of color returned to Simon's face, Eli added, "You really should get some rest. You look like hell."

Chuckling softly, Simon responded, "So do you."

"Hey, I've just been through a twelve hour surgery and I'm old. What's your excuse?"

"Thank you, Eli." Simon's sincerity shown through his eyes and Eli was touched by it. "I mean it, truly."

"Let's wait until she wakes up before you thank you me too much, all right?" Simon shared his grin as the man added, "And I'm serious about getting some sleep. You need to be well-rested."

Glancing over his shoulder to where Kaylee was unsuccessfully trying to engage his parents in some easy conversation, he asked dryly, "You did notice my parents are here, didn't you?"

"I did." Cocking an eyebrow, he lowered his voice conspiratorially, and whispered, "You called them, so don't go blaming anyone else but yourself."

Smirking, Simon added, "I know. But my father's already angry enough that we didn't let them know anything until it was too late for their input."

"A father's prerogative Simon, to interfere in the lives of his children," Eli told him. Eyeing Simon's tense form as he studied his parents and Kaylee, he sobered and asked, "Are you going to be all right?"

Sighing, Simon turned back to him and offered him a wan smile. "Yes, I am. Thank you."

"You need anything, just give Evie a ring. I'm going home and going to bed, but I'm sure she'd be willing to help you out." Simon gave his friend a wave as the man disappeared.

As soon as Simon turned back to face his family, they all approached him at a rush. "What'd he say, sweetie?" Kaylee asked anxiously, squeezing his hand tightly in her own. "River's gonna be okay, right?"

Pulling Kaylee into an embrace, Simon whispered, "Yes, bao bei, she is." Addressing the group, he said, "River won't be awake for a while yet. The best thing for all of us to do is get some rest."

"You gonna take your own advice, Doctor Tam?" Kaylee teased, gazing up into his eyes, her arms still firmly locked around his waist.

"I most certainly am, Mrs. Tam," he responded, dropping a kiss to the tip of her nose and getting a giggle from her.

"Simon."

Turning, Simon faced his father and mother. "We really wish you'd told us sooner."

"It was River's decision, father. She wanted to wait. I'm sorry if that upsets you."

Screwing up his face in an expression of distaste, Gabriel was prevented from speaking again as Regan interrupted. "We're glad we can at least be here to help her recover. I'm sure she's going to have a rough go of it for a while."

"Yeah, brain surgery just ain't that much fun," Kaylee stated matter-of-factly.

As all eyes in the room, focused on her and her seemingly blasé remark, she glanced around and asked innocently, "What? It ain't like I wouldn't know."

And with a ripple of laughter the entire group was soon laughing heartily, releasing an overwhelming tension that had been weighing them down for far too long.

xoxoxoxo

Inara stretched her arms over her head, waiting for the rest of the Tam family to reassemble. She and Mal had made it back to the hospital first, a good two hours before River's supposed wake-up call, but the two of them had been unable to sleep, despite the tiredness in their bones. In truth, Inara knew that River's condition was bothering Mal more than he would ever admit. She wanted to be here so that should Eli agree to let non-blood relations see the young reader, Mal would be assured a chance to speak with his albatross.

Gazing across the room, she caught sight of Rafe. It appeared the young man had not left the waiting room. His lanky frame spread across two chairs, he was dozing, his head tipped back at an uncomfortable angle. Everyone had tried to assure him that River would be fine, that he should get some sleep like the rest of them, but with a dogged determination – or maybe just plain old stubbornness – he had refused and simply stayed as close to River as he could get.

Glancing to Mal, she smirked slightly as she watched him hastily scribbling down something on a small notepad. He paused in his writing, holding the pencil to his lips in a gesture of concentration, before again bending over and writing some more.

Leaning over his shoulder, Inara asked, "Mal, what exactly are you doing?"

"Hey now," he said, snatching the paper out of her line of sight. "A man's gotta right to some secrets."

Raising an eyebrow at him, Inara's expression had the desired affect. "All right," he amended, offering her the notebook. "Maybe not _this_ man."

Pressing a kiss to his cheek as reward for his willingness to share, Inara looked at his notes, taking a moment to adjust to his sorry excuse for penmanship. As her eyes scanned the list he'd made, she felt an unexpected lump well in her throat. "Mal," she breathed, meeting his expectant gaze with watery eyes.

"What?" he asked, his face full of fear. Glancing to the list, he frowned and asked, "Is it Morris? Yeah, that's kind of a lame name for a kid, ain't it?" Crossing it out, he said, "No to Morris."

"It's a list of baby names," Inara stated uselessly, overcome by his thoughtfulness.

"Well, yeah," he told her easily, placing his arm around her shoulders. "Our kid is gonna have a name, ain't he? Or is not namin' your baby some kind of Core custom I don't know about?"

Throwing her arms around his neck, Inara hugged him tightly. "Thank you," she murmured, pressing kisses to his jaw and cheek and finally around to his mouth.

"For what?" He was more than happy with her reaction, if not a little surprised by it. "It's just names."

"I know," she explained, embarrassed as she shed a few happy tears. Sighing in frustration, she told him, "Oh, these mood swings. They'll be the death of me."

"I thought I was gonna be the death o' you," he whispered suggestively, leaning forward and brushing his lips to hers.

"Oh well, yes, but not for the reasons you think," she teased back, grateful when Mal's reaction was to kiss her more ardently than before. As they parted, Inara gazed into his blue, blue eyes for just another minute, before again regarding his list.

Settling into the crook of his arm as she began to read, she looked to him skeptically. "Oh, Mal. Albert?"

"It's a fine name," he defended easily. "Here's my son, Al." As he tried it out, Mal realized the error of his ways. "All right, maybe not." Handing her the pencil, he said, "I brainstormed, now you get to whittle it down."

"Oh, I like this game," Inara told him. As she moved down the list, crossing out names with abandon, Mal studied her. His gaze roved over her raven hair, curly and dark and hanging lose against her shoulders. Despite being almost six months pregnant, Inara still wore her fine clothes. Her voluptuous form was currently wrapped up in a dark brown sweater that made her eyes glow bright and a floor length, gold patterned skirt that Mal had never seen before. He assumed she'd bought it new, needing a slightly bigger waistband to accommodate her expanding belly.

As his eyes traveled over the curve of her breasts and down her torso, he made out the round of her stomach. While she read through his list, she had dropped one hand to rest against the bulge, rubbing it absentmindedly as it seemed all pregnant ladies were apt to do. Shifting slightly, he reached his other hand across, covering the one on her stomach with his own.

Stilling at his touch, Inara turned to meet his gaze, still amazed at the awe her pregnancy seemed to inspire in him. Placing the notepad at her side, Inara shifted slightly in his arms, pressing her forehead into the crook of his neck and sighing contentedly. "We're going to be parents, Mal."

Resting his cheek against her soft hair, he murmured, "I know." Pausing a moment, his mouth quirked into a grin as he added, "Ain't that a kick in the head?"

xoxoxoxo

River woke slowly, her eyes having a hard time focusing as consciousness again assailed her senses. This place, this room was unfamiliar and the foreignness instantly set her on edge. As her heart sped up a bit, she blinked rapidly, forcing the blurriness from her pupils.

Everything was white, sterile. Inhaling deeply, she smelled – nothing. It was all sterile then, even the scent.

And it was hard to move. Her head felt ten sizes too big, the only thing that prevented it from snapping her neck the hard and uncomfortable pillow it was resting on. She couldn't see anything or anyone but the white tile ceiling above. And it scared her.

"Mei mei?"

Instantly, River felt her heart rate slow. _Simon_. Trying to smile, she was uncertain whether the muscles in her face were cooperating, everything felt heavy and slow. Wiggling her fingers in the direction of his voice, Simon took the hint and tightly grasped her hand in his own. Bringing his face into view above her, he whispered, "You're okay, River. I'm here."

"Love you," she murmured, the sentiment sounding like a rasp.

He smiled again, that handsome smile that always made the girls giggle before leaning over and kissing her cheek. "I love you," he whispered, his breath tickling her skin.

"Where?" she managed to croak.

"A hospital, sweetheart." Recognizing her mother's voice, River smiled to her as well, grateful when the woman squeezed her other hand reassuringly. "You're doing wonderfully. The doctors are very pleased with your progress."

As confusion settled in, River's eyes darted between her mother and brother, her sluggish mind struggling to piece everything together. With a bit of fear beginning to creep along her spine, she realized she had no idea what was happening.

Scratching her dry tongue across her equally dry lips, River fought to speak. Simon, noting her intent, offered her a sip of water, which she took gladly. Smiling her thanks to him, she asked, "Why am I here? What happened?"

Exchanging an alarmed look, Simon and Regan both offered her overly big smiles, apparently trying to compensate for something. River feared it was bad news.

"What do you remember, bao bei?"

River's eyes strained to see her father as he stepped into view, his normal look of reserved concern on his face.

"Daddy," she breathed, reaching a hand towards him.

River missed the confused look her father shared with her mother, while her brother simply gazed at her worriedly, a hint of horror also coloring his pale skin.

As Gabriel took her hand and held it tight, River smiled warmly at him, before turning back to her brother. "Why aren't you in school?" she questioned, still curious as to why she should feel so terrible and find herself in a hospital.

Simon's only answer was to stare. Unconcerned for the moment at his non-answer, she turned her attention back to her parents and asked, "I didn't miss the spring recital, did I? I can still dance, right?"

xoxoxoxo

"She doesn't remember the last four years." Simon was stunned. He stood now with his parents and Eli outside River's room, still struggling to come to terms with the fact that his sister had no recollection of anything past the age of fourteen. Turning to Eli, he asked softly, "How could this have happened?"

Sighing heavily, Eli fought the urge to offer a pat answer. Simon and his family deserved more than that. Instead, he was completely honest. "I don't know. The brain is an intricate organ. It's quite possible that some of the connections I attempted to repair have overridden portions of River's memory center."

"Is it permanent?" Gabriel asked, a mixture of hesitant hope marking his and his wife's features.

Shrugging, Eli admitted, "I honestly don't know. Once the swelling goes down, we can take a few scans, see if there's anything happening we didn't anticipate, but unfortunately, the best thing we can do is wait and see."

Simon stared at his friend before sinking wearily into a nearby chair. His head fell forward into his hands as he released a heavy sigh. This wasn't happening; it couldn't be.

"Health wise, River is recovering well. And we should be grateful for that," Eli reported.

Gabriel and Regan nodded absently, while Simon's gaze stayed locked on the floor. Eli's heart went out to the man, although in truth, he considered River's memory loss a bonus. Now, not only could she experience emotion like a normal young woman, but she also no longer had to carry the memories of her time at that wretched academy.

Moving to Simon's side, Eli placed a hand to his shoulder and gave a light squeeze. "I'll help you tell the others, if you'd like."

Snapping his head up, Simon rose swiftly, determination in his gaze. "No," he said firmly. "No, we're not telling them, not yet."

"Simon," Gabriel admonished, stepping forward. "Keeping the truth from them won't make this easier on anyone. Once River is well, she'll be going back home. It's best they get used to that idea."

With wide eyes, Simon turned to his father, his mouth suddenly very dry. "You are not taking her," he said slowly, annunciating each word with finality.

His own gaze hardening, Gabriel responded, "You heard your sister earlier. She wants to go home."

"She doesn't even know where home is," Simon retorted. Taking a step closer to his father, he dropped his voice to a menacing octave and added, "I am not going to let you take advantage of her memory loss to reinsert yourself in her life."

Gabriel's hand flew so fast, Simon had no time to dodge the slap. The sharp crack of his father's hand against his cheek echoed in the hall. Stunned, Simon faltered back a step, his hand resting against his stinging skin. His voice full of controlled rage, Gabriel straightened to his full height and ground out, "You are not her father, Simon, nor her mother or her legal guardian. As her parents, your mother and I will decide what is best for your sister and you will have to learn to accept it."

Turning to Eli, Gabriel told him, "We'd like to tell the others as soon as possible and begin making arrangements to have River moved back to a facility on Osiris."

"No, Gabriel, I think we should wait."

Simon glanced to his mother, gratitude in his eyes as she tried to explain herself to her husband. "She's just woken up, dear, and even Doctor Butler admits we don't know the full extent of her memory loss or how it may affect things. Maybe we should wait a bit. At least let River get some of her strength back."

"As her doctor, I cannot authorize a transfer to another facility for at least three weeks. And if you want her off planet, that timeframe stretches to six." As Gabriel opened his mouth to protest, Eli held up a hand and said firmly, "I'm sorry, Gabriel, but that is non-negotiable. River's not going to be up for traveling for quite some time."

Lips pursed in an expression that was equal parts disgust and resignation, Gabriel eyed Eli closely for another moment before nodding hesitantly. Turning back to his son, he pointed a trembling finger at Simon and bit out, "You are not to fill her head with any nonsense. If she doesn't remember that damned Academy or living on that wreck of a spaceship, I don't want you reminding her."

Straightening, Simon was through feeling threatened by his father. He was a grown man, with a wife and concerns of his own. And one of his primary concerns, as always, was his sister. "I would never do anything to endanger River's recovery. I love her. All I want is for her to be safe and well."

"Well then, we're all in agreement. Aren't we, Gabriel?" Regan was doing her best to play diplomat, but Eli could almost see the anger flowing out in red waves from father to son. The time for diplomacy had passed.

Tugging at her husband's arm, Regan drew Gabriel back a step or two from their son, both men releasing the smallest sigh of relief as the other backed away. Taking his wife's arm and threading it through his own, Gabriel met Eli's gaze and asked, "How long do you assume River will be asleep this time?"

Shrugging, Eli told him, "It's not an exact science, unfortunately. River's body is going to heal at its own rate. I would guess she'll be under for at least another six hours. But it could be more, it could be less."

Nodding crisply, Gabriel said, "Fine then." Turning to Simon he informed him, "Your mother and I will be in the hospital's cafeteria. Please come and get us when your sister wakes."

Simon rolled his eyes, not consenting to the man's request nor denying it. Assuming that was the best answer he'd get, Gabriel led Regan away, the woman glancing forlornly over her shoulder for a moment before again looking to her husband.

As soon as they were out of sight and around the corner, Simon let his fist fly, impacting it solidly with the wall in front of him. "Ta ma de hun dan," he muttered violently, his eyes watering as the sting of his knuckles caught up with him.

Watching him carefully, Eli was about to say something, when another voice was heard. "Simon?"

Turning sharply at the sound of Kaylee's voice, Simon gave her an apologetic look, stuffing his now throbbing hand into his pocket sheepishly. Sparing Eli a glance, the older man nodded and said, "I'll be in my office if you need me. I'll be back to check on River in a couple of hours."

Nodding his thanks to the man, Simon watched him go, Kaylee's eyes also following the man down the hall. As he disappeared from view, Kaylee turned back to her husband, her green eyes conveying a depth of sadness and concern that he had seen plenty of times before, but hardly ever directed at him. Normally it was River or Inara or even the Captain who deserved such pity. But now, it was Simon and he found it discomfiting.

"What is it?" she asked quietly. As Simon refused to answer, his eyes focused on the ground, she took a few hesitant steps forward. When he did not back away, Kaylee reached out, gently pulling his still painful fist out of his pocket and wincing as she saw the reddened knuckles, the start of a bruise evident on the two in the middle.

Gently ghosting her fingers along the injured flesh, Kaylee's imploring gaze returned to his face. "Sweetie? What's goin' on?"

Unable to think of anything more coherent to say, Simon finally looked to her and murmured, "It's River."

xoxoxoxo

Mal paced the waiting room anxiously, his constant movement causing Inara's stomach to roil uncomfortably. He'd been pacing since Simon and his parents had disappeared into River's room a little over an hour ago. It pained Inara to see him so agitated, especially when she knew there was nothing she could do to help him. The only person who could ease his fears at this point in time was River and Inara suspected the young woman was still too foggy from her surgery to give Mal any kind of reassurance.

As he swung by her again, Inara reached for his hand, holding it securely in her own and forcing Mal to stop. Turning concerned eyes to her, he dropped to his knees in front of her. "You all right, ai ren?" he questioned quietly, worried that perhaps there was something wrong with the baby.

Offering him a soft smile of reassurance, Inara told him, "I'm fine, Mal. But you have to stop pacing. You're going to wear a hole in the floor." As he blushed, she added, "Besides, it's making me dizzy."

Leaning forward, he dropped a kiss to her forehead, before again sitting at her side with a sigh. "I'm sorry, darlin'. I'm just a bit wound, I guess."

"We're all worried about River, Mal," Inara told him, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"I know, I know," he said dismissively. Staring across the room to where Rafe stood, shifting his weight anxiously from one foot to the other, Mal added, "It's strange though. For the past year or so, the one person on my boat I ain't had to worry about is River." Looking to Inara, he grinned a bit and said, "I don't think I'm likin' this role reversal."

Smirking, Inara was about to form a retort, when he tensed and then jumped to his feet, reaching for her hand and pulling her up. Simon and Kaylee had reentered the room and the three remaining crewmen ascended upon them like predator to prey.

"What's goin' on, doc?" Mal demanded doing his best not to read too much into Kaylee's dejected aura and Simon's tight expression.

"Is she all right?" Rafe asked, his eyes full of concern only a lover could exhibit.

"River is fine, medically speaking," Simon said slowly, gripping Kaylee's hand a bit tighter. She placed her other hand on his forehead, squeezing his elbow slightly as another sign of support and Simon felt a wave of gratitude for her. "She's woken up once and was able to speak and ask questions, which is a very good sign."

"When can we see her?" Rafe's voice had risen in pitch, his nerves constricting his airway and causing his heart rate to speed up.

Taking a deep breath, Simon said, "Not for a while yet, I'm afraid."

"What? Why?" Rafe sputtered, desperation creeping into his tone.

Glancing to Kaylee and Simon and back again, Inara felt a small ball of fear settle in her stomach. Reaching for Mal's arm, she steadied herself against what she feared to be bad news and asked, "What aren't you telling us, Simon?"

All eyes focused on the young doctor then, and Simon felt the weight of their stares. He hadn't wanted to tell them anything, but he feared that keeping the truth from them might only lead to more hurt feelings in the long run. Kaylee had not taken the news of River's memory loss all that well, but with her usual brightness and happy smile, she had put on a brave face and assured Simon that everything would be all right. He desperately wanted to believe her.

"There was an unforeseen complication from River's surgery," Simon said quietly, the tension in the room rising with each word. Glancing to Rafe, Simon had the distinct impression that man was using every once of will power he possessed not to throttle him and so, he hurried on. "Apparently, River's memory was affected."

"How affected?" Mal questioned, his arm finding its way around Inara's shoulders and holding fast.

Taking a deep breath, Simon released it slowly and said, "She doesn't seem to remember the last four years. The last thing she can recall, she and I were at our family home on Osiris, playing chess. We haven't done that since about a month or two before she went to the Academy."

In an instant, all the tension in the room disappeared leaving a vacuum of disbelief in its wake. Rafe's entire body crumpled at this news, his legs refusing to support his weight. He sunk into a nearby chair, allowing his head to fall forward into his hands as he released a heavy breath.

Mal simply gripped Inara's shoulders tighter, his face tight in an effort to show no emotion, his features pale. Inara's hand had gone to her mouth to stifle a surprised gasp, while the other fell to her rounded belly, rubbing gently in a gesture of comfort.

Kaylee leaned into Simon's side, his cheek resting lightly on the top of her head for a moment as everyone tried to form some sort of response. It was Mal who spoke first. "Is this memory loss permanent?" he asked, having heard of short-term amnesia during the war, a condition he'd never been saddled with, but would have gladly shouldered many a time.

Shaking his head, Simon answered, "We don't know. Eli wants to do some more tests, in another day or so. See if he can pinpoint where exactly the misstep occurred."

"So, then you'll be able to fix it?" Rafe asked hopefully, lifting his burning eyes to Simon. "You'll be able to give her memory back?"

Frowning, Simon told him, "Not without possibly undoing everything else the surgery was meant to fix." As Rafe opened his mouth with another question, Simon raised a hand wearily to hold him off. "I honestly don't know, Rafe. And we won't know anything until Eli can do those other tests."

There was silence in the room again and none of them were interested in breaking it. It was just a bit too hard to believe that River, the dear, sweet, crazy girl they had all come to know and love could no longer remember them. Mal's heart beat sharply against his rib cage as the full extent of Simon's words sunk in. She would have no idea who he was. His Albatross would have no reason to so much as give Mal the time of day, let alone want to take up a piloting job on his boat. He was going to lose her.

Pushing that thought away, Mal considered it was probably for the best. A girl like River had never deserved the raw deal the 'verse had thrown at her feet. She'd wanted to dance, wear one of those frilly pink tutus and giggle and talk about boys – now she could. Never mind that Mal wasn't sure what he'd do without her enigmatic grins or meaningful riddles that he could never decipher until days after the fact. Never mind that in a little over a year he'd lost two pilots. Never mind that in a little over a year he'd lost five crewmen – either to death, in the case of Book and Wash, or to life, in the case of Simon and Kaylee. And now, River.

"Simon, I want to see her." Rafe's broken voice cut through the dazed quiet and Simon turned his attention to the young man. Rising, Rafe stood before him and repeated, "I want to see her, Simon, please. I know she'll remember me if I see her. I know it."

The conviction in his gaze was so believable Simon found himself hard-pressed to deny the man's request. Glancing to Kaylee who gave him a small smile, Simon clapped a hand on Rafe's shoulder and told him, "Listen, the next time River wakes, she'll probably be up for a while. I'm going to talk with her for a bit and then I'd like to introduce her to Kaylee. Once we see how that goes, I'll determine whether or not she can meet the rest of the crew."

"Simon-"

"Rafe, don't push me on this," Simon warned quietly. "I'm flying as blind here as the rest of you, but I will not endanger my sister for anything. Regardless of what she does or does not remember, the fact remains River has just had major brain surgery. Her condition is very delicate right now, and I know you don't want to jeopardize her health."

Shaking his head once, Rafe held Simon's resigned gaze for a moment more before stalking from the room quickly. Kaylee took a step towards him, thinking it might not be best for him to be alone, but Mal stopped her. "Ain't nothin' you can say or do to help that boy right now, mei mei."

Nodding reluctantly, Kaylee glanced back to her husband, noting the fatigue that was settling into his features. "Sweetie, why don't we go home? Get some more rest. You're gonna fall asleep on your feet."

"No," Simon told her hoarsely. Clearing his throat, he said again, "No, I don't want –" Glancing over his shoulder, he looked back to his friends and said, "I'm afraid to leave her with just my parents."

"What do you mean?" Inara asked, sharing a concerned look with Kaylee before again looking to Simon.

"When River woke up," Simon explained slowly. "She asked my parents when she could go home." As Mal whistled softly between his teeth and Inara muttered a prayer to Buddha, Simon finished needlessly, "My father is using that as ammunition to get her back to Osiris."

"She can't go with them," Mal told him angrily. "That's just-"

"Trust me, Mal, I have no intention of letting my parents take River anywhere." The tone in Simon's voice was one they had all heard before. It was the same one he'd used whenever anyone, anywhere had ever threatened to come between him and his sister. It was a tone full of strength and resolve. It was a tone that said, "Hurt her and die."

Reaching out to him, Inara squeezed his shoulder affectionately, smiling warmly as his eyes alit to her face. "Don't worry, Simon. I have a feeling that memory of the last four years or no, River won't want to be separated from you."

Sighing heavily, Simon told her, "I hope you're right."

xoxoxoxo


	8. Chapter 8

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 8**

xoxoxoxo

Her head really hurt. As consciousness returned for a second time, River was more acutely aware of her head and the throbbing pain that ebbed through it in intervals of approximately six point eight seconds. While she rationalized that six point eight seconds was better than say one second, River still felt the average was a little low. She'd much prefer this throbbing pain if it came once every minute. Or, better yet, not at all.

Trying to open her eyes proved another challenge River was afraid she wouldn't be up to. With difficulty and a small moan as the bright light assaulted her overly sensitive pupils, River managed to open her lids, focusing on the blank ceiling above. She hoped that she wouldn't be in here long enough to count the holes in the ceiling tiles. She'd never been _that_ bored before.

"You're awake."

A new voice. River had almost no ability to shift her head from side to side, so she settled for sliding her eyes all the way over in their sockets in the direction of the voice, doing her best to bring the speaker into focus. He was noting something on her chart, and River could tell by the white coat he wore that he was a doctor and not a nurse. A doctor, like Simon was going to be. River was having a difficult time discerning any other distinguishing characteristics out of the periphery of her vision, but luckily the doctor finished his charting and stepped more fully into her line of sight.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. River watched him for a moment, taking in the crinkle of his eyes and the lines that creased his face. He was older with graying hair, but those eyes were full of mischief and kindness and River liked him.

"Fuzzy," she murmured. Trying to reach her hand to her head, she stopped the movement almost before it'd begun as her arm burned where the IV pulled. "My head," she whispered, her throat again very dry and almost incapable of speech. "Throbbing."

Frowning softly, the doctor glanced to her IVs and the monitors at her bedside, before noting something else on her chart and then fiddling with a dial or two. In a minute the pain in her head started to recede and River let out a satisfied sigh. "Thank you," she told him, offering him a smile.

"You are very welcome," he answered, grinning in return.

"I like you," she told him, after another pregnant pause. "What's your name?"

The flash of hurt in Eli's eyes was lost on the younger woman and it was probably for the best. "My name is Doctor Butler, but you can call me Eli."

"Have you met my brother?" she asked him excitedly. "He's really smart and he's in medical school. He's going to be a doctor too."

"Is that right?" Eli asked, deciding for the moment to play along. There would be nothing gained by setting River on edge with the knowledge that her brother was already a doctor and a damn fine one – and working for Eli. "What will his specialty be, do you know?"

"I'm not sure," River answered. "He was always fascinated by Gynecology, but father never approved. Probably something really intense, Simon handles pressure well."

Hiding another smirk as Eli filed away the Gynecology tidbit for another day, he asked her, "Is that right?"

With a beaming smile that could probably rival Kaylee's, River explained, "Yes. He's very steady and strong. He never loses his head in the heat of battle." Frowning softly, she added as an afterthought, "Well, except that once."

"It's obvious you love your brother very much." The comment was unnecessary, Eli had known how River felt about Simon and vice versa for a while now. But he was slightly fascinated by this new version of Simon's sister and he found himself curious to her reactions.

"He's always taken care of me," River explained, her face not full of any sadness, just love. "Mother and father care for us, but they don't look after us, it's not their way. So Simon does instead. Well, until he went to Medacad," she finished, her voice showing just a hint of misery.

"How long has he been gone?"

Thinking for a moment, River answered, "Well, he's been in school for almost two years, but he didn't move into the dorms until this past year. That was the worst," she confided. "At least when he still lived at home I could see him, help him with his homework." Eli chuckled softly at this last, but River ignored him and continued. "But when he moved out, it was just me and mother and father in that big house. I got so bored." She sighed and went quiet for a moment, adding, "Plus, I'm too smart for my school. My parents said I could go to private school somewhere." Getting excited, she reached for his hand and gripped it. "There's this Academy that has all these innovative programs, I want to go there the most."

She didn't notice the way Eli's face paled at this retelling, nor did she see Simon and Kaylee standing in the doorway, Simon's hand gripping the door jamb so tightly his knuckles had turned white.

Glancing back to Eli, River frowned and said, "I'm bored. Will you play a game with me?"

"River, I think the doctor has more important things to do than play a game with you," Simon admonished gently, stepping into the room, leaving Kaylee for the moment in the hall. He greeted Eli with a small nod and asked, "And how is my precocious sister doing?"

Smiling to him, Eli said, "Very well, Simon. She's far more alert than she should be, considering she's only been out of surgery for about a day."

Glancing to River, Simon couldn't help but return the bright smile she was favoring him with. "Yes, well, River has always been something of a prodigy." She stuck her tongue out at him at this comment and Simon found his heart lightening by the moment. Could it really be true that his mei mei was back? Not the tortured soul who'd gone to the Academy and had her childhood snatched away, but the young carefree girl he'd left standing on his parents' doorstep a year before she'd entered that wretched place?

Shaking his head to clear the thought, Simon looked to his friend and said, "Thank you for looking in on her."

Eli nodded easily, heading for the door. "At the moment, I'd say River is my most important patient."

At this news, the girl in question beamed brightly. "Come back and visit. We can talk some more."

Eli smiled indulgently to her once more and then was gone. Simon turned back to his sister, feeling the breath escape from his lungs in a rush as she continued to smile wide at him and said, "You have to tell me what's really going on."

Furrowing his brow, Simon tried to maintain his light attitude, taking a seat at her side and holding her hand. "What do you mean, mei mei?"

Frowning at him, River teased, "I'm not a dummy. I know something bad has happened, besides the accident that caused my head to be wrapped up like a mummy." As Simon hid a smirk, River squeezed his hand tightly and said, "Come on, Simon, spill."

Forcing himself to meet her gaze head on, Simon took a deep breath and turned to face her. "River, it's a bit complicated." As her expression did not change and she simply waited for him to continue, Simon forged ahead. "You remember when you woke up before?"

She nodded and he asked, "What's the last thing you remember? Before waking up in the hospital?"

"I told you, silly. We were at home, playing chess and I beat you." Her triumphant smile faded as Simon's features paled. "You can play me in a rematch," River offered, thinking his bruised ego was the source of his worry.

"You'd just beat me again anyway, you super-genius," Simon teased, again smiling and trying to mask his unease. "And what year am I in medical school?" he questioned.

"Second," River told him, rolling her eyes affectionately and getting a spike of pain through her throbbing brain for the trouble. Breathing past it, she pressed him, "Simon, what's this all about? What's happening?"

Taking one more deep breath, Simon decided it was time to just come out with it. "River, when the doctors performed the surgery on your brain, there was some memory loss."

Squinting at him, River demanded, "How much memory loss?"

"A lot," Simon offered lamely, holding up a hand to stifle her exasperation. Holding her hand tightly in his, Simon met her brown eyes and said firmly, "River, the night when you beat me at chess, and I was a second year med student – that was a little over four years ago."

Her eyes widened to almost three times their normal size as Simon's statement sunk in. Four years – four years was an eternity. She'd missed all the major rites of passage of her youth – dances and first kisses and graduation. River had no memory of things, had no idea if she'd gone to the Academy, if Simon had become the most sought after doctor in Capitol City, if her parents had let her go to university to study ballet.

Squeezing his hand urgently, River said, "Simon, four years? You have to tell me everything."

"Easy, River," he soothed, gently resting his hand to her shoulder as her heart monitor recorded an increased rhythm. "You've been through a lot. We need to take this one step at a time."

"Simon." Her tone was plaintive with just a hint of a whine and Simon's own heart cracked a bit as she pleaded him with those wide, imploring eyes. "Please. Four years … There's so much I want to know." And then, she started rattling off her questions. "Did I go to the Academy? Did I graduate? Did mother and daddy finally agree that I could study ballet at university? Did you graduate? Are you the best doctor in Capitol City? Do I have a boyfriend?" At this last, River's features paled a bit, and her voice dropped to a concerned whisper. "Please tell me I've at least kissed a boy."

Stifling a smirk, Simon told her, "Yes, mei mei, I do know for a fact – although I wish I didn't – that you have kissed a boy."

Releasing a sigh of relief, River closed her eyes for a moment and whispered, "Oh, good." She remained silent, her eyes shut tightly and Simon watched her for a moment more. He'd been thinking of what and how to tell her the story of the past four years since he'd found out about her memory loss and he found he was no closer to a strategy than he'd been half a day before.

With another heavy sigh, this one tinged with frustration, River opened her eyes to him, shaking him from his reverie. "I can't remember it," she whispered, sadness in her voice. "I don't remember being kissed."

Leaning over, Simon kissed her cheek lightly and then straightened to smile at her. "How's that?"

Swatting playfully at his arm, River giggled and Simon was certain the 'verse had never produced a happier sound. "Very funny," she told him, wishing that her head would stop pounding. Taking a few deep breaths, she scolded, "You still haven't told me anything."

Sighing, Simon looked to her and said quietly, "There's a lot to tell, mei mei."

"Then what are you waiting for?" she teased with a smile. As she watched her older brother struggle to form words, River let her eyes finally settle on him. Now that she looked closer, she could see the addition of years to his handsome features. Oh, he still looked incredibly young, but there was an aura of strength and resolve in him now that she had never noticed in quite the same way before. Simon had always been brave and kind, but it was different now, deeper, and River found herself fascinated. Her big brother had grown up – and she couldn't remember any of it.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" she asked suddenly, startling Simon again.

His face flushing bright red, Simon stammered, "Ah, well, kind of."

Frowning, River told him, "Simon, you can't kind of have a girlfriend. Unless it's like the time you went with Molly Chen. You went over to her house a lot."

As Simon's blush deepened, River enjoyed the moment of making him uncomfortable. It felt good to tease him, just like old times.

"Okay, okay," Simon said quickly, fixing her with a stern gaze. "That's enough of that." Meeting her gaze, Simon told her, "There is someone in my life who is very important to me."

River's eyes narrowed with interest as Simon rose, heading for the door. Opening it, he smiled again, that big, handsome grin and held out a hand. Another hand grasped it firmly and Simon turned back to his sister with that same smile on his features as he stepped back into the room with a young brunette in tow.

Bringing her over to the side of the bed, Simon resumed his seat by his sister, tugging on the younger woman's hand and bringing her close to his side. Gazing at her for a moment and returning the bright grin she had fixed him with, Simon turned to his sister, and said, "River, I'd like you to meet my wife, Kaylee."

Speechless at the news, River's big brown eyes flashed to Kaylee and then back to her brother. "You're married?" she breathed, a feeling of loss so painful shooting through her gut and causing her to wince.

"Are you all right?" Simon asked hurriedly, catching the discomfort on her delicate features.

Holding up a hand, River held him off and then said, "Yes, yes, I'm fine." She gazed back at Kaylee, noting the woman's hesitant smile. She had green eyes that were full of love and warmth and River instantly could see why her brother had fallen for this girl. She was pretty, not necessarily gorgeous as some of Simon's old girlfriends had been, but beautiful in a completely different way that instantly made River comfortable – even though the knowledge that her brother was married set her on edge.

"Have we met before?" she asked Kaylee, noting the way the woman's eyes darted to her husband's, waiting for his nod of approval before she answered.

"Yeah, River, we have," Kaylee told her quietly, sitting on Simon's knee, her arms around his neck. "I'd like to think we were friends."

"Do you love my brother?" River asked, noting the slight annoyance that flashed across Simon's face. "Sorry, Simon, but if I can't remember then I'm going to have to ask. I can't have you being married to just anybody."

"River." Simon's voice held a warning she had heard before, but Kaylee instantly soothed him with a gentle brush of her hand to his cheek. "It's okay, sweetie," she told her husband, smiling wide at him before looking back to his sister.

"I love your brother very much, River. I have for quite some time now." Reaching out a hand, she covered River's with her own and squeezed it gently. "And I love you too, like a sister."

River believed her. Even though she had no memory of this woman that lasted beyond this five minute conversation, River could read a sincerity in her eyes that spoke volumes. And the way she was with her brother and the way Simon was with her – it was obvious to River that there were deep feelings here, built on love and trust and while River wanted to be jealous that someone had replaced her as the number one woman in her brother's life, she could not muster any resentment towards this kind-hearted girl who smiled so beneficently at her now.

"I'm sorry I don't remember you," River told her quietly, noting that Kaylee's eyes teared a bit at her words. "I wish I did. You seem nice."

"She is very nice, River, and the two of you were very close." Simon's reassurance helped to soothe a bit of River's growing unease. Focusing again on her brother, River listened as he said, "Hopefully, some of your memories will come back and you'll remember Kaylee."

Offering the woman another small smile, River whispered, "I'd like that."

Kaylee smiled back at her, this time a grin that covered her entire face, reaching her eyes and making them sparkle. "And if'n you don't, we'll just make new ones. Don't you worry, sweetie."

Unable not to grin in light of such optimism, River nodded once, getting another stab of pain for her trouble. Simon rose instantly, moving Kaylee to her feet, while he grabbed for his sister's chart. Examining it, he told frankly, "Mei mei, I'm sorry, but I can't give you anything more for the pain. You're already maxed out on meds."

"It's okay," she told him, her voice breathy as pain and fatigue suddenly made it very difficult for her to keep her eyes open. "I'm tired."

"You should be," Simon whispered, returning to her side and squeezing her hand. "It's going to take you a while to recover. I don't want you to push it, mei mei."

"And then we can go home?" she asked softly, knowing she would soon be asleep.

"We'll see," Simon whispered, leaning down to kiss her cheek once more.

"Simon?"

"Yes?"

Forcing her eyes open, she looked to him and asked, "Where are mother and daddy?"

Sharing a hesitant glance with Kaylee, Simon said, "They went to get some food."

"Can you get them?" River's eyes fluttered closed again and so she missed the flash of resentment that flickered across Simon's face. He knew he shouldn't be upset, River didn't know any better. She didn't know that their parents had left her to rot in some twisted Alliance medical lab. But the request still stung him.

"I'll get 'em," Kaylee whispered, squeezing Simon's shoulder reassuringly and offering him a small smile before she left.

River faintly heard the door shut and asked, "Where did you meet her?"

Trying to determine if River was making idle conversation or passing judgment, Simon answered, "It's a really long story, mei mei. And one I think best saved for another day."

"Do you have children with her?"

Frowning, Simon told her, "No. We haven't started a family yet." Watching as River's eyes again flicked open, he questioned, "Why?"

"She's just so unlike the other girls you dated," River tried to explain, guessing as she watched her brother's features pale that she should stop this line of thought, but unable to command her mouth to do so. "I thought maybe you'd had to marry her."

"River." There was that warning tone again, although this time it was laced with something far deadlier. "I don't want to ever hear you speak about Kaylee that way again. I love her and she loves me." His voice softening, he added, "And she loves you very much. Before the surgery, the two of you were very close. I do hope you'll be able to remember that."

"Me, too," River murmured. She couldn't fight it any longer, she could feel the inexorable tug of sleep and she welcomed the blessed and painless peace it would bring. Gripping Simon's hand tight, she begged, "Don't leave, okay?"

"Never, mei mei," he murmured, lifting her hand to his lips and brushing a kiss across her knuckles. "Never."

xoxoxoxo

"Mei mei?"

Kaylee raised her eyes to greet Inara's smiling face and offered her a weak grin in return. She was sitting outside River's room, waiting for Simon to emerge, hoping he would eventually.

Returning Kaylee's grin, Inara sat beside her and asked, "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine," Kaylee told her unconvincingly, her gaze roaming back to the closed door. As she released a forlorn sigh, she added, "Ain't me you should be worryin' on."

Brushing some of Kaylee's hair behind her ear, Inara offered her a sympathetic smile as the young woman turned back to her. "But I am," she insisted, taking Kaylee's hand in her own. "So, how are you?"

"She don't 'member me, Inara," Kaylee said softly, her voice conveying a level of sadness that Inara had not seen too often from her friend. "I mean, she really don't. Simon introduced us like we'd never seen each other before an' that was it. Not even a hint that she knew who I was."

"It's hard, Kaylee, I know." Inara's eyes guiltily drifted back to the waiting room, where she'd left a stoic and non-committal Mal. He'd been particularly tight-lipped since the news of River's memory loss and she could only guess how much it was bothering him. He loved River like a daughter and while Inara knew it would take nothing short of the threat of torture to get him to admit it, he was taking all of this incredibly hard.

As was Kaylee. "But just think, mei mei. Now River won't have to live with the memories of the Academy or Miranda or any of it." Inara had wished many a night after she'd awoken from a nightmare, cold and scared, that she could erase those memories.

"I know," Kaylee sighed. She knew she should be happy for River and for Simon. But she could tell that this unexpected memory loss, that everyone considered a gift, was not all it was cracked up to be. She just couldn't put her finger on exactly how it was bad – but she knew there was a reason. "But, she don't remember Rafe neither," she explained. "The whole reason she wanted to do this was so's they could be together. An' now, she don't even know who he is."

"She might remember." Inara had no idea if that were true or even possible, but she could tell Kaylee needed some kind of hope right now. "Love does funny things to all of us, Kaylee." Sharing a conspiratorial grin, Inara added, "I think you and I both know that."

Returning the grin, Kaylee's gaze drifted to Inara's expanding belly. Reaching out a tentative hand, she touched it gently and sighed. "Yup, I think we do."

Covering Kaylee's hand with her own, Inara told her, "It will happen for you and Simon some day, mei mei. I know it."

Removing her hand quickly, Kaylee rose and paced to the opposite side of the wall, arms hugged tightly around her middle as though they could keep all of her emotions from escaping. "That's what Simon says, too. An' I feel awful thinkin' about it, when we've obviously got bigger problems to deal with, but …" Turning back to her friend, she whispered, "I jus' want Simon's baby so bad."

Rising, Inara placed her hands on Kaylee's shoulders and looked her square in the eye. "You listen to me, Kaylee Tam," she said sternly, the smile on her face easing her tone. "You are the brightest most loving woman I have ever met. And you will be a mother some day. So you just keep hoping and it will happen." Her eyes twinkling with mischief, Inara added softly, "I'd tell you to keep trying too, but something tells me you and Simon don't need that kind of encouragement."

Giggling despite her mood, Kaylee's eyes twinkled in returned. "No, we really don't."

Hugging her friend, Inara wished there was more she could do for her and Simon than offer empty words of encouragement. But at the moment it was all she had to give – and Inara would give them freely.

xoxoxoxo

The following week saw more of the same, the crew of Serenity taking up almost permanent residence in the waiting room of the ICU. While River had asked to see her parents almost every day, Simon refused to leave her alone with them, causing a deep-seated exhaustion to settle into his bones and Kaylee's anxiety for him to rise. She could see how rundown he was becoming, could tell that the stress of River's recovery was weighing more heavily on him than either of them had anticipated. She assumed it was because River had no reservations about their parents any longer, even welcomed their visits. The thought that she might actually choose to go back to Osiris with them made Simon's skin crawl.

Jayne and Zoe returned a few days after River awoke and were filled in quickly. Mal, desperate for something to do, and unable to sit idly by, left Inara's side reluctantly, trolling the port and some of the less reputable dives looking for another job. Inara let him go with no reservation, amazed that he had managed to stay so reserved for this long. Mal was a man of action and at the moment his complete inability to act in a way that might help River was paralyzing him.

Rafe simply sulked most of the day, never straying too far from River's room, never being allowed to see her. Gabriel and Regan had initially put up a roadblock, but it was Simon who kept it there, preventing the young man from seeing his sister. River was still reeling from the knowledge that there was four years of her life missing from her overly bright brain; Simon could not run the risk of agitating her with the knowledge that not only had she kissed a boy, but she'd been in the middle of a serious relationship when she'd undergone surgery.

Eli was back to check on her now, Simon, Regan and Gabriel clinging to the periphery of the room as he and River spoke in low tones. Glancing up after a moment, he caught Simon's eye, drawing the man to his side.

"What is it?" Simon asked quietly, reaching for River's hand and giving it a squeeze of reassurance. Addressing his friend, he asked, "Is she all right?"

"She's better than all right," Eli assured. "The swelling has actually receded faster than I anticipated. I'd like to schedule a few of those follow-up scans we talked about."

Glancing from his sister to his friend, Simon prompted, "But?"

"I don't want them," River told him softly, drawing all of Simon's attention to her.

Sitting beside her, Simon's concern rose as River's large brown eyes begged him silently. "Please don't make me sleep again."

The statement so reminiscent of only a little over a year ago made Simon's breath catch in his throat. Pushing away the memory, he told her, "You won't have to sleep, mei mei. You can do the tests and still be awake. Didn't Doctor Butler tell you that?"

Nodding once, River said, "I'm scared and I don't know why." As her eyes darted nervously around the room, she murmured, "This place, something about this place." Looking to her brother anxiously, her heart rate skyrocketed as she shrieked, "I shouldn't be here!"

Her raised voice and the concerned beeping of the monitors watching over her, drew Regan and Gabriel quickly to her side as Simon tried to soothe her. "Mei mei, shh. Calm down, you're all right." Gently he cradled her face in his hands and locked eyes with her as Eli moved off to his left, administering a smoother that would knock her out.

"Hands of blue," she murmured in a raspy whisper as the medicine entered her blood stream, forcing her into unconsciousness almost immediately.

Staring open-mouthed, Simon gaped for a minute, shocked by what he'd heard. "What happened?" Gabriel demanded, looking first to his son and then to Eli for answers. "What's wrong?"

"She's remembering," Simon murmured, his heart refusing to believe what his mind wished wasn't true. Glancing to Eli he said, "The memory loss, it isn't permanent."

"We don't know that, Simon," Eli assured quickly. Looking to the Tams, he added, "River's been through a highly-invasive and delicate procedure. It's quite possible her body was simply reacting to some of the medication or suffering a bit of post-surgery stress. There's no reason to believe she's not going to be fine when she wakes."

As Regan's concerned gaze studied her daughter's sleeping form, Eli looked back to Simon and said, "I'd really like to perform those tests now."

Nodding, Simon rose and looked to his parents. "Eli's going to need your consent to conduct some follow-up tests." Without another word, he headed for the door as his mother called, "Simon? Sweetheart, where are you going?"

Waving her off, Simon rushed from the room, gulping in a huge breath of air as he staggered into the hallway. He couldn't handle this back and forth; one minute River was fine, the girl from his childhood and the next she was the crazy young woman he'd rescued from the Academy. The juxtaposition had almost killed him before, when they'd first been on Serenity and his days and nights had been filled with nothing but a desire to cure her. He hadn't wanted to believe this week that she was really back to normal, if only because he knew the sight of her reverting to her old ways would rend his heart – and he'd been right.

But how could he not believe it? She'd been laughing and teasing with him, playing and beating him at chess as if none of the horror from the past four years had ever transpired. Of course, to her it hadn't and while Simon could still remember the fear of that time, he was more than relieved that his baby sister could not.

"Simon?"

Turning at the sound of Kaylee's voice, Simon didn't say a word, choosing instead to hug her fiercely, wrapping his arms tightly about her shoulders, burying his face in her hair. Kaylee held him back just as tight. She had learned not to ask questions when Simon was so obviously on edge. When he was ready to talk to her, he would, that was his way. So for now, she would offer him the comfort he needed, whether it be a hug, a warm meal or just an ear to listen.

Running her hands up and down his tense back, she murmured, "She'll be okay, Simon. It's all gonna be okay."

Simon desperately wanted to believe her. He didn't have the strength not to.

xoxoxoxo


	9. Chapter 9

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 9**

xoxoxoxo

Kaylee watched the slow rise and fall of River's chest as she continued to sleep. It had been a little over three days since she'd reacted so terribly to the hospital and all of them were relieved she hadn't had a repeat episode. Kaylee had finally convinced Simon to get some rest, only able to get him as far as his office where he could at least catch a few hours of sleep and still be close. She'd promised to stay with River, to watch over her – and be sure that Regan and Gabriel were never alone with her.

In truth, Kaylee wasn't so sure Simon's diligence in regards to his parents was necessary. It was obvious that River would cross the 'verse for her ge ge. Kaylee knew that if Simon asked her to stay with them on Sihnon while she continued to recover, River would do it, no questions asked. However, Kaylee could understand Simon's concern that his parents might try to entice River with memories of home. Simon had no doubt his parents would stoop to bribery to get their daughter back to Osiris. And that was why Kaylee was to remain on guard.

Pulling her from her thoughts, Kaylee sat forward in her chair as River stirred, moaning softly as she opened her eyes. "It's so bright," she murmured, raising a shaky hand to shield her face. Rising quickly, Kaylee snapped off the overhead lights, returning to River's side and turning on the bedside lamp, casting a rosy glow over the room.

Sighing with relief, River looked to her and smiled. "Thank you."

"I ain't too keen on bright lights when I first wake up either," Kaylee confided, smiling at her.

River returned the grin and then let her eyes scan the room. "Where's Simon?" she asked, trying not to panic at his absence.

"Oh, he's sleepin', sweetie," Kaylee assured. Noting the slight look of unease that crossed her features, she asked, "Did ya want me to get him?"

Forcing herself to breathe normally, River shook her head, grateful when the movement didn't cause pain. At least the past week's worth of healing had aided that. "No, I know he's been up around the clock since my surgery. He needs rest." Smiling again, she added, "Besides, now we can get to know each other."

Returning the smile, Kaylee told her, "That sounds like a plan."

xoxoxoxo

Simon approached his sister's room, feeling better, although not precisely well-rested after his six hour nap. He hadn't meant to be gone so long, but it appeared his body was not quite up to the task of operating on no sleep – a cosmic design flaw if Simon ever saw one.

Rubbing a hand over his eyes and trying to clear the residual bit of sleep from them, he paused with his hand to the door of River's room as he heard the oddest sound – laughter. Pushing the door open, he was confronted with Kaylee and his sister, both red-faced from laughing so hard.

"An' then, he tol' me, he actually climbed on the statue …" Kaylee was continuing the story between giggles, having a hard time catching her breath and getting the words out.

"And he was naked?" River questioned, breathlessly, her hand holding her stomach as it hurt so much from laughing.

"Okay, I think that's enough," Simon said loudly as he entered the room and startled them both. Approaching his wife, he placed a kiss to her lips as he asked, "Why do I get the feeling that story started with me and an obscene amount of sake and was going to end with me singing to a police officer?"

Stifling another laugh, Kaylee grinned. "'Cause it was."

As all three of them laughed, Simon studied his sister, so relieved to see happiness on her features. She looked relaxed for the first time in years, and he'd had no idea how much the sight would ease his own anxiety.

"Uh, Simon?"

Turning, Simon caught sight of Rafe standing hesitantly in the doorway, his hands nervously fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Moving swiftly to him, all vestiges of his previous good humor gone, Simon pushed him back into the hall and whispered, "You're not supposed to be here."

"Simon, please." Rafe hadn't wanted to beg, but he was at his wit's end. No one had allowed him to see River for almost ten days and while he had respected her family's wish to make sure she was recovering, he could no longer take the separation. "I need to see her."

Glancing over his shoulder, Simon told him, "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why?" Rafe asked.

"She has no idea who you are," Simon told him again, trying to ignore the pain in the younger man's eyes. Simon had diligently tried not to imagine himself in Rafe's shoes, because if he did, any reason he gave for keeping the man from his sister was completely ridiculous. "And in all honesty, she may be eighteen years old, but she remembers fourteen and that's it."

"I ain't gonna hurt her." Rafe bristled at the implication, his initial demeanor fading into one of steely resolve. "I would never hurt her. I just wanna see her. I know she'll remember me."

"No, you don't. You just hope she will." Simon released another heavy sigh.

He was about to turn Rafe away, preparing himself for the punch the younger man would no doubt swing at him, when he heard River's voice float through the door. "Simon, who is it?"

Holding up a hand, Simon told him sternly, "Wait here, I mean it." Getting a reluctant nod from the man, Simon reentered his sister's room and told her, "Mei mei, there's someone who'd like to see you. Do you feel up for having a visitor?"

Shrugging, River exchanged a quick look with Kaylee and said, "I guess so."

Turning back to Rafe, Simon warned, "Do anything to hurt or upset her and I will throw you out of this hospital."

Meeting Simon's harsh gaze with a hardened one of his own, Rafe stepped past the doctor and took a moment to stare at River. Her features were no longer pale, her cheeks glowing a bit, no doubt from her visit with Kaylee. The top of her head was still wrapped in gauze, the rest of her dark hair fanning out on her pillow.

Swallowing thickly, he nodded once to Kaylee as the woman rose and headed back towards the doorway where her husband stood nervously. "Come on, sweetie," she said softly, taking his arm. "Let's give 'em some privacy."

Shaking his head once, Simon said, "No, I'm staying." As Kaylee gave him a surprised look, Simon elaborated, "I'm sorry, Kaylee, but she has no idea who he is. And all Rafe knows at this moment is that he loves her. It makes for a fairly potent conversation."

Nodding once, Kaylee stood at his side, her arm around his waist and her head on his shoulder as the two observed the encounter at the other end of the room.

River's eyes had locked with the young man's as he'd entered. She could read the nervousness coming off of him in waves and it raised her curiosity. Why would he be so anxious to see her? He was fairly handsome, bright blue eyes and blond hair, although his face looked a bit haggard as though he wasn't eating right or sleeping, maybe. Once he'd reached the side of her bed, still staring, River greeted him. "Hello. Who are you?"

"Ah," Rafe stammered for a moment, the bright, happy sound of River's voice startling him a bit. "Ah, I'm Rafe."

"It's nice to meet you," River said automatically, years of manners kicking in. Frowning softly, she corrected, "I'm sorry, have we already met?"

"Yeah," Rafe said hoarsely, sinking slowly into the chair Kaylee had vacated. "Yeah, we've met."

As he offered no further information, River studied him. "Were we close?" she wondered, watching as his features paled a bit at the question.

"We were datin'," Rafe admitted softly, his eyes snapping to River's face to read her reaction. He watched as her features widened in surprise and then quickly settled back into a look of slight apprehension.

"How long?" she asked, her voice much softer than only moments before.

"About seven months," Rafe answered, finding it so much easier to answer these easy questions than to push out all the other things he wanted to say. Studying her intently, he reached tentatively for her hand, resting his own atop it, waiting for her to pull away. When she didn't, he released a relieved sigh and asked, "Do you remember?"

Squinting, River did her best to memorize his face, analyzing every line, every feature. She did her best to process this information through her memory banks, but there was nothing. No recognition to accompany this man and give credence to his claims. Shaking her head slightly, she told him, "No, I'm sorry."

"Try." Rafe's voice was stuck between a plea and a command and River flinched slightly at the odd tone. "Please," he added quietly, squeezing her hand a bit more urgently.

Releasing a deep breath, River closed her eyes for a moment, searching for information she knew she didn't have. She didn't remember him and while she could tell that what was not what he wanted to hear, she had no other answer. After a moment, she again looked to him and said, "I'm sorry."

Rafe's eyes were full of sadness and it tugged at River's heart. She could see that this man cared deeply for her, but she had no knowledge of him. Holding his gaze steadily, she found her heart rate speeding up as he raised the hand he held to his lips and kissed it.

Startled and uncomfortable, River pulled away from him abruptly. "Please go," she whispered, not meeting his eyes, knowing they would be full of even more grief.

Standing uncertainly, Rafe backed away from her and pleaded, "River, please." As she still refused to look at him, he whispered, "I love you."

Tears welled in her eyes at his words, but with the harsh bite of reality Rafe knew they were tears of fright, not recognition. "Simon?" she called out, her eyes looking past him to find her brother.

Shooting Rafe a look that could have frozen lava, Simon hurried to his sister's side, taking her hand. "It's okay, mei mei."

Kaylee followed her husband, placing a hand on Rafe's arm, trying to lead him away. "C'mon, Rafe, let's go for a walk."

He looked ready to argue, ready to refuse to leave the room until River remembered him, but with defeat written all over his features, he shrugged off Kaylee's hand and exited quickly, leaving the three of them to stare at the space he'd vacated.

"He said he loved me," River whispered, her eyes staring at the now empty doorway. Swallowing hard, her voice dropped to the smallest whisper as she asked, "Is it true?"

Holding his breath for a moment, Simon struggled for what to tell her, again deciding the truth was the best. "Yes."

Biting her lip, River's eyes widened before closing as she rasped, "Do I love him?"

"You did." Simon was dazed by his own words. As a brother, he could barely believe that he was encouraging his sister to remember her relationship with the slightly older mechanic. However, as Simon, the man in love with a wonderful woman, he wanted to believe something similar was possible for River.

"Rafe's a good man, sweetie," Kaylee assured, sitting on River's other side and getting her attention. "The two o' you met about seven months ago and it was lust from first sight." As Simon sputtered, Kaylee's grin only grew more wicked as she told River, "Well, that's what you told me."

"But I love him?" River asked, trying to ignore the flush to her cheeks that Kaylee's words had caused. She could not deny that Rafe was handsome, despite his tired appearance. "And he loves me?"

Nodding, Kaylee told her, "He ain't been further than ten steps from this hospital room since you been in here. He loves you more than I think he's ever loved anybody an' you love him too."

"Is everything all right?"

All three of them glanced to the door as Regan and Gabriel appeared. Regan entered first, moving to her daughter's side as she added, "We saw Rafe leaving in a hurry. He looked upset." Glancing back down to her daughter, she added, "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"Yes, mother, I'm fine." In truth, River's heart was still beating a bit wildly, her mind reeling from this new information. Glancing to her brother, she called, "Simon?"

Rounding the bed, he stood behind Kaylee, reaching across to cover River's hand with his. "What is it, mei mei?"

"I want to go home," she confided, her voice tired and weak. "Can we go home now?"

Swallowing hard, Simon looked hurriedly to his father, noting the smug look on his features and silently cursing him for it. "Well, River you-"

"Of course, you can, darling," their father said grandly, moving to place his hands on Regan's shoulders while smiling benevolently at his daughter. "We'll make the arrangements to head back to Osirs."

Frowning, River looked to her brother and to Kaylee. "You're coming, right?"

Shaking his head once, Simon told her, "No, River, we can't. We live here. And I am eventually going to have to go back to work."

Her frown deepening to a scowl, she squeezed her brother's hand and told him, "I want to stay with you and Kaylee."

"River-" Gabriel intoned, his voice full of warning.

"Daddy, please." River turned those huge brown eyes on him, ones that had filled with tears and begged, "I've missed Simon so much. I can't be away from him now. Please understand."

There was no way Gabriel could deny such a heartfelt request from his daughter, no matter how much he longed to get her back home where she belonged. The last thing he wanted to do was alienate the child, especially after it appeared that he and Regan were just starting to get her back.

"Is that all right?" River asked, first Simon and then Kaylee. "I mean, I don't want to inconvenience you."

"You put that thought right outta your head," Kaylee told her, her smile genuinely relieved as she realized how much more relaxed Simon would be with River back under their roof. "Don't you worry 'bout a thing. We got plenty o' room."

"We want you there, mei mei," Simon told her softly, his heart singing with relief.

Returning both of their smiles, River turned back to her parents, the unspoken question in her eyes. Sighing heavily, Gabriel acquiesced. "Of course, dear. Whatever you want."

As River and Kaylee began to talk animatedly about the fun they could have once she was out of the hospital, Simon shared a cold, calculating look with his father knowing that this discussion was far from over.

xoxoxoxo

"River's going home tomorrow," Inara said quietly, as the hovercar rumbled through one of Sihnon's luxurious neighborhoods. Glancing to Mal out of the corner of her eye, she noted the tight lines of worry etching his handsome features. Easing forward, she rested her chin on his shoulder, following his gaze out the window. "Fascinating, huh?"

"What?" Started slightly, Mal turned to her, giving her a weak grin as he wrapped his arm about her shoulder. "I'm sorry, darlin'. I guess I'm a mite distracted is all."

"She's going to be fine, Mal." Inara wished he'd agreed to see River. Simon was still reluctant to introduce her to all the members of the crew, especially so soon, but he had told Mal that if he wished, he would make an exception for the captain. However, Mal had refused the invite; whether it was fear for her condition or fear of her reaction was uncertain. "She's going home with Simon and Kaylee tomorrow."

"That's good," he murmured absently. "It'll be good for her to be outta that hospital. Surrounded by folks who love her."

"Like you do?" Inara questioned softly, not a bit surprised when Mal's blue eyes flashed to her, a bit of hurt flickering in them. Caressing his cheek with her hand, Inara added, "It's okay to admit it, Mal. I know you love her like a daughter. I know this isn't easy for you."

Taking the hand she'd placed to his face, Mal kissed her fingertips lightly and then released a sigh. "I know I should be happy for her," he admitted, tipping his head back against the seat. "But, I jus' can't help feelin' like I lost somethin' precious." Another sigh and then, "It hurts, 'Nara."

Snuggling into his side, Inara murmured, "I know."

They sat in silence for the rest of the short ride to her parents' mansion. When Lili had called Inara the day before asking that she and Mal come for supper, Inara had done her best to get them out of it. But her mother was not to be ignored and so they had reluctantly agreed to come for dinner. As the car lumbered to a stop, they both sighed, sharing a look and the thought that they didn't want to be here.

Stepping out of the cab first, Mal turned and offered Inara his hand, steadying her as she stepped onto the graveled drive with a hand to the small of her back. Smiling softly at her, he asked, "You feelin' okay?"

"Yes, your son and I are just fine," she told him. Despite all of the craziness with River, Mal had continued to be the most attentive partner a pregnant woman could ever ask for. "However, I'm just as anxious for this to be over as you are. So we might as well get going."

Chuckling softly at her pragmatism, Mal kissed her hand before threading it through his arm and leading her towards the front door. "I do like the way you think, darlin'."

xoxoxoxo

"Don't think for a minute this is over."

Simon took a deep breath and counted to ten before turning to face his father. The older man was glaring at him with barely contained rage and Simon wondered why he was surprised. Gabriel Tam had never been a gracious loser.

Returning to River's discharge paperwork, Simon said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You damn well do." Gabriel was on him in a second, whirling Simon around to face him, their faces only inches from each other. "You think you've won. You think that since River has chosen to stay with you, your mother and I will just sulk back home with our tail between our legs." As Simon's mind searched for a suitable retort, he added, "She is _our_ daughter, Simon."

"And I'm your son," Simon whispered vehemently, shrugging out of his father's grasp and standing to his full height. "And yet you abandoned us both when things got tough." As Gabriel's eyes continued to burn with rage, Simon asked, "What makes you think you have any control over us any longer?"

"You should both be ashamed."

Regan's harsh tone startled them and they took a step away from one another as the woman entered the room, lowering her voice. "Aren't things tense enough without the two of you fighting at every turn? River knows something is wrong," she added, getting guilty looks from both her husband and son. "I thought the entire idea was to ease her recovery, not make it worse."

"Of course, mother," Simon said quietly, looking to her. "I'm sorry. Father and I just needed to get a few things out in the open."

"You needed to have a pissing contest apparently," Regan muttered, getting shocked looks from them both. "Oh, please, you've both said worse and in my presence, so don't look so scandalized." Turning her attention fully to her son, she placed her hands on his shoulders and said, "Simon, I am saddened that River would rather spend time with you than your father and I, but I can't say I'm all that surprised. The past four years aside, the two of you have always been close. She's always felt safe and protected with you and that's what she needs right now." As Simon released a sigh of relief at her words, Regan's tone became sharp as she added, "However, do not think for a moment that this is your opportunity to turn your sister against us. We do love River, and we want what's best for her. And even you have to admit her returning to Osiris might just be in her best interest."

The color drained from Simon's features at his mother's words. He knew of course that she was right, but he didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to think about River disappearing from his life again. He'd spent almost every waking moment with her for the past two years, how could he just let her slip away again?

Swallowing hard, he did his best to push that thought from his mind. His mother was right – regardless of his role in River's salvation, he and his sister had always been more than close. They had been basically inseparable as children, and Simon had always looked after her. He'd been the one to care for her when she was sick, the one who read stories to help her sleep, the one who hugged her when nightmares woke her screaming. Nothing could change that, Simon was certain.

"Kaylee and I really need to get her home," Simon said, finishing the papers and handing them to the nurse who had discreetly left the bickering family alone. Smiling his thanks to her, Simon turned back to his parents. "I just want what's best for River. As long as that's what you want too, then it's all going to work out."

Regan gave him a nod before bestowing a light kiss to his cheek. His father's expression was still unreadable and so Simon simply nodded to the man before slipping out of the admissions room and heading back to his sister. It was the truth, he only wanted what was best for his sister. However, Simon knew that didn't involve his parents.

xoxoxoxo

"Mother, dinner was delicious. Please have Maritza send me that recipe," Inara commented, rubbing her belly idly as she and Mal sat side by side in her parents' parlor. Dinner had been wonderful, the food tasty, the conversation fairly light and Inara found herself glad that they had come. Her parents were going to be the grandparents of her baby after all; it would make things so much easier if the rift between them wasn't quite so wide.

Settling into Mal's side, she sipped her tea and smiled at him as he conversed with her father. Catching the grin from the corner of his eye, Mal squeezed her shoulder slightly, bringing her just a bit closer to him and Inara sighed at the gesture of familiarity and comfort.

As Lili assured Inara that she would be sure to send along the recipe, she shared an expectant look with her husband, Edward's conversation with Mal having lulled into a comfortable silence. Cocking an eyebrow over the rim of his cup as he took a sip, he nodded and murmured, "All right, all right. Calm down."

Exchanging a look with Mal, Inara sat forward again and asked, "What is it? Is everything all right?"

Beaming, Lili regarded her daughter and told her excitedly, "Oh, Inara, everything is perfect, simply perfect."

"Yes, we have some news," Edward elaborated, looking from his daughter to Mal.

"Well, we've been runnin' a might short on good news lately," Mal intoned, squeezing Inara's hand. "So's how about you share?"

"Absolutely, after all, this is really wonderful news for the two of you." Lili could barely contain her excitement. Had her words not set Inara on edge, she might have found her mother's anxiousness amusing.

Furrowing her brow, Inara questioned hesitantly, "What do you mean? News for us?"

"Well, your mother and I were thinking that with a baby on the way, you and Malcolm are going to have to be making some life changes." Edward turned his attention to the other man and continued, ignoring or oblivious to the paleness of his daughter's face. "Malcolm, it seems a man of your talents would be highly useful to me in my organization. I've got a wonderful, high-paying and safe job waiting for you at Serra Enterprises, soon as you're ready to take it."

"Father," Inara hissed, rising swiftly, her tea spilling over the side of her cup as she jostled it. "This is completely inappropriate."

With a confused gaze, Edward looked to his wife and then addressed his daughter. "How so?"

"You can't just assume that Mal's going to give up his entire way of life because of our baby," Inara explained hotly. Sparing a glance to Mal she noted the blankness of his features and felt her stomach drop at the sight. "Mal and I are grown adults who are more than capable of caring for our own child."

"But Inara, dear, this job would cut down on the amount of traveling Mal has to do." Lili was trying to reason with her irate daughter, her own heart rate speeding up as she recognized Inara's unhappiness. "Caring for a baby is a full-time job and you'll be grateful for the help when he's planet side."

Sinking back onto the couch, Inara thought for sure she had just entered an alternate reality. And why wasn't Mal protesting all of this? "Planet side?" she asked quietly. "Mother, what are you talking about?"

"Well, you can't live on the ship with a baby, so you'll be settling on Sihnon. And if Mal is still captaining Serenity, it's going to take him away from you and the baby for weeks at a time, maybe even months. You don't want that, do you?"

Closing her eyes, Inara took several deep breaths, letting them out slowly and trying to control her anger. Finally, she opened them to regard her parents and said as calmly as possible, "I am flattered that you are so concerned about us and your grandchild. But Mal and I have no intention of leaving Serenity or being separated. We are a family. Where he goes, I go too, and so does the baby."

Rising, she looked to Mal and said, "I think we should go."

Starting slightly as if waking from a nap, Mal brought his eyes to her face and rose as well, taking her hand. "Yes, o' course." Turning back to her father, Mal extended a hand and shook Edward's firmly. "That's a right generous offer, Mister Serra. But 'Nara speaks for us both. I won't be needin' it."

Nodding once, Edward told him, "It was simply an idea. Lili and I meant no disrespect."

"I know that," Mal assured. Glancing back to Inara's scowling countenance, he added, "An' I'm sure Inara does too. Ain't that right, darlin'?"

Forcing a smile to her features, she answered, "Of course. But next time, why don't you ask us first, before you go planning our future?"

"Duly noted," Edward assured, leaning forward to press a kiss to his daughter's cheek.

"We'll see you soon, won't we?" Lili asked nervously, worried that she and Edward had just inadvertently undone all the progress they'd made with their daughter.

"Of course, mother." With a weariness in her bones, Inara leaned a bit more heavily against Mal and told her, "I'll be in touch."

xoxoxoxo

Mal was absolutely silent on the ride back to their apartment and his quiet was unsettling. Inara had tried to ask him a few questions, had even ranted a bit about the audacity of her parents, but nothing seemed able to draw him out of the reticent shell he'd constructed. With a sigh, Inara had finally stopped trying.

Upon reaching their place, Inara headed for the bedroom, feeling more tired than she had since the start of her pregnancy. Changing into a nightgown and robe, she brushed out her hair and removed her make-up, still fuming silently about her father's offer. How could he have just taken something like that upon himself? Her father and mother both had acted as if Inara and Mal were completely incompetent. Didn't they know that this baby was the most important thing to them?

"You coulda just told me that was what you wanted."

Startled, Inara jumped slightly at the sound of Mal's voice. Turning on her stool, she furrowed her brow and asked, "Shen me?"

Sighing, Mal entered the room and sat on the bed facing her. "You din't need to have your folks go through that whole charade. If you want to settle so bad, you shoulda jus' told me."

Her confusion growing by the minute, Inara turned to face him fully and said quietly, "Mal, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't want to settle."

"So your folks just came up with that whole idea on their own?" Mal's tone was biting, his eyes no longer devoid of emotion, but instead full of hurt and a bit of anger. "Your pa just randomly decided to go an' find me a nice, safe desk job?" As Inara struggled to find words, shocked by his accusation, he added, "You're tellin' me they thought that up all on their own?"

"Yes," Inara said firmly, her own gaze blazing with a bit of anger at his implication. "Mal, I never once hinted to my parents that we would consider leaving Serenity. You have to know that."

"I don't know anythin' anymore," he grumbled, rising to pace an agitated path across the room from her. "All I know is I lost my pilot, my crew's pullin' jobs without me an' the mother of my child wants to settle on some core world an' turn me into a mindless drone."

"I do not," Inara shouted, standing quickly, fists bunched at her sides. "Malcolm Reynolds, don't you dare accuse me of such a thing. I would never ask you to give up Serenity or the life you love. We just talked about this no more than a few weeks ago. Don't tell me you've forgotten already?"

"Oh no, I didn't forget," Mal retorted, heading for the door. "But maybe you were jus' playin' me, layin' the trap so I'd take the bait."

Reaching for his arm as he passed her, Inara whirled him to face her. "Mal, why are you saying these things?" When he didn't have an answer, she demanded, "What has gotten into you?"

"Cabin fever," he shot back, shrugging out her grasp. "I'm going out," he called to her, stalking towards the door in a huff.

Screwing up her face with anger and annoyance, Inara charged after him. "Malcolm Reynolds, don't you dare-" She stopped abruptly just a few steps down the hall as a sharp pain shot through her abdomen. Bracing herself against the wall with one hand, Inara took in a deep breath as another pain hit her, her other hand cradling her belly. Squeezing her eyes shut, Inara prayed silently, _Please don't let anything happen to my son, please._

"'Nara, you gonna finish that tirade or are ya-" The rest of Mal's taunt died on his lips as he came back into view of the bedroom and caught sight of Inara's pale and shaking form. Frozen with fear, he stood staring, his eyes widening with panic as she lifted her face and whispered, "Mal?"

Rushing forward, Mal's arm was around her in an instant. Cradling her against him, he asked, "Can you walk, darlin'?"

Nodding once, she didn't have the energy to speak, and so she simply leaned against him. Reaching to take a tentative step back towards the bedroom, she cried out as the movement brought a sharper stab of pain directly to her gut. Doing her best to breathe through it, she murmured, "Mal, the baby."

"He's gonna be fine, darlin'," Mal told her, scooping her up and into his arms as gently as possible. "He's made up o' you an' me, two of the stubbornest people in the whole dang 'verse. He ain't goin' nowhweres."

As he settled her against the covers, Mal turned to get her some water, but Inara's firm grip on his hand stopped him. "Don't leave me," she begged, a light sheen of sweat breaking out across her forehead as more pain came.

"Never, ai ren," he murmured, sitting at her side. Watching her closely as her eyes fluttered closed and she continued to breathe deep, Mal was paralyzed with fear. He had no idea what to do, however as Inara cried out again, his course of action suddenly became very clear.

Collecting her into his arms again, Mal ignored her slight protests. "We're goin' to the hospital, darlin'," he whispered, pressing a kiss against her hair. "You jus' hold on tight to me, all right? You gotta keep, lil' Charlie safe."

"Charlie?" Inara murmured. Lifting her head from his shoulder, she frowned at him softly and said, "I don't think so," before another wave of pain hit her and she had to concentrate to breathe.

xoxoxoxo


	10. Chapter 10

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 10**

Xoxoxoxo

River stood hesitantly in the doorway to what was apparently her room. She eyed her surroundings carefully, noting the rare personal touch she had added to the space. It was well-appointed, a nice, fluffy bed prominently positioned in the center with a satiny purple spread on top. Taking a step forward with Simon's help, she directed him towards the closet, opening the door to see a few dresses hanging there.

Frowning at them, she reached out a hand and ran her fingers over the flimsy material. "These aren't mine," she murmured.

"Of course they are, mei mei," Simon told her, gently leading her towards the bed and sitting her down. She'd already been on her feet way too much today; he needed to get her resting. "But we can get you some new clothes, if you'd like. I'm sure Kaylee would love to take you shopping."

River smiled faintly at the mention of the young woman. "I'm sure she would," she agreed, as she laid back against the soft pillows, allowing Simon to fuss over her. "But that's all right, I don't need anything."

"Well, if you think of something, you let me know, dong ma?" Simon busied himself with making her comfortable, tucking her in, dimming the lights in the room to a soft glow. When he was sure she was settled he sat at her side and gave her a smile. "All set."

Reaching out a shaky hand, River's fingers ghosted over Simon's face, tracing each feature as if trying to commit them to memory. Simon held still, allowing her exploration, aware of the similarity to another time not so long ago when she had needed constant reassurance that he was real. "I'm glad I'm home," she finally murmured, her hand falling to the bed as she felt her exhaustion take over. "You are my home, Simon," she murmured, wishing she could open her eyes once more but finding it impossible.

She smiled faintly though as she felt her brother press his lips to her forehead and murmur, "And you're mine. Sleep tight, mei mei."

xoxoxoxo

"Kaylee, what is it?" Simon emerged from his sister's room to find his wife pacing nervously in their living room.

"Oh, sweetie, is River okay?" she asked hurriedly, coming to him and squeezing his hand in her own.

"Yes, she's fine, she's sleeping." Studying her eyes intently, Simon saw fear there and took a step closer. "Kaylee, what's happened?"

"It's 'Nara," she told him, her voice threatening to break as her anxiety for her friend rose. "She was havin' some real bad pains an' the Cap'n took her to the hospital."

Simon's own worry rising for both of their friends, he asked, "Are she and the baby all right?"

"They don't know yet," Kaylee confided. Holding his gaze for a moment more, she told him, "I know you need my help with River, but I really think-"

Smiling softly at her, Simon pressed his lips to hers gently, before pushing her towards the door. "Go. River and I will be fine."

"You sure?" Kaylee asked, not at all certain she should abandon her husband now.

"I'm absolutely sure," he assured. Hugging her quickly, he told her, "Inara needs you and I'm guessing Mal does too. So go. I'll be here when you get back."

Sighing against him, Kaylee allowed herself to take comfort in his arms for just a minute, before pulling away and fixing him with a grin. "All right, but I want you to try an' get some rest while I'm gone, dong ma?" Resting a light hand to his cheek, she added concernedly, "You've been running yourself ragged, Simon."

Taking her hand, he kissed it and told her, "I'll be fine. Just hurry back."

Flashing him another grin, Kaylee headed out, leaving Simon with only his worry for company.

xoxoxoxo

Kaylee hurried down the corridor towards the room number the Captain had given her. She had done her best on the way over not to dwell on the thought that Inara might lose her baby. It wasn't good to think that way. So instead, she had muttered every prayer she'd ever learned, including a few just to the Shepherd and kept hoping.

Rounding a corner, she caught sight of the Captain leaning wearily against the wall, looking for all the world like Atlas. Rushing up to him, she rested a hand to his arm and called, "Captain?"

Snapping his head up to meet her gaze, Mal offered her a wan smile and sighed. "Hey there, lil' Kaylee." Wrapping her into a quick hug, he pressed a kiss in her hair and asked, "What're you doin' here?"

Swatting his arm playfully, she answered, "Don't go playin' dumb with me. I knew the minute you called I needed to be here, for you an' Inara." Glancing to the closed door, she asked, "Is she-"

"Doc's in with her now," Mal stated quickly, not at all interested in Kaylee finishing that question. He didn't need anyone voicing his greatest fear.

As if on cue, the door opened and Doctor Chen emerged, a relieved smile on her features. "She's going to be fine, Captain. And so is the baby," she assured him. Nodding in the direction of the room, she added, "You can see her now."

Nodding his thanks, Mal shot a quick grin to Kaylee before he entered the room, closing the door.

"Ah, Doctor Chen?" Kaylee called as the woman gave her a quick smile and then headed to attend to other patients.

"Yes, Kaylee?" She turned, folding her arms across her chest.

"I was wonderin' if maybe you might have a free minute to talk," Kaylee asked hesitantly. The relief she felt that Inara was fine had receded fast and now Kaylee was again left with the reminder that she still wanted a baby.

Gesturing to two chairs against the wall, the doctor waited until Kaylee was seated and then asked, "What did you want to talk about?"

Swallowing hard, Kaylee rubbed her sweaty palms against her thighs and then blurted, "There's gotta be a way to help nature take its course."

Smiling at the young woman, Doctor Chen commented, "Still not pregnant?"

Shaking her head once, Kaylee said, "An' I wanna be so bad." Waiting for a second, she finally asked, "Ain't there somethin' I can do?"

Reaching for her hand, Doctor Chen gave it a light squeeze. "I think there is." Pulling out her prescription pad, she scribbled something and handed it to Kaylee. "Take this down to the pharmacy and have it filled before you go home. Take one in the morning and one at night until you run out."

Holding the slip of paper gingerly, Kaylee breathed, "What is it?"

"Hormones," the other woman answered easily, rising. "Just something to help nature along." Sharing a grin with Kaylee, the doctor headed down the hall. Folding the paper carefully in half, Kaylee slipped it into her pocket, her heart light for the first time in months.

xoxoxoxo

Mal hadn't yet found the courage to speak. As soon as he'd entered Inara's room, he'd seen the pained expression on her face, the fear that still haunted her eyes at the close call they'd had and all he'd been able to do was sit beside her. She made room for him on the bed, and so he sat with his arm around her, her head pillowed on his shoulder, her hand clutched in his just over his heart.

Pressing a kiss into her hair, he finally murmured, "I am a mean ol' man who don't deserve you." Inhaling a deep breath, he added, "Ai ya, 'Nara, I am so sorry."

"It's okay, Mal. The baby and I are both fine." Edging a bit closer to him, she whispered, "Please don't blame yourself." Releasing a heavy sigh, she murmured, "I know the doctor said we were both fine, but …" Trailing off, she lifted her eyes to his and Mal's breath caught in his throat as he saw tears welling in those brown orbs. "I'm so scared, Mal," she finally breathed. "I can't lose this baby," she added softly before a small sob broke fear.

Tightening his hold on her, Mal pulled her close and whispered, "You ain't gonna, 'Nara. Doc just said we needed to take it easy, so that's what we'll do." Kissing her forehead, he added, "You an' the lil' butterball are gonna be fine. You got my word on that."

"I love you," she whispered, her breath warm against his neck as she buried her face against his shoulder.

"Not more than I love you, darlin'," he responded quietly.

xoxoxoxo

_She was so cold. Teeth chattering, skin like ice to the touch, River curled herself into a ball, her knees drawn up just under chin. Why was it so cold? And so dark? Where was she?_

_With a flash of brightness, she was floundering, naked and scared and searching for something – anything – familiar. There were voices in her head, ones that didn't belong to her, memories she shouldn't have and she cried out at the intrusion, at the pain, at the agony._

"_Simon," she panted breathlessly, trying to catch her breath, trying to find her brother. "Simon?"_

"_I'm here, mei mei." And he was. He was kneeling in front of her, his warm arms holding her close, protecting her, keeping her safe from prying eyes, from strangers, from the voices in her head._

"_Simon."_

"I'm here, mei mei," Simon said again, and River felt the tug of something else. "Wake up. It's all right."

With a jerk, River's eyes snapped open and she became alert, the chill of the dream still on her skin. Snuggling under the covers even more securely, she glanced up and caught sight of her brother sitting beside her, pushing some of her sweat-stained hair out of her face. "You all right?" he whispered quietly, holding one of her shaking hands between his own.

Nodding, River swallowed a few times before she could find her voice. "I was dreaming."

"So I gathered," Simon commented easily. Offering her a small smile, he asked, "Do you know what you were dreaming about?"

Shaking her head, she answered, "No. I was cold and it was dark and …" Her voice trailed off as she floated back into the dream. Where had she been? Closing her eyes and trying to will the image into her mind, it coalesced suddenly and with a gasp, she asked, "Simon, have we ever been on a ship?"

"When we were younger," he answered, resisting the urge to tell her about Serenity. "We used to go traveling with mother and father, remember?"

"Kind of," she told him. The ship in her dream had not been the luxury passenger liners she'd been so familiar with in her youth. It had been dirty and grimy, but homey as well.

"Do you want me to give you something to help you sleep?" Simon offered, pulling River's thoughts back to the present.

Shaking her head once, she yawned and told him, "Nope, I'm shiny." In another minute she was once again asleep, leaving Simon to stare. Did she even realize what she'd just done? His sister had never said shiny before she'd met Kaylee, and he doubted in the week the two of them had become reacquainted that she had again picked up the phrase.

Rubbing a tired hand over his eyes, he sighed heavily. What if she was remembering? Would it be better for her to remember in bits and pieces, flashes of memory that didn't add up or should he just tell her all he knew? Simon was working without a net and he was unaccustomed to the free fall. He wanted to know what to do, how to keep her safe and healthy; how to keep her sane. But he didn't. He only knew how to love her.

_Please let that be enough._

Gazing at her for a moment more, Simon kissed the hand he held before gently placing it back under the covers. River moaned contentedly in her sleep before rolling over and nestling deeper under the covers. Smiling softly at the familiar sight, Simon rose and backed out of the room in silence, shutting her door with the barest click as the knob caught.

Resting his forehead to the door, Simon released another heavy sigh and then tensed as he felt warm, sure hands slide up his back to his shoulders. As Kaylee began kneading the tense muscles there, he murmured, "That feels good."

"Well, that's the idea," she told him, standing on her tip toes to pepper his neck with kisses.

Goosebumps pebbling his skin at her touch, Simon turned, grabbing Kaylee about the waist and pulling her tightly to him. Crushing his lips against hers, he plundered her mouth with abandon, his tongue seeking out her warmth, his teeth nipping at her full lips and teasing them apart.

Sighing into his mouth, Kaylee's fingers wove through the silky strands of his hair, as she rolled her hips against his, getting a feral moan to sound deep in his chest. "Kaylee," Simon breathed against her skin, as he backed her clumsily towards the living room and down the hall to their bedroom, never once pulling his lips from hers.

"Hmm?" she murmured, continuing to kiss her husband senseless.

Reluctantly, pulling his mouth from hers, Simon's desire-filled eyes locked onto Kaylee's and he whispered with a grin, "I intend to make love to you until you are too sore to walk."

Desire pooling instantly between her thighs at the sound of his voice and the intent behind his words, Kaylee pulled herself flush to him once more and kissed him fiercely. "You better not be makin' a promise you can't keep, Simon Tam."

Grinning against her mouth, Simon's only answer was to haul her up against his body. Kaylee dutifully wrapped her legs about his waist, continuing to kiss him as he carried her to their bedroom, closing the door behind them.

xoxoxoxo

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

With a thinly veiled sigh, River turned to regard her parents with a wan smile. "Fine, mother, really." Glancing to her brother where he stood across the room, agitation rolling off him in waves, she smiled even wider and said, "Simon's been taking good care of me." As Gabriel grimaced, the young woman added, "Kaylee too."

"You ain't been a spot of trouble," Kaylee assured, beaming at her sister-in-law even as she kept her hand firmly in Simon's grasp. Every time his parents so much as breathed in River's direction, he would squeeze her hand for all he was worth. The tension that had seeped back into his skin even after their enthusiastic nights of lovemaking all week caused Kaylee quite a bit of alarm. She was worried that if Simon didn't learn to let go soon, for good, he was going to snap.

"Well, sweetheart, it's good that you're doing so well here," Gabriel interjected, smiling to his daughter with genuine warmth in his eyes. "The sooner you get better, the sooner we can take you home."

Stiffening, Simon's eyes blazed as he ground out, "Father-"

But raising a hand, River cut him off and addressed her parents. "I don't want to leave Simon or Kaylee, not yet, maybe not ever." As Gabriel's eyes clouded with something akin to rage and Regan's features paled, River continued sternly, "And both of you need to adjust to the idea that I may not go back to Osiris with you."

"But River that's your home," Regan implored her, squeezing her daughter's hand tightly in her grasp.

Smiling patiently, River shook her head slightly and corrected her. "No, mother, I don't think it is." Pausing, she took a deep breath and then said something she had hesitated to mention all week, even to her brother. "I may not remember the past four years, but I do know that I feel more at home with Simon and Kaylee than I ever felt on Osiris."

The swell of relief and joy Simon felt at River's words was stymied by the harsh glare his father fixed him with. Rising, he pointed an accusatory finger at his son and ground out, "We warned you-"

Kaylee had already stepped between the two men hoping to avoid any kind of altercation, but it was once again River's soothing voice that stilled them. "Simon hasn't told me anything, father." Glancing to her mother, she added quietly, "It's just a feeling."

Gabriel was still staring his son down, the redness of his face giving the distinct impression that were he capable of it, his ears would be spouting steam. Regan gazed at her daughter a minute more, before turning and speaking softly. "Gabriel."

With reluctance, her husband pulled his eyes from Simon. "Let it be," Regan intoned quietly, before pressing a kiss to her daughter's cheek and rising to leave the room. All of them watched the woman go, River's face contorted with anguish as she felt her mother's emotions spike. Kaylee moved to River's side, leaving the two men to continue staring one another down.

Taking a step forward, Gabriel lowered his voice to a whisper and muttered, "Don't you dare make this any worse than it needs to be." Darting his eyes to the door his wife had just exited through, he added, "Can't you see how much this is killing her?"

Glancing furtively to River, whose expression was a mixture of sadness and conflict, Simon retorted, "Can't you see how much this is killing _her_?"

Gabriel followed his gaze, his features softening at the look on River's face. Backing down almost immediately, he murmured, "We'll be back tomorrow," before hurrying after his wife. Giving River a quick kiss, Kaylee followed telling Simon, "I'll see 'em out."

Simon felt a swell of gratitude for his wife as she quickly exited the room, before he hurried to his sister. "You okay?" he asked, still concerned as her brown eyes burned with a bit of pain. When she didn't answer, he asked anxiously, "Are you in pain, mei mei? I can give you something."

She shook her head once. "Simon?"

"Yes, mei mei." He could tell it would be bad, whatever she was about to say. Her eyes, for the first time since her nightmare over a week ago, had filled with tears. He watched her lower lip tremble and knew she was just a moment from breaking down. Edging closer to her, Simon embraced her gently. "It's okay, mei mei," he whispered into her hair, swallowing back his own fear at her obvious despair. He couldn't bear to see her in pain.

"I don't know them anymore," she whispered frightfully, her willowy arms holding Simon with deceptive strength.

Rubbing her back soothingly, he whispered, "What do you mean? They're our parents."

Swallowing thickly, River wished she could order her thoughts coherently so her brother could understand. "They're not," she repeated instead, not missing the tension that coursed through Simon's limbs at her words. "Not anymore." Pulling back from him, she held his gaze with her intense brown eyes, intent on making him understand. "We're on our own." Clutching hard at his shoulders, she begged, "Please don't send me back with them. Please don't."

Tugging her back against him, Simon held tight as she shook violently. Fearing she might be having a seizure, he leaned back far enough to be sure she was all right, before hugging her fiercely again. "I won't leave you, River," Simon promised. "Shh, I'm here."

River squeezed her eyes shut, unimpeded tears falling in tracks down her pale cheeks. She didn't trust her parents anymore. At first, River had assumed her trepidation to be the result of post-surgery confusion, but now that fog was lifted and River could feel so many things. Emotions she didn't know how to deal with; emotions she wasn't even sure were hers. But they were there all the same, causing her heart to thud uncomfortably against her ribcage.

With Simon she felt love and a connection to something warm, a safety that her parents countermanded whenever they were near. In contrast, her parents were on edge, hesitant and, River was almost certain, afraid.

The return of Kaylee brought her sunshine back within reach, infusing River's heart with joy even as her fear refused to be ignored. Opening her eyes, River found Kaylee frozen in the doorway, staring at the siblings, her lips rounded into an "oh" that was part worry, part surprise.

Beckoning the girl forward with one hand, River could sense her reluctance to join them. However, she came all the same, placing a light hand to Simon's shoulder.

He jumped involuntarily and then offered his wife a weak grin as she sat beside him. Rubbing his back gently, Kaylee reached her other hand to River's cheek, wiping away some of her tears. Smiling softly, she teased, "Jeez, I leave you two alone for five minutes …"

River smiled for Kaylee's benefit as did Simon before resting his head on Kaylee's shoulder with a tired sigh. Laying her cheek against his soft hair, Kaylee began to hum softly, a tune River recognized but couldn't place. Simon's eyes remained closed for a moment before he forced himself back into the role of husband/brother/protector. Opening his icy blue eyes, he smiled softly at Kaylee before brushing a kiss to her lips, swallowing the next line of the song.

"Love you," she whispered as he pulled away.

"Love you," he repeated softly, stroking one finger down her cheek.

River watched them, the loving feel of family flooding her. As she watched her brother and Kaylee interact she knew this relationship had been forged in fire, strengthened by an adversity that gave it the solid foundation she could see beneath. But she couldn't remember the details. They were like drops of water, hanging precariously on the edge of a faucet only to drip to the sink below before her mind could catch them.

"Day is a vestigial mode." River's murmur brought Simon and Kaylee's eyes instantly to her face. Unfocused, she fell back against her pillows, lost in a vague memory that only held emotion and laughter.

Reaching a tentative hand towards her, Simon touched her cheek and asked, "River? What did you say?"

Her eyes searched for understanding, scouring her mind for the missing pieces. There was a fireball with laughter and the smell of incense.

There was space, wide and vast, and the dustiness of a port.

There was folk music and dancing and men with strange accents …

berries … guns … hair … symbols …

wild men … dead bodies … plastic dinosaurs … flowery shirts …

Simon … Kaylee … Rafe …

Inhaling sharply, River's eyes cleared in an instant. Barely able to breathe, she stared at her brother and whispered, "Simon, what is Serenity?"

xoxoxoxo


	11. Chapter 11

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 11**

xoxoxoxo

"Simon, let's take a bit of rest 'fore the others get here."

Shaking his head stubbornly, Simon kept his eyes glued on his sister's sleeping form, even as Kaylee ran a gentle hand up his shoulder. Leaning against him, she sighed softly, following his gaze and then whispered, "She's gonna be all right."

"I used to think that." Simon sighed heavily, amazed at how tired he felt, how old. Watching River struggle to put together the pieces of her memory drained him in a way few things had before. He felt her desperation as her eyes darted wildly about, seeing nothing but the random assortment of images that flashed in her mind's eye. He knew it was disconcerting and he knew that without answers, there was the very real possibility he would lose his sister to insanity all over again.

Kaylee turned to regard his set profile, her heart pounding sharply as she saw the despair in his face. He thought he hid it well, thought that no one could really tell what he was thinking or feeling, but Kaylee had learned to read him, maybe not as well or as thoroughly as River, but she could still see the strain on his features, read the exhaustion in his stance and it pained her.

"She will be," Kaylee whispered with a confidence she didn't really feel. Standing on her tiptoes, she cupped Simon's cheek and pressed a kiss to his face, smiling slightly at the feel of his day-old stubble scratching her lips. "You need to shave, Doctor Tam," she teased, sighing as he wrapped an arm around her waist, refusing to let her leave his side. "Can't be havin' a scruffy husband."

Smiling, Simon pressed a kiss to her hair and whispered, "I thought you liked me scruffy."

Before she could continue the tease, the door chime sounded and they both tensed. "Here we go," Simon murmured, reaching forward and shutting River's door quietly before following Kaylee out to the living room. As she let in Mal and Inara, Simon took a deep breath.

Mal's features held a look of trepidation and anger and Simon wondered how often in the past he'd seen that combination on the older man; probably far too much. Inara walked gracefully at his side, her hand covering her belly, a gentle smile on her features.

"She all right?" Mal demanded, dispensing with pleasantries.

Simon grimaced inwardly. He'd hesitated to explain anything to his friends, wanting to wait until they could see River for themselves, but calling them in the middle of the night and asking for a visit required some level of information. Which, of course, had only set Mal on edge.

Nodding, Simon took Kaylee's hand as she came back to his side. "Yes, she's sleeping now."

"What happened, Simon?" Inara asked, doing her best to overcompensate for Mal's rudeness by being polite.

"I'm not – we're not sure," he admitted. As the door chime sounded again and Kaylee moved to answer it, Simon invited his friends to sit, stiffening as he saw his very agitated mother and father enter the room, Rafe following close behind.

"Where is she?" Gabriel demanded, anger evident in the way his gray eyes blazed at his son.

Holding his ground, Simon answered evenly, "Resting, Father. She's fine."

"Then the why the hell are we here?" Everyone's eyes snapped to Mal as his bitter outburst took them by surprise. With a fury raging in his blue eyes, he took a step closer to Simon and ground out, "You've been more than protective of her, an' I can understand that – to a point." His voice lowering even further, the slightest bit of a plea colored his tone as he said, "But I – we – only want what's best for her, Simon. Let us see her."

Holding the other man's blue-eyed gaze, Simon nodded once and then swallowed hard. "I will," he stated softly, allowing an extra moment of quiet to pass between him and the captain so Mal would understand. As Mal got the message, his body visibly relaxed and he took a step back towards Inara, helping her sit as Eli was ushered into the room by Kaylee, Jayne and Zoe on his heels.

"Is everything all right?" Eli questioned, his eyes darting from Kaylee to Simon. "You were a bit vague on the wave."

"Everyone, please sit down." Simon waited until his friends had taken their seats, a smile gracing his lips as he watched Kaylee exit the room and then return with tea and coffee on a tray. She might feel useless in this Core lifestyle, but Simon often found himself amazed by how well she took to it.

As their expectant gazes once again alighted to his face, Simon took another deep breath, clasped his hands behind his back and began to explain. "The reason I called all of you here is because earlier tonight, River – well, she seemed to remember something." Glancing pointedly to Mal, he added, "She actually asked about Serenity."

There was no mistaking the small bit of pride that puffed out Mal's chest at this realization and Inara gripped his hand a bit more tightly as they waited for Simon to continue. Across the room, his parents had turned the palest shade of white anyone could remember seeing, while Rafe's gaze never strayed far from the hallway where he knew River's room to be.

Looking to Eli, Simon told him, "I think it's time we started reintroducing the crew to River. Something tells me if we don't, her mind's going to start making connections anyway."

"You cannot be serious." Gabriel sprang to his feet, his face now reddened with anger as Regan studied her lap. Stalking towards his son, he peered into his eyes and spat out, "You self-serving, pompous ingrate. How dare you-"

"You'll be wantin' to take a step back there, Mister Tam." Mal's tone brooked no room for refusal and Gabriel swiveled his head to take in the Captain's menacing glare as he inserted himself between father and son. Simon simply stood resolute; his father had long ago lost the ability to intimidate him, as well as the right to do so.

The room fell silent, tension settling upon all of them like an electric current. Inara and Kaylee shared furtive glances while Zoe eyed the Tams and then the crew with her usual detached countenance. Jayne grunted something unintelligible, while Eli reserved his gaze for Simon. Rafe continued to stare after River.

As his father resumed a tense stance at his mother's side, Simon swept his eyes to Mal, giving him a curt nod of thanks, before continuing. "Father, River isn't stupid. If we don't fill in the blanks for her, she might do it for herself and-"

"And that could be far more damaging than anything," Eli finished for him, rising to stand beside Simon, a hand resting on his shoulder. "I think, given this new information, it would be advisable for River to be reintroduced to the crew. However, it's going to have to be a slow process. We don't want to overwhelm her – her body and her mind has been through enough."

As if on cue, River's gut-wrenching scream pierced the air.

xoxoxoxo

_There was folk music playing, a fiddle and maybe a viola and River felt free. There was a sun in the sky and flowers around, and the feel of soft grass under her clunky combat boots. She couldn't feel the ground or the dirt, but she could see it and smell it and it brought a smile to her lips._

_Standing at the edge of the planked stage, River watched as the dancers swirled about, their movements gay and lively. She counted the beats in her head, the dance unfamiliar, but her training and her intelligence made any step easy enough to mimic. She waited until the music reached the bridge and then she threw herself into the current of choreography, grasping her pink skirt and swishing it about her knees. Pirouetting in boots was not easy, but the drive to join in, to be a part of something possessed her._

_She swept along from one young partner to the next, and soon she was panting from the exertion. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so wide and she wanted to keep dancing forever. Stopping abruptly, she felt her hands bound behind her and looked into the night sky as she felt the heat of flames licking at her legs. Glancing down and to her right, she saw Simon's pained face, the start of a bruise blossoming on his cheek and she smiled at him, remembering some of her joy from dancing earlier in the day._

"_Daddy will come and take us home," she reminded him once more, not missing the flash of pain in his eyes as he tried to bury a memory he thought she shouldn't know. But she did. She knew their father – their real father, had abandoned him and her, had left River behind and cast Simon out. But that was all right. She hadn't been referring to Gabriel Tam._

_As the rush of air from Serenity hovering above whipped her hair about her face, River turned her eyes up to the sky and closed them, taking a deep breath and almost choking on the stench of stale alcohol and body odor. Eyes popping open, she ducked just fast enough to avoid a sloppy swing from an assailant three times her size, simultaneously planting a roundhouse kick on another man's lower back and knocking him unconscious. Reaching for another man's gun as she punched someone else to the ground, she whirled, aiming for Mal. He was in her sights and River could feel the pressure on the trigger as her finger silently implored her to squeeze._

"Daddy!"

Despite the residual pain in her head, River bolted upright in bed, panting so hard, she saw stars behind her eyes. Shaking, she tried to push her sweaty hair off her face, running the back of her hand across her forehead and pulling it away damp with sweat and fear.

Crying softly, River kicked her blankets off, trying to stand and failing as the adrenaline coursing through her faltered. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she glanced up at the sound of rushing footsteps and was greeted by first Simon and then her father and mother. As Simon rushed to her side, and Gabriel reached out to touch her shoulder, offering the comfort he thought she'd called for, River saw another face and felt the slightest hint of relief.

Launching herself from the bed, she pushed through her family and flung herself into Mal's arms. They tightened around her in a second, smoothing a strong hand through her hair and down her back, as River wrapped her arms around his waist. Burying her tear-stained face into his chest, she inhaled deep and felt more of her fear leave her as she recognized the familiar and comforting smell.

"You're okay, lil' one," Mal soothed, his lips whispering against her scalp. "It was jus' a dream. I'm here."

Gabriel's initial anger at watching another man comfort his daughter, a man who she had called 'daddy' faded as he saw how natural and easy Mal was with River. Bile burned in his throat as envy at the relationship surged through him.

Inara had wrapped her arms around Kaylee, the two women hovering just outside the doorway. Mal spared a quick glance to Inara, who offered him a watery smile. She knew this was what Mal had been missing – the chance to help River, to be there for her when her monsters got too scary. Inara did not have words to describe how grateful she was that he had gotten his moment.

Rafe backed away quietly down the hall and Zoe followed. As he came back into the living room, Jayne looked up from where he was cleaning his fingernails with his knife. "Moonbrain all right?" he asked casually, as if River hadn't just screamed bloody murder.

Unable to answer, Rafe's head pitched forward into his hands and he let out a shuddering breath. As Zoe placed a supportive hand to his shoulder, he jumped at the touch. "She's gonna be all right," the first mate reminded him, wondering if the boy had ever looked worse.

"No thanks to me," he grumbled, and then, without another word, he rose and left hurriedly, unable and unwilling to be so close and yet so far from River at once.

"What's his deal?"

Jayne's utter lack of concern floored Zoe. Rubbing a hand over her tired eyes she told him, "Nothin'. But maybe you could do somethin' useful an' make sure he don't end up dead. Somethin' tells me he's gonna be lookin' for a fight. Or, at the least, a chance to get good an' drunk."

"Ooh, booze," Jayne answered, grinning wide. In a second, he'd followed Rafe out the door. Sighing heavily, Zoe took another moment and then headed back towards River.

Simon was beside her now, River's arms still wrapped firmly around Mal's torso. Laying a gentle hand to his sister's shoulder, Simon smiled at her as she turned her blotchy face to him.

"River?" Simon questioned, glancing up to Mal and then back to his sister. "Do you know who this is?"

Swallowing hard, River glanced over her brother's shoulder, catching sight of her father's concerned and irate countenance. Confusion quickly flooding her again, River backed up a step as her wide, brown eyes turned to regard Mal. He smiled at her softly, but the look did nothing to assuage her disorientation. She'd been calling for her daddy and when this man – this weathered and kind man – had appeared before her, it had just seemed like the most natural thing in the world to seek solace in his embrace. River had known intrinsically that he would protect her; he had done it before and would do it again.

But as she met his blue eyes, full of love and pain, she couldn't place them or his face with a name. Shivering, she backed further away, wrapping her arms about herself. "Simon," she whispered, turning frightened eyes to her brother. "Simon, what's happening?"

Before her brother could reach her, River's eyes had flicked across everyone's faces, and she found more fear charging through her. "Who are you?" she croaked hoarsely. As they all shared worried looks, she raised her voice and shouted, "Who are you?"

"River, it's all right," Simon soothed, reaching for her, but moving with a familiar, if recently absent, speed, his sister charged around to the other side of the bed, wedging herself into the corner.

Pointing an accusatory finger at her parents, their expressions pale with horror, she accused, "You left us. You turned Simon away. You left me to die." As Regan opened her mouth to deny it, River's attention had already turned. Focusing back on Mal, her expression softened just a bit as she whispered, "I want to remember you. You helped me and Simon." As tears welled in her brown eyes and spilled unimpeded down her cheeks, she rasped, "But I don't know you. I can't …" Her voice faltered as sobs came. Clutching at her hair, River pulled hard, wailing at both her own dismay and the pain the motion caused. "I don't know what I'm saying," she moaned, sinking into a heap on the floor. "I never know what I'm saying."

Simon had reached her by now, his own anguish at her obvious misery buried under layers of both brotherly responsibility and doctorly detachment. "Mei mei," he whispered quietly, gathering her to his chest as she continued to mumble incoherently.

As he continued to soothe her, rocking her slightly and whispering words of comfort, the rest of the crew snapped themselves from their daze. Kaylee quietly ushered them from the room, giving Inara a look as Mal refused to move.

Sliding her hand into his, Inara squeezed it gently and whispered, "Come on, Mal. There's nothing more we can do right now."

Swallowing thickly, Mal nodded once and followed her outside, leaving Simon, River and Eli behind. For once, even Regan and Gabriel came without hesitation and Mal thanked Buddha for small miracles.

His arm around Inara's waist as they slowly walked back to the living room, he felt her tense a second before she actually stopped, her hand against the wall for balance. Fear gripping his heart, he paused with her and asked hurriedly, "Ai ren, what is it? You all right?"

Taking a deep breath, Inara placed her hand to her swollen belly and let a smile grace her features. Meeting Mal's concerned gaze, she didn't say a word, simply replaced his hand with hers and waited. In less than a second she saw a light pass through his eyes.

"Was that-" he breathed, hardly able to believe it. "Was that the baby?"

Nodding, Inara's smile deepened. "Apparently, he's as strong as his father."

As Mal's smile grew into a look of dumbfounded astonishment, Inara raised herself on her tiptoes and brushed a kiss to his mouth. The light touch snapped Mal from his reverie and he gathered Inara against him, pressing a more furtive kiss to her lips. "I love you," he whispered softly as they parted, their foreheads resting together.

Running her fingers down his cheek, she whispered, "I love you, too." Waiting a moment, she added, "And so does River. She'll remember you, Mal. I know it."

Unable to disagree with her as the act would more than likely break his heart, Mal simply nodded, taking her hand from his face and kissing the palm. Without another word, he led her back down the hall, trying to remember the joy of the new life they had created and forget the sadness of River's life as it was seemingly falling apart.

xoxoxoxo

"We're taking her back to Osiris." Gabriel Tam's voice was not raised in anger, simply strong with conviction.

"You can't," Kaylee breathed, her stomach falling away as she realized how devastated Simon would be if his parents insisted on taking his mei mei away. "She ain't well enough yet. Besides, River belongs here with me an' Simon."

"You aren't even a blood relation," Gabriel shot back, unable to keep his frustration in check. "And Simon has done more damage to River in the past three years than anything else." As the man rolled his eyes, he missed the warning look that Zoe shot to Mal as the Captain and Inara reentered the room. "I mean of all the places he could have taken her, he signs onto some derelict transport with a bunch of criminals? And he blames _us_ for all that's happened to her? Incredible."

"What's incredible is you not bein' able to see the truth in anything." Kaylee's eyes blazed with fury. She had tried, really she had, to give Simon's parents the benefit of the doubt – she had even counseled her husband to do the same, thinking that it was in Simon's best interest to let bygones be bygones. But Kaylee was done with that now. Gabriel and Regan Tam had treaded upon her kind nature one too many times and she was through. "If it hadn't o' been for Simon, River'd more 'an likely be dead. Or a cold blooded assassin. Don't you dare go blamin' Simon when he's sacrificed so much of himself for her."

"Yes," Gabriel drawled, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Running his gray eyes judgmentally up and down Kaylee's form, he sneered, "He's obviously made quite a few concessions since he left high society."

Unaware that the Captain was standing just behind him, Gabriel was unprepared for the man to turn him about, fisting his hands into his shirt and shoving him against the nearest wall. Lowering his face to within inches of Gabriel's, Mal bit out, "You'll be wantin' to apologize right this minute."

Eyes wide and mouth gaping like a fish, it took Gabriel a minute to find his voice. "Of course, I'm sorry," he muttered, less than convincingly, but apparently good enough for Mal.

As the Captain let him go, Gabriel straightened his shirt, glancing to Regan whose eyes had filled with disgust. Shaking her head once, she murmured, "That was uncalled for."

"It doesn't change the fact that River belongs back on Osiris," Gabriel countered, hoping his wife might side with him. "She's only getting worse."

"You can't take her away from Simon." Kaylee's voice was low, but her eyes burned with conviction as Gabriel glanced back to her. His face colored as he thought of his awful statement. It was obvious the girl was special and kind and had treated Simon and River both with love and respect. And like a fool he'd just given her another reason to hate him. "He won't survive that, Mister Tam, you know he won't. An' neither will River."

"Or any o' the rest o' us," Mal concurred, waiting until the elder Tam turned to face him. "You can pretend all you want that we're no good for River, but that girl is a part of our family, as ragtag and criminally-minded as it may be." When Gabriel continued to stare, at loss for what to say, Mal plowed ahead. "That girl means more to me than you can rightly begin to understand. I ain't sayin' you don't got a right to be concerned, she is your flesh an' blood, but she's also her own person, able to make up her mind same as other folk."

"Like she did when she called for you." He'd meant the words to be biting, but instead they sounded defeated and pathetic. Dropping his eyes to the floor, Gabriel let out a heavy sigh, and suddenly felt very, very tired. "She considers you a father."

Mal had never quite been all that comfortable with River calling him "daddy," but if he really thought on it, if he really indulged that bit of his heart where she resided, he knew it was only right – because he considered her a daughter. "That may be so," Mal commented, resisting the overwhelming urge to stick it to the other man, River's actual father. "But it don't change the fact that I ain't her blood kin. Although in this instance, I think all o' us know what's better for her than you do."

Gabriel wanted to refute that claim, but he couldn't. Glancing over to Regan, he noted that her earlier anger at him had faded, replaced instead with sadness. "She's our daughter," he whispered finally.

"Maybe, but she's our family an' we've seen her through a lot," Kaylee informed him. "She ain't the girl you sent to that Academy, an' she ain't never gonna be."

Stifling a sob, Regan clamped a hand over her mouth, turning and fleeing towards the kitchen to avoid anyone bearing witness to her breakdown. Casting a sympathetic glance to Mal, Inara followed the distraught mother from the room.

Taking a step as if to follow, Gabriel instead released another sigh. "What's happened to my family?"

"You din't trust 'em." All eyes turned to regard Zoe as the woman finally spoke, her voice quiet, but demanding. "You stopped trusting your kids, two people I might add who are way smarter than you. You din't believe in them an' they learned to believe in themselves. They grew up an' you weren't there to see it."

"We have a new family, father. I know that hurts you, but it's the truth."

Gabriel slowly lifted his gaze to meet Simon's as he reentered the room, Eli just behind him. His son's young features were pulled tight with worry, but also with determination. And maturity – the Amazon woman was right. Gabriel's children had grown strong and confident and he had missed it all.

Taking a cautious step towards Simon, Gabriel asked, "Is she all right?"

Nodding, Simon glanced to Eli and let the other man explain as he moved to Kaylee's side and hugged her tight. "She's going to be fine. I've sedated her and she should be asleep for at least the rest of the night." Sighing, Eli took a deep breath and added, "I don't think I need to explain to any of you how distraught or fragile she is right now. All of this," he motioned towards the room, encompassing the anger and tension that radiated throughout. "It's not doing her any good." Heading for the door, he told them, "Figure it out and settle it. River's mind can't take the stress, not now."

All respectably chagrined, the remaining family and crew studied their shoes intently in the minutes immediately following the doctor's departure. As Kaylee held Simon close, her head resting against his shoulder, Gabriel approached the couple and said as calmly as possible "Your mother and I want to take her home."

Taking a deep breath, Simon released it slowly and said just as calmly, "No. Not until she's healed a bit more and not until she gives her consent." Gabriel opened his mouth to protest, but Simon stopped him. "That's my final answer, father. You heard River in the hospital – she wanted to stay with Kaylee and I. Until she tells me differently, she's not going anywhere."

He wanted to argue the point, but it was the middle of the night and Gabriel Tam was quickly realizing that in the face of such fierce loyalty to his daughter, he and Regan might not actually stand a chance. Nodding once, he backed away and then said, "Please call us if there's anything we can do." Simon nodded, as Gabriel turned and was greeted by Regan standing in the doorway to the kitchen, a weak smile on her features.

As Inara moved back to Mal's side, a silent question written across her face, Gabriel addressed the room. "We do love her," he said quietly, wishing the words didn't sound so pathetic. Meeting Simon's gaze, he added, "We love you both."

The parents left in silence as no one had the slightest idea what else to say.

xoxoxoxom


	12. Chapter 12

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 12**

xoxoxoxo

Rafe downed another glass of whiskey, wincing as the acidic liquid burned his already sensitive throat. The tears he'd cried on the way here had left his throat raw and exposed and the alcohol did nothing to soothe the pain.

It did nothing to drown the even bigger ache in his heart either; the one where River was. This new version of her he didn't know and it was becoming more and more apparent that she did not want to know him. The grief was worse for Rafe than if she'd died; at least then he could have mourned and moved on – now, he was stuck watching her drift farther and farther away from him, paralyzed with the knowledge there was nothing he could do.

The feel of a heavy, meaty hand on his shoulder jolted Rafe from his memories. Glancing up with a sluggish gaze, he frowned mightily, before turning back to the bar. "Get outta here, Jayne."

The hulking mercenary pulled up the stool beside him, signaling the barkeep to refill Rafe's glass and bring him one as well. "You ain't honestly thinkin' you can get me to leave a bar, are ya?" As Rafe only scowled in return, Jayne shook his head and added, "'Cause that's just plum crazy."

Rafe watched the bartender put down another full shot of whiskey before him and with a vengeance he snatched the glass, some of the amber liquid coating his fingers. Licking them hurriedly, he chugged the rest of it back and slammed the glass down with a hard clank. Swaying on his feet, he wagged his finger in Jayne's face and slurred, "If I'da wanted company, I woulda asked."

Shrugging, the merc took a long sip, enjoying the smoothness of the liquor. "Ain't no never mind to me, I'm jus' followin' orders."

"Yeah, well don't," Rafe spat back. Turning, he pushed his way past a few of the bar's denizens, his bony elbows jabbing sharply into a man's ribcage on the way.

"Easy there, friend." The man stood a good foot and a half taller than Rafe and was at least the size of Jayne, if not larger. Planting himself firmly in Rafe's path, the man's deep voice boomed, drawing attention from the other patrons. "Mayhaps you wanna be watchin' where yer goin' next time."

"Move it, you big oaf," Rafe challenged, his blue eyes lit with an alcohol-induced fire and a depression-laced insanity. Even as he raised his arms to physically push the man aside, Rafe knew it would not end well. He could tell, as a trio of other large men rose behind his current door stop that this would be a brawl. But he didn't care; he didn't care about much anymore.

Jayne glanced up into the mirror behind the bar, grimacing as he noticed the altercation. Watching Rafe raise his hands to push the big man, the mercenary muttered a curse and then rose.

"Damn fool kid," he murmured, shouldering his way through the crowd as he heard the all-too-familiar crack of fist connecting with a jaw bone. "I should jus' let 'im git killed."

But even as he thought it, Jayne entered the fray, cursing the whole time, but still having fun.

xoxoxoxo

Simon and Kaylee were still panting, their faces shining with a bit of sweat as they came down from their post-coital euphoria. Pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Simon's chest, Kaylee lifted her head up, meeting his sated blue-eyed gaze and smiled lazily. "That was nice," she murmured, inching her body up along his and smiling wickedly as he let out a low moan at the movement.

"More than nice," Simon whispered, cupping her face in his hands and pulling her close for a deep kiss. As his tongue slowly traced her lower lip, Kaylee fisted her hands in his hair and tugged softly, getting another moan to vibrate through his body and into hers. While their tongues successfully plundered each others' mouths, she let one of her hands wander, trailing down Simon's flat stomach. Her fingers ghosted over his softened erection and he sighed into her mouth as her touch enlivened the spent organ.

Dropping his head back to the pillow, he panted, "You are insatiable."

Nipping lightly at his chin, Kaylee kissed along his neck, and murmured, "Well, you're jus' too handsome."

As Kaylee closed her fist around him and pulled gently, Simon's hips arched off the bed and the arm he had around her shoulders tightened, pressing her chest against his. Refastening his mouth to hers, Simon rolled them over, pinning Kaylee beneath him, her legs spreading easily for him as he kissed her breathless.

Perfectly centered between her thighs, Simon's hand trailed down her left side, brushing past the curve of her breast. As he tweaked her nipple gently between his thumb and forefinger, it was Kaylee's turn to moan, her mouth breaking from his as she pushed herself into his touch. Replacing his fingers with his mouth, Simon rolled the hard bud with his tongue, before closing his teeth over it and nipping lightly.

Kaylee moaned low and long, her fingers gripping at Simon's hair. "Mmm, Simon," she murmured, unable to form a more coherent sentence. "That feels so good."

Grinning against her, Simon kept his mouth on her breast while his hand traced lower on her body, outlining the curve of her hip, before working inward towards her already wet entrance. As his thumb rubbed against her aching bundle of nerves, Kaylee cried out again, biting her lip to keep the sound from turning into a high-pitched wail of delight.

She was so wet and warm, Simon found it difficult to think of anything else besides sinking into her. They had spent the last few hours, since they'd ushered everyone out, doing their damnedest to forget about the past day. Everything with River and his parents seemed to be so spectacularly out of control, Simon could barely wrap his mind around it. All Kaylee had needed to do was touch him here and kiss him there and he was again putty in her talented hands. He didn't mind one bit.

Gazing up into her face, Simon's smile deepened as he recognized the glazed look in her eyes that signaled her coming orgasm. Placing his hands on the bed on either side of her head, he took most of his weight off of her before sliding into her heat, sighing softly as she enveloped him.

They sighed in unison, Kaylee's legs wrapping around his waist, her ankles locking behind him to keep him there. Holding still for a moment, Simon moved one hand to her face, trailing a long finger down her forehead to her chin, before he outlined her swollen lips. She nabbed the digit as it went by, sucking it lightly, before Simon leaned forward and kissed her while he started to move.

It was a slower pace than earlier in the evening, less urgent, but no less passionate. She continued to mewl in his ear, words of encouragement and endearment and Simon pushed in as far as he could, smiling softly when she arched her hips into him as he hit a particularly sweet spot. With sweat pooling between their bodies, Simon heard Kaylee's breathing grow more erratic and with one final push, he held her close as she broke apart in his arms, her cry of delight muffled as he kissed her again.

Once her shuddering had stopped, Simon kissed her again before thrusting a few more times to bring about his own end for the second time that evening. They lay in another tangle of limbs, Simon resting some of his weight on Kaylee before gathering his senses and rolling off of her. He kept his arms around her, reversing their positions, so she was now sprawled on top of his chest and he was still buried deep inside her. Sighing with content, Kaylee rested her head over his heart and let the steady beat lull her to sleep.

When she next awoke, it was still dark outside, but she was alone. Rubbing at her eyes, she blinked slowly, trying to bring the room into focus and smiled softly as she saw Simon emerge from the bathroom with a washcloth in his hand.

"What're ya doin'?" she asked huskily, reaching for him as he slid onto the bed beside her.

Kissing her, he ran the cloth over her shoulders and neck and down her chest. Sinking back into the mattress, she sighed and pulled the sheet away, giving him full access. "We are messy," he told her by way of explanation, his breath warm against her cheek. He was propped up beside her on one elbow and she could feel the heat radiating from him. It wasn't cold necessarily, but winter was coming on Sihnon and so the nights were getting chillier.

As he sponged the cloth down between her legs, Kaylee moaned and tried to push her body into his hand, but with a chuckle and a light kiss, Simon whispered, "Behave."

"Never," Kaylee murmured, reaching for him and pulling him into a longer kiss. Simon threw the rag behind him, kissing her slowly and reveling in the touch. He was truly spent from the evening's activities, but every time she touched him, Simon felt refreshed again, his need for her not diminishing. He hoped it never did.

Sighing contentedly, Kaylee finally broke away from him, needing air and Simon took the reprieve to arrange the covers around them, keeping out the chill of the night. As they snuggled together under the blankets, Kaylee's head again resting on his shoulder and Simon's arm around her, he couldn't help but think of his sister, sleeping peacefully in the other room and all that had happened in the last twelve hours.

"You're thinkin' again," Kaylee said quietly, not at all surprised, when she heard Simon sigh heavily before dusting his lips to her forehead.

"I can't help it," he murmured, resting his cheek on top of her hair.

Grinning, she tilted her chin up so she could see his eyes and teased, "I thought for sure all o' that woulda tired you out, but good." Dancing her fingers across his chest and down lower, she sing-songed, "Don't tell me I gotta try again."

Snatching her hand quickly, Simon raised it to his mouth and kissed each finger. "If you do, there's a very good chance I'll die of exhaustion."

Giggling, Kaylee pressed a kiss to his cheek before resettling beside him. "Well, I don't want that."

"Me either," Simon agreed. As he stared at the ceiling above, the few bands of light filtering through the blinds, he sighed again and asked, "Do you think she really wants to go home?"

Kaylee continued to draw circles on Simon's chest while she formed an answer. Forcing her voice to stay light, she answered, "No, I don't." When Simon's only reply was to sigh again, Kaylee propped herself up on one elbow so she could look into his troubled face. "Sweetie, River loves you, more than she loves your folks, anybody can see that. She told us she wanted to be here an' here's where she's gonna stay 'till she changes her mind."

Resting his hand to her cheek, Simon stared into her shining eyes for a moment, before admitting, "I don't want to make it worse. I want her to have a chance for a normal life, if that's even possible." Pausing again, he waited a beat and then added, "I think it might be possible now."

"An' what's more normal for River than bein' with her big brother?" Kaylee counseled, resting her hand to his face and getting him to look at her. "She feels safe with you, Simon. She feels at home, she said as much herself." Kaylee thought back to the night's events, her heart warming as she remembered the way the captain had held River so assuredly, like she really was his own little girl and how willing River had been to stay in his embrace. "'Sides, now that she's rememberin' stuff 'bout Serenity, there's a chance that-"

"I don't want her to remember." Simon's voice was hardly more than a whisper, but as Kaylee's eyes snapped back to his, she saw the conflict there and her heart beat sharply against her rib cage. "I wish she could remember you, Kaylee, I do, but if remembering the crew means the surgery was for nothing-" Simon stopped, unable to finish the thought, unable to bring his wayward emotions under control. He was so tired; not just physically drained from making love to his wife, but emotionally and mentally spent from all they had been through.

Kaylee could see the toll this was taking on Simon; every time River hurt, Simon hurt just as deeply. It was a fact she had been introduced to all those years ago when the siblings had boarded Serenity and it was still true today. "She can't have gone through all of this for nothing," Simon finished in a whisper, squeezing his eyes shut and willing the burn of tears to go away.

"Maybe she didn't," Kaylee soothed, smoothing her hand through his hair and down his cheek. As his blue eyes fluttered open to look at her, she smiled softly and told him, "No matter what happens she's gonna be fine, Simon, you know that. Everybody only wants what's best for her. Maybe meetin' all the crew will help to put some more of the pieces together like you said. Make things clearer for her so she can find some peace." As Simon released a long-suffering sigh, his eyes again closing, she added in a whisper, "So you can find some peace."

Eyes snapping open in alarm, Simon reached for her hands, sitting up to face her. Squeezing them gently between his own, he told her, "I'm fine, Kaylee. Don't worry about me."

Frowning at him, Kaylee leaned closer, nestling her body against his. Sighing as his arms encircled her, she explained, "Well, that's kinda part of this whole marriage deal – the worryin'." Glancing up to him, she added, "You're suffering, just as much as River is whether you wanna admit it or not. I want you to be okay."

Sighing, Simon held her tighter. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

"Don't be sorry," Kaylee corrected, pulling back a bit to see his face. "I don't want ya to be sorry. I jus' want ya to trust that things is gonna be okay. No matter what happens we'll get through it." Taking his left hand in hers, Kaylee held up his ring finger, getting it to catch the light glowing through the window. "See this? It means that no matter what, you got me. So's as long as we're together, everything's gonna be fine. Dong ma?"

Smiling softly, Simon pulled her to him, kissing her. "I love you," he murmured as they settled back beneath the covers.

"I love you," she added, kissing his neck before molding herself to his side, only drifting to sleep once she was sure Simon was already out.

xoxoxoxo

"Wo de ma! What happened?"

Zoe rushed down the open ramp, slinging Rafe's other arm over her shoulders as Jayne continued to support the bulk of the man's weight. Getting them both into the open ship, she hit the ramp release as Jayne eased the mechanic's battered body onto the floor, propping him up against a crate.

Pursing her lips in annoyance, she moved back to the younger man's side, crouching down before him. Gingerly lifting his chin in her hands, she studied his swollen, bruised and bloodied face and then turned to glare at Jayne. "So, when I tol' ya to keep him outta trouble, you thought that meant lettin' him get beat to a bloody pulp?"

Waving away her concern, Jayne rotated his right shoulder, wincing as the motion brought pain. "Ain't nothin' broke." As Zoe continued to glare, he took a step back and said, "I'll go get the medkit. I ain't carryin' his hide any further."

Watching the bigger man sulk away, Zoe turned her withering gaze back to Rafe. His head hung against the top of his chest and she watched as he started keening to one side. Rushing to him, she propped him up, keeping him up right. "Zhen de shi tian cai," she murmured, lifting one of his bloodied and torn hands up and into her lap. "What'd you do to yerself, boy?"

"Ain't a boy," Rafe croaked, turning his head from her and spitting a wad of bloody phlegm onto the floor. "Ain't none o' your damn business what happens to me."

He pulled his hand away violently and attempted to stand, but found it almost impossible and fell back against the crate with a groan of discomfort. Jayne returned at that moment, handing over the med kit to Zoe. She placed the metal box on the floor and lifted the lid, glancing to Rafe out of the corner of her eye. "Done bein' a baby now?"

He had no answer for her, so he simply glared, but stayed silent as she began to treat his wounds. Swabbing at the cuts on his knuckles from where his hands had come into contact with quite a few faces, she looked to Jayne and asked, "What happened?"

The mercenary was tending to his own hurts, a large gash running along one forearm as he answered. "Jus' 'bout what you said. Junior here was gettin' good an' drunk. Got a mite tetchy when I showed up and tried to elbow his way out of the bar. Apparently, he elbowed the wrong fella on the way."

"The man was an idiot," Rafe defended himself, wincing as the antiseptic ointment stung his open wounds. "Easy with that," he snapped at Zoe, wilting a bit under the hard stare she gave in return.

"I could just let it get infected," she threatened, still continuing to work. "I'd love to see how good you'd be at your job with only one hand."

Jayne barked out a laugh, for which Rafe scowled, but remained silent as Zoe continued to fix him up. After a few moments, Jayne announced he was heading to bed. "Thanks for the tussle, kid," he called over his shoulder. "Felt good to crack some skulls."

"Overgrown ape," Rafe muttered under his breath, getting a slight chuckle from Zoe. Glancing to her out of his one good eye as the other had swollen shut, he asked, "Why are you helpin' me?"

Looking about the empty room, she retorted, "You see anybody else linin' up for the job?" As Rafe blushed in embarrassment, she told him, "Yeah, I din't think so. Now hold still, this is gonna hurt."

"Now you tell me," he snorted quietly, but did his best to stay still, as she started to tend to the welts on his face.

Zoe worked in silence and Rafe let her, his entire body on fire from the pummeling it had received and his head starting to throb from the alcohol he'd imbibed. Oh, he was going to hate tomorrow morning.

"You wanna tell me why you was lookin' to get a free facelift from some hun dan in a bar?" Zoe's voice was soft, but the question still irked him and Rafe reacted.

"Why do you think?" he all but screamed, shocking the stoic woman enough to get her to pull away for a moment. "River is gone. She ain't comin' back. I've lost her."

"You don't know that, son," Zoe told him firmly, moving back to continue to nurse him. "But you keep actin' like a damn fool an' you will lose her for good."

"I already have," he murmured bitterly.

Grasping his chin firmly in her hand, Zoe forced his eyes to hers and ground out, "Is she dead?" As Rafe shook his head slowly, Zoe released her grip and her voice again softened. "Then you ain't lost nothin' yet."

Rafe let her work in silence, his mind still spinning from the fight and his image of River from earlier in the night. He'd seen her frightened plenty of times before. In the past months they'd been together it had been him she'd turned to in the middle of the night when her dreams got bad, not Mal. But as Rafe had watched her cling to the Captain for dear life he had felt jealousy bubble in his heart; had felt an even greater sadness then only weeks before when she had awoken and not remembered him. She was slipping away before his eyes and Rafe had never felt so lost.

"I've never loved someone before her." His voice was low and broken, but Zoe could hear him. Keeping her silence, she let him continue. "Never have, I swear. Been sweet on a few other girls, but loved 'em? Nah, not until River." Sighing heavily, he met Zoe's deep, chocolate eyes and murmured, "I don't know what to do."

Zoe finished tending to him, dropping the dirty bits of gauze and used weave packs into the open case. Once she'd finished tidying up, she crossed her legs in front of her and turned to face him. "I tell you what you don't do," she said sternly, making sure he was paying attention. "You don't give up." As Rafe's eyes dropped to his lap, his face coloring with shame, she added, "River loved you too, an' maybe she's forgotten some o' that when the doc tweaked her brain, that don't mean you can't make her love you again.

"But you certainly won't have a chance of convincin' that girl that you're the man for her if you show up cursing and throwing things and sulkin' about. She deserves more than that, Rafe."

"I know," he interjected, his voice a harsh whisper. "She's always deserved better than me."

"Be that as it may, she still fell in love with you." Zoe rose, picking up the kit. "And somethin' tells me that memory wipe or no, she could love you again." Staring down into his battered face she asked, "Are you willin' to try?"

Nodding, Rafe struggled to stand, finally taking the hand that Zoe offered. "I'll do anything."

Clapping him on the shoulder, Zoe held his gaze for a minute more and then nodded. "Good. First thing you gotta do is sober up." Pushing him gently in the direction of his bunk, she added, "An' then you gotta shower. You stink."

Smiling softly, Rafe paused, turning back to face the first mate. "Thank you," he told her.

Returning his smile, she simply nodded and then watched as he moved with a weary step back towards the crew bunks. Moving to the infirmary to store the kit, Zoe had to wonder what it was about the Tams and their ability to confound Serenity's mechanics.

xoxoxoxo

"Mei mei, are you sure you want to do this?"

River held Simon's gaze steadily, and nodded once. "Simon, these flashes of memory I'm having, they all involve these people. You tell me that I knew them, trusted them, considered them family even." Gazing just over his shoulder, River's mind returned to the previous night and the feeling of absolute peace she'd felt when the Captain, Mal, had held her. Looking back to her brother, she told him, "It can't hurt anything to at least meet them. Talk with them, right?"

Shaking his head once, Simon kissed her on the forehead and rose. "No, it can't. I'm going to stay right outside though, just in case."

She nodded once, smoothing the covers over her lap. Brushing her hair back, she put on a brave smile and told him, "Okay, I'm ready."

Returning her grin, Simon brushed sweaty palms on his pant legs before heading into the hall where he was greeted by Serenity's entire crew, anxiously waiting, Eli standing behind them all, his expression unreadable. "I'm going to let you all go in groups of two," Simon informed them. Glancing first to Mal and Inara, he said, "I'd like you both to wait, until she's met Jayne and Zoe." Looking about, he realized they were missing one. "Where's Rafe?"

"Boy got into-"

Jayne dropped off in mid-sentence as Zoe's sharp elbow connected with his side. Glaring at him, she turned to Simon and said, "He weren't feelin' so great. Thought maybe he could come by tomorrow."

Nodding, Simon murmured, "I guess that's all right." Glancing back to Zoe, he asked, "Are you ready?"

xoxoxoxo

River tried to clear her mind of any thought, any emotion as she waited for the first members of Serenity's crew to come in. She knew very little about them, other than what Simon and Kaylee had told her. There were five of them, all together, a mercenary, first mate, Captain, mechanic and ex-Companion. River strained to remember them, but all she could ever manage were glimpses of memories, flashes of feeling that made no sense out of context. She desperately wanted things to make sense.

The sound of knuckles rapping on her door pulled her from her thoughts. Turning her large brown eyes towards the sound, she smiled hesitantly as she took in the sight of an overly large man and a tall, dark-skinned female standing on the threshold. "Can we come in?" the female asked.

River nodded, watching them both as they walked towards her. Simon had set up two chairs on her right side and the woman sat in the closest one, sliding into the seat like a cat, while the larger, gruffer man plopped down into his with a grunt, legs spreading before him. River knew it was impolite to stare, but she was fascinated by the man's large presence. He obviously spent a majority of his time on the ship scowling, if the wrinkles on his face were any indication. Of course, the large gun strapped to his hip and the hilt of a knife sticking out of his right boot also told her he was the mercenary.

Forcing her attention back to the woman, River noted the way she exuded casualness, but that her body stayed alert for any kind of attack. She was also sporting a fairly lethal looking weapon on her hip and River deduced she must be the first mate. While she was pretty enough to be the ex-Companion, River guessed that even retired Companions weren't prone to carrying sidearms.

"How are you feeling today, lil' one?" the woman asked and River felt her smile deepen at the nickname. "Lil' one" – that was what the Captain had called her too. She liked it.

"Fine," she answered, holding the woman's gaze in her own. River knew that in just about any situation the first mate could easily intimidate men twice her size, but at the moment, as River studied those liquid eyes she felt no fear, only warmth. Her cheeks blushing, she asked, "Were you here last night?"

"You gave us all quite a fright," the woman said by way of answer. Leaning forward, she reached for one of River's hands and then drew back, realizing she was crossing some unseen line. Settling back in her chair, she added, "It's good to see you doing better."

"Yeah, what was all that carryin' on about anyways?" Jayne asked, his eyes narrowing as River turned to regard him. "You sure can raise a ruckus."

Giggling in spite of herself, River ducked her eyes as she heard the woman scold him. "Jayne, behave."

"Jayne?" River gazed at the man open-mouthed. "You have a girl's name?"

"Aw, not again," Jayne groaned, tipping his head back with an exasperated sigh. "Do I need to threaten to show ya my man parts? 'Cause I will."

River's eyes flicked up and down his frame appreciatively as Zoe's hand darted out and slapped him soundly on the back of the head. Everything about Jayne was big – his muscles, his attitude, his presence, his weapons. River found her cheeks coloring again and this time she realized it had nothing to do with her outburst the night before. "I'm sure your man parts are quite formidable," she teased, batting her eyes at him and getting an amused smirk from the first mate.

As Jayne's face paled, his mind struggling to comprehend whether or not moonbrain had just flirted with him, Zoe introduced herself. "I'm Zoe, by the way, in case your brother ain't told ya all our names."

Nodding, River looked to the woman and asked, "You're the first mate, right?" Zoe returned the nod and then River asked, "Can you tell me something?"

Glancing quickly to Jayne, Zoe looked back to River and sat forward, her elbows resting on her knees. "I can sure try, lil' one."

Licking her lips, River sat forward a bit more and met Zoe's gaze head on. "Tell me about Serenity."

xoxoxoxo

Another peal of River's laughter could be heard floating down the hall towards the living room and the rest of the crew. Releasing a sigh of relief, the five adults shared smiles as Zoe and Jayne finally emerged, huge grins on their faces.

"That girl," Zoe said, shaking her head once. Glancing to Simon she told him, "She ain't changed all that much doc."

"Did she remember you?" Mal asked, trying to keep the hopeful tone from his voice and failing.

Shaking her head again, Zoe answered, "No, but she was fine an' polite. Listened to the two o' us carry on 'bout quite a few of our thrillin' heroics." Holding Mal's gaze in her own, she added softly, "Asked a passel o' questions about Serenity."

Mal's eyes darted to Inara as she reached over and squeezed his hand reassuringly. Please let her remember him, the woman thought, closing her eyes for a moment and sending a prayer up to Buddha.

Rising, Simon kissed Kaylee on the forehead, before he and Eli moved for River's room. "We'll just check on her, make sure she's up for more visitors," he explained, before both doctors disappeared.

Standing, Mal paced across the room to his best friend. "She really din't remember you?"

Shaking her head, Zoe told him, "I'm sorry, sir. She wanted to, that was plain. Even wanted to remember Jayne, but in the end, she couldn't. Said that while we seemed familiar, she had no recollection of us."

Mal sighed, his shoulders slumping forward. He'd had no idea how much River meant to him until she was gone. Why did he always have to lose the good things in his life? Glancing back to Inara who gave him a bright smile, he said a silent prayer to the Shepherd that he never lost her or their son.

The feel of Zoe's comforting hand on his shoulder pulled him from those thoughts and he turned back to face her. Lowering her voice, she told him, "It ain't no secret River's closer to you an' Inara an' Kaylee than she ever was to me an' Jayne. Jus' cause she didn't recognize us, don't mean she won't remember you."

Nodding, Mal smiled slightly. "That's a kindness, Zoe, but at this point, I ain't so sure it's the truth." He was about to ask something else, when Simon's return drew his eyes to the young man.

"She's ready when you are," the young doctor informed him.

Swallowing thickly, Mal reached for Inara's hand and gently pulled her to her feet. Wrapping her arm in his, Mal gave a curt nod to Simon and then headed for River's room.

xoxoxoxo

River's face lit up as the Captain and ex-Companion entered. Somehow she had missed that the older woman was pregnant, and the sight of her round belly and glowing skin instantly filled River with warmth. She hadn't been around babies much in her life, but she still liked the idea of a squirming little bundle with ten tiny baby fingers and ten tiny baby toes. She knew she'd be a good babysitter.

She watched with rapt attention as the Captain guided the woman into a seat, the ex-Companion taking the chair on the far side of River. Once she was settled, the Captain sat himself, and then, with a clear of his throat, turned to face River.

Her breath caught in her throat as those soulful blue eyes alit to her face. Staring, she found herself lost in them, like pools of crystal clear water, she was swimming along their currents and her mind was tripping over memories like stones skipping along waves: a man clad in a brown duster, striding up an open ramp and killing a federal agent as he held a gun to Simon's head; the Captain saving her and her brother from a fiery death in the middle of a prairie; those blue eyes filled with sorrow as he'd ordered them off his drifting ship; the stars, bright and beautiful through the helmet of her space suit as the Captain had kicked Early into space.

"Mal," she breathed, barely aware the words were coming. "Bad in the Latin."

Startled, Mal glanced quickly to Inara, before sitting up and reaching for her hand. Unlike Zoe, he completed the motion, squeezing her small hand in his own. "What was that, sweetheart?" the ex-Companion questioned, knowing that Mal didn't have words right now.

Looking to the woman and then back to the Captain, River felt her lips curl into a smile as she felt a wave of familiarity wash over her. "Mal," she said again, looking the Captain in the eyes. "Malcolm Reynolds. You're the Captain of Serenity."

Smiling at her, Mal felt such relief he feared he might float away from the giddiness of it all. "Yeah, darlin', that's me."

Her grin deepening, she looked to the Companion and added, "And you're Inara. You're in love with Captain Daddy."

Fighting back the tears she felt forming, Inara nodded once, before reaching to squeeze Mal's hand. "Yes, River, that's right."

"And that is the rugrat," she added, nodding in the direction of Inara's swollen belly.

Mal let out a deep belly laugh at that, squeezing her hand even tighter. "Only I get to call him a rugrat, lil' Albatross," he scolded easily. "'Member that."

"Albatross," she whispered, the endearment sounding strange and familiar all at once. Cocking her head to the side, her mind wandered as another memory formed: a well-appointed bedroom with a prayer altar and lit incense. A dark-skinned man with a sword and Captain Daddy and Inara, fighting for their lives.

Her face falling as the memory caused her to panic, she looked back to Mal and murmured, "A pony and a plastic rocket."

"What, lil' one?" Mal asked quietly, tensing as he noted how pale her features had grown in just the last minute.

"You saved me from the bad man," she muttered, not bothering to answer his question, despite the confusion River could feel emanating from every pore.

"Sweetie, do you want us to get Simon?" Inara asked, her own concern on the rise as River continued to spout nonsense.

Shaking her head once, River closed her eyes, forcing the confusing images from her mind. It wasn't real, it couldn't be real. If it was, than that meant she had killed, she had raised blades and delivered blows designed to kill. And no matter how deserving the opponent of such a fate, it was still wrong.

Opening her eyes, the brown orbs were again clear and bright as she looked to first Mal and then Inara. Gently extricating her hand from Mal's tight hold, River folded her hands in her lap and leaned back against her pillows. "Tell me about life in the black," she asked quietly.

Sitting back, Mal studied her in silence for a moment, before looking to Inara. With the barest of shrugs, she signaled her own confusion and Mal decided to just go ahead and answer the girl's question. Looking back to River, the enigmatic smile she fixed him with melted any and all of his residual concerns. She was obviously doing better; for the first time in months Mal allowed himself to believe that things would be all right.

As he began to regale her with stories, he worked hard to ignore the tiny voice in the back of his mind that reminded him that things never went smooth.

xoxoxoxo


	13. Chapter 13

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 13**

xoxoxoxox

"Why were you wearing a dress?" River asked, her breath coming in gasps as she fought to get out words between her fits of giggles. Glancing to Inara, she saw the older woman was in much the same position, her eyes overflowing with happy tears as Mal told the story of a job on some far-off moon that had required him to dress as a woman.

"Tactics," he answered her firmly, scowling a little bit as this brought more laughter from both River and Inara. However, as his albatross' laugh washed over him and Mal saw the smile grace her youthful face, his own hardened features broke into a grin. She was River again – maybe she didn't remember him completely and maybe she never would, but in this moment, with her eyes twinkling and her cheeks flushed, she was the young woman who had become his pilot. The young woman who had become as close to him as kin.

"I thought it had to do with air flow," Inara teased, getting another small glare from Mal and eliciting another round of laughter from both women. As Mal's deep chuckle joined them, Simon and Kaylee appeared in the doorway, both beaming.

"Is this a private party or can anybody join?" Kaylee asked, bouncing into the room and sitting on the end of River's bed. Simon followed behind her and she scooted over to make room for him.

Reaching out his hand, Simon gently covered River's ankle, getting her attention. "Are you all right, mei mei?"

Smiling, River nodded. Pointing to Mal, she explained, "The Captain wore a dress once."

"Oh, it's happened more than once," Inara commented helpfully, and this time all five of them laughed together. As Inara struggled to catch her breath, she turned to Mal and told him, "At least your taste is getting better."

Grinning at her like a fool, Mal leaned over and stole a quick kiss. River watched them, fascinated by the familiarity of the moment and her simultaneous lack of context. Why couldn't she remember more than just the few stories these people had shared? She wanted to remember more.

Looking to her brother, her expression sobered as she asked earnestly, "How did we meet them again?"

Simon's features mirroring her own, he cast a nervous glance to Kaylee before looking back to address her. "I told you, we went on a trip. Mal's ship was the one we took passage on."

Frowning, River considered this. "But it's a transport ship, for cargo, right?" When Simon nodded and Mal confirmed it, River continued. "Why didn't we take a passenger ship?"

The room had grown quiet in the last minute as River's questions had become more pointed. The four crew members shared wary glances and River decided enough was enough. "What is it you don't want me to know?" she demanded. Her brown eyes searching each of their faces, they came to rest on Simon as she asked again, "What is it you're hoping I don't remember?"

Unwilling to meet her gaze, Simon dropped his eyes to the bedspread, plunging the room into an even more uncomfortable silence. Her eyes boring into the top of his head, River stared at her brother, willing answers to come from him. She had always had the innate ability to read emotions off of her brother, even as a child. As she'd been more and more aware over the last few weeks, River had come to realize that passing trait was now more firmly ingrained; she could read things from just about anyone.

Concentrating, she closed her eyes, looking for Simon, looking for a way inside his mind. It wasn't easy – he was strong, stalwart, but she was determined. Inhaling sharply as she turned the final corner, her head fell back on her pillows as she was assaulted with images that could not be real. She saw herself, or a nightmare version of herself, covered in blood – not her own – fighting with knives she'd never seen before. Fighting mangled faces and bodies as they raged and charged, intent on destroying her, on destroying all of them.

It was too unbelievable.

The image switched and showed her, trembling, whimpering in a cold blue room with needles sticking out of her scalp, a small trickle of blood running down her forehead. She was so afraid in this world, so afraid of what would become of her, of what she would become.

"Simon." Her whisper brought him to her side.

Reaching for her hand, Simon squeezed it and said softly, "I'm here, River. Open your eyes."

Shaking her head once, she rasped, "They know you've come," before speech again failed her. Now, she was back in that bar, the one she had dreamt of before, surrounded by smelly and inebriated men, men she had attacked because of … An oaty bar? That made no sense.

"It can't be me," she murmured, her head thrashing back and forth as she tried, unsuccessfully, to banish these images from her mind. "No, I didn't do it. I didn't."

"River," Simon called urgently, trying to rouse her from the trance-like state she'd entered. Kaylee and Inara had both drifted to the doorway, watching with wide eyes as Simon and Mal hovered over River's prostrate form. "Wake up, mei mei. You're safe. I'm here."

"It's okay, Albatross," Mal added gently, his hand smoothing back her hair. "You're all right. None of us is gonna let anythin' happen to you."

Inhaling sharply once more, River's eyes, wide and terrified flew open, and she focused her attention first on her brother and then on Mal. Staring at the Captain, she murmured, "You kept us safe. Let me fly."

Smiling softly, Mal whispered, "Yeah, lil' one, you've been known to fly my boat on occasion."

Returning his soft smile, she turned to regard her brother, his face a mixture of fear and sadness. "You saved me," she whispered, her breath catching in her throat as a few tears came. "I didn't think you'd come for me."

Blinking back the tightness in his eyes, Simon sat beside her once more. "Well then, you're a dummy."

With a small snort of laughter that quickly turned into a sob, River wrapped her arms around her brother's neck. Simon bent down and placed his arms around her back, pulling her up into a sitting position and rocking her against his chest as she began to cry. "Simon, what did I do?" she whispered fearfully, clutching at his shoulders with white-knuckled hands. "What did I do? Did I hurt those people?"

"Shh, no mei mei, you're all right." Simon was lying, but at this moment he didn't care. His sister was broken again, broken as she had been all those years ago when he had freed her, and Simon feared he had lost his last chance to ever fix her. Smoothing his hand through her hair, he continued to rock her, murmuring soothing words of comfort.

Mal stepped back timidly, the scene before him reminiscent of so many others on his boat in years past. Reaching the door, he felt Inara's hand curl around his and he let her lead him from the room. Kaylee stayed behind, in case Simon should need her and so Mal and Inara quietly let themselves out.

It was a silent ride back to their apartment. They had spent almost the entire afternoon at Simon and Kaylee's and Inara realized they had missed dinner. Her stomach protested the lack of food, although she knew it was more the baby than herself who wanted nourishment. At the moment, she was uncertain she would be able to stomach anything.

Reaching their apartment, Mal opened the door for her, ushering her inside in silence. As she removed her coat, she rested a light hand to his arm. "Are you hungry?" she asked quietly, wishing he would say something. "I was going to fix a little something."

Shaking his head once, Mal didn't give her a verbal answer, but simply pressed a kiss into her hair and moved towards their bedroom. Sighing, Inara rubbed a hand over her tired eyes before moving towards the kitchen.

She was only there for a few minutes before she realized she couldn't possibly eat anything. Worried about Mal she headed for their room. She hated it when he became so closed off from her. It was similar to his reaction after Miranda, a time that had almost pulled them apart before it brought them together. Inara didn't want to be pulled away from him now. Or ever again.

"Mal?" she called quietly, stepping into the dim room. He was seated on the bed, his eyes intently studying something in his hands. Moving to his side, Inara lit the bedside lap before sitting beside him. Following his gaze, she inhaled a quick breath as she caught sight of what he was holding.

She did not push him to talk and Mal was grateful. Sighing heavily, he finally held out the stuffed toy horse he'd purchased, offering it to her. "I found it on our last job," he whispered, his voice harsh with the weight of suppressed tears. "Thought the lil' guy might like it."

Taking the soft toy from his hands, Inara smoothed back its brown mane and tail. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she whispered, "It's lovely, Mal, thank you."

"She ain't comin' back, is she?" The question was sudden, but not unexpected and Inara fought her initial impulse to tell him what he wanted to hear. Mal had never taken lies from her well.

"I think her recovery is taking longer than expected," she answered instead, watching his profile from the corner of her eye. Resting a hand to his thigh, Inara added quietly, "She'll be okay, Mal. Simon's not going to let anything happen to her."

"I shouldn't have either," he responded sharply, rising swiftly and pacing away from her.

Inara watched as he grew more agitated with each step. It pained her to see him like this, but there was nothing she could do; Mal felt a deep responsibility to River, one Inara suspected could challenge even Simon's, and he did not take his responsibilities lightly.

"She's my pilot," he continued, his voice rising in pitch and volume. "My crew. That means I shoulda-"

"What, Mal?" Inara questioned quietly, bracing herself for his inevitable shouted reply. "What? Forbid her from having the surgery? Locked her in her room?" When he whirled on her, blue eyes blazing, Inara uttered the final and most damning of truths. "She's not your daughter, Mal."

"She should be!" The words echoed off the walls. Mal's despair was almost palpable and it physically hurt her to see him so distraught. Absentmindedly, she raised a hand to her belly and rubbed lightly.

Mal didn't miss the motion, and was on his knees at Inara's side in an instant. Resting his hand atop the one she'd placed over their growing child, he apologized hoarsely. "M'sorry, 'Nara. I am the biggest hun dan that ever-"

Pressing her finger to his lips, Inara silenced him. "Mal, I'm fine and the baby's fine. It's just habit." Offering him a small smile, she cupped his cheek in her hand and added, "But you're not fine." As he released a long-suffering sigh, his chin dropping to his chest, she added, "I know what River means to you, Mal, and I'm worried about her too. But what's happening right now isn't your fault."

"I know." Pushing himself off of his heels, Mal took a seat beside her once again, reaching for her hand and holding it. "It's just – River was the first thing I really believed in after Serenity." Sighing once more, he continued softly. "Helping her, healing her, protecting her, that was my mission. I lived for it, for a time, an' the fact that she's hurtin' so badly right now … I feel like I've failed her."

Before Inara could form a reply, could tell him how foolish that was, Mal turned to face her, his eyes holding an urgency that had not been there before. Holding her gently by the shoulders, he held her gaze intently and vowed, "I promise you, 'Nara, I will never fail you or our son. I swear it."

Smiling softly, Inara leaned in and kissed him. "You don't have to make promises like that to me, Mal." Pulling back silently to meet his gaze, she whispered, "I already believe in you."

Releasing a breath, Mal gathered her in his arms, holding her tightly to his chest. His face buried in her sweet-smelling hair he breathed deep, letting the feel of her gentle fingers running through his hair and the whisper of her soothing words against his cheek ease his worry.

xoxoxoxo

"Simon, please don't make me sleep again." She was pleading with him, her eyes crying large tears that rolled down her face and dampened her hair. He felt each tear, each sob as if it was his own, but with measured actions, he prepped the smoother.

"I'm sorry, mei mei, but you have to get some rest." It was his years of medical training and impromptu fugitive status that kept his hand from shaking as he injected the needle into her pale skin. It was his underlying determination not to let any more harm befall his baby sister that kept his features impassive as she drifted to sleep.

And it was Kaylee's touch that proved to be his undoing.

Simon had made it to their room, his body weary from the day's events. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he tried not to disturb Kaylee even though he knew she wasn't asleep. He'd sent her away over an hour ago, telling her he just needed to deal with River on his own. Simon had seen the hurt in her eyes, but he'd pushed it from his mind, needing to focus only on his sister and hoping his wife would understand.

And so, the minute he sat down and he felt her arms encircle him from behind he released the heaviest sigh and let the tears come. Tears of frustration and pain; of anger and sadness; of regret and grief.

Kaylee held him tightly, her own tears wetting his neck as she buried her face there, kissing the skin softly and whispering words of comfort. As Simon continued to cry softly, she gently worked her way around him and straddled his lap, guiding his head to her shoulder and holding him tight once more.

It was impossible to guess how long they stayed like that, but as his tears dried and his body sagged with even more exhaustion, Kaylee rose, unbuttoning his shirt and pants. She undressed him in silence and Simon let her, seemingly unable to do for himself. Kissing him softly, Kaylee offered him a small smile and murmured, "I love you," before pulling the covers back and settling him beneath them.

Once she'd returned to her side of the bed, Simon pulled her tightly against him, spooning her back into his chest. Pressing a kiss to the back of her neck, he murmured, "I love you too, bao bei."

In minutes, his fatigue consumed him.

xoxoxoxo

_River's bare feet padded along the cold metal decking. She had walked these hallways before, she knew, even though they were currently foreign to her. But with an ingrained sense memory she was barely aware of, River continued on her mission, her hand trailing along Serenity's wall as she lightly glided over the grating and made her way to the cargo bay._

_Once there, she twirled in the middle of the open space, her head tipped up towards the darkened ceiling. With her eyes closed, she pretended she could see the stars – millions of them all twinkling at her. Stopping her spin and trying to regain her equilibrium, River felt her muscles tensing as the stench of rotted flesh and blood reached her nostrils. Inhaling deeply once more, an instant layer of perspiration coated her skin, slicking her arms and chest, drops dripping between her shoulder blades._

_She now gripped two deadly knives in her hands and with one more centering breath, she opened her eyes and attacked. River twisted and turned like a creature possessed, stabbing and lunging, parrying and attacking. The Reavers continued to come, one after the other, their banshee-like screams rolling over her in waves. As one approached, the noise was deafening until River silenced it forever, before another rose up to take its place._

_Panting, River staggered once, losing her footing and almost never regaining it. Pivoting on her back foot, she braced all her weight on the other as another Reaver charged her and she deftly ducked, sinking one blade securely into the center of its chest._

_The room was silent now, River the lone survivor of a bloody battle. She surveyed the carnage at her feet, destruction she had wrought and breathed deep. It still smelled foul in this small room, but at least the immediate danger was passed._

_A sharp, metallic clang to her right startled her and River moved with a dancer's grace to investigate. She felt colder now, and looked down to see that she was wearing no shoes and nothing more than a nightgown. Her hands were empty too, no knives, no blood, no sweat to speak of. Unconcerned, River prowled down this new hallway, its carpeted flooring out of place in her dreamscape._

_But she could still sense danger just out of reach and so she continued along. Pausing for a moment to get her bearings, River heard what she assumed was the sound of another threat. Weaponless she felt exposed and so it was with relief that she happened upon the kitchen. A wooden block with five black handles stood proudly on the counter. Wrapping her hand around the largest, River pulled it out, nodding with grim approval at the large, sharp blade that appeared._

_Stalking once again, River found her way to the end of the hallway and pushed open the door that greeted her. The room was dark, but her eyes were accustomed to the limited visibility and she could make out two forms snuggled together in the bed at the center. _

_With silent steps, she approached her brother's sleeping form coming into focus. Cocking her head to one side, River wondered where the threat was. Surely, it wasn't Simon – was it? _

_The arm with the knife at the end, was bent at the elbow against her side, and River's hand remained steady as she continued to stare at the sleeping couple. Where was the threat? What had she come here to kill?_

xoxoxoxo

Simon came to in a fog. His eyes felt puffy and swollen and he knew it was from the tears he'd cried before and probably during his sleep that had made them grimy. Rubbing at them absently, he propped himself up on one elbow. Catching sight of Kaylee's sleeping face, he smiled softly before leaning over and pressing a kiss to her shoulder. She moaned quietly in her sleep and snuggled closer to him, but otherwise did not stir.

Turning, Simon was about to use the restroom, when a metallic glint caught his eye. Inhaling sharply, Simon's heart sped up as he took in the form of his sister, standing still and resolute in the darkness, a large butcher knife in her hand.

"River?" he whispered quietly, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, but making no move to rise.

Slowly, her head swiveled to face him, her eyes unfocused in the dim light. "River, can you hear me?" he asked. When she had no answer, Simon's heart rate slowed a bit; she was sleepwalking. Rising slowly, he moved towards her, reaching for the hand that held the knife. Closing his fist over hers, he called gently, "River, mei mei, wake up."

Blinking rapidly, she slumped against him as she came to, her fist releasing the knife. Simon took control of it quickly, supporting the rest of her weight with a strong arm around her waist.

"Simon?"

Kaylee's husky voice drew his attention, and he turned to glance at her over his shoulder. "It's all right, River was just-"

"Oh my god." Kaylee's hand flew to her mouth, her eyes doubling to twice their normal size as she took in the sight of the knife behind his back. Scrambling out of the bed, she came to his side and whispered, "What happened?"

"I think River was sleepwalking," Simon explained, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. Holding out the weapon to his wife, he asked, "Will you take this back to the kitchen?"

Kaylee nodded numbly, gingerly taking the knife and holding it as if the blade might develop a mind of its own. As the weapon switched hands, River's eyes came into focus. Panting with anxiety, she clutched at Simon's shoulders and murmured, "What have I done?"

"Nothing, River, we're fine." He tried to guide her to the bed, but she remained planted to the floor, her chest heaving as she fought to gain control.

The images of her dreams assaulted her in a rush and River whimpered softly as she remembered the feel of the knife in her hands. She remembered with cold clarity the feel of the blood, warm and sticky, flowing onto her skin as she cut down one Reaver after another.

"Simon?"

Her voice was broken, barely recognizable. Swallowing hard, Simon placed a hand under her chin and tilted her face up to meet his gaze. "What is it, River?"

It took her several tries to get the words out, her throat constricting with each passing moment as more tears came. Finally, with those liquid brown eyes that showed Simon the path to her tortured soul gazing at him intently, she murmured, "Am I a killer?"

xoxoxoxo


	14. Chapter 14

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 14**

xoxoxoxo

Rafe smoothed down the collar of his shirt for about the hundredth time, hating the fact that he was so nervous, but completely unable to bring his anxiety under control. He was just going to see River, he repeated to himself. Surely, there was no cause to be this distraught.

But there was, and he knew it. The River he was going to see now wasn't the young woman who had fallen in love with him or vice versa. This River was unmarred by all the Blue Hands had done to her, unburdened by the knowledge that she had killed efficiently and effectively when push had come to shove. This River didn't know him.

Swallowing hard one final time, Rafe pushed aside as much of his fear as he could and rang the bell. It took Kaylee only a moment to answer and the expression she greeted him with was far from her normal cheery one. "Rafe? How're you doin'?"

"Uh, fine," he stammered. Forcing his voice to steady, he added, "I was hopin' I could see River. Simon had said that-"

As Kaylee's features fell, her cheeks paling, Rafe felt his heart leap into his throat. "What's wrong?" he asked urgently, taking a step forward. "Is River all right?"

"Kaylee." Simon's voice was heard over his wife's shoulder and in a minute he was framed in the doorway behind her. "Rafe," he greeted the younger man grimly, causing the mechanic's already heightened level of fear to rise. "Come in," Simon finally offered, kissing Kaylee's cheek as she moved uncertainly back to the living room.

Standing in the foyer, Rafe studied Simon intently, wishing he knew the doctor better. Maybe if he'd spent more time with him, he'd have a better chance of figuring out just how bad things with River had become.

Looking to the younger man with conflicted eyes, Simon said softly, "River had – well, an episode, last night. She's currently sedated."

"An episode?" Rafe's voice was breathless, his lungs having a difficult time pulling in air. "What'd ya mean?"

Resting a light hand to Rafe's shoulder, Simon held his blue-eyed gaze with his and said, "She's remembering more and more of her life before the surgery, Rafe. Her life on Serenity and at the Academy. She had a fairly horrific dream and it caused her to act out."

"Was she hurt?" Rafe asked.

Shaking his head once, Simon said, "No. But when River came to her senses she was hysterical. I sedated her for her own well-being."

Rafe started slightly as he realized Simon was almost asking for his forgiveness. Guessing that the idea of doping up his little sister did not sit well with him, Rafe told him, "I believe ya, doc." The sound of voices from the other room drew his attention and with a cock of his chin towards the noise, he asked, "What's goin' on?"

Following his gaze, Simon sighed and when he again looked to Rafe his eyes held the weight of man more than twice his age. "My parents and Eli are here. We're all discussing what would be best for River."

Rafe did not envy the man that conversation. Running a nervous hand through his hair, he debated for a moment and then asked, "Can I sit with her?"

Eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to understand the other's request, Simon reminded him, "She should be out for a few more hours at least. You won't be able to talk with her."

Nodding, Rafe answered, "I know, but I don't wanna her to be alone."

Understanding dawning, Simon simply nodded and then took a step back, offering Rafe a clear path to River's room. The younger man offered a nod to the group gathered in the living room as he passed, but otherwise said nothing.

As Simon returned, Gabriel continued his heated debate. "Simon, she's stayed here too long. She was doing well in the hospital. It's only since she's been here with you and Kaylee that she's gotten worse." Squeezing his wife's hand firmly, as if to reinforce his point, he added, "We want to take River home."

Simon ignored the insult inherent in his father's statement and did his best to soothe Kaylee's hurt feelings as she understood that Gabriel was blaming her for River's condition. Sitting beside his wife, Simon looked to his father. "Do you honestly think this is just a relapse?" When neither of his parents had an answer, he forged ahead. "She's remembered almost all of her time on board Serenity and every day more pieces of her time at the Academy come back." His gaze hardening, he asked in a lowered voice, "Tell me what you would have done last night if she'd stood over you with a butcher's knife?"

Regan's face paled as her mind pictured Simon's scenario, while Gabriel's features simply grew sharper. As Simon watched his parents struggle to wrap their minds around who their daughter was, he turned to Eli. "What would you do?"

Sighing heavily, Eli did not miss the flash of defiance in Gabriel's eyes. It still annoyed the man to no end that Simon sought Eli's counsel over his own father. But in this instance, it was about more than trust; Eli was River's doctor, and his opinion carried weight.

"Honestly?" he began quietly, waiting to get a nod from both Simon and Gabriel before continuing. "I'd reverse the procedure. These flashes of memory are only serving to agitate River and make her violent. At this point, I think returning her to her normal state is for the best. For everyone."

"Normal state?" Gabriel snorted, staring from Eli to Simon with incredulous eyes. "She's not normal. She hasn't been normal since she went to that yu ben de school!"

"Gabriel," Regan admonished, her gray eyes glaring at her husband. When he looked notably chagrined, Regan turned back to them and this time addressed Simon. "We want to make her well, Simon. That's all we've ever wanted."

"Then you gotta let her be," Kaylee said quietly from Simon's side. As four sets of eyes alighted to her young face, she continued, her voice gaining strength and conviction. "She ain't never gonna be the daughter you remember, but she was happy before. You gotta let her be happy. She may never be well again."

Simon inhaled sharply at Kaylee's words, fighting the rise of bile in his throat. She had spoken the truth, but it still stung, because it meant he had failed his sister, failed to save her, not once, but twice. The touch of Kaylee's hand to his cheek, drew Simon's thoughts back to the present. Turning to regard her, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of pure regret in her eyes. "I'm sorry, bao bei," she murmured, leaning forward to touch their foreheads together. "But we gotta do what's best for River."

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Simon drew her close for an embrace, more than thankful that the 'verse had conspired to bring Kaylee into his life. She was so unbelievably precious to him.

Interrupting the young couple's quiet moment, Gabriel interjected, "You can't honestly think we'll consent to you putting her under the knife again?"

Pulling away from Kaylee, Simon gazed at his father. "Please don't make this harder than it has to be."

"We haven't begun to fight," Gabriel whispered back, his voice harsh with intent.

And then, true to his word, he launched into another argument and Simon could only sigh and pray for this all to be over.

xoxoxoxo

She looked all of twelve when she was sleeping, a fact that had caused Rafe a bit of concern in their first few months together. Sometimes, he'd wake up in the middle of the night and catch her pale face in the dim light, convinced he was going to a very special Hell for loving someone so young. But when she gazed at him with those eyes he drowned in time and time again, he saw an aged soul, carrying around more pain, hurt and, at times, joy, than a body rightly knew what to do with.

That's when Rafe knew he would love this frail, strong and beautiful woman for the rest of his days.

He had never considered that she wouldn't love him. She had seemed so sure only a few months ago; so sure that they would be together, that soon she would be ready to take their relationship to the next physical level; that Rafe would be enough to chase her monsters away and comfort her after her nightmares. But something had changed.

River was nothing if not stubborn and while Rafe wished he could have convinced her not to have the surgery, her determination had been all-encompassing. She'd been convinced that the only way for them to have a future was for her to find a cure. A cure that, in the end, took away any hope for the happy ever after they'd both been seeking.

Gently, he lifted her pale hand off the bend and clasped it between his own. His larger, calloused fingers engulfed hers completely and only the cool, smooth feel of her skin told him he was cradling something precious. Raising the hand to his face, he brushed his lips along her knuckles, before resting it to his forehead. Releasing a heavy sigh, he murmured, "I wish I could talk to you, Riv. I don't know what to do."

He wanted to help her, he wanted her to come back to him. But Rafe was not so selfish to put his needs above her health. The last thing he wanted for River was this – a sedated life, her brown eyes devoid of any sparkle, her dancer's body still and lifeless. And he knew she didn't want it either.

Not removing his eyes from the bedspread, he pressed her hand a bit more firmly to his forehead and murmured, "I love you, ai ren."

"How?"

Dropping her hand as if shocked, Rafe stiffened in the chair, his blue eyes wide with trepidation. River's eyes were focused on him, the brown orbs studying him with an intense curiosity he had seen many times before. Sitting up slightly in bed, she stared at him for another minute and then rephrased her question. "How can you love me? You don't even know me."

Sighing heavily, Rafe dropped his chin to his chest. He didn't know how to do this – he didn't know how to talk to the woman he loved as if she was a stranger. Buoying his courage, he willed his eyes back to her face and mustered the only smile he could. "I guess that is true enough," he told her finally. "But it's hard for me to separate the girl you were from the girl you are." Pausing, he hesitated for only a second before adding, "You're still the prettiest girl in all the worlds."

Her cheeks flushed pink instantly and she dropped her eyes to her lap, intently studying her fingers as she entwined them again and again. Emboldened by her lack of screaming, Rafe added, "An' it's pretty plain you're still the sweetest thing that ever roamed the 'verse, so I'm thinkin' those are some qualities I could learn to live with."

She actually gave him a soft giggle and Rafe felt his hear soar. Inching a bit closer to the bed, he was about to say something else, when River's timid voice interrupted him. "The girl I was before … You loved her?" As she asked, she raised her eyes to his face and Rafe inhaled sharply at the look of pure conflict in her gaze.

Swallowing hard, he nodded. "I did. I loved her very much."

"But how?" River willed her voice not to crack as images of the past few weeks played unbidden through her memory. Images of her killing and cutting and shooting. Images of her being tortured and hurt. Images of her crazy and ranting. "That girl, she was crazy, she wasn't well." Tears welling in the bottom of her eyes, she added hoarsely, "How could you love someone like that? A monster?"

Reaching for her hands quickly, Rafe squeezed them tightly in his own, willing her to hold his gaze. "River you never was nor never will be a monster, you understand me?" As she nodded reluctantly, he continued, doing his best to keep his voice even. "You mighta done some things in the past that you ain't proud of, but the girl you were before, she was a survivor. She lived through some mighty awful times herself. She was tortured and altered by very bad men. But when the time came, she defended her family, she got the word out." As River inhaled a shaky breath, he allowed his gaze to soften and added, "She was a hero."

River released a pent-up sigh, a few of her tears spilling down her pale cheeks. Reaching up with one hand, Rafe gently wiped the back of his fingers down one side of her face, taking some of her tears with the gesture. Biting her lip at his closeness and the unbelievable familiarity of his touch, River met his gaze, her heart beating sharply against her chest as she read the love and devotion staring back at her. "Truth is, she still is," he said softly, cupping her cheek in his hand.

River nuzzled her face into the touch. She still could not remember him, not completely, but the way he cared for her now was so reminiscent of times past, she could only give in to the comfort. Closing her eyes, a few more tears leaked down her face, before she took another deep breath and then opened clear eyes to him.

Rafe returned her gaze unflinchingly, more than relieved at the closeness they were able to share. This was the closest he'd been to her in almost three months and he could not discount how wonderful it felt. As he opened his mouth to ask her something, a loud spike of the argument in the living room carried down the hall. With frightened eyes, River cocked her head and stared, doing her best to listen in.

Turning to regard Rafe, she asked, "What's going on?"

Sighing, he sat back and explained. "Your brother an' your folks an' Eli are fightin' about what's best for ya."

Cocking an eyebrow, she asked wryly, "Were they going to ask me?"

Chuckling softly, he shook his head. "You know, I don't think it had quite crossed their minds."

She returned his smile, before sitting back, her body relaxing a bit as the fight down the hall lulled. She could feel Simon's concern and his anger at their parents; Kaylee's concern and love for her husband; her parents' conviction that only they knew what was best for their little girl; Eli's resignation that his surgery had not done the trick.

Making a decision, River pushed the covers back, startling Rafe as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. Rising, he went to her, trying to get her to lie back down. "Ai ren, what are you doin'?"

"I need to put an end to this," she told him, swatting at his hands and trying to stand. As he hovered, uncertain whether to help or hinder, she regarded him calmly. "Are you going to stand there or help me?"

Smiling at her tone, he moved to her side and wrapped a strong around her waist. Holding her other hand in his, he helped her out towards the living room. Her body had already metabolized the smoother Simon had given her, but her muscles were still protesting the movement a few hours too early and it was slow going. But with Rafe's strength and support, she was soon standing at the mouth of the hallway, her parents, brother, sister-in-law and doctor all gaping in silence at her shaky form.

Breaking his self-inflicted stare, Simon rose swiftly, and moved around to her other side. Throwing Rafe an accusatory look, he asked River, "Mei mei, what are you doing out of bed?"

"We have to stop this," she told him. Smiling softly at her brother, she then turned her gaze to her parents. "I don't want anymore fighting. Not because of me, please. I just want us all to be happy."

"River, dear," Regan murmured, rising as well. Cupping her daughter's cheek in her hand, she told her quietly, "You've never made us unhappy."

Studying the older woman for a moment, River sighed heavily. Simon, taking the sound as a sign that she needed to sit, quickly ushered her into a chair. Rafe perched himself on the arm, never far away and River was glad. She had not relinquished her hold on his hand at any rate.

"I wish I could believe that, mother," she said with finality. Shifting her gaze to her father, she smiled softly and then said, "But I have a very strong feeling it's not true."

As Gabriel and Regan sat in stunned silence, River looked to Eli and asked, "What do you think is best for me? Given my current situation?"

Leaning forward, Eli propped his elbows on his knees. "I think I should reverse the surgery, River." Gabriel opened his mouth to protest, but was silenced with a harsh look from both of his children. Eli continued. "It will stop the flashes of memory. It will make things fall into place again."

"The nightmares will stop?" she whispered, squeezing Rafe's hand a bit tighter.

Shaking his head, Eli told her, "I don't know about that. You told me before the surgery that you still had nightmares revolving around all you've seen and experienced. But your mind will be linear again. You'll remember things in a timeline, not in pieces. It should at least make sense."

"Sense." River nodded absently, her eyes loosing focus as she tried to sort through all of the emotions, both her own and her families as they raged around her. She felt it becoming too much, felt the overwhelming tide of confusion ready to crash down on her head – and in the next instant found a small island of calm as Rafe's fingers gently rubbed the back of her hand. Turning to regard him, she was met with the smallest of smiles as he lifted the hand he held to his lips and kissed it lightly.

Returning his grin, River took a deep breath and then faced her parents and brother. "This has to stop. I can't live like this. It's like having half a life." Gazing to Kaylee's torn expression and feeling the woman's fear for Simon's well-being as well as River's, she added, "It's not fair to anyone."

Kaylee shared a quick look with Simon as River's eyes traveled back to her parents. "I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted. I'm sorry I was broken. But the surgery didn't fix me." Meeting Rafe's eyes, she added, "And if it's all the same to you, I'd rather be the broken girl I was before. The girl with a job, and love and a family that accepted her."

Regan inhaled sharply, her eyes watering uncomfortably at the truth of her daughter's words. But what touched her more was the lack of malice in her voice. River was only stating a fact – she had a new family now. Whether Gabriel or Regan wanted to admit it, they had seen it with their own eyes, the way River had gravitated to Captain Reynolds, looking to him for fatherly support, the way Kaylee and Rafe doted on their daughter as if she was the most precious person in the 'verse. The way Simon still looked after her and cared for her despite all the hardship he'd faced as a result.

Their daughter had found a family – and Regan was slowly starting to accept that she was not a part of it.

"When can we schedule the surgery?" River's eyes had rested on Eli and she saw the small gleam of love and pride shining there. She was glad that when all was said and done she would be able to remember this man as well. He was important to her and to Simon and she wanted to know all the reasons why.

"There will be no surgery." Gabriel's cold voice cut through the room like the sharpest wind.

Barely suppressing a groan of fatigue and annoyance, Simon rubbed a hand over his aching neck before turning weary eyes to his father. "What now?"

"River is still our daughter. I will not consent to the surgery." Gabriel's arms crossed over his chest and he tipped his chin up defiantly as if the stance alone could cement the words into truth.

"Not a child any longer, father," River told him. Her voice was devoid of any emotion other than exasperation – so very similar to Simon's. "I'm an adult now, and it's not your decision."

Gabriel had no response for that, and he watched in horror as River again regarded Eli and asked evenly, "When?"

xoxoxoxo

Mal answered the door to find Zoe standing on the other side, her expression, as always, unreadable, Jayne's normal scowl visible over her right shoulder.

"Got us a job, sir," she told him evenly, stepping inside as Mal made room for her and his merc. Following him into the living room, Zoe and Jayne both took seats on the sofa, greeting Inara with smiles as she emerged from the bedroom.

Zoe could tell the woman was tired, but the glow of her skin masked any true exhaustion. "How are you feelin', 'Nara?"

Smiling patiently, Inara's hand caressed her stomach as she answered flatly, "Huge." As Jayne and Zoe guffawed and Mal returned with cups of coffee for his crew, Inara added, "But otherwise, just fine."

Waiting until they had taken seats, Zoe asked Mal, "Heard anything else about River?"

Shaking his head once, Mal's lips pressed into a thin line that signified his annoyance. "Not yet. I'm hopin' the doc doesn't decide to keep me in the dark again. I'd hate to have to knock that boy's head against a wall."

"Aw hell, I'll do it," Jayne volunteered eagerly, sipping his coffee. Ignoring the scowls from the rest of them, he added, "We gonna talk about work, or what?"

Not at all surprised by his single-mindedness when there was coin involved, Zoe turned her attention back to the captain. "We were contacted by a tradesman day after last. He's got some cargo he needs to get off world. Offering us a fair amount of coin to do the transportin'."

"What kind of cargo?" Mal asked. A year ago, the question would never have passed his lips; he had always adhered to the "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy of smuggling. But now, as he took in Inara's pregnant form at his side, he had more to worry about than his own hide. He didn't need to be pissing off people with more fire power or resources than him.

"Building supplies," Zoe elaborated. If she felt he'd gone soft, she didn't make any indication. "I checked him out. He's clean."

"What's the timetable?"

"His buyer needs the materials by the end of the month on Jiangyin." Zoe watched as Mal's eyebrows raised a fraction of an inch. Even at full burn, they would be hard-pressed to make that deadline.

"Jiangyin's pretty far out," he stated needlessly, glancing to Inara. Her expression was serene, but he could only guess what she was thinking. It would take them a good three weeks to get out there and a good three weeks to get back. Meaning Mal would be gone for the last few months of her pregnancy.

"Jayne and I have prepped the ship, although it'd be shiny if Rafe could come along. I don't like flyin' that far without a mechanical genius on board," Zoe explained. "Given the situation with River though-"

"Nah, we can't fly out to the Rim and back without him," Mal confirmed, sitting back with a sigh. Closing his eyes for a moment, when he again regarded his first mate, he had a wry smile plastered on his features. "When did things get so gorram complicated?"

"Right around the time we all started disobeyin' your orders 'bout shipboard romances," Zoe countered, a playful smirk on her lips.

Snorting softly, Mal reached for Inara's hand as he said, "Yeah, well, I'm breakin' my own rules, so I guess I got no cause to be yellin' at anybody else."

Silence fell among them as Mal did his best to weigh his options. He needed to talk it over with Inara, but he also knew that their time was short. He would have to leave almost immediately in order to get the supplies to the buyer on time.

Jayne, always impatient, huffed and said, "So, we goin' or what?"

Releasing another sigh, Mal turned to Inara. "I'll be fine, Mal," she told him quietly, smiling softly. "Kaylee and Simon are here and so are my parents if anything happens."

He swallowed down his automatic retort – that should anything happen he didn't want Inara relying on them, he wanted her relying on him. Suddenly, Edward's idea of a job on solid land didn't seem like such a stretch of the imagination. But then, Mal had kind of already puzzled that out.

Looking to Zoe, Mal sighed and asked, "What's the take?"

As she was about to answer him, the beep of an incoming wave interrupted. Inara rose and answered it, speaking quietly. Mal watched closely as her back stiffened just before she closed the connection. Rising, he went to her and asked quietly, "Everythin' all right?"

Turning, Inara took a deep breath and did her best to reassure him and the rest of the crew. "It's River," she said finally, not missing the flash of worry that passed through his gaze. "She's going back in for surgery."

xoxoxoxo


	15. Chapter 15

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 15**

xoxoxoxo

"We're gonna have to talk about a few things when you get back."

Zoe tensed for a moment at his words, but then let the momentary anxiety pass. She had known this conversation was coming. Had known it since Inara had announced her pregnancy. Turning to Mal, she nodded. "I figured as much."

Watching as Jayne passed, lugging a crate of supplies into the cargo hold, Mal hitched his thumbs in his belt. "I'm thinkin' maybe it's time to move on from all o' this."

Smiling softly, Zoe crossed her arms over her chest. "I never thought I'd hear those words outta your mouth, sir."

Chuckling, Mal admitted, "You an' me both." Glancing to the horizon, Mal watched as the sun rose just another fraction of an inch, the early winter morning making him grateful for his warm leather coat. Looking back to his best friend, he told her, "I don't think I'd survive if anythin' ever happened to 'Nara or the baby. An' you an' I both know, this kinda life don't lend itself to safety."

Her features blanched for just a moment, as the memory of the wooden spear ramming itself into her husband's chest coalesced and then faded from her mind's eye. She nodded. "I ain't gonna argue that point."

An uncomfortable silence fell between them and Mal studied the decking under his boots. Zoe watched him, feeling the cold hand of uncertainty grip her heart. "You'll wave when River's outta surgery?" she asked needlessly.

Nodding, Mal answered, "Absolutely. Doc said she'll probably go in next week, so it'll be a while yet."

"It's good that Rafe's stayin'," Zoe added, glancing over her shoulder as she watched Jayne scowl at their new mechanic – a man even younger than Rafe if his boyish features were any indication.

"You all right with the new guy?" Mal's eyes followed her gaze and he could only smile. The look of pure intimidation that passed over the young Asian man's face as Jayne slowly pulled Boo from his belt and began to clean his fingernails was priceless.

"Yang seems more than capable." Turning back to Mal, Zoe caught the smile and reminded him, "Don't be too smug. If Jayne kills him, I have to clean up the mess."

"Jayne ain't gonna do any such thing," Mal assured. "Jus' get the kid drunk once on the way an' he an' Jayne'll be the best of friends."

Cocking an eyebrow at him, Zoe asked dryly, "And that's supposed to make me feel better how?"

Laughing outright, Mal stepped forward and embraced his friend almost without thought. She stiffened for just a second in his hold and then let her strong arms wrap around his back for only a moment before pulling away. Embarrassed by the overt show of affection, Mal's cheeks colored. "Fly safe," he told her, giving a nod and wave to Jayne and Yang before departing.

Zoe watched him descend to the landing platform, walking to a safe distance, before he turned back to regard his ship. As he offered her another wave, she saluted slightly in return before hitting the ramp release.

Mal watched Serenity's ramp close, swallowing Zoe's image from his sight in the process. He listened for the next thirty minutes or so as the ship cycled through its launch sequence, the engines whining and sputtering until the turbines caught and she started to sing with the anticipation of soaring through the black.

He had thought he'd feel anxious, watching Serenity depart without him for the second time in the past five months. But as Mal saw the engines light and watched his boat gracefully lift into the air, it wasn't anxiety or regret that filled his heart. It was satisfaction – he was passing the mantle, giving his boat over to Zoe, if she'd take the hunk of junk; giving her the rights to what should have been her operation for a while now. Mal's heart just wasn't in it, not anymore.

Edward and Lili had been right – he had other things to concern himself with. He'd be damned if anything happened to either Inara or his soon-to-be son. And truthfully, he knew that captaining Serenity, while fairly lucrative at times, and a lot of fun, was also just his way to avoid real responsibility. Sure, he'd been responsible for his crew and their work, but there was always the underlying issue of escape. Serenity represented a freedom to him that was no longer his – the freedom to live his life as he saw fit. And that just wasn't the way of it.

The responsibility of Inara and his child was far greater than that of his crew. He felt a deep need to provide and protect them, as any man would, and while he'd run from such a weight before, he found he no longer wanted to. Malcolm Reynolds, it seemed, had finally grown up, had finally realized that there were things in the 'verse worthy of taking a stand for.

And he was ready to stand on solid ground for the first time in years.

xoxoxoxo

Kaylee wrung her hands as she waited for Simon and River to reemerge from Eli's office. They were reviewing the last details on the surgery that would take place the day after next. From what she understood, it would be almost identical to the first surgery performed almost three and a half months ago, just in reverse. Kaylee really hoped it was that easy.

Glancing up, she smiled as Simon stepped out, his hand holding River's. Her features were pale, but she seemed otherwise all right. "Everythin' go okay?"

"Shiny," River responded, offering her sister-in-law a small smile.

Returning the grin, Kaylee told her, "Well, then, I say we get home. Have some supper."

Shaking her head once, River glanced to Simon and then looked back to Kaylee's beaming face. "Actually, I have to stay here tonight. Eli wants to observe me for the next thirty-six hours, make sure everything's working as it should."

Meeting Simon's impassive gaze, Kaylee tried not to worry. "That's all it is?" she questioned. "You're sure there ain't nothin' wrong?"

Smiling, River took both of Kaylee's hands in her own. "I'm fine. Simon just worries. It's part of who he is."

Laughing lightly, Kaylee told her, "Trust me, sweetie. I know."

As the two women shared a quick hug, an orderly appeared with a wheelchair, ready to escort River to her room. Wrinkling her nose at the chair, River sat in it with a huff. Reaching for Simon's hand, she squeezed it, getting his attention. "Don't worry," she ordered, watching as a deep grimace passed across his handsome features. "Eli said I'd be fine, and I trust him. I know you do too."

Leaning down, Simon pressed a kiss to her cheek and told her, "Of course I do. I'll be by later with some of your things."

"Don't worry," she told him again as the orderly wheeled her around and headed for the nearest bank of lifts. "You can send Rafe too, you know."

Simon offered her a wave as she threw a casual one to them both over her shoulder. Kaylee watched him for a moment more, before wrapping an arm through his. "C'mon sweetie. She's gonna be fine."

Sighing, Simon had no response to that. In silence they headed home, choosing to walk even though the night air was getting chillier by the day. It would be winter soon, and Kaylee wondered if it would snow. It had been years since she'd seen snow.

She'd used to love playing in it – making snowballs, harassing her brothers. A small lump formed in her throat as a memory flashed of her father, teaching her how to craft a perfect white, icy missile. Tightening her hold on Simon's arm, she sighed quietly and rested her head to his shoulder as they continued to walk.

"You okay?" he asked softly, catching the change in her mood.

Nodding, she stayed silent for a while more, a bit of guilt also creeping its way into her heart. It had been almost three months since she'd started taking the hormone supplements supplied by Doctor Chen – and she still hadn't told Simon. Of course, she still wasn't pregnant either, but Kaylee feared that this was a secret she should no longer keep.

Waiting until they were home, Kaylee smiled softly at her husband as he helped her out of her coat, depositing a light kiss to the back of her neck as she unwrapped her scarf and handed it to him as well. "You want some tea?" she asked, heading for the kitchen.

"Sure."

Simon worked to light a fire, and Kaylee found him staring at the orange flames a few minutes later. Joining him, she handed him a steaming mug, sitting close to him as he sat close to the hearth. Taking a few hesitant sips of the warm liquid, Kaylee realized it wasn't going to get any easier and as much as she didn't want to burden Simon with this now, so close to River's second surgery, she needed to tell him.

"Simon." She waited until he'd turned to her, his blue eyes open and trusting. Setting her tea down, Kaylee reached for his hand and held it. "There's somethin' I gotta tell ya" she said quietly, her heart pounding as she pictured Simon becoming irate over her actions. She really hoped that wasn't how he reacted.

His own nervousness on the rise by Kaylee's serious demeanor, Simon questioned, "What is it, Kaylee? Are you all right?" His blue eyes quickly roamed over her form, looking for any hint of illness.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she explained quickly, offering him a small smile as reassurance. "I just, well … Remember when 'Nara had that scare with the baby?" Nodding, Simon listened intently as she went on. "Well, when I went to the hospital that night, I saw Doctor Chen."

An unmistakable light of hope lit his eyes and it made Kaylee's heart beat sharply in her chest. "I ain't pregnant, sweetie," she told him gently, glancing down to her lap as the hope faded from his gaze; she couldn't stand to see it.

"Kaylee." Resting a hand under her chin, Simon tipped her face up, meeting her deep green eyes with concerned ones of his own. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I am," she told him. "It's just, when I was talkin' with Doctor Chen that night, I asked her if'n there was anythin' I could do to help us get pregnant." As Simon waited, she finally blurted out, "She prescribed these hormone supplements for me an' I been takin' 'em ever since."

Simon's expression didn't change, his look a mixture of surprise and worry that set Kaylee's nerves on edge. Then, he did something she had surely not expected; he tipped his head back and laughed.

Smiling uncertainly at his reaction, Kaylee asked, "Um, Simon? What's so funny?"

Controlling himself, Simon rose, reaching for her hand. She gave it to him, letting him pull her to her feet and then wordlessly led her towards their room. Heading into their bathroom, he flipped on the light, before opening one of the cabinets below the sink and reaching inside for something.

Standing uncertainly by the door, still worried that Simon's initial laughter was masking a darker reaction, she stared curiously as he held up what looked suspiciously like a prescription bottle.

"What's funny," he explained, moving towards her. "Is that I've been taking supplements too."

Her eyes widened in shock as she stared first at him and then at the bottle. A smile starting on her features, it disappeared almost immediately as another thought struck her. "Then why ain't we pregnant yet?" she whined quietly, big eyes pleading with Simon for an answer.

"It'll happen when it happens, bao bei," he reminded her again. Placing the pills down, he wrapped his arms around her waist and nipped quickly at her full lips. "Of course, it could be that we just haven't been trying hard enough."

Sighing as Simon's mouth worked down the column of her neck, she rested her hands lightly to his shoulders and murmured, "I think there are some things that are plenty hard." She accented the last word by grinding her hips against his.

Chuckling, Simon pulled his mouth back, eyes twinkling and told her, "Touche."

Laughing herself, Kaylee found that soon she and Simon were once again trying their hardest to make a baby.

xoxoxoxo 

River was bored. It was still a good ten hours before her surgery and she'd read all the books Simon had sent with Rafe. She briefly considered reading them again, but the thought repulsed her and so she contented herself with staring at the ceiling.

She hadn't been quite as bored when Rafe had been there, but it was late and he'd needed to go. She could tell when the nurse had come to remind him about visiting hours that he didn't want to leave. But River also knew he was more than aware that the comfort they'd developed over the past week or so was tenuous at best and he was in no way going to press his luck.

Sighing, River was startled by a light knock on her door. Glancing up, she was met with her mother's hesitant gaze. Uncertainty playing across her features, Regan took a step over the threshold and asked, "May I come in?"

Nodding, River watched her approach, her father no where in sight. Sighing with relief, River waited until she was seated before speaking. "I thought visiting hours were over."

"Not for family," Regan explained, taking no offense at her words. She stared for a moment into River's wide brown eyes. They weren't so very changed from the eyes she'd beheld with such wonder at River's birth. They'd always been bright and full of life – dancing with laughter when she played a trick on her brother or flashing with pain when she was hurt. Regan had often marveled at them, wondering how a pair of eyes could convey such a range of emotion. Emotions the older woman was uncertain she even possessed.

"Is something wrong?" River questioned quietly. She had been trying for the past week to work on keeping out others' thoughts. From what Simon had told her, her psychic abilities before the surgery had been stronger, more complete. Now, it was simply strong emotion she could read, and considering the state of her family and herself, those were feelings she'd been desperately trying to avoid. When Regan didn't answer, River added, "I'm surprised father isn't with you."

"He thought it best that he stay away," Regan explained. It was partly the truth; Gabriel hadn't really wanted to come, his disgust with the entire situation still gnawing at him. But more than that, his disappointment that the daughter he had so desperately wanted to save was beyond his reach.

"Please don't try and talk me out of this." River's small voice pulled Regan from her musings. She met her daughter's gaze evenly as she implored, "My mind is made up and you won't be able to change it."

"That's not why I came," Regan admitted. Sucking in a breath, she told her, "I wanted you to know that I'm sorry."

Sighing again, River waved away what she considered to be misplaced regret. "You didn't know about the Academy. I don't blame you for that."

"Maybe not, but we did know you were hurting," Regan explained, taking River's hand in her own. "When your father and I found you and your brother again last year," she told her. "We knew things had changed, that you were different. And, I'm ashamed to say neither one of us could handle it."

Swallowing thickly, River nodded minutely and then said, "It's hard to accept that your daughter's been turned into an assassin."

Regan swallowed down an uncomfortable lump in her throat and then nodded. "That's true. But you were never asking us to accept that you were a killer." Pausing, she took another deep breath, and River caught the hesitation and hope on the other woman's face. Reaching a hand to her cheek, Regan admitted, "You were asking us to accept that, no matter what, you were still our daughter."

Unbidden tears pooled in River's eyes and she did her best to blink them away. Nodding once, she said hoarsely, "That's never changed, mother. No matter what's happened." As Regan nodded, she added, "I'm sorry if what I've become shames you, but-"

"No, River," Regan interrupted fiercely. Inching closer she cupped her daughter's face in her hands and stared at her intently. "No, we are not ashamed of you. Your father and I are ashamed of our actions, of what we've done to push you and your brother away." Searching River's face, Regan's eyes alighted over every feature, studying them as though she hadn't really seen the adult her baby girl had become. "You and your brother, the adults you are, your father and I don't recognize them. We couldn't accept that the two of you moved on from us. Or that the distance in our family now is our own fault." Smiling weakly, Regan shrugged lightly. "We're starting to see that now."

"Does father?" River asked quietly, swallowing hard to dislodge the tightness in her throat. She didn't want to cry, not again.

Sighing heavily, Regan dropped her hands to her lap. "I think he's starting to." Sitting back, she added, "He thinks he's been replaced by your Captain." Lifting her eyes back to her face, Regan amended, "It hurts that you've replaced him."

Shrugging, River refused to apologize for trusting another man to protect her. She trusted Simon and she trusted Mal and she suspected that once this surgery was complete she would trust Rafe as well. "Father will always biologically be connected to me. But when I needed safety, when I needed protection, he wasn't there. Mal was – I may not remember all the details, but I know that's the truth."

"Your father and I are starting to realize it's the truth as well." Regan let a silence grow between them, unable to meet River's still piercing gaze.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" the young girl finally asked, getting a surprised look from her mother.

"Of course, sweetheart. Your father and I will see you through this, regardless of the outcome." Leaning forward, she squeezed her hand again and said softly, "I'm sorry that we've made you doubt that."

There was another prolonged silence and River knew that whatever else they had to say to one another was probably best left unsaid. Regan seemed to know it as well. Rising, she leaned forward and brushed a kiss to River's forehead. "Get some rest, all right?" she instructed gently, her hand resting to River's cheek for just a moment before she turned to leave.

River watched her retreat and then called her back, "Mother." As Regan turned, River told her, "Please convince father to forgive Simon. He's a good man and a son any father should be proud of."

Uncertain of whether or not she could fulfill such a tall order, Regan nodded once and then smiled gently. "I'll see you in the morning, bao bei."

River returned the nod and watched her go, suddenly feeling very tired.

xoxoxoxo

Inara stood uncertainly at the gate, her hand resting on the cold metal. She had resisted coming here for the past six months, ever since she'd found out about the place. But as her pregnancy progressed, she got the feeling it was something she needed to do; a final bit of closure she, Mal and her new son deserved.

With a deep breath, she straightened her shoulders and marched forward, the frost covered ground crunching beneath her stylish boots. The terrain was a bit uneven, but she soon found one well-worn path and she followed its meandering course until she came to the appropriate row.

Turning, she stared down it, seeing the short headstones of the less wealthily interred, and then the occasional peaks of large monuments, indicating riches even in death. Nonplussed by either, she stepped gingerly along, gathering her skirts in her hand, until she found the small, flat stone fixed in the earth covered with a few dead leaves and wayward grass.

Of course her son's grave would be an afterthought. Inara vaguely wondered who had paid for even this modest monument. Kneeling as best she could with her swollen middle, she pressed her knees into the cold earth, staring for a moment at the obscured marker.

With one hand resting to her belly, she took a deep breath and reached out the other slowly, pushing aside the overgrown grass. Plucking at the dead leaves, she threw them off the stone, until her fingers could trace the writing etched there. 'Baby Boy' was all it said, a three-day timeframe from over ten years ago marking his short life.

Baby Boy – no one had even named him. Inara stared numbly at the words. Her fingers were cold where they rested against the frozen stone. She had removed her gloves in an attempt to feel something, to make a connection with her dead child. But there was nothing here to touch – just a cold stone that didn't even hold a name.

A tear fell against her cheek, and it was cold, sliding down to her chin. "I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely, as another tear fell. "I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to keep you safe."

She tried to form more words, but they wouldn't come and so instead, Inara pressed her hands to her face and felt her tears as they wet her palms.

xoxoxoxo

Mal awoke full of anxiety – today was the day of River's second surgery. He wanted to be there for his Albatross no matter what. Her surgery had been one of the reasons he'd let Zoe and Jayne fly off in his boat without him. Of course, Inara was the even bigger reason and with a faint smile on his face, he rolled over to kiss her good morning.

Only to be greeted by an empty bed. Frowning, Mal propped himself up on his elbows listening for her. Met with silence, his frown deepened to a scowl as he threw off the covers and headed out towards the living room. "'Nara?" he called, his voice echoing uncomfortably off the walls.

Passing the small table in the hall, he caught sight of a note and read it quickly. _I had to run an errand. I'll meet you at the hospital. Fang xin. Ai, Inara._

Crumpling the piece of paper, Mal hurried to get dressed. Don't worry – she added it as afterthought, as if the words alone couldn't send his anxiety skyrocketing. Did the woman not know him at all?

Ten minutes later, he was hustling out the front doors of their building, searching urgently for their doorman. Spotting the man as he helped a couple out of a hovercab, Mal waited until he got his tip before interrupting. "Mornin' Frank."

Turning the older gentleman smiled warmly and tipped his hat. "Captain Reynolds, good morning yourself."

"Frank, you ain't by any chance seen Inara this morning, have you?"

Still smiling, he answered, "Of course, sir. She came down about forty minutes ago, I'd guess. Asked for a hovercab."

Taking a step closer to the man, Mal lowered his voice. "You didn't happen to hear where she was headin', did ya?"

His eyes twinkling with amusement at the man's concern, Frank nodded, signaling a waiting hovercab down the block to pull forward. Opening the door for Mal, he gave the driver the destination as Mal got in. "Thanks," the captain told him, offering him a few bills.

Waving the money away, Frank told him, "You just keep that young lady happy and we'll call it even."

More and more surprised by the folks he met in the Core everyday, Mal nodded and then pulled the door shut, the cab whisking away almost simultaneously.

xoxoxoxo

Inara was cold and stiff by the time she pushed herself up from the ground. She didn't want to worry Mal, and she knew that being late for the start of River's surgery would not sit well with him. Glancing sadly to the small grave marker for a second more, Inara pressed her fingertips to her lips, before bending over to brush them against the stone. "I promise to visit again," she whispered, blinking away a few fresh tears before straightening.

Resting a hand to her lower back as the movement brought a stab of pain, she inhaled sharply, squeezing her eyes shut as she took a few quick breaths. As she felt an arm wrap around her waist, her eyes flew open turning to regard her visitor, her breath catching in her throat as Mal's concerned visage came into view.

"You all right?" he asked, looking her over as he rubbed the sore back muscles under her hand.

Nodding, Inara rested her other hand to his cheek and he jumped a bit, hissing in a breath. "Ai ya, 'Nara, you're freezin'." Reaching into her pocket, he asked, "Ain't you got gloves?"

Swatting his hand away playfully, Inara produced the brown leather gloves and pulled them on. Mal continued to rub her back and she leaned against him, his body heat soaking into her frigid form and helping to ease the ache that had settled in her chest.

"How did you find me?" she finally asked, glancing up at him.

"Frank," Mal told her, not at all surprised by the smile that graced her features. They both adored the older man who had been a good acquaintance since they'd moved into the building. "He knows just about everything."

"I guess I'll have to include some bribe money with his tip next time," she intoned dryly, straightening and heading for the path out of the cemetery.

Mal followed in silence keeping a steadying hand on her back as she navigated the uneven ground. Once they were back on the path, he turned her to face him. Her eyes were studying the dirt below their feet and Mal let out a slow breath.

"What're you doin' here, 'Nara?" he asked softly, guessing he knew the answer, but wanting to hear it from her.

Studying him through dark lashes, Inara sighed and admitted, "I wanted to see where my son was buried."

Pulling her closer, Mal asked, "An' I couldn't come?"

Sighing, Inara didn't have an answer for him. She was uncertain herself as to why she'd felt she needed to do this alone. It had just seemed right – as if her saying goodbye to her first child was a way for her to make room in her heart for their son.

"I wasn't trying to keep it from you," Inara explained. "I don't even …" Pausing she released a heavy sigh, the breath seeming to take most of her remaining strength with it. She sank against Mal's chest, not at all surprised when his strong arms held her securely. "I've known about the grave for the past six months and it's taken me this long to get here. I figured I'd just better do it before I lost my nerve."

Mal nodded, but kept his silence, holding her for another moment, before he gently turned them both back towards the exit. He still had one arm firmly about her shoulders and Inara took the support gratefully. In silence they walked to the cemetery's entrance, the hovercab Mal had arrived in waiting patiently for their appearance.

Pausing a moment, Mal turned to look at her. Running a finger down her cheek, he asked, "Did it help?"

Sighing again, Inara glanced down before looking past his shoulder in the general direction they'd come. "I never knew him," she said finally, her voice hardly more than a whisper. "And I never will. Regardless of what I may wish, that is a fact that I have learned to live with." Reaching for the hand he still held against her face, Inara drew it down to her belly and laid it flat, placing hers atop it. "But this child, our child, I will know. And we will love him completely, Mal. I am sure of that."

Nodding once, Mal smiled slightly before leaning in to kiss her. She returned the gesture, her lips cool, but quickly warming as Mal's warm breath puffed against them and into her mouth. Pulling back after a moment, Inara rested her forehead to his chin and sighed with content. "River needs us," she finally murmured, not surprised when Mal's arm around her shoulders tightened.

"I reckon she does," he said by way of an answer. There were so many other things he wanted to say in that moment, plans he wanted to share, a question he needed to ask. But Mal knew it wasn't the time. It would have to wait, just a little longer.

Stepping past her, he opened the door and helped her inside. "Best not keep the lil' one waitin'," he said, his blue eyes again twinkling.

Returning the look, Inara took his hand and stepped inside the cab.

xoxoxoxo


	16. Chapter 16

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 16**

xoxoxoxo

Eli wasn't exactly sure what he was going to fix. He had the notion that reopening River Tam's brain was the way to correct her current state of psychosis. However, considering that the first surgery had failed so spectacularly, he had a sneaking suspicion that this one might as well.

Of course, he hadn't shared that with Simon. The younger man was already tense enough. Eli was fairly certain he hadn't unclenched his jaw since River had gone under the knife the first time. He'd briefly considered giving his friend some time off, ordering him to go home and get rest, but Eli knew it was a futile act. Simon was Simon and his anxiety would not be eased until his mei mei was once again safe and whole.

Glancing through River's chart, he checked a few more of her vital stats. She was resting comfortably now and he hoped that the drugs they'd begun pumping through her system would bring about a deep sleep state. Her body had been breaking down medicines at an alarming rate lately – Eli did not want to take any chances that she might awaken during the surgery.

His eyes flitting to her face, Eli started as he realized she was regarding him. Those unblinking, brown orbs studied him intently. Sighing, he returned her chart to the end of the bed, before sitting beside her. "Not sleepy yet?"

Nodding once, River let out a huge yawn to accentuate her point. "Just waiting for you, then I'll sleep."

His smile deepening, Eli squeezed her hand gently. "Well, here I am. It's time to count sheep."

Frowning at the old adage, River let it slide as she again watched him in silence. She could feel his hesitation, his fear that this second surgery was the wrong move. That in actuality it would fix nothing and River would be even more damaged than she initially had seemed.

But River did not believe that – she couldn't. Squeezing his hand back, she returned his smile. "Everything's going to be fine. You're a brilliant surgeon."

His face blanching at the statement, Eli had to remind himself that the girl was a reader. Of course, she knew what he was thinking. Ashamed she should be privy to such pessimism, he told her, "You are going to be all right, River. I promise. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Eyes losing focus as she stared past his shoulder, River murmured, "Simon made me that promise, a million different times. And so did Captain Daddy, even Rafe." Turning her attention back to him, she said earnestly, "If nothing ever happens to me, I won't have lived."

Smoothing her soft hair back from her forehead, Eli answered, "Oh child, I think enough has happened to you for multiple lifetimes."

"But not the good stuff," River countered. There was no accusation in her tone, only a slight hint of wistfulness, as if she were aware that there was so much more she should be experiencing. At eighteen, she knew she just hadn't gotten there yet. "I want to be in love and get married. Have children and raise them right. I want to watch Simon become a father and spoil my nieces and nephews." Shining eyes fixed squarely on his face, she added, "I want to die knowing I was surrounded by love and family. Knowing that I did everything I could to make the 'verse better."

"And you will, child," Eli assured. The look on her face, a mixture of tension and hope propelled him to gather the girl in his arms. Holding her gently for just a moment, he smiled softly as he felt her lips brush against his cheek.

"You're a good man," she whispered, before disentangling her arms from around his neck and settling back against her pillows. "I trust you."

Praying beyond belief that he was worthy of such faith, Eli could only smile before heading out of her room.

xoxoxoxo

One hour passed and then two. Simon paced the length of the waiting room for the third and fourth hour only stopping once Kaylee had threatened to withhold sex. With a blush to his cheeks, Simon had bowed his head and allowed her to lead him from the room, vowing to make him eat something.

Mal wasn't doing much better and neither was Rafe. Inara watched both men as they paced at opposite ends. Chins resting against the tops of their chests, they studied their feel intently as they traversed the white linoleum, doing their best not to think of all the things that could go wrong.

Sighing quietly, Inara glanced about to find Regan and Gabriel, the picture of calm. The couple was sitting apart from the rest, their hands clasped together tightly, expressions unreadable. Inara pitied them in a way she knew neither Tam would appreciate. But she understood the pain of being separated from a child, especially when that separation was not a conscious choice.

Rising, she glanced to Mal, his eyes still glued to the floor under his feet and sighed softly. She guessed that getting him to eat would take an act of Buddha and truthfully, Inara was just a bit too tired for that. Instead, she walked towards Gabriel and Regan, resting a gentle hand to the mother's shoulder.

The older woman blinked up at her in surprise and Inara smiled kindly. "I'm getting a bit hungry. Would you like to join me for some dinner?"

Glancing quickly to her husband and then back to Inara, Regan considered the offer and then swallowed hard. "Yes, I think that would be lovely. I don't know how much longer I can sit still anyway."

Her smile deepening as the woman rose, kissing her husband on his cheek, Inara told her, "I know what you mean." Throwing a look to Mal over her shoulder, she said, "Besides if I watch Mal pace for another minute I think I'll be ill."

Sharing her grin, Regan nodded in agreement and headed for the hall. Looking down to Gabriel, Inara requested, "If Mal wonders where I've gone, would you mind telling him? I hate to interrupt him mid-brood."

If Gabriel found her attempt at humor amusing, he didn't let it show. Instead he nodded succinctly and then turned to again stare at the closed doors across the room; the doors River's still form had been wheeled through a little over five hours ago.

Assuming that was the best response she could hope for Inara took Regan's arm and led the woman out of the room.

They walked in a companionable silence to the lift, both simply sharing a shy smile instead of attempting to start a dialogue. As they stepped into the elevator and Inara pressed the button for the cafeteria's floor, Regan asked, "So, when are you due?"

Smiling at her, Inara's hand automatically fell to her stomach. "About a month and a half."

"Are you uncomfortable yet?" Regan questioned, a knowing gleam flashing in her eyes.

"Yet?" Inara asked incredulously. With a soft snort, she answered, "I was uncomfortable from my third month. It's just been steadily getting worse."

Regan laughed lightly and Inara joined her as the lift doors opened, depositing them at the entrance to the cafeteria. Entering the crowded space, any other chance for discussion was stymied as the nurses, doctors and other visitors hustled by them.

Once the two women had found a table on the edge of the room, cups of tea and salads before them, Inara found herself asking, "Were you uncomfortable with Simon and River?"

Smiling knowingly, Regan nodded as she chewed. "Simon's pregnancy was actually very easy. I barely gained weight and his birth was flawless. I was only in labor for about ten hours." As Inara's eyes widened with a bit of surprise, Regan added, "Trust me, I know how lucky I was. And if I didn't at the time, the minute I got pregnant with River, it become abundantly clear."

"Causing trouble from the womb, was she?" Inara teased lightly, glad to see the other woman opening up.

Regan laughed quietly. "That is an understatement." With a sigh, she pushed her salad about the plate. She'd only take a few bites and already she found her appetite dwindling. Sitting back in her chair, she chose to cradle the cup of tea in her hands as she explained, "My morning sickness with River was almost unbearable. Morning, noon and night – I could barely keep anything down. And then of course, the minute she could move, she did." Lifting the paper cup to her lips, Regan hid another smile behind it. "She was constantly kicking and turning about. And she never slept when I did. Eventually, Gabriel kicked me out of bed."

Inara nodded in understanding. "Yes, I believe the thought has crossed Mal's mind on occasion. But I think he's even more afraid of my reaction." Rubbing her stomach again, she added, "But this little guy does not like to stay still either."

"You know it's a boy then?"

Nodding, Inara forced the image of her first son's grave marker from her mind as it flashed by unbidden. "Yes. Mal is ecstatic."

"Most men are, when they discover they're going to have a son." Regan's tone was wistful and Inara was sure she heard something else in it as well.

Taking a guess, she leaned forward crossing her arms on the table and confided, "So, is it terrible that I'm a little disappointed?"

A momentary flash of surprise passed through Regan's gray eyes and then they were once again warm. "Not at all, my dear." Reaching across the table, she squeezed Inara's hand in reassurance. "I love Simon, but when I found out I was having a daughter, I was beyond excited."

This time there was no mistaking the sadness that covered Regan's features. Sitting back again, she fell silent and Inara watched as she swirled her tea in her cup, staring at the brownish liquid as if it might hold the answers to the 'verse.

Inara wondered if she should pry, but quickly decided against it. If Regan wanted to share whatever she was thinking, she would. Nothing would be accomplished by forcing the issue.

As if reading her mind, Regan said quietly, "Even before she was born, I started planning." Gazing out the window at the encroaching darkness of dusk, Regan continued in a hushed tone. "I imagined her first birthday, with a pink, flower-covered cake and mountains of presents. Her first day of school, her first homework assignment, her first dance recital. I even allowed myself to imagine her first date, the kind of boy she'd bring home. Some young man that neither Simon nor Gabriel would approve of, but someone she was smitten with all the same." Sighing, Regan took another sip of tea, her face twisting as the bitter and now cold liquid disagreed with her taste buds. "Her coming out party, I imagined that most of all. She'd be beautiful, hair perfectly arranged, the most beautiful dress money could buy, a list of suitors a mile long."

Turning those gray eyes to Inara, there was no mistaking the shine of tears in them. "I imagined she'd never get to sit down the entire night. Every song she'd find herself in the arms of one beau or another and by midnight when we finally pried her away, she'd be leaning on me, talking of how her feet ached, but how much fun she'd had." Taking a shuddering breath, Regan added in a low voice, "I imagined we'd stay up until dawn talking and laughing about all the men, all the people, all the dresses …" Breath catching in her throat, Regan stopped, a shaky hand covering her eyes as she took a few deep breaths.

Noting her distress, Inara reached across the table and squeezed her other hand gently, but Regan waved the gesture away. She knew if she indulged in any compassion she might lose her carefully constructed veneer of detachment and she just wasn't prepared.

After a few silent minutes, Regan finally gazed back to Inara and told her evenly, "But we never got to do any of those things. From the minute River was born, she was … well, different."

"She's extraordinary," Inara agreed, smiling kindly to the woman. "You should be very proud of her, Regan."

Nodding, the distraught mother answered, "Oh, I am. But I take no credit for the woman she's become."

Brow furrowing at the implied shame, Inara said a bit harshly, "I don't think that's fair. River has worked-"

Raising a hand, Regan cut her off. "No, Inara you misunderstand me. I don't take any credit because the loving woman River has grown into had nothing to do with me or even Gabriel. She was raised by nannies and her brother. It's really Simon's doing."

Smiling faintly, Inara reminded her, "Well, Simon must have learned it somewhere."

Agreeing, Regan told her, "Yes, his nannies." As Inara frowned at the statement, Regan simply shrugged. "I'd love to tell you it's not true, that Gabriel and I were there for every event, every scraped knee and bad dream, but it's just not the case, Inara. I have no delusions about the minimal role I played in my children's upbringings." Sighing, Regan sat forward and leaned on the table heavily, as if the small square was all that supported her. "We tried to be there for the big things, but the little things, the moments that shape the person you become, we missed those. And we never even thought twice about it."

The resignation in Regan's voice was heartbreaking and Inara found her eyes misting. She had always suspected that she and Simon had come from very similar backgrounds, but it wasn't until this moment, talking so candidly with his mother that Inara realized they were more alike than she could have dreamed. Her own parents had missed the nightmares too – the scraped knees, the school plays. Taking a deep breath, she reaffirmed that she would never miss a moment with her son.

"You're thinking about it now," Inara reminded her gently, getting Regan to offer her a wry smile.

"Only when it's too late," the older woman replied. As Inara seemed ready to make another excuse for her behavior, Regan stopped her. "It's all right, dear truly. I know Gabriel and I have said and done some unforgivable things, but we know now that our children no longer need nor want our help. And we're learning to live with it."

"What will you do?"

Sighing, Regan shrugged. "Go back to Osiris, once River is again recovering. Neither of us wants to leave before she's almost healed, no matter how much River and Simon imply that we should."

"They're just hurting, Regan," Inara reminded. "You have to give them space to nurse their wounds. You have to give them time."

Nodding, another heavy sigh passed through Regan's lips. "I know, and if Gabriel and I were patient people, that wouldn't be a problem."

Inara let the silence remain as it fell between them once more. She felt she should offer the mother some kind of reassurance, some kind of comfort, but she found nothing coming. While Regan's realization that her own detachment had caused her current situation with her children was heartrending, it was also true and Inara refused to convince Regan otherwise.

"You'll watch after them, won't you?"

Looking up sharply, Inara's eyes narrowed at the sound of desperation in Regan's voice. "Shen me?"

Swallowing thickly, Regan explained, "I know Simon and River are more than capable of caring for themselves, but promise me, you'll look out for them. For them both. As a mother, I have to know that someone is watching over them."

Smiling, Inara reached out and again squeezed Regan's hand. "Your worry is unnecessary, but I understand your desire to protect them." Regan's eyes darted back and forth, searching for Inara's answer as she had not yet given it. Deepening her smile, Inara told her, "And yes, Regan, I promise to keep an eye on them."

xoxoxoxo

Mal rubbed a hand along his aching neck and finally glanced up. His concern for River, coupled with the impending birth of his child weighed heavily on him and he was quickly realizing how tired he was. Hoping that maybe he and Inara could sneak home for a bit, he turned to where she'd been sitting and stopped abruptly when he was confronted with an empty chair.

Heart beating a bit too fast, his eyes darted around the small room. Not finding her, he approached Rafe in two long steps. "You seen 'Nara?"

As the younger man blinked at him and then slowly shook his head, a low voice intoned, "She took my wife to get some dinner."

Pivoting on his heel, Mal turned to regard Gabriel. It was just the three of them now, and while Mal was certain he was the one who'd spoken, his eyes were still riveted on the door across the room.

Mal felt an odd combination of pity and revulsion for the man. He knew that Gabriel was not the best father, probably not even a passable one, but it was obvious he still cared and Mal thought that should count for something.

Approaching him slowly, Mal stopped a few feet from his chair. "Thanks. I appreciate the update."

He nodded, but otherwise did not speak. Mal stared at him for a moment more and then turned, intent to find Inara. Gabriel's voice stopped him in his tracks. "She loves you."

Schooling his face into an impassive expression, Mal took a step back towards him and asked, "What was that now?"

Sighing, Gabriel dropped his eyes to the floor, before slowly turning to regard Mal. "My daughter, she loves you, like a father."

Swallowing hard, Mal wondered if he should maybe prepare himself for a hit. But there wasn't anger in Gabriel's eyes; resignation and sadness, but no anger. Releasing a sigh, Mal nodded once and then slumped into the chair beside him. "I reckon she does."

Gabriel nodded in return as if the confirmation was what he'd been waiting for. Again staring at nothing, he asked, "Why?"

Wondering if the man would understand the term "captain-dummy-talk," Mal questioned, "I'm sorry?"

"Why did you help them?" As Gabriel again looked to him, Mal saw that the sadness had been replaced with confusion. "Simon and River. Why did you take them in and help them? Especially after you found out they were fugitives?"

Sighing, Mal tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. He wished he had an answer; maybe then the question wouldn't have kept him up nights for the past two years. "Honestly, Mister Tam, I ain't rightly sure."

"It's Gabriel, Captain."

"Then it's Mal, Gabriel," Mal corrected, smirking at the older man. He bristled at the use of the nickname, but didn't correct him and so Mal decided not to use it again. He wasn't really trying to make an enemy here.

"You must have had a reason." Gabriel needed a reason. He needed to know how this man, this brigand, had found the courage and strength to do for his children what he himself had been incapable of. Mal had protected them, sheltered them and, it appeared, loved them. All things Gabriel had failed at spectacularly. "You couldn't have just taken on such danger for the hell of it."

"Well, no," Mal conceded. "At first it was the fare." Pausing, Mal knew he didn't have an answer. But he also knew Gabriel would not stop until he'd given him one. "If it'd just been Simon, I mighta dumped 'im on the first planet we landed on," Mal confided, giving Gabriel a wry smile. Instead of returning it however, the baffled father sat forward, literally hanging on every word. "Your son has a miraculous talent for ailenatin' folk."

As the other man stayed silent, Mal forged ahead. "But once he told us 'bout River, what'd been done to her, what he'd done to keep her safe – well, I guess you could say it didn't seem like I so much had a choice anymore." Straightening, Mal turned to face Gabriel locking his eyes on him and said firmly, "No one deserves to be cut up an' mashed back together like that, Gabriel. No one."

Swallowing hard, Gabriel nodded once, before slumping back in his seat. It was a decidedly undignified position, but he seemed unaware of his lax posture. If Mal were any judge, he seemed unaware of just about everything at this point in time.

"As for the whole 'daddy' thing," Mal added, feeling he should address it, even though he had never encouraged it. "She jus' started it one day. Seemed to think I was like some kind o' pa to her. And truthfully Gabriel, I do love her like she's my own." As the other man's eyes snapped back to his face with a bit of alarm, Mal added hastily, "But I know she ain't an' I would never-"

Lifting a hand, Gabriel cut him off. His voice was worn and thick, as if he was treading through a muddy bog to get the words out. "Honestly, Mal, I'm glad. I'm glad she had someone to rely on."

"Oh, she didn't need me for that," Mal corrected. "No, she had all the protector she ever needed in Simon. They're somewhat of a pair, I guess you could say."

"Some things never change," Gabriel muttered in response. Sighing heavily, he caught Mal's inquisitive gaze out of the corner of his eye and felt the need to explain. Or maybe he just felt the need to talk – either way, it loosed his tongue. "River and Simon were always a pair. From the minute she was born."

"I do suppose they're a mite inseparable," Mal agreed, his own mind thumbing through memories of the Tam siblings.

"He was only six when she was born," Gabriel said, his voice distant, his eyes focused past a point Mal could not see. "But even at six, Simon was always with her. He begged us to let him feed her, hold her. He even changed her diapers. We literally had to pull him away from her crib at night."

Sighing, Gabriel's eyes fell to his lap where he picked fastidiously at the crease in his slacks. "The first time she got sick, I think it was a cold, a bit of a fever, Simon insisted on sleeping on the floor next to her crib." Gabriel's mouth turned up slightly at the memory of his young son, black hair sticking up on end, eyes tired from lack of sleep as he'd stood next to his sister's bed, head resting on the crib's railing, his hand rubbing lazy circles into her back as he coaxed her to sleep.

"Well, I'm sure he was just actin' on your example," Mal said, hoping to bring Gabriel back from the past he was reliving.

Snorting softly, Gabriel told him blandly, "No, he wasn't." Rising, he stretched, arms over his head, letting out a deep sigh as something cracked in his back. "Simon wasn't following my example or Regan's. If anything, he was doing his best to act exactly opposite from us."

Dropping his arms back to his sides, Gabriel turned to Mal and told him, "We weren't those parents, Mal. Not the loving ones who carried their children on their shoulders and read them bedtime stories. We had nannies for that."

Mal did his best to hide the sneer that Gabriel's admission caused. He had never much liked the idea of strangers raising children and after meeting Inara's parents and getting a few details of her childhood out of her, he liked the concept even less. "Well, if it works for ya," he stated diplomatically.

"It worked for us," Gabriel admitted. "Just not for our children."

Another silence fell on them and Mal felt the weight of an unspoken confession. There was something else Gabriel wanted him to know, something else he wanted to say. Mal guessed he would simply have to wait for the man to gather his courage.

"When River was two," he finally said, his voice softer than before, forcing Mal to really listen. "Regan and I were invited to a dinner party. It was far enough away that we would have to spend the night. So we left the children with one of the nannies." Eyes focusing on the still doors across the room, Gabriel continued. "I remember being at dinner and being told we had a wave. And I was annoyed," he added, turning to face Mal. He was aware of the Captain's disgust at his behavior and Gabriel found he couldn't blame him; he was disgusted himself.

"I was annoyed that I had to excuse myself and make a scene. Most parents of young children are immediately worried when something like that happens. Not me." Sighing, Gabriel resumed his seat. "I took the call and it was the nanny, telling us River had had a fall, broken her arm. They'd already taken her to get it cast and she was resting, although she was in a bit of pain. I was annoyed that Regan and I would have to go and I must have said something like that, because the next thing I know, Simon's in front of the screen."

Gabriel actually grinned at the memory. Simon's young, serious face as he'd took a seat before the screen and told his father evenly to stay away. "He told us everything would be fine and that we should continue with our plans. He was caring for River and there was no need to worry."

Staring at his shoes, Gabriel felt his cheeks flushing and he was glad the Captain could not see his face. "We did as he asked. We stayed away. By the time we returned the next evening, River was fine, Simon was exhausted and Regan and I were firmly convinced of our uselessness as parents.

"River and Simon have never needed us, Captain," Gabriel told him, the resignation in his voice almost palpable. Turning sad eyes to him, he continued, "I've been acting as though all of this is some foolish act of nobility or overprotectiveness on Simon's part. Some desire to "one-up" me. But the truth is, I did this. Regan and I made ourselves inconsequential in our children's lives." Sighing, he sat again, this time across the room. "We are to blame."

Sitting forward, Mal rested his elbows on his knees and studied Gabriel. The weight the man carried on his shoulders seemed ridiculously large and for a split second Mal felt pity for him. Then, as the conversation replayed in his mind, Mal realized pity wasn't what Gabriel deserved. However, he didn't necessarily deserve to be vilified either.

"You got good kids, Gabriel," he said softly, not surprised when the man refused to look at him. "Simon may be a pain in my pi gu, but he is a carin' young man an' a damn good doc. He makes lil' Kaylee deliriously happy an' he's managed to keep his sister healthy an' whole against some fairly big odds."

Gabriel nodded slightly and Mal took that as encouragement to continue. "An' River … Well, I don't believe there's a whole bunch I could tell ya that you don't already know. But I will say this – she's got no right to be as wonderful an' beautiful an' talented as she is. 'Specially not after all that's happened to her."

Rising, Mal clapped a strong hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "You keep that in mind. You remember how lucky you are that you don't got one great kid, you got two. Regardless of how you think they got that way, the fact is, they're somethin' special. An' that shouldn't make you anythin' but proud."

Gabriel had no response for that and Mal hadn't really expected one. Removing his hand from the man's shoulder, he took a step back, looking up gratefully as the sound of Inara's easy laughter reached his ears. He caught sight of her as she rounded the corner, Regan at her side.

Smiling to him softly, Inara bid Regan good night, the other woman moving to her husband quickly. Regan seemed to sense the tension in the room and she went to Gabriel's side, her brow furrowed with concern.

Reaching for Inara's hand, Mal took it, placing his other at the small of her back and guided her across the room. Once they were a fair distance away from the Tams, he wordlessly pulled her into a tight embrace. If the gesture surprised Inara, she made no indication, choosing instead to lean her weight against him and enjoy the warmth and comfort of his arms.

Sighing, Mal buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply before murmuring, "We ain't havin' a nanny."

Smiling softly against his shoulder, Inara answered, "You read my mind."

xoxoxoxo


	17. Chapter 17

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 17**

xoxoxoxo

Inara rested her head on Mal's chest and sighed with content. Even though she felt ridiculously huge at just over eight months pregnant, she was awash with hormones that had her sex drive working overtime. Not that Mal was complaining and in truth, neither was she. Their latest round of lovemaking had been more than enjoyable.

Now, as she curled at his side, one of his arms around her shoulders, his other hand resting against the curve of her growing belly, she felt the need to broach a subject they had both been avoiding for a bit too long. Knowing River was out of surgery and on her way to recovery had given Inara the courage to finally open her mouth.

Not moving from her comfortable and warm position, she asked quietly, "Mal? Can we talk about something?"

While the words caused his heart to race just a tad, Mal simply pressed a kiss to her temple and murmured, "Absolutely, darlin'."

Smiling softly at the endearment, Inara continued to draw lazy patterns on his bare chest as she said, "We need a place for the baby to sleep."

Seeing the logic, Mal nodded. "I reckon that's so. You wanna go shoppin' for a crib or some such tomorrow?"

Sighing, Inara fixed a patient smile on her face and tipped her head up to meet his eyes. "No, Mal, I mean the baby needs a room. We're going to have to outfit one of the room's on Serenity for a nursery."

Realization dawning, Mal told her, "Oh, I see." Glancing about their rather nicely appointed apartment, the one they had kept on Sihnon for almost a year now, Mal asked, "You don't want the baby's room here?"

Frowning, Inara propped herself up on one elbow so she could gaze into his face. His arm adjusted against her back, his fingers drawing small circles against her spine and making it a bit difficult to concentrate. "Mal, I don't want to raise this child by myself." His eyes widened and Inara flinched at the implied accusation her words had carried. Hoping to stymie a fight, she added hurriedly, "What I mean is, in order for Serenity to be profitable you need to be in the black far more often than you're dirtside. I don't want to be separated from you for such long periods of time and I certainly don't want our son not to know his father." Pressing a light kiss to his lips, Inara told him, "I know that you think Serenity isn't safe and maybe it's not. But it's your home, our home, and that's where I want our family to be."

Swallowing thickly, Mal brought a hand up to cradle her cheek, feeling his heart skip a beat as she turned into his touch, brushing her soft lips over his palm. _You are a lucky bastard, Reynolds._

As Inara resettled at his side, Mal hugged her tighter to him. "I don't wanna be away from you an' the rugrat either 'Nara," he whispered. "We'll get it all straightened out, don't you worry none."

Yawning, Inara was surprised at how tired she suddenly felt. "I'm not worried, Mal." Pressing a kiss to his neck, she whispered, "I know you'll take care of your family. It's what you do."

Mal listened closely as Inara's breathing evened out, her arm still wrapped tight about his waist even as she drifted to sleep. She was a wonder and the fact that she was growing large with his baby everyday sent a thrill down his spine. Of course, it also scared the ever-lovin' gou shi outta him, but that was to be expected he supposed.

He wanted to sleep, he needed to sleep. River's surgery three days ago had gone as well as could be expected and Mal had never slept as hard as he had after hearing that news. But she was still sleeping and while he knew that Eli and Simon both were convinced it was a sign that she was healing, Mal was growing more worried as each day passed.

But he knew worrying on River was just avoiding his true responsibility – Inara and his son. Inara had been more than patient with him, enduring his mood swings during River's ordeal, but his albatross had a whole battalion of people looking out for her. And while Mal still considered himself one of them, he also knew that Inara and his son had only him. They had to be his priority.

With his mind sifting through a variety of scenarios and outcomes, Mal found it difficult to fall asleep.

xoxoxoxo

Simon couldn't stand out on the balcony of their apartment anymore. It was far too cold as winter had seemingly descended on Sihnon overnight. Or, Simon reasoned, the seasons could have changed at their normal rate, while he had been too wrapped up in his sister to notice.

Regardless, he was forced instead to stare out the big glass sliding doors at the city of light. He had tried to sleep, although Kaylee probably wouldn't believe that, but he had. But he found that as the days after River's surgery stretched towards a full week and she remained asleep, he could not share in his wife's blissful rest.

"All right, mister. What'd I gotta do, tie ya to the bed?"

Smiling softly, Simon looked over his shoulder, finding Kaylee standing at the mouth of the hallway to the living room, her arms over her chest and a slightly peeved expression on her face. But he knew it was laced with love and concern and so he was able to tease her right back. "Well, we haven't tried that in while …" he drawled, wiggling his eyebrows in a completely "Kaylee" expression and getting a shocked squeal out of her in the process.

Giggling, she moved across the room to him, standing at his side, her arms looped around his waist. Resting his arm around her shoulders, Simon squeezed her tightly for a moment. "You okay?" she asked, her voice tinged with sleep.

Nodding, he sighed. "Just can't seem to sleep." As she tipped her head up to study his profile, Simon gave in and returned the look. "I'm worried," he said heavily.

Grinning, she teased, "Well, I'm fairly certain you wouldn't be Simon if you weren't."

Returning her grin, he chuckled and Kaylee relished in the deep sound as it echoed through his body and into hers. "Very true, but still …" He paused, trying to figure out how best to explain it. Kaylee had been with him every minute he'd been at the hospital with River. She had sat at his side and listened to Eli rattle off the possible complications and then quickly reassure them both that he believed River would be just fine and out of the woods very quickly. But that had yet to happen and so now they were both worried about their mei mei.

Swallowing hard, Kaylee tried to keep the small tremble out of her voice as she asked, "Do you really think she ain't gonna wake up?"

Sighing heavily, Simon did not rush to reassure her and that made Kaylee's heart flip uncomfortably in her chest. "Normally, I'd say no. River is so ridiculously stubborn, I don't think there's a power in the 'verse that can stop her."

Moving around to stand before him, Kaylee met his blue eyes with her green. "But?"

Cupping her cheek in his hand, Simon told her, "But this is different."

"'Cause it's her brain?"

"Because in the past three months, Eli has opened her skull twice, trying to put to rights what never should have been messed with in the first place." Simon's frustration was evident as he all but shouted the words, pacing away from Kaylee in a huff. She did not take offense to his tone or his demeanor, but simply watched him as he made a harried path around the room. "There's only so much the human body can take," he finally said, releasing the sentence with a heavy sigh. Sitting on the couch in a heap, he added, "River's strong, but she's so young, so-"

"Just you stop right there, Simon Tam," Kaylee chided easily, marching over to stand before him. Cupping his chin in her hand, she tilted his face up to meet her gaze and told him firmly, "River is a Tam, an' since I seem to know a little somethin' 'bout them, I can say with certainty she is damn strong. Jus' like her ge ge." This last she said with a twinkle in her eye and Simon smirked back at her.

Taking the hand she held to his face, he tugged gently and pulled her into his lap with him. Burying his face in her hair, he murmured, "I'm not that strong."

It was meant to be a tease, but Kaylee heard the underlying fear in his voice that maybe it was true. How Simon could possibly think he wasn't strong was a mystery to her, but she'd prove it to him, if she had too.

His head resting against her shoulder, she moved her hands into his hair, gently massaging his scalp. "What makes you think that? You're the strongest man I know."

Sighing, Simon didn't respond for several moments. "Well, then," he admitted finally, his arms tightening around her waist. "I've got you fooled."

Tugging gently on his hair, Kaylee lifted his face up to meet hers and cradled his cheeks in her palms. She stared for a moment into those troubled blue eyes. They were normally clear and bright, but when Simon was upset they swirled with a bit of gray, looking like the sky right before a storm. By the look of it, there was a doozy of a rainstorm brewing.

Leaning forward, Kaylee pressed her lips to his forehead, letting them linger against his smooth skin for a moment, before trailing them down to his closed eyelids. Simon sighed as her lips trailed over his face, his hands running up her back from her waist until they had made their way into her hair, his fingers gently massaging her scalp.

With a low moan of content, Kaylee's head dropped back, the feel of Simon's fingers in her hair almost intoxicating. "Ai ya, Simon," she breathed, inching closer so there was no longer a centimeter of space between them. "I thought I was supposed to be makin' you feel better."

Smiling faintly even though she could not see the expression, Simon began kneading the knots in her shoulders as he pressed a kiss to her mouth. "You already have, bao bei," he whispered against her lips before kissing her again.

Kaylee eagerly returned the contact, her arms tightening around him. She slowly opened her mouth under his, a shiver of delight racing down her spine as Simon's warm breath mingled with her own before their tongues met. She sucked his lightly, knowing it had the desired effect when his hands on her shoulders stilled and pulled her closer, pressing their bodies together.

The sound of the cortex interrupted them, the beep of the console annoyingly loud in the midst of their silence. Breaking apart reluctantly, Simon offered her a sad smile which Kaylee returned before he headed for the screen. Flipping it on, he was greeted by Rafe's tense face. The man had not left the hospital since River's second surgery a week ago and the fatigue was starting to show.

"Simon, she's awake."

xoxoxoxo

Mal sighed heavily as he sat in front of the wave screen. He really didn't want to make this call; hadn't wanted to make it for about ten hours now which was why he'd been avoiding it like the plague. But any further delay would only illustrate how much of a chicken he was and get him a tongue-lashing from both Zoe and Inara. He was much more concerned with the latter.

Entering the code he knew so well, Mal sat back, arms over his chest as he waited for the connection to establish. Not surprisingly it was Zoe who answered. Wash had taught her quite a bit about flying in the years he'd been on board and so, when River was incapable, like now, the job of keeping Serenity in the air often fell to his first mate. As always, she took the responsibility in stride.

"Sir." She greeted him curtly, giving a slight nod per usual and Mal returned the gesture.

"How's she flyin'?" Even after knowing her for close to a decade he still found it impossible to read anything other than stoicism in her features.

"Just fine," she answered. "Is River awake?"

Nodding, Mal explained, "Yeah, she came 'round this morning. Good thing too 'cause Simon was wound so tight looked like he was 'bout ready to pop."

With just the hint of a smile on her face, Zoe cocked an eyebrow at him. "He was, huh? Jus' Simon?"

Grinning, Mal added softly, "Well, maybe not."

"She gonna be all right?" All business again, and Mal had to admit, it was still one of the things he most admired about his best friend.

"Yeah, Eli and Simon both say everything looks good."

"Does she remember it all?" There was a flash of something in Zoe's eyes, but it fled so quickly Mal had no time to even guess at its meaning.

He nodded, another heavy sigh escaping him. "She does. She's been a bit tight-lipped since she's been up. Rafe's been with her almost non-stop, but she ain't exactly in a talkin' mood."

"She'll come around." Zoe knew what it was like to mourn the loss of something precious – which was exactly what River was doing now. She was mourning the loss of her innocence, and while it didn't necessarily have a physical quality, the absence could still sting something fierce. However, Zoe also knew that like herself, River was a fighter.

"That's what I been tellin' 'em all," Mal admitted, wishing his wayward crew would believe him, just this once. "However, they're all more stubborn than Jayne is 'bout his damn grenades."

Another smile graced Zoe's mouth. "You'll be happy to know then he ain't used 'em once since we been out here."

Mal grinned. "Good to know."

An awkward silence fell between them, one so uncharacteristic Mal found his cheeks blushing at his inability to talk to his friend. He had known for a few months now that they needed to have this talk; that he needed to back out gracefully and let Zoe decide what was next for her life. But now, confronted by that very conversation he felt undeniably tongue-tied.

"Somethin' else you're wantin' to be speakin' on, sir?"

Clearing his throat, Mal did his best to affect his most nonchalant tone. "Actually, yeah. Somethin' I been thinkin' on for a while now."

While Zoe had prompted him to keep going, her unwillingness to say anything further let Mal know he was now on his own. Again clearing his throat, he let out a slow breath and raised resigned blue eyes to the screen. "I've been thinkin' – might be time for me an' 'Nara to settle somewhere."

If the dark-skinned woman was surprised she gave no hint of it. Nodding once, she told him, "I reckon that might be for the best."

Mal grimaced at the brusqueness of her tone. "Zo, you an' me both know that havin' a family on a ship like Serenity ain't exactly the safest course o' action." She nodded again and he continued. "Never mind the fact that we gotta little tyke on the way who will no doubt be up to all manner o' mischief in no time."

Zoe couldn't resist. "Your child, sir?" Her lips twitched as she fought off the smile she felt forming. "Can't imagine him bein' anythin' more than a ray o' sunshine."

Offering her a smirk, Mal added, "See, that right there proves I made the right call giving my ship over to you."

This stopped Zoe dead in her tracks. She blinked once, fixing her eyes on Mal's face, looking for the punchline to what had to be a joke. But as he held her gaze steadily, she knew he was serious. And Zoe wasn't quite sure how she felt about that.

"You want me to take over captain-ing Serenity?"

Waving a hand at the screen, Mal explained, "Not just the captain-ing, the business, all o' it. You already got a share in her, Zo."

"That ain't even close to half o' the money you put in her," Zoe countered, uncertain as to why her mouth had suddenly gone dry. "An' I sure as hell don't have the coin to buy you out."

Frowing, Mal had to wonder if he'd gone about this the wrong way. "Zoe, I ain't askin' ya to. I'm askin' ya to take over runnin' Serenity so's that even though I'm gonna be kissin' dirt for a long while now, you won't be." Zoe could only blink at the statement and so Mal added, "'Sides, she belongs in the air, Zo. It'd about kill me to send her back to that scrap heap I found her at."

"Can't say I disagree with you there, sir." Zoe's face was as blank as ever and Mal found it decidedly annoying. He'd known she wouldn't jump up and down with joy at his offer, but he had thought she'd react – somehow.

Sighing, Mal finally gave her an out. "If'n you don't want her, that's fine too. I can either sell her or see if Jayne'll take her-"

"Oh, now that's just low, sir," she scolded, frowning at him. "I think I just felt Serenity herself shudder at the thought."

Smiling wide, Mal sat back with his arms across his chest. "She's a smart girl."

Zoe returned his gaze, her mind spinning with the possibilities and added responsibilities of taking over Serenity and the business from Mal. It wasn't that she'd never considered it, she had actually, especially since Miranda. But it had never seemed plausible and so Zoe had always quickly dismissed the notion as ridiculous. So why now, when she was confronted with the very real chance, did she feel a knot of fear coiling in her gut?

"I ain't never been the one in charge, sir," she admitted quietly. "Ain't rightly sure I'll take to it."

Cocking an eyebrow at her, Mal leaned forward, his face filling her cortex screen. Lowering his voice just a bit, he countered, "You know that ain't true. An' if'n you don't, I sure as hell do. 'Sides, you seem to love bossin' me around – just imagine doin' that to Jayne."

She smirked again and Mal saw the wheels turning. "Maybehaps, but I am gonna have to think on it a bit."

"Fair enough. When y'all scheduled to be back?"

"Another four weeks or so, I'd guess." Zoe checked a screen to her right and then looked back to him. "In fact, I'd better cut this short. Gotta check the auto-pilot and adjust our course a bit." As Mal nodded, she reminded him, "Tell River I told her to hang in there. She's gonna be fine."

"I will." Mal's hand hovered over the kill switch for the wave. "Fly true," he told her, waiting until she'd locked eyes with him to add with a grin, "Captain."

xoxoxoxo

River tried to open her eyelids, but her lashes felt gummy. Refusing to part, she sighed for a moment, taking a deep breath, before trying again. As she pried first one lid up she felt the touch of a warm hand over hers and immediately wished she'd stayed asleep. She didn't want to see him – not now.

Rafe leaned forward a bit, concerned by her reluctance to wake up. Stroking his fingers lightly across the top of her hand, he whispered, "Bao bei? River? Wake up, darlin'. It's okay."

Knowing the tears she felt forming would do nothing for her glued together eyelashes, River blinked her big eyes open once more, taking a moment to let the room to come into focus. She'd only been awake a handful of times since she'd come out of her coma a day ago. But every time she was, Rafe was there, holding her hand, stroking his fingers in her hair, even sleeping in the chair at her side. And it made her heart hurt.

Working her tongue in her mouth, River tried to get enough saliva to ask him to leave, but it apparently wasn't meant to be. Noting her distress, Rafe reached for a cup on the table at the bedside, adjusting the straw so she could easily take a few sips. Smiling her thanks to him, River waited until she was again settled against her pillows, before pulling her hand out from under his. Folding them across her abdomen, she kept her eyes firmly planted on the ceiling above as she said, "You should go."

Rafe tried to ignore the feeling of his heart shattering against the floor. Sitting forward, but not reaching out to touch her, he asked quietly, "An' why is that exactly? Do I smell?"

River fought the urge to smile with all her might. His ease with her was unbelievable given all the hell she'd put him through – put everyone through – over the past five months. She'd been so stupid.

He watched in silence as a tear beaded in the corner of her eye, finally growing heavy enough to roll down the side of her face and into her hair. Rafe saw another one form and fall and his heart swelled with pain for his jian mei. Risking her reaction, he lifted one hand, running the back of his index finger over the tear stain.

River had known that as soon as he touched her any resolve she'd managed to form would crack. And she'd been right.

Turning her head gingerly to face him, she bit her lip and then breathed, "I'm so sorry."

Shaking his head swiftly, Rafe shifted to sit beside her, holding her hand tightly between his own. "No, River, don't say that. Ain't nothin' to be sorry for."

"I'm still a killer. Still crazy." Her tears were falling in steady streams now, leaving small wet patches on her pillow.

His voice hardening a bit with the conviction he felt, Rafe squeezed her hand firmly and said, "You listen to me, River Tam. You ain't no such thing. I get why you wanted to do all this, but I told you before, none of it mattered to me. I love _you_ an' that ain't changed."

River held his gaze for a moment longer not only seeing his resolve, but feeling it as well as his mind all but shouted it to her. Shakily she reached her other hand towards him and he grasped it firmly before bringing her fingers to his mouth and kissing them. "I'm not sure I deserve you," she hiccupped, trying to control her wayward emotions even as the painkillers coursed through her veins.

"Well ain't that somethin', 'cause I ain't rightly sure I deserve you." Rafe's face filled with one of his warm grins and River felt her heart rate slow at the welcoming sight. Leaning towards her, he pressed a light kiss to her lips and then whispered, "So how's about we call it a draw?"

Unable to speak as another wave of happy tears washed over her, she nodded just slightly before falling back into a blissful sleep.

xoxoxoxo

"Kaylee?" Simon entered their bedroom, wondering where exactly his wife could be. She knew he wanted to get to the hospital early to visit with Eli before going to see River. Last thing he knew she was just coming in here to brush her teeth.

As his eyes swept the room, they lingered for a moment on the closed bathroom door. Approaching it, Simon knocked lightly and called again, "Kaylee?"

The sound of the toilet flushing was followed by the sound of running water and then Kaylee was standing before him, looking a little green, but otherwise all right.

Regarding her with a critical doctor's eye, Simon questioned, "Are you all right?"

Nodding, Kaylee bit her lip. She had no idea why she was hesitant now. It wasn't as if they hadn't been trying. It wasn't as if she hadn't already waited eight weeks to tell him. But instead of blurting out the news, Kaylee only said, "Shiny," before heading for the bedroom door.

Unconvinced, Simon watched her disappear into the closet to grab a jacket. Mulling over the past few mornings' events in his mind, his eyes again scanned the room, running over the bathroom and then back in the direction Kaylee had gone.

And then, the dots finally connected.

As she emerged from the closet again, Simon rushed forwards, holding her by the upper arms. "Are you-" he breathed, unable to finish the statement, hope and anxiety warring for dominance in his heart.

The sight of Kaylee's eyes welling with happy tears gave him his answer, but Simon still waited as she confirmed it. "Ya'huh. 'Bout eight weeks now."

There weren't words to describe the elation Simon felt. It rushed through him, imbuing every limb, every digit, every nerve ending with joy. Wrapping his wife in a fierce hug, Simon squeezed tightly, before leaning back just enough to kiss her soundly.

When they parted, panting slightly from the lack of oxygen, Simon cradled her face in his hands, staring intently into those green depths that were currently shining with happiness. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Her cheeks flushing, Kaylee shrugged. "Dunno. Guess I jus' wanted to be sure. Wanted to make sure it weren't stress or somethin'." One of her sunshine-bright smiles again beaming down on him, she breathed, "But it ain't, Simon. I went to see the doc. It's real. We're gonna have a baby."

A baby; the word itself conveyed a miracle and as Simon gazed into Kaylee's adoring face all he could see in his mind's eye was a new little life with her eyes and smile staring back at him. Snaking his arm around her waist, he again brought their lips together and relished in the fact that he was now kissing the mother of his child.

xoxoxoxo


	18. Chapter 18

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 18**

xoxoxoxo

"I have to say, Malcolm, I was surprised to receive your wave."

Mal forced himself not to fidget as Edward Serra looked him up and down. He was certain the man was passing judgment on him, but when Mal met the older man's gaze, all he saw was a slight twinkle of mirth in his blue eyes. Relaxing just slightly, he commented, "Yeah, well, probably not half as surprised as I was to be makin' it."

Edward's lips pursed for a second before he barked out a short laugh and Mal joined him. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. Mal pushed that thought away. _No, Reynolds, this is gonna be bad. Very, very bad._ He was after all, here to beg for money.

_I don't beg_, Mal scolded himself, nodding in thanks as Edward passed him a drink. As his host settled on the settee across from him, Mal raised the glass to his lips hiding a smirk behind the rim. _Well, maybehaps where 'Nara's involved, I beg a little._

"Well, since we're both in agreement that this is a tad out of the ordinary," Edward said, drawing Mal's full attention. "Perhaps you can alleviate my curiosity by telling me why you're here."

_Oh yeah, this was gonna go great._

Taking another big swallow of the fine scotch, Mal sat forward, his elbows resting on his knees. Placing the glass on the low table in front of him, he took a deep breath, let it out slowly and finally raised his gaze back to Mister Serra. "Well, sir, I been thinkin' on what you an' Lili mentioned a while back. 'Bout the feasibility of raisin' a baby on a spaceship."

A small 'v' creased itself between Edward's eyes, conveying his interest, but otherwise he kept his silence, signaling Mal to continue. "An' I've come to the conclusion that you may not be wrong."

Edward chuckled silently at Mal's reluctance to actually admit he'd been "right." No wonder he was so in love with his daughter – both of them were stubborn to a fault. "I see," he commented cryptically. "So, you've reconsidered my job offer then?"

Shaking his head firmly, Mal tried not to shudder at the thought of being trapped behind a desk for the rest of his life. "No, sir. With all due respect, I don't think that's the best place for me."

"Fair enough. What can I do for you then?"

Mal wondered if his cheeks had actually caught fire – they were hot enough. "Well, I've had my eye on a ranch for a while now, out around Beylix. Friend o' mine's been keepin' tabs on the place for me."

"You were raised on a ranch, isn't that right?"

A bit surprised by the man's knowledge, Mal nodded. "Yes, sir."

Edward's eyes clouded for a moment and Mal wondered where exactly his memory had taken him. It was obvious his host was no longer in his finely appointed parlor on Sihnon. Growing more uncomfortable by the second, Mal counted to twenty and then cleared his throat slightly, getting Edward's attention. Blushing, the man smiled and apologized. "Just thinking on some old times, Malcolm. I apologize."

Waving it away, Mal pushed ahead, feeling his nerve flagging. "Fact o' the matter is, Mister Serra, I got some money saved, but not near enough to buy a herd an' fix up the homestead. Place has been abandoned for a bit, needs some work."

Edward knew what it must have cost Mal to come here, knowing he'd have to ask for money. The man was prideful and Edward marveled at the depth of his love for Inara and their unborn child that he should make such a humbling request.

With this in mind, Edward didn't force him to actually ask. "I think Lili and I could be persuaded to make an investment in a herd and some additional land out on Beylix," he said thoughtfully, drawing a weighty sigh of relief from Mal. "I think it would be a small price to pay for our grandchild's future."

Mal's face broke into a huge grin which Edward returned. Rising, the younger man crossed the room in two large strides and thrust out his hand, shaking Edward's eagerly. "I do really appreciate this, Mister Serra." His expression sobered in an instant as he added, "I do hope you understand how much I love Inara an' our baby. I'm gonna do right by them both, I promise ya that."

Rising, Edward clapped a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I never had any doubt."

xoxoxoxo

Inara pressed a palm to her swollen stomach, taking a deep breath. She had learned years ago that breathing through the pain was really the only way to survive it. And considering the sharp stab that had gripped her stomach, she was going to have to breathe – a lot.

As the pain subsided, Inara opened her eyes, bringing the room back into focus. Continuing to breathe deep, Inara moved cautiously to the kitchen. Her entire body had felt wrong today somehow, as if the pieces no longer fit and she found herself walking more gingerly, paying closer heed to her movements. Of course, her eight month pregnant belly was more than likely the cause and so Inara tried to ignore the odd sensation.

With a small smile on her lips as she gently rubbed her stomach, she reached for the hot water she'd prepared. She was counting on the soothing tea to calm her nerves.

As she watched the leaves steep, she smiled wider at the sound of the door opening and the voice that followed it. "'Nara, darlin'. Where are you?"

Turning to answer him, Inara inhaled sharply as another stabbing pain clamped down on her midsection. "Ah!"

Her small exclamation brought Mal rushing to the kitchen. His heart rate speeding up immeasurably at the sight of her doubled over, he wrapped his arm around her waist as Inara struggled to catch a breath.

"'Nara, what is it?" Mal asked quickly, supporting almost all of her weight as she leaned heavily against him.

Squeezing his hand in an iron grip, Inara panted, "I think I'm in labor."

"Wo de ma." Despite the bone-crushing hold she had on his hand, Mal felt momentarily numb as he realized he was imminently going to become a father. "Huh."

"Mal!"

Inara's pained cry brought his attention back to the present. Guiding her to a nearby chair, he tried not to panic – and failed miserably.

"Okay, okay," he murmured once she was seated. Running his hands through his hair and causing it to stand on end, Mal paced a hurried path around the room. "We gotta get your bag an' call an ambulance. Need to call Zoe an' Simon an' Kaylee an' Jayne, I guess. River's already at the hospital so's Rafe should be-"

"Mal."

Despite the almost blinding pain, Inara could see Mal was losing it. The man could face down a dozen armed men all gunning for him, but when confronted with childbirth he was about as helpful as Jayne in the kitchen.

Dropping to his knees before her, the concern conveyed in his eyes silenced Inara's scolding. Offering him a small smile, she instructed, "Why don't you get my bag. I'll call the ambulance and meet you at the door."

Before he could answer, Inara had pushed herself into a standing position. Rising quickly, Mal caught her gaze with his. "You sure?"

Nodding, Inara's response was interrupted by another cry of pain. As she doubled over again, Mal moved to swing her into his arms, but a puddle below her stopped him.

"My water broke," Inara murmured. Eyes watering with pain, she glanced to him with a wry grin. "Guess this little one's a bit impatient."

"Our kid, impatient?" Mal teased as he wrapped his arm back around her waist and guided her towards the door. "I don't know where you'd get that idea."

"Must be the pain." The end of her statement was strangled as her body convulsed again. "Mal, it's too fast. It's happening too fast."

"Nonsense, 'Nara." Mal tried to quell his own rising fear at her assessment. "Kid's just got a schedule to keep is all."

As they finally made it to the entryway, Mal reached for Inara's coat, before hitting the intercom that would alert their doorman. "Yes?" Frank's gravely voice was a welcome sound to Mal's pounding heart.

"Hey, Frank, it's Mal Reynolds. Can you-"

"Miss Serra's gone into labor, has she?"

Inara's cry punctuated his answer. "Yup."

"The ambulance will be waiting by the time you get here, sir."

"Much obliged."

Mal reached for his brown coat, shrugging it on quickly as he turned back to Inara. She was leaning against the wall, a sheen of sweat glistening on her forehead. Eyes closed, Mal watched her red lips move in silent prayer. Not wanting to interrupt her moment of peace, Mal wrapped his arm around her waist again and gently shifted her weight so she was leaning on him once again. "C'mon, darlin'," he murmured pressing a kiss to her hair. "Let's go have a baby."

xoxoxoxo

"River, we'd like you to come back home with us."

While River wanted to scoff at the statement, she found her retort stolen from her as she glanced to her mother's pained face. Since her second surgery, Regan and Gabriel had been hesitant to spend a lot of time with her, knowing that River's mind was extremely fragile. They also knew that with her memory back, River would no doubt remember, and blame them, for all that had happened.

But she didn't. With a sigh, River closed her eyes for a moment. She wished she knew how to make them understand. It was them, her parents', guilt that caused them to feel blame for their role in her time at the Academy. River had long ago learned to let it go. In the end, pointing fingers did nothing, but cause more hurt feelings. River was done hurting.

"Serenity is my home now, Mother. You know that."

With a sigh, Regan glanced quickly to her hands in her lap, trying to blink back a few tears. She did know that, but she'd still hoped that maybe River would let her and Gabriel try and make amends. But as she'd suspected, River was washing her hands of them, just as Simon had.

"River, you were never meant for this kind of life," Gabriel intoned quietly. His gray eyes conveyed hardly any emotion, but River didn't need to see it to know it was there. The pain he felt knowing that she was once again a crazy killer gnawed at her heart. He had wanted the surgery to work for many of the same reasons she had. But most importantly, he had wanted his sane, beautiful and talented daughter back. "There is so much waiting for you on Osiris."

Closing her eyes briefly, River silently counted to ten. She did not envy Simon. She had always thought her brother had made things harder than they needed to be – especially where their parents were concerned. But she now understood that the Tam stubbornness was no accident – it ran deep through them all. "There is nothing waiting for me there," River countered, opening her eyes to her father and holding his gaze steadily with her own. "I have everything I need on Serenity."

"Rafe," Regan murmured, the smallest grimace working its way onto her face.

Beaming brightly, River nodded. "Yes, Rafe. He loves me, mother." As she clutched her mother's hand in her own, River offered her a wider grin, before turning to her father. "He loves me and wants to be with me. And I want to be with him."

Sighing heavily, Gabriel Tam could no longer stay on his feet. He was tired, his bones and muscles weary from what felt like a decades long battle. How many rounds had he gone with his children? How many times had they had these same arguments? And how many times would it take before Gabriel realized he'd failed spectacularly as a parent?

"We just want you to be taken care of, River," he said, doing his best to mask his true feelings. "That ship is decrepit and the danger you face …" He shuddered involuntarily, and was more than surprised to see that his daughter's smile had only grown at his assessment.

"Serenity is home, daddy," she explained again. "And she's filled with love. Love is what keeps her in the air."

"I thought I did."

All three of them turned to face the door, their eyes meeting Rafe's smiling face and easy stance. Since River had awoken, the young man had been far more relaxed, joking with the hospital staff, eating regular meals, even sleeping for hours at a time. Now, he stood in clean clothes, his thumbs hitched in his belt, blue eyes twinkling. Those eyes were focused solely on River and she felt a blush creep up her neck over her face and to her scalp. It had been so long since the two of them had been close, River was quickly growing antsy for the day when they could be together again.

"Well, you do," River responded, holding out a hand to him. "But love helps."

He entered the room eagerly, taking her hand in his and kissing it, before dropping another kiss to her cheek. Sitting beside her, Rafe propped one leg up on the bed next to her, his arm wrapping around her shoulders. As River's head came to rest against his chest, neither Regan nor Gabriel missed the deliberate body language. The young couple was, in no uncertain terms, asserting their connection to one another.

"Y'all havin' a nice chat?" Rafe asked. The Tams had stopped intimidating him about a week or so ago, and as a result, he had no problem waltzing into River's room or sitting close to her or joining their conversation. He loved River and to Rafe she was all that mattered. If Regan and Gabriel couldn't understand that, then he didn't want to try and understand them.

Nodding, River glanced to her mother and said, "Yes. Just talking about going home."

She felt Rafe tense under her and River sighed. Glancing to him, she pressed a kiss to his cheek and whispered, "To Serenity, silly. That's my home."

Releasing a sigh of relief, Rafe squeezed her a bit tighter to him. Of course it was her home – it was _their_ home.

Smiling at his unspoken thought, River turned back to her parents. Meeting her mother's sad eyes, she leaned forward, clasping her head tightly. "You need to go back to Osiris."

There was no malice in her tone, but the words still stung. Blinking quickly to rid the excess water from her eyes, Regan nodded. "We do love you, River. If you ever need anything-"

"I know where to find you," she finished quietly, squeezing her mother's hand tightly before letting go.

Gabriel's gaze was hard as he glanced from his daughter to his wife and finally to Rafe. Taking a step towards the bed, he lowered his voice and said, "If you hurt her, in any way, I-"

"No threats, Daddy." River's voice left no room for argument. And once Gabriel's gray eyes had alit to her face, his harsh words died on his tongue. "Please. Rafe is good for me. He loves me and I love him. I'm going to be okay."

Swallowing hard, the emotions Gabriel felt welling in his chest were unwelcome. He did not like how helpless he was, how unbelievably sidelined he'd become in his own children's lives. He had just learned to marginally accept his non-existence in Simon's life – it seemed particularly damning to be relegated to such a role in River's as well.

Reaching for Regan's hand, Gabriel took it and helped her to her feet. Placing his other arm at her waist, he nodded to Rafe and then leaned forward to press a brief kiss to River's cheek. "We'll say goodbye to your brother and Kaylee. And then we'll head back to Osiris."

River nodded, but did not speak. She felt tears building in her eyes as her mother leaned forward and kissed her, embracing her as well in a fierce hug. River held her back. She had never felt particularly safe or protected by her parents, but the knowledge that they were leaving now and would not be coming back still hurt. As did the sadness that echoed through her mother's mind.

"I love you, bao bei," Regan whispered against her hair, before kissing her once more and then turning away quickly. Gabriel followed closely on her heels, ignoring the tightness in his chest and the sting of something in his eyes.

River stared after them for a moment, trying to keep her mother's pain at bay. But there was no use. Both her parents felt betrayed by their son and the government they'd trusted. And now they felt River had betrayed them as well. She'd had the chance to choose whether or not they were a part of her life. And she'd chosen against them.

"Riv?" Rafe's quiet voice pulled her mind from the sad place it had wandered. Turning to face him, she smiled weakly, the movement of her cheeks causing a few tears to fall down her face. Brushing them away with his thumbs, Rafe kissed her gently before tucking her back against his chest. "It's okay, jian mei. I got ya."

"Love you," River whispered, turning her face into his neck and pressing a kiss to his warm skin.

Releasing a sigh of content, Rafe stretched out fully beside her and held her tight. "Love you too, River."

xoxoxoxo

"Miss Serra, how long have you been having contractions?"

Inara's eyes were screwed shut, her death grip on Mal's hand conveying that she was riding out another. "A few hours, I guess," she panted as the pain past. Her body sinking gratefully against the gurney, she opened her eyes to find Mal gazing at her with such adoration it stole the breath she'd managed to catch.

"You are amazin', ai ren," he whispered before leaning over and pressing a long kiss to her forehead. As he pulled away he caught the tension returning to Inara's features and his heart thudded sharply against his rib cage. "Another one comin'?" he questioned, reaffirming his hold on her hand as his snaked his arm around her waist to help her sit up.

She nodded wordlessly, eyes watering as more pain hit. "It hurts, Mal," she breathed through clenched teeth.

Glancing across the ambulance, Mal fixed the medic with a hard glare. "Can't you give her somethin'?"

Shaking his head once, the medic kept his attention focused on the fetal monitor. "I'm sorry, sir, but she's too far along."

"Mal!" Inara's strangled cry caused Mal's heart to race. Looking back to her, Mal forced Inara to meet his gaze. "Look at me, darlin'," he ordered, his tone commanding, but gentle.

Willing her eyes to focus, Inara met those blue depths, finding a moment of peace even as her body was continually assaulted by the rigors of childbirth. "Mal, something's wrong," she panted, relaxing again as the contraction passed.

"Shh, 'Nara, ain't nothin' wrong." Wrapping her hand in his, Mal knelt at her side. Looking furtively to the medic, Mal was more than aware that the man was actively avoiding his gaze. "If'n there was this fine young man woulda told us."

Mind clouded with pain and fatigue, Inara could only nod weakly before her eyes fluttered closed.

"How far are we?" Mal asked, using a cloth to wipe Inara's brow.

"About five minutes."

His tone low and soothing, Mal spoke as calmly as possible, not wanting to alarm Inara. "We gonna make it?"

The other man's silence was answer enough. However, Mal found his curse forgotten as Inara's hold on his hand tightened and another contraction came.

xoxoxoxo

"You are the picture of health." Doctor Chen told Kaylee, smiling wide as the young woman beamed at her and then her husband.

Squeezing Simon's hand tightly, Kaylee squealed. "See? I told ya we were both shiny."

Returning her smile with a subdued one of his own, Simon kissed her cheek. "Yes, you did." Looking back to the doctor, he asked, "And she's at eight weeks?"

Nodding, Doctor Chen leaned against the counter to regard the young couple. "Yes, I'd say so. It appears that in about seven months, you're going to be parents."

While the thought would have caused Simon to panic a year ago, he now found his heart near to bursting at the notion of becoming a father. Besides the prospect of raising and loving a child, one look to Kaylee's face allayed all his fears. She was glowing with the extra light of pregnancy and he relished the idea that their child would have such a mother.

"Don't worry none, doc," Kaylee assured her, leaning against Simon and sighing with content. "We are-"

The beep of Doctor Chen's page interrupted them. With a small smile of apology, she moved to answer the page, stopping as a nurse, his features tight with concern, entered the room.

"I'm sorry, doctor," he apologized hurriedly. "You're needed in the ER."

"I just got the page. What is it?"

The nurse lowered his voice preventing Simon and Kaylee from hearing. However, one look at Doctor Chen's pale features set them both on edge.

"You might want to come with me," she told them, heading from the room.

"What-?"

"It's Inara, she's just been brought in."

xoxoxoxo

Mal had been in any number of scary situations before, not the least of which included Niska killing him and then bringing him back to life.

But he had never quite felt fear like this before. Inara didn't often exhibit signs of pain, it was simply not part of her makeup, so Mal knew judging by the tension in her body and the tightness around her eyes how much she was currently feeling. And it wasn't good.

"You're doin' good, 'Nara." The words sounded ridiculous, but it was all Mal could think to say as they waited for Doctor Chen to arrive. They had hoped to have their son in one of the hospital's finely appointed birthing suties, but there was no time. It appeared their son's entrance into the 'verse was not to be delayed.

"Nothing's ready," Inara breathed, rolling her head to meet Mal's gaze. Panting, she swallowed hard and told him, "The nursery, we didn't – have time to …"

"Shh, darlin', don't you worry none about that." Mal's thumb continued to stroke her forehead, bringing Inara a bit of calm. "This lil' guy ain't gonna want for anythin'. I promise you that."

Blinking her eyes open, Inara squeezed his hand tightly. "Love you," she whispered, causing Mal's heart to just about burst.

"Love you too, 'Nara."

"Inara, how are you doing?"

Barely able to answer the newly-arrived doctor's question, Inara glanced to Mal for help. "It's a mite early for all this, ain't it doc?"

Covering her hands with gloves, Doctor Chen sat at the opposite end of the bed, her head soon disappearing under the drape they'd placed over Inara's bent legs.

"Apparently, not for the little one here," she answered, using all the training she possessed to not alarm either of them. "Inara, have you pushed yet?" the doctor asked, rising to meet the soon-to-be-mother's tired eyes.

Shaking her head, Inara said faintly, "Said not to."

"What s'matter, doc?" Mal's eyes were fixed on her face and Doctor Chen realized that despite her best efforts to the contrary she had somehow conveyed her concern to the expectant father.

"Nothing, Captain," she told him, stripping off the inordinately bloody gloves and depositing them out of sight. Stepping around the bed, she placed a hand to Mal's arm, drawing him away from Inara's side.

"There's a bit more blood than I generally like to see," Chen confided once she was certain they were out of Inara's earshot.

Paling, Mal asked, "What's that mean?"

"It appears the baby started moving too quickly down the birth canal," she told him, speaking as calmly as possible. "It's caused some tearing which is what caused the excess blood."

"Is 'Nara gonna be okay?" Mal knew, logically speaking, that the room wasn't spinning, but he'd have sworn on the deed to Serenity it was.

"Yes, both she and the baby are going to be fine, although this isn't the most ideal situation. Normally, I'd want to perform a C-section, but the head is already crowning-"

Across the room, Inara inhaled sharply again and Mal knew she was preparing for another contraction. "Speak plain, doc."

"It's going to hurt," she stated grimly. "A lot. And as soon as the baby comes, I'm going to have to take her in for surgery, to repair the damage. Her recovery will be longer, but there's no reason-"

"Mal!"

With wide eyes, Mal moved back to Inara's side, supporting her weight as she sat up and got ready to bear down. "Whatever you gotta do, doc," he told the other woman, their eyes meeting in silent understanding.

Nodding once, Doctor Chen resumed her seat at the business end of the bed. "All right, Inara, it's time to push."

xoxoxoxo


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Cap'n?"

Kaylee's quiet voice reached Mal through the shocked state he'd found himself in since his son had been born and Inara had been wheeled into surgery. He sat, still dumfounded in a private room, awaiting Inara's return, his son bundled and sleeping in his arms.

"How're ya doin'?" Kaylee questioned, stepping hesitantly into the room. Waiting until his eyes finally registered her face, Kaylee moved towards him, returning his forlorn expression with a wide smile. "Seems you got somethin' pretty special there," she teased easily, gesturing to the blue-blanketed bundle he was cradling against his chest.

"Uh, yeah, I guess I do," Mal commented absently. Shifting slightly, he tipped his arms at an angle, giving Kaylee a view of his son. "Ya wanna meet him?"

Eyes welling with happy tears for her captain and her best friend, Kaylee stepped forward and leaned down, running a light finger against the baby's soft cheek. "Do I ever." Cooing softly, she looked to Mal and asked, "D'ya mind if'n I hold 'im?"

Mal had no idea why the thought of Kaylee holding his son should make him apprehensive. He knew she'd treat him with all the care in the world, but still, it seemed wrong somehow that the first woman to hold him wouldn't be his own mother. However, Mal could also not deny that his arms were getting tired and his butt had fallen asleep at least an hour ago as he'd sat in the same position, trying not to wake the baby.

"Sure you can, mei mei," he finally answered, shifting the baby into Kaylee's waiting arms.

She straightened once she had a hold of him, whispering nonsense words and cooing at him as she rocked him gently back and forth. Mal watched them for a moment, his mind already conjuring an image of Inara doing the exact same thing. Swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat, Mal rose and stretched, trying not to let his impatience show.

"He's a right handsome fella, cap'n," Kaylee told him, meeting his gaze with her wide smile. "Looks just like his daddy."

Smiling in spite of himself, Mal felt his heart swell pride. "Well, I 'spose he does a bit."

"You gotta name yet?"

Shaking his head, Mal told her, "No, me an' 'Nara hadn't yet settled on one."

"She's gonna be fine, Cap'n," Kaylee assured. Moving to stand before him, Kaylee balanced the baby's weight in one arm while reaching out a hand and placing it reassuringly against his shoulder. "The Doc said it were a fairly routine procedure. Jus' gonna take her longer to get better is all."

"She was in so much pain, Kaylee," Mal admitted, his voice a whisper. Gazing into the sleeping bundle in her arms, Mal's mind involuntarily played back the image of his birth. "I ain't never seen 'Nara hurtin' so bad before."

Her eyes filling with sympathy, Kaylee told him, "None o' that matters, Cap. One look at this little one an' all the pain'll be forgotten."

Sighing, Mal pressed a kiss to Kaylee's scalp before cupping his son's small head in his palm. "He's so tiny," he breathed, the awe evident in his tone.

"Well, he was a bit early, weren't he?" Kaylee was cooing again and Mal had to wonder if she had any idea how absolutely adorable it was.

"You're gonna be a great mama, lil' Kaylee," he confided, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and squeezing her against his side.

Smiling wide, Kaylee's eyes twinkled with familiar mischief. "Can you keep a secret?"

Returning her grin, Mal nodded. "O' course."

Glancing towards the door and convinced that they were alone, she turned back to Mal and said, "It seems I'm gonna be one in about seven months."

"Really?" Mal had honestly been uncertain if he could feel more joy than he already did. This had been a life-changing day for him after all. But as he watched Kaylee's face light up with the brightness of a thousand suns, he felt even more happiness suffuse his spirit. "I'm so happy for you, mei mei."

"What are we happy about?"

Turning to the door, Kaylee's face blushed as she caught Simon standing there, a knowing grin on his face. "Oops, sorry, sweetie. I jus' had to tell 'im."

"Mm hmm," Simon murmured, his grin deepening as he entered the room. Peering at the bundle in her arms, his smile softened. Looking to Mal, he said, "Congratulations, Captain. I took a look at his chart. Considering he was a month early, he's in perfect health."

"What about 'Nara?" Mal asked anxiously, hoping Simon had used his connections to find out something. "Did you hear anythin'?"

His expression sobering, Simon relayed the information he'd been able to glean from Inara's records. "She's going to be fine. The tearing was by no means permanent and Doctor Chen is fixing it right now. She did lose a lot of blood, but they've already set up a transfusion. I would say it's just going to take Inara longer to recover. It'll be painful for a time and they'll need to keep her in the hospital longer for observation, but in a few months, she'll be absolutely healed."

Releasing a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding, Mal nodded. "Thanks, Simon."

Nodding, Simon returned his attention to the baby and Kaylee did not miss the longing that flashed in his eyes. "Jus' think honey," she whispered, leaning against him. "Pretty soon, this'll be us."

Overwhelmed with emotion, Simon could only kiss her softly. Noting the gooey eyed expression they were sharing, Mal stepped forward, reaching for his son. "All right, all right. He ain't a loaner," he teased, getting a giggle from his former mechanic.

Readjusting his son in his arms, Mal asked, "How's River doin'?"

"Better, although she's working overtime to get Eli to let her come down here and see the baby," Simon reported, his expression a mixture of pity and humor for the fellow doctor's predicament.

"Yeah, well tell her she can just cool her heels," Mal told him, finding his eyes inexplicably drawn back to his son. "She's gonna be seein' plenty of him once we're back in the black."

Sharing a knowing look, Simon and Kaylee smiled wide as Simon commented, "Why do I get the feeling the term 'built-in babysitter' is running through your mind right now?"

Leveling a smirk at him, Mal retorted, "You know, when River reads my mind it's cute. When you do it, it's downright creepifying."

The three were sharing a laugh as Doctor Chen entered the room, the nurse from a few hours before following. Wordlessly, the nurse headed for Mal, reaching for the baby as the doctor addressed him. "The surgery went very well," she told him, hiding a small smile as Mal reluctantly relinquished the hold on his son. "They'll be bringing Inara down in just a few minutes."

Releasing a huge sigh of relief, Mal smiled to her. "Thanks, doc. I appreciate that." With a forlorn gaze, Mal's eyes followed the nurse and his son towards the door. He knew they needed to take the child to be fed and changed, but he still didn't like the idea of being separated from him so soon.

Watching him closely, Kaylee squeezed his arm and said, "Why don't you wait here for 'Nara? We'll go watch after the lil' guy."

"Thanks, mei mei." Mal felt unbelievably better knowing someone he trusted would be watching his son.

As Kaylee and Simon moved from the room, Mal fixed Doctor Chen with a stern gaze. "Seriously, doc, is 'Nara really gonna be okay?"

Smiling wide, Chen told him, "Seriously, Mal. She's fine." As the man smiled, she continued. "The tearing was easily fixed. Inara is going to be quite uncomfortable for a while, but it will heal and in a few months she'll be good as new."

"She was in a lot o' pain though," Mal commented, a small shudder running through him as he remembered her cries throughout the birth.

"I know, and that is unfortunate. If we'd been able to get her to the hospital faster, we could have performed a C-section." Shrugging lightly, Chen told him, "But something tells me once she takes a look at that beautiful baby, all the pain will be forgotten." As Mal smiled slightly, she added, "And now we'll know for next time."

His face blanching at the thought, Mal turned to her. "Next time?"

center*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/center

"We thought we'd find you here."

Turning sharply at the sound of the unexpected voice, Simon and Kaylee smiled wanly at his parents as they approached the couple. Wrapped in each other's arms, they had been staring into the nursery for the past half an hour, watching as Mal and Inara's son was fed and changed, before being placed in his own small crib right in the front.

Straightening, Simon cleared his throat and addressed his mother. "Yes, Inara had her baby. We were just-"

"It's fine, dear," Regan said, her gaze guiltily drifting through the transparent partition. A small smile graced her lips at the sight of the tiny lives, their blue and pink bonneted heads dotting the dimly lit space. "Eli told us."

"Is River all right?" Simon was a bit confused as to why his parents would seek him out. While they were not necessarily on bad terms, he wasn't quite sure they could be labeled as good either.

"Yes, Simon, she's fine." Gabriel kept his eyes locked on his son, trying to ignore the longing in Regan's eyes as she stared at the infants. He knew she wanted to be a grandmother and he feared that should either of his children ever have children of their own, they would not grant her the chance to be a part of their lives. "We came to say goodbye."

Eyes widening, Kaylee glanced to Simon and then to his parents. "You're leavin'?"

Tearing her gaze from the nursery, Regan fixed the young woman with a patient smile. "It's nice of you to act surprised, but River's made it very clear that she's ready to move on." Reaching a hand towards Simon, Regan hesitated and let it drop back to her side before actually connecting with his shoulder. "And so have you."

There was no malice or anger in her tone, just resignation, and while Simon knew he should be relieved that his parents finally understood, he found instead that his mouth had gone dry and his palms had grown sweaty at his mother's matter-of-fact realization. "You don't have to go," he offered lamely, knowing the words sounded even worse aloud than they did in his head.

"Yes, we do." Gabriel spoke again, his voice firm, but no longer angry. Taking a step forward, he clapped a strong hand on Simon's shoulder and held his son's blue-eyed gaze. "I realize we haven't always done right by you, Simon. If I had the chance to do it all over again, things would be different. I know that now."

Swallowing hard, Simon wasn't completely convinced his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. It would seem to the casual observer that his father had just apologized. Were pigs flying? He suddenly had a fierce desire to find a window.

Breaking the impromptu silence, Regan moved forward and enveloped Kaylee in a hug, whispering her farewell, while Gabriel pulled Simon into a brief one-armed embrace. They then switched and Simon could not miss the feel of tears against his cheek as his mother pressed a soft kiss to his skin. "Take care of yourself and your sister," she murmured, doing her best to keep her voice steady.

Leaning back, Simon took her hands and squeezed them tightly. "I will, mother," he assured, offering her a small smile. "We'll be all right."

She smiled back, but it was a weak gesture and they both knew it. Placing an arm around his wife's shoulders, Gabriel turned them both towards the lift.

Kaylee found Simon's hand as they watched their retreating backs, squeezing it gently to get his attention. "Don't ya think we should tell 'em?" she whispered, her green eyes wide with hope.

Offering her a small smile, he nodded, getting a huge grin from her in return, before calling out, "Mother, Father."

They turned in unison, Regan hurriedly wiping at her wet cheeks as Kaylee and Simon closed the distance between them. "We just wanted you to know," Simon said hastily, his stomach churning a bit with undefinable nerves. Squeezing Kaylee's hand and finding strength in her grasp, he said, "Well, we're pregnant."

This time there were more hugs, these far more spontaneous. Regan held Kaylee tight, showering the young woman with congratulations, while Gabriel's expression hovered between pride and delight.

"So, maybe y'all can come back an' visit," Kaylee said as she once again leaned against Simon. "Once the lil' one's born."

"We'd love to," Regan answered, beaming at Kaylee who returned the grin.

His parents turned to leave once more and this time, Simon and Kaylee watched in silence as they moved towards the lift and disappeared inside. Turning to regard his profile, Kaylee pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You okay?"

His mind swirling with a hundred different emotions, Simon let out a heavy sigh and then turned to his beautiful wife. Taking her hands in his, he rested his forehead against hers and whispered, "I will be a good father to our child, Kaylee." His voice held the hint of a plea and the sound made Kaylee's heart ache. "I promise."

Silencing any further words, Kaylee captured Simon's lips in a lingering kiss. She knew how much Simon's fractured relationship with his parents bothered him and she knew that he longed to make up for the mistakes his own father had made. But she didn't need him to tell her that. Kaylee already knew he'd be an amazing father – because he was already an amazing man.

Pulling back breathless, Kaylee murmured against his mouth, "You don't gotta convince me, sweetie. You are gonna be the best gorram dad a baby's ever had. I know that."

Sighing, Simon's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling Kaylee tightly to his chest. "I love you," he murmured, his breath whispering against her cheek.

Holding him back tightly, Kaylee murmured, "Love you." Leaning back slightly so she could meet his gaze, her eyes twinkled with a mischievous light as she added teasingly, "Papa."

Chuckling softly, Simon kissed her again.

center*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/center

"Inara's gonna be fine," Rafe told her, reentering the room and brandishing a huge bouquet of flowers. River smiled at him as he presented them to her proudly, diving her nose into the fragrant buds and inhaling deep. Rafe watched her, happy to see a smile on her face and then pressed a kiss to her forehead before sitting at her side.

Fingering the soft petals, River stared at the flowers for a moment and then glanced back to him. "These must have cost you a small fortune."

Shrugging lightly, Rafe averted his gaze, giving River confirmation that she'd been correct. But she wouldn't chastise him for spending his money on a gift that would eventually fade. For Rafe, the flowers were a symbol and it was the meaning behind them that River took to heart.

Laying them in her lap, she took his hands and asked, "She's out of surgery right?"

Nodding, Rafe's eyes blue eyes studied every inch of her face, burning the image into his brain. He really didn't want to talk about Inara or Mal or their new baby or anyone else for that matter. He just wanted to bask in the realization that he and River were together again. "Yeah, the doc said she's gonna be awake in a few hours."

"And the baby's healthy." It wasn't a question. River could feel that new tiny life, its small consciousness unmistakably intertwined with Mal's and Inara's. Closing her eyes for a moment, she had a brief vision of the future, one in which the baby boy was a man, fighting alongside his father and protecting his mother and sisters. His fierce blue eyes and curly dark hair would be the perfect combination of both parents and he would break many hearts before he finally had a family of his own.

Sighing softly, River blinked her eyes open, content in the knowledge that for the moment, everything was as it should be. As her gaze focused back on the here and now, she met Rafe's equally intense look. She'd caught him staring a lot in the past few days since she'd been awake. Oftentimes, she knew he thought she was asleep or maybe not paying attention, but River could feel the intensity of his stare even when she was deep in her dreams. Like the flowers, it was the emotion behind his gaze that spoke to her. Raising her hand to his cheek, she tenderly caressed the stubble covered skin.

Turning his lips to her palm, Rafe kissed it lightly as River told him, "I'm okay. I'm not going to disappear, I promise."

His cheeks turning a light shade of pink, he mumbled, "I know that."

Her smile deepening, River tipped his chin back up so that their eyes were once again on the level. "I mean it."

Swallowing thickly, Rafe closed his hand around her slender wrist, his thumb absentmindedly stroking the soft skin. "I believe ya, Riv, I swear," he told her quietly. Releasing a heavy sigh, he finally admitted, "But, and I cannot believe I am sayin' this, all the reasons for you wantin' this surgery, they din't disappear."

"So, now what?" she asked for him, knowing her answer had his heart thudding in his chest. As he nodded, River sighed, dropping her hands to her lap and staring at them for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she finally answered, "I don't know."

Rafe's mind reeled at this admission. He'd guessed River was about as clueless to what they'd do next as he was, but hearing her actually admit it scared him something fierce.

Her eyes squeezing shut as she felt Rafe's fear spike, River panted, "Rafe, please."

Rising swiftly, he backed across the room. How could they do this if his emotions could hurt her? He didn't want to hurt her – God, that was the last thing he'd ever want – but Rafe didn't know how to hide his feelings. Besides, in truth, he didn't want to. It was his love for her and his concern that made him feel more alive than anything else in the 'verse. He didn't want to shut that down – he didn't want to feel dead inside.

Reaching for him, River forced herself to take deep breaths. Opening her eyes, she smiled wanly and stretched her hand towards him. "It's okay, I'm okay."

Warily, Rafe studied her for a moment, unable to miss how badly she was shaking. She was far from okay, but he would not turn away from her. Sitting beside her, he reached tentatively for her hand more than surprised when she launched herself into his arms.

Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, River buried her face into his shoulder and murmured, "I don't have all the answers, but I can't bear to lose you. Please don't leave me."

Holding her securely against him, Rafe smoothed his hand through her hair, his other running light circles across her back. "I ain't goin' anyway, jian mei," he murmured into her hair, grateful that he could at least hold her. "We'll work through this, darlin'. I know we will."

Nodding once, River didn't have the strength to say anymore. Besides, if she did, she might admit that she hadn't been able to see their path. In truth, she wasn't wholly convinced they could work it out, but admitting it would surely kill her. And she didn't want that. She wanted to live.

She wanted to live and love – and she was determined to do just that.

center*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/center

Inara couldn't feel much below her belly, and she assumed that was a good thing. The encroachment of light on her closed eyelids told her she was again awake and that maybe it was time to finally confront the world. She could vaguely remember the hurried minutes following her son's birth – the rush to the operating room, Mal's whispered endearments as they'd taken her away.

Her son …

Forcing her eyes open, Inara blinked rapidly as they burned against the light. She could feel warmth at her side and she turned her head slightly to catch the sight of Mal, his head resting against her hand, dozing lightly. "Mal?" she croaked out, her voice rough and dry from disuse.

Jerking awake, Mal sat up, rubbing his eyes with one hand, keeping his other firmly wrapped around Inara's. Blinking once, he met her gaze. "Hey you," he murmured, his hand running through her hair before he leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead. "Welcome back."

"Mal." She breathed his name again and this time it was a sigh of content. His insides warmed at the sound and he continued to run his fingers through her dark curls. "The baby?" she asked, forcing her eyes open again even as sleep called to her.

Smiling widely, Mal told her, "Healthy an' happy." As Inara released another sigh of relief and let her eyes close once again, he added, "An' gorram beautiful, jus' like his mama."

Her lips turned up into a grin and Inara met his blue eyes with her brown. They were swimming with a few happy tears, but she didn't care. She felt certain her heart would explode from the overwhelming feelings of love and pride that had consumed it. "We have to name him."

"I know, 'bout how's about you get some more rest. Next time you wake, we'll talk 'bout names."

Nodding once, Inara's eyes closed again. "Sleep is good," she murmured, wishing her body wasn't betraying her so readily. She wanted to hold her son.

"Yeah, it is, darlin'," Mal murmured brushing his lips lightly against hers. "An' we ain't gonna be gettin' any regular like now that we got that lil' one, so's you best stock up while you can."

Chuckling lightly, Inara murmured, "I love you," before sleep again claimed her exhausted body.

Releasing a heavy sigh of relief and content, Mal kissed her. "Love you."

center*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/center

Eli paused in the doorway to River's room watching his young patient and her beau as they spoke in hushed voices. True to his word, Rafe had not strayed far from River in the days since her second surgery and Eli was more than convinced that the man's presence had quite a bit to do with River's improved mood and speedy recovery.

Hating to interrupt them, but knowing it was necessary, Eli cleared his throat and stepped inside. "Good evening," he greeted them cheerfully, nodding first to Rafe before shining an indulgent smile on River.

"Hiya there, doc." Rafe turned to face him, sure to keep River's hand firmly in his grasp. "How's my girl today?"

"I'm not the ship," River teased, rolling her eyes in mock exasperation. It was a common joke between them now as Rafe had taken to call her "his," just like Serenity. In truth, she didn't mind.

Fixing her with an equally teasing glare, Rafe told her, "I was askin' the doc."

"She is absolutely fine," Eli interjected, moving to stand at River's side. His smile widening as she fixed him with a warm grin, he added, "In fact, I would say that in about two days, you'll be well enough to go home."

Gasping slightly, River reached for and squeezed his hand. "Really?" she breathed, unable to believe it could be true.

Squeezing her hand in return, Eli nodded. "Really."

Squealing softly, River turned shining eyes to Rafe. "Isn't that great?"

He smiled, but groaned softly, adding another eye roll for good measure. "It is, Riv." As she cocked a questioning eyebrow at him, he added, "But somethin' tells me Simon's gonna be stricter 'bout visitin' hours than the hospital was."

Giggling, River kissed him, murmuring something Eli could not hear. Convinced he more than likely did not want to, he averted his gaze, letting the young couple have a moment. With a clear of her throat, River turned her attention back to him. "Was there something else?" She knew full well there was, but for Rafe's benefit, River tried not to just pick things out of people's minds.

Nodding, Eli glanced to her and then Rafe. "Mind if I have a few moments alone with my patient?"

The young man tensed and Eli saw the refusal on his lips. He really didn't want to leave her. But with a small squeeze to his hand and a knowing look, River convinced him otherwise.

"Sure, yeah," he murmured, rising and kissing River once more before heading for the hallway. "I'll be right outside," he reminded them both, getting a bigger smile from River.

"I'll be fine," she reminded him, shaking her head at his overprotectiveness as he disappeared through the door.

Turning her attention back to Eli, she asked, "What is it? You're worried."

Still a bit unsettled by her overwhelming abilities, Eli cleared his throat and sat beside her. "I suppose I am," he admitted, meeting her gaze steadily. Placing his hand over hers, he asked, "How are you, River?"

"You're my doctor," she teased lightly. "You tell me."

Taking the challenge, Eli nodded. "All right then, physically speaking you're the picture of health." Leveling a stern gaze at her, he added, "But I'm not talking about how you physically are."

"You mean how insane am I?" River sighed heavily, flinching involuntarily as her words caused Eli to internally grimace. She didn't mean to sound so bitter, but this was the same question she'd been asking herself over the past week and she was no closer to an answer than anyone else. Shrugging lightly, she sighed heavily with frustration. "Can I just tell you I don't know and leave it at that?"

Nodding, Eli murmured, "Well, it's certainly a fair assessment." Watching the young woman for another moment in silence, he commented, "You must be disappointed."

Her eyes betrayed her in the second it took the young woman to get her emotions under control. Eli guessed that the last thing River wanted was for anyone to know how upset she was over losing her chance to be normal. But he'd seen the flash of anger and regret in her eyes before she'd buried it away. It was as he'd suspected.

Covering her hand with his, he told her, "I'm sorry that I couldn't help you."

Carefully avoiding his gaze, River picked at a loose thread on the blanket over her lap and murmured, "Not your fault. I wanted something repaired that was irreparable." Sighing heavily, she added in a whisper, "Can't expect miracles."

"I suppose not," he agreed, his voice still low and soothing. "But there are some miracles that come to us in disguise."

Frowning, River lifted her gaze back to his face, confusion evident on her features. "Crazy isn't a disguise, it doesn't have the clarity to pull it off," she told him flatly, not at all surprised when a small smile threatened to turn up the corners of Eli's mouth. Forging ahead, she told him, "When I'm with Rafe, I want to feel, but I can't. Because if I drop those walls, everything comes rushing in, the good and the bad." Sighing once more, River slumped back against her pillows, arms crossing over her chest. "I don't know what to do."

"Have you ever tried talking with someone?" he questioned, noting the way her head drooped even lower. Taking that as a no, Eli continued. "River, psychotherapy can be extremely helpful. I know that Simon had a difficult time finding drugs that would help to balance your levels, but maybe that's not what you need." Reaching out and placing a hand to her shoulder, Eli waited until River was again looking at him before offering her a gentle smile. "Maybe what you need is to accept it. Accept that the good and bad are both you, but you have control over which one wins."

Breath hitching in her throat, River's eyes pooled with tears and she mentally cursed the stupid antibiotics – they always made her more emotional. But she knew it was more than that. Eli, unlike her own father, understood. He understood how difficult it was for her, but more than that, he understood that she needed to move on. He had initially come to her, hat in his hand, to ask for her forgiveness at his failure, but in the end, Eli had inadvertently given her the freedom to go forward.

"It's hard," she breathed, swallowing thickly past the growing lump in her throat.

Patting her shoulder, Eli's wizened blue eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. "I know, but isn't everything worth having just a little hard to come by?"

Nodding once, River swallowed again, gulping for air as she fought the urge to sob. However, as Eli inched closer and gently tugged on her arm, she willingly fell against him, her head buried against his shoulder as he soothingly patted her back, murmuring hushed words of comfort.

center*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/center

"How's it lookin'?" Mal asked eagerly, his eyes shining with a joy Zoe had seen all too rarely since the Valley.

Returning his smile with a guarded one of her, she told him, "Good, sir. Place was a bit rough 'round the edges like you said, but Jayne an' I, we've hired some local folk, they're building it up nice and shiny."

His smile deepening, Mal sat back with a satisfied sigh, threading his hands together and placing them behind his head. "Well, whatdaya know?"

Cocking an eyebrow, Zoe asked, "An' how'd Inara take the news of you buyin' her a brand new homestead?"

Sitting forward hurriedly, Mal shushed her. "She ain't exactly privy to that as yet," he whispered, knowing it was ridiculous. There was no way Inara could hear him, considering she was at the other end of the hall still resting in the hospital while Mal was at one of the public cortex stations. Still, couldn't be too careful. "I'm plannin' on surprisin' her."

Zoe could only silently marvel at how changed her captain had become. In the few days after Sebastian's birth, before he'd sent her, Jayne and Serenity to Beylix, Mal had practically been floating, showing his baby boy to anyone who would notice. And in almost the same breath, he'd been caring and attentive to Inara. Zoe had read the guilt that flashed in his eyes whenever she grimaced in pain and his best friend suspected it would be a long while – if ever – before Mal and Inara had another child. But it didn't matter, because Sebastian Book Reynolds was obviously the apple of his father's eye.

"She doin' all right?"

Nodding, Mal smiled. "O' course, she's jus' 'bout the most strongest an' stubbornest woman I know," he told her, with a hint of pride.

Raising an eyebrow, Zoe questioned, "I thought I was those things, sir?"

Mal's face fell for an instant, before a solution appeared, causing his eyes to again light with mirth. "How's about we call it a draw?"

"Deal." Zoe smiled to him and then sighed as she heard the sound of Jayne's bellow cursing some piece of equipment or another. "I'd better be goin', sir. Seems Jayne's fighting with the table saw again."

Nodding, Mal smirked. "My money's on the saw."

"I'll conveniently forget I heard you say that," Zoe retorted. As she leaned forward to cut the connection, Mal asked, "You been thinkin' 'bout my offer?"

Meeting his eyes, Zoe's face grew expressionless. "Some."

Frowning, Mal ordered, "Yeah, well, start thinkin' 'bout it lots. I gotta plan for my family's future."

"Yes sir." Not missing the wink he flashed in her direction, Zoe smiled back and then ended the connection.

Captain Zoe Washburn; yeah, she was getting used to that.

center*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/center


	20. Chapter 20

xoxoxoxo

**Chapter 20**

xoxoxoxo

Mal woke quickly at the sound of Sebastian's aborted cry. His body tensed for a moment, eyes fixed on the ceiling as he waited to see if it was time to get up. As Sebastian gurgled once more and then fell silent, he released a sigh.

"Dodged a bullet, didn't we?"

Glancing to his side, Mal fixed Inara with his famous grin. "'Bout gorram time I did."

Sighing again, Mal rolled onto his side, wrapping his arms around Inara, his head resting against her breast. He felt a tingle run down his spine as her cool fingers ran through his hair over and over again.

"You sleepin' okay?" Mal murmured, his eyelids growing heavy at her relaxing touch. It seemed that every time Sebastian stirred in the month since they'd been released from the hospital, Inara was always up in seconds. Mal couldn't decide if it was just mother's intuition or a sign of something more.

"Well enough," she whispered, stifling a sigh. Truthfully she was tired, but Inara suspected that was pretty much the mien for all new mothers.

Raising his head off her chest, Mal met her chocolate eyes, his blue ones tinged gray with seriousness. "You're feelin' all right though, ain't ya?"

Smiling softly, Inara rested her hand to his cheek and kissed him. "Mal, I'm fine. You have to stop worrying. Sebby and I are both fine."

"Can't help worryin', darlin'," he admitted before lying back at her side. "You an' lil' guy are pretty important you know."

"I'd heard a rumor," she murmured, her lips pursed into a smile as his hand absentmindedly rubbing along her still slightly rounded stomach. Batting his hand away, Inara scolded teasingly, "You know I hate that. Cut it out."

Smirking at her, Mal raised his head, his hand still rubbing soothingly across her midsection. "I think if'n I wanna touch my wife, you got no cause to stop me."

He nipped her lips lightly before kissing her again, long and slow. Parting, Mal rested his forehead against hers, gazing into her eyes. "There's only one problem," Inara countered huskily. "I'm not your wife."

His smile deepening, Inara's heart raced as she noticed a familiar twinkle in his eye. "Y'wanna?"

Blinking quickly, Inara stared into his eyes, knowing that despite his bemused expression he was serious. "Mal?" she breathed, her hand back on his cheek. "Are you – did you just -?"

Pressing a finger to her lips, Mal silenced the question and then rose, padding across the darkened room and going to his dresser. Inara sat up while he was gone reaching for her bedside lamp and bathing her side of the room in butter yellow.

As Mal returned, he circled the bed, coming to her side, his right hand closed over something.

Going down on one knee, Mal presented the ring to her, ashamed at its size, but thrilled by all it represented. "Inara Serra, I love you. You make me a better man an' I want to be your husband." Meeting her watery gaze, he cracked another smile and whispered, "Will you marry me?"

Staring at him for a moment, Inara felt a tear fall down her cheek. Not bothering to brush it away, she reached out a shaky hand, ghosting a fingertip over the shining ring. Mal choked on the lump in his throat, his cheeks coloring a shade of pink. "I know it ain't the most traditional," he explained hurriedly. "But, well, I thought it –"

Covering his mouth with her hand, Inara met his gaze. "It's gorgeous, Mal." Holding out her left hand, she cleared her throat. "Will you?"

Pulling the ring from the box, Mal held it before her as he steadied her left hand in his. "Well, I would, but I'm fair certain there's something you're forgettin'."

Instead of the word, Inara leaned forward and kissed him again. Once they'd parted, Mal panting slightly, she murmured, "Yes, Mal. I'll be your wife."

Resisting his initial urge to kiss her breathless, Mal took a moment to slide the ring on the appropriate finger. As it met her knuckle, Mal glanced up to meet her gaze, noting the tightness around her eyes that spoke of something unpleasant. "You all right?"

"I love you," she breathed, her voice tinted with a bit of relief. "I didn't-" Pausing, Inara fought to collect herself, closing her eyes briefly and taking a deep breath.

"Just say it, 'Nara," Mal whispered, squeezing her hand gently.

She was afraid to admit it, Mal could see the hesitation in her eyes. But if anything they had worked too hard to be honest for her to stop herself now.

"I never thought …" she breathed, eyes closing as the words rushed past her lips. "I never pictured this for my life – love and a baby –" Swallowing hard, Inara met Mal's gaze, not missing how his eyes had grown misty. "Some days it feels like a dream."

Mal didn't waste another moment. Pushing himself towards her, Mal cradled both of her cheeks in his hands, kissing her with an all-encompassing passion that made her burn. As his tongue assuredly possessed her mouth, Inara's hands worked into his hair, tugging at the strands to deepen the kiss.

Dragging his lips away from her mouth, Mal began a line of kisses towards her ear, and whispered hotly, "It's real, 'Nara. All o' it."

She smiled lightly, her mouth falling open with a small moan as his teeth gently encased her earlobe.

Grabbing his shoulders a bit harder, Inara pulled her body to Mal's feeling more desire burn in her blood just as her son's cry cut through the impassioned silence.

Groaning softly, Mal dropped his forehead to Inara's shoulder, catching his breath. Nipping at the skin beneath his lips once more, he met her eyes and smiled. "See? Real."

Chuckling lightly, Inara moved to get up, but Mal shook his head slightly, indicating she should stay. Settling back against her pillows, Inara arranged her nightgown so that by the time Mal returned with Sebastian's bundled form, she was ready for his feeding.

Mal gently placed Sebastian in her arms, resting a hand to his son's head. "Need anythin'?" he whispered softly, meeting Inara's eyes as Sebastian began to suckle.

Shaking her head, Inara simply asked, "Sit with us?"

"Absolutely." Mal slipped back under the covers, raising his arm so that Inara could sit snugly against his side. Gazing into his son's angelic face, Mal pressed a kiss to Inara's temple. "As real as it gets, darlin'."

Turning her face to his, she pressed her lips to his cheek and added, "And absolutely perfect."

xoxoxoxo

Simon awoke to an empty bed and tensed involuntarily as the sound of Kaylee's retching hit his ears. He had hoped that her morning sickness would subside once she successfully made it through her first trimester, but now, at just under four months, it seemed her body was still not used to all the changes involved in growing a new life.

Rolling out of bed, Simon pulled on his sleep pants, padding out to the kitchen and making it back to the bedroom just as Kaylee emerged from the bathroom. Her face was pale and she offered him a weak smile as he stood before her, holding out the seltzer water and crackers that always helped to settle her stomach.

Kissing his cheek, Kaylee took the offered food and whispered, "My hero."

Simon's cheeks flushed as his hand drifted to her stomach. It had just the slightest bump now and he marveled at it. "You okay?" he asked, meeting her green eyed gaze. He didn't miss the softness in her expression at his attentiveness and it made him blush.

Kaylee had always known Simon was an unbelievably caring man, but his attention to her in the past few months as she'd weathered morning sickness and the first few mood swings had simply reinforced how incredible he was. Nodding in answer to his question, she moved and sat on the edge of the bed, placing the plate of crackers in her lap and setting the bubbling water down on the nightstand. "Jus' shiny. Lil' one's jus' remindin' me he's there is all."

Cocking an eyebrow at her, Simon sat beside her sideways, one leg bent in front of him on the bed, while his other foot rested against the floor. "He?"

Smiling sheepishly, Kaylee nibbled on the corner of one cracker and shrugged. "Jus' habit, I guess. I ain't got a clue if'n it's a boy or a girl." Turning to him, she asked, "When can we find out again?"

"About another month or so."

"Hmm." Considering this, Kaylee continued to munch on the crackers, taking sips of the water between. Her stomach already felt a hundred times better and considering the pattern of the past few months, she suspected she'd have a fairly uneventful day until she was awakened early tomorrow with an overwhelming need to vomit. "I don't think I wanna know before," she said suddenly, pulling Simon's thoughts from the image it had conjured of her growing bigger with their child.

"Really?" Simon wasn't sure he cared one way or the other. Whether they had a son or daughter didn't matter to him. He just wanted a healthy child whom he and Kaylee could shower with love and attention – and hopefully, siblings. "That's fine by me, we can keep it a surprise."

Smiling wide, Kaylee leaned forward and kissed him quickly. "I love my husband," she murmured, placing the now empty plate next to the almost drained glass. Snuggling into his chest, Kaylee sighed with content as Simon wrapped an arm about her shoulders, holding her tight. "Did your folks know before River was born it was gonna be a girl?"

Frowning, Simon tried to remember back to that time. "Well, the only thing I can really remember before River's birth is how put out I was that I was going to have to share what little attention my parents gave me." If Kaylee was surprised by his selfish admission she gave no indication and so he continued. "But I do remember the nursery having an overabundance of pink, so I'm thinking they did know, yes." Pausing, Simon felt a smile turn up his lips as another memory came to mind. "Of course, by the time River was two she'd determined that pink was the color of male oppression. It took her about three days to redecorate."

Eyes wide, Kaylee sat up and met his gaze. "We are in so much trouble," she breathed, imagining their own little Tam genius running around the apartment and spouting poetry and equations Kaylee could never hope to know.

Resting his hand to her cheek, Simon assured, "No, _River_ is in so much trouble. Who do you think we're going to get to babysit?"

Giggling, Kaylee smiled, letting some of the tension ease from her body. "Speakin' o' which, we need to get things ready." Sitting up fully Kaylee stretched, unable to stifle a huge yawn that caused her entire body to shudder. "Rafe said the docs were gonna let her out 'round ten."

"Why don't you get some more rest? I can get her room fixed up," Simon offered. Even as Kaylee tried to protest, he gently maneuvered her under the covers, pulling them up to her chin. "No arguments," he admonished as she opened her mouth to argue. "Doctor's orders."

Grinning, Kaylee wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and pulled him close. "How'd I get so lucky?"

Kissing her, Simon sighed against her lips before pulling away. "I'm the one who's lucky." As she grinned even wider, he allowed a stern expression to light his eyes. "Now, sleep."

"Yes, doctor."

Heading to the closet Simon pulled on a sweater, happy to see that by the time he emerged Kaylee was already asleep. He knew she was exhausted most of the time and he hoped that as the pregnancy progressed things would get easier. Of course, history dictated that wouldn't be the case, but he could hope.

Shaking the thought away and allowing the happiness he felt to fill his soul, Simon headed from their room, getting everything ready to welcome his baby sister home.

xoxoxoxo

"We're gonna let mama sleep for a bit, ain't we?"

Inara heard Mal's whispered words as she came around, vaguely recalling that she'd also heard her son's cry. Her eyes fluttering open, she watched through heavy lids as Mal stooped over the crib they'd set up across the room and lifted Sebastian into his arms. Content that her son and her fiancé were just fine, Inara let the sleep her body so desperately needed consume her once more.

Mal turned as he settled Sebby against his chest, glad to see that Inara was none the wiser. Rocking the boy slightly, Mal tiptoed out of the room, murmuring words in the baby's hair as they made it to the living room. Settling on the sofa, Mal laid back, his knees bent and rested Sebby against them, his thighs serving as a head rest for the two-month-old's still wobbly neck.

Staring, Mal felt a smile creeping across his face as Sebastian's mouth rounded into the tiniest 'oh' as he yawned, his entire face scrunching up with the gesture. He was an absolute wonder. Mal had honestly never thought he'd feel such peace or joy at knowing he was responsible for a brand new life. He had thought for sure that the prospect would cause him to quake in his boots, and while it still did on occasion, what he'd come to realize was that no matter how scary or hard it got, this little boy was part him and part Inara. It connected them to each other forever. He was a symbol of how much they loved one another. Mal could never be scared of that. Because loving Inara had been the smartest and bravest thing he'd ever done.

As Sebastian's still blue eyes blinked at him, Mal got the distinct impression the little guy was listening to his thoughts. "There are so many things I should tell you," he whispered, his hands closing lightly over Sebastian's balled fists. "'Course your mama'd prolly murder me if'n I told you some things, so I'm guessin' we'll have to do some negotiatin' once you're a bit older." Sebastian yawned again and Mal smiled.

"Yeah, I know, I tend to ramble a mite." Sighing, they sat in silence for a moment before Mal continued, absently talking in hushed tones. "Don't remember my own pa. Mama always tol' me not to hate 'im, but it was awful hard. I'd catch her cryin' at nights sometimes an' I knew she was missin' him. Never told me if'n he was dead or jus' no good, but he wasn't ever around." Lightly running his fingers through the tuft of dark brown hair Sebby had been born with, Mal continued. "So, I'm guessin' what I'm tryin' to say is I may not be any good at this daddy thing. Prolly gonna make some mistakes." Rolling his eyes, Mal reconsidered. "'Kay, a lot o' mistakes, but I ain't never gonna leave you or your ma. I love you both too much. Which reminds me, your mama, you best mind her. I don't want you givin' her a hard time 'bout things. She's gonna teach you how to be a gentleman an' how to read an' write an' do math an' all them important things. She probably won't want me to teach you how to shoot, but again, that'll take some negotiatin'."

Sebby's fists flailed in the air for a moment as a small gurgle escaped his mouth and Mal's smile deepened. "Yeah, I know, but trust me, once we turn on the charm, she'll be a goner."

Mal chuckled lightly as his son continued to squirm a bit, his little legs kicking out. So wrapped up was he with his son, that he didn't see Inara's shadow at the end of the hallway, watching with a small smile as Mal talked to the baby.

"But your mama, she knows best. She's a damn sight smarter than me. Maybe not about crime, but I ain't rightly sure that's gonna matter. Not once we're settled on Beylix." Inara's eyes widened at this and she strained to hear more as Mal continued. "'Course, I'm fairly certain she knows how to ride, so I bet she can teach you that too, that way you can help me with them cattle once you're big enough."

Clearing her throat, Inara stepped into the room, her smile deepening as Mal's startled gaze rested upon her. "I thought you was sleepin'," he commented, sitting up and pulling Sebastian into his arms and against his chest.

"I was," she told him, moving to sit beside him. Running her fingers lightly through her son's hair, she said, "But I think it's time for breakfast."

As if on cue, Sebastian started to fuss more urgently, communicating to his parents that it was indeed time to eat. Flashing him a knowing smile, Inara opened her nightgown before holding out her arms. Mal settled Sebastian there, as he had done the night before and most times prior to that and watched as his son latched onto Inara's breast.

Gazing down into the baby's peaceful face, Inara felt the same kind of peace wash over her as well. Mal shifted beside her, his arm resting behind her on the back of the couch as he watched them both in awe. "So, Beylix, huh?" she questioned softly, her eyes never leave Sebastian's face.

Cursing silently, Mal could kick himself for his slip-up. He should have known better than to speak on it so freely. This wasn't exactly how he'd imagined telling her. "'Nara, look at me." As she brought her warm brown eyes to his face, Mal breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that there was no anger in them. "I got to thinkin'," he began slowly, noting the small quirk in her lips at the statement, but deciding to let it slide. "Your parents, while they may have been a mite misguided, had a point. Serenity ain't the safest place to raise a family. An' I don't want you an' Sebby worrying that every time I leave, I'm gonna come back riddled with holes – or worse." Inara's features paled a tad at the admission, but she continued to hold his gaze.

"I've always thought that maybe a ranch wouldn't be so bad. Monty had a few places he was keepin' tabs on for a bit. After the war, me an' Zo holed up in one out on Beylix. Nice spot o' land, decent sized homestead, barn, pond good for swimmin'." Mal's eyes took on a faraway look as he remembered his time there.

"It ain't so far from the core that we can't get back to Sihnon regular like, if'n you wanna see the doc an' lil' Kaylee or your folks," he added, pulling his mind from the memories and returning his gaze to Inara's solemn face. There were tears in her eyes, Mal could see them, and his heart clenched uncomfortably in his chest. "Ai ya, 'Nara, what is it?"

Swallowing thickly, Inara shifted her hold on her son a bit and turned her body more towards Mal. "What about Serenity, Mal?" As he dropped his eyes to his lap, Inara felt her own heart thud against her ribcage. She couldn't trade his happiness for their security – it wouldn't be fair. "I can't ask you to give up the life or the ship you love for me or our son. I-"

"I ain't leavin' neither of ya," Mal interrupted, his tone harsher than he'd intended. Surprised by his adamant tone, Inara blinked once and then focused her attention back to the baby in her arms.

Sighing heavily, Mal ran his hand through Inara's hair. "I'm sorry, 'Nara. I din't mean to get all tetchy. But I have thought about this, ai ren, an' I meant what I said all them months ago." Placing his finger under her chin, Mal brought her gaze back to his and offered her a lop-sided grin. "You an' Sebby are more important to me than anythin' else, includin' Serenity. I don't want you feelin' like you gotta raise this little one alone. I want us to be together, all the time, like a real family."

"A family," Inara breathed, nuzzling her face into his neck. She sighed softly as Mal rested his cheek against her hair, his arm wrapping around her shoulders and squeezing her tight. "What about Zoe and Jayne?"

"I offered Zoe the ship."

Sitting up suddenly, Inara's eyes were wide with shock. "You did?"

"Don't look so surprised," Mal retorted, trying to mask his hurt at her disbelief. "It ain't like she hasn't been runnin' the business for a good long while now."

Her mouth turning up into a huge grin, Inara commented wryly, "I wasn't so sure you'd noticed."

"I know what's what on my boat, woman," Mal said, his voice tinged with a bit of annoyance that Inara recognized as a tease. "She ain't rightly accepted yet though."

"She will." Inara was confident Zoe would tell Mal yes. She loved Serenity almost more than her Captain and that was quite a feat. "So, when were you going to tell me you'd single-handedly decided where our family is going to live?"

Mal cringed at her annoyed tone. He had hoped that Inara would see his plan-making as noble and manly, but instead, as he'd feared, she saw it as controlling and overprotective. "I was gonna surprise you with some captures o' the place. Zoe an' Jayne are out there right now, fixin' it up right an' proper."

Inara sat in silence, watching Mal's profile before turning back to look at the small life in her arms. As normal, Sebastian was sleeping in his feeding-induced nap. Readjusting him against her, Inara closed up her nightgown and fingered the soft blanket wrapped around his form. He was so tiny, so precious and Inara often wondered how she and Mal could ever hope to keep him safe. Truthfully, while she was a bit miffed that Mal would unilaterally decide something so life-altering for them both, she knew he was simply showing his dedication to her and their family. Mal never did anything halfway – it was always grand gestures and over-the-top proclamations. Inara had never met a man who knew so clearly what his priorities were. Mal did; Mal knew his life was all about his family. First, the crew and now, her and Sebastian; how could she be angry about that?

"Well, I would like to see where we're going to live," she commented softly, her eyes still fixed on Sebastian.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Mal studied her profile. "You ain't mad?" he questioned gently, wondering why he was opening the door for a fight. He really didn't want one.

Turning to him, Inara fixed him with a patient smile. "I'm a little upset that you didn't talk it over with me," she admitted. "But, I know why you did it." As Mal's brow furrowed at the statement, Inara had to stifle a chuckle. "Yes, Malcolm Reynolds, I do know you and better than you think."

"All right then, smarty pants," he teased, one his fingers needling against her neck and causing her to giggle as it tickled. "Why'd I do it?

Shrugging slightly, Inara answered, "Because you love us." As Mal's expression grew serious, Inara leaned against him and added, "And I will never be mad at you for that."

"You sure?" Mal questioned, wondering if maybe this wasn't all too easy. "I want you to be okay with this, ai ren. If'n we're gonna settle, I think it's gonna be for a while."

Sighing, Inara nodded as she moved closer to his body, pulling her legs up onto the couch. "In a perfect 'verse we'd be able to stay on Serenity and you'd never get shot and jobs would always be plentiful and Jayne wouldn't smell," she said wistfully, hearing Mal chuckle. "But we don't live in a perfect 'verse, we live in this one." Turning her face up to meet his gaze, she said, "And in this 'verse, settling is probably the safest thing for us to do. It'll give Sebby the chance to play with children his own age and go to school. And as long as we're there together, I don't care where we live."

Cupping her chin in his hand, Mal pressed his lips to hers, only pulling away when the position jostled Sebastian and he fussed a bit in his sleep. Stroking a finger down Inara's smooth cheek, he whispered, "It's gonna be hard work."

"That's never stopped us before," Inara countered. Reaching for his hand, she stilled it in her own and said seriously, "We can do it, Mal. I know we can."

Sighing contentedly, Mal murmured, "Why in the name of the Shepherd's God did you ever decide to fall in love with an ol' pirate like me?"

Smiling that warm grin that made his insides melt, Inara sat up, shifting Sebastian to her shoulder and lightly patting his back. "I didn't decide to love you, Mal. I just do."

Kissing her again, Mal watched his amazing fiancée and his son with a mixture of awe and adoration for most of the morning.

xoxoxoxo

River settled back against the pillows, grateful to be out of the hospital and back home. Well, at Simon and Kaylee's at any rate – it was the closest thing to a home she'd had in the past six months. Plus, home was where her heart was, and her heart was here.

Feeling Rafe fluff her pillows – again – River turned to him, smirking at the intense look of concentration on his features. He'd been flitting about her like a mother hen and River found it equal parts endearing and annoying. She could feel his worry and his anxiety over her continued recovery and the state of their relationship. Sighing, River knew there wasn't much she could say to ease his mind, but she had to try.

Reaching for his hand as he again smoothed the blankets over her, River smiled warmly as his blue eyes fell to her face. "What is it, bao bei?" he whispered, sitting down immediately beside her. "Did ya need somethin'?"

Shaking her head, River told him, "You have to stop worrying."

"I'm not worried, Riv," Rafe lied, his attempt at nonchalance completely unbelievable. Glancing about the room, he replaced his tight-lipped frown with an unconvincing smile and said, "You're home now an' the doc says you're gonna be fine. What's there to be worried about?"

Sighing, River closed her eyes and counted to ten. He'd been like this since he'd found her, sobbing on Eli's shoulder a few days ago. Nervous and agitated around her as if he feared his mere presence was detrimental to her well-being. Which, of course, could not be farther from the truth, but River had yet to convince him of that. And the fact that she wouldn't share with Rafe what Eli had said to upset her so also grated on him.

"I don't know how to explain this," she finally murmured, surprised that she'd spoken the words aloud. But she knew she had when she felt Rafe's grip on her hand tighten just a touch. Opening her eyes to him, she offered him a weak smile and asked, "Can you bear with me while I try?"

"I ain't goin' anywhere," he affirmed, sliding closer and keeping their hands intertwined.

Relaxing a bit, River considered all she could share with him. She could tell him that her outburst was a delayed reaction to the stress caused by her parents or that she was missing Simon as he and Kaylee had been spending a lot more time together now that she was out of the woods. But in the end, River knew, the only thing worth telling him was the truth.

"Eli was trying to help me understand some things. He wants me to get better almost as badly as you do," she confided. Swallowing hard, her memory flashed to Mr. Universe's moon, the mangled face of a Reaver cutting across her vision and River shivered slightly. _You can choose which one wins_. Eli's words echoed through her mind and so, with a deep breath, River pushed the Reaver away, refusing to give into her anxiety. If she could choose, than she would choose the good.

"Even though what happened at the Academy, what they did to me, wasn't my fault, I still blame myself." Once she'd said the words, River was amazed at how much lighter she felt. She had never, ever admitted that to anyone, not even Simon. She knew that Simon blamed himself, foolishly, for what had happened to her. But River had always thought the guilt lied solely with her. Never once had either of them thought to place it where it belonged – with the Alliance. _Some geniuses_.

"Riv, how can you think that?" Rafe asked, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "You din't have anythin' to do with what happened. Those sadistic hun dans are the ones that did wrong."

"I know, but I guess part of me has always believed that if I was stronger or smarter or _something_ I would have been able to fight it. I know it isn't true, but that's how I've felt."

Cradling her face in his hands, Rafe rested his forehead against hers, sensing River's distress as her mind truly processed what she was saying. Sputtering a bit as anger and resentment and a little bit of despair welled in her throat, she murmured, "I've always thought it was me, that I could have done something differently. But how could I?" Pulling back slightly, her watery brown eyes met Rafe's and he stifled a gasp at the pure dismay staring back at him. "I was just a girl. I thought I was going to learn, going to dance and be smart. Maybe even smarter than Simon."

Tears began to fall down River's face as the pain of her admission took full effect. Rafe moved closer, wrapping his arms around her and holding tight. River tensed in his hold for a moment, her small fists resting against his back. As her crying consumed her, anger and grief did as well and she beat against Rafe, landing stinging blows with her balled up hands to his back, but he refused to let go.

"I didn't want this," she cried, her voice growing high pitched and soon Rafe felt, rather than saw, Simon and Kaylee standing in the doorway. "I wanted to go home and be safe. I didn't want to be a killer. I don't want to hurt anyone. I want to be River, I want to be good!"

Choking on her tears, River's arms lost their tension as the fight ebbed out her only to be replaced by sadness. Wrapping her arms around Rafe, she held fast as her body shook uncontrollably with the weight of her tears. "You are good, bao bei," Rafe whispered into her hair, pressing kisses to her wet cheeks. "You are good an' strong an' beautiful an' I love you."

Still in the doorway, watching in shock, Simon glanced to Kaylee's stricken face before edging into the room, rounding the bed to sit on River's other side.

As he combed his fingers through her hair, River turned her head to look at him, reaching for his hand. Simon gave it to her, and squeezed tight, kissing her fingers lightly. "It's all right, mei mei. I love you," he kept whispering over and over again.

Kaylee watched the scene for a moment more and then moved into the room as well, sitting behind Simon. Resting her hand over the sibling's intertwined ones, she gave River a watery smile of her own, before leaning against Simon's strong back, her other arm snaking around his waist and holding tight.

It was almost impossible to know how long they sat there like that, but the minutes didn't concern them. All any of them wanted was for River to be better.

And for the first time in a long while, River actually believed she might be.

xoxoxoxo


End file.
